Meeting a travel companion online: a good idea?
Nov 30th, 2005, 11:34 PM
#105
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A couple of thoughts from my own 20something travels....
One, in a hostel setting, lots of young adults would tour for the day together. Often time it was in a small group of people who were all interested in visiting the same site nearby. Or someone would announce they were heading out for dinner, and those interested would join him. I am presuming this is what you mean by traveling companion.
If you stayed in hostels (and maybe it's too late for that as you've made reservations), there would always be other people around if you did invite him to meet up with you again. You would also be able to see him in group interactions, something that would be good to know about him.
My other thought: I traveled for about four days with another student I thought I knew pretty well. I had known her for weeks at school but even so, I misjudged my choice. She was indeed a great person but we were badly misfit to travel together.
One, in a hostel setting, lots of young adults would tour for the day together. Often time it was in a small group of people who were all interested in visiting the same site nearby. Or someone would announce they were heading out for dinner, and those interested would join him. I am presuming this is what you mean by traveling companion.
If you stayed in hostels (and maybe it's too late for that as you've made reservations), there would always be other people around if you did invite him to meet up with you again. You would also be able to see him in group interactions, something that would be good to know about him.
My other thought: I traveled for about four days with another student I thought I knew pretty well. I had known her for weeks at school but even so, I misjudged my choice. She was indeed a great person but we were badly misfit to travel together.
Dec 1st, 2005, 01:48 AM
#106
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I wonder if the danger is really in the initial meeting at all (provided all normal precautions are taken).
On the personal safety front, don't the psycho killers like the stalking part - making a few days after the meeting a more likely time frame for his hideous crime?
On a slightly less paranoid note, if he's a bad guy at all, I'd be more worried that once we've decided to travel together he'll "run out of money," have his ATM card "demagnetized" and promise to pay me back (not) for his travel expenses when we get home.
All of that said, I'd meet him for some coffee. But I wouldn't tell him where I'm staying, or glue my plans to his (or let him glue his plans to mine).
If you meet him in a London pub, you could always arrive early to enlist one of those <i>sah-weet</i> young barmen to watch your back for you - which could be another great way to make a new friend! ;-)
On the personal safety front, don't the psycho killers like the stalking part - making a few days after the meeting a more likely time frame for his hideous crime?
On a slightly less paranoid note, if he's a bad guy at all, I'd be more worried that once we've decided to travel together he'll "run out of money," have his ATM card "demagnetized" and promise to pay me back (not) for his travel expenses when we get home.
All of that said, I'd meet him for some coffee. But I wouldn't tell him where I'm staying, or glue my plans to his (or let him glue his plans to mine).
If you meet him in a London pub, you could always arrive early to enlist one of those <i>sah-weet</i> young barmen to watch your back for you - which could be another great way to make a new friend! ;-)
Dec 1st, 2005, 05:18 AM
#108
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I don't see exchanging pictures as much of an investigative technique. You can't tell a book by its cover, and who is to say that the picture you sent him is actually yours?
Years ago I was a military recruiter. At that time few women were accepted for enlistment, but we met many through our normal activities, so everyone wanted to get one of his female prospects accepted. The procedure at that time was to assemple a package, including the normal data, but also including a picture. The package was sent to headquarters and the commander selected which would be enlisted. One subordinate unit, realizing that the decision was probably heavily affected by the picture (all other criteria were met by all candidates), started to submit packages with pictures of attractive women, rather than the actual candidate. They did very well and were well ahead in the race to enlist the most women, until one of their enlistees, after completing training, was assigned to the base where the commanding officer's office was. This woman was very qualified, but not at all attractive. One day she was walking down the sidewalk and passed the commanding officer. They saluted, and he took her name and looked up her record, discovering the deception. Needless to say, the subordinate unit was treated harshly.
So a picture does not necessarily show what the person looks like, and certainly would not reveal anything about her character.
Years ago I was a military recruiter. At that time few women were accepted for enlistment, but we met many through our normal activities, so everyone wanted to get one of his female prospects accepted. The procedure at that time was to assemple a package, including the normal data, but also including a picture. The package was sent to headquarters and the commander selected which would be enlisted. One subordinate unit, realizing that the decision was probably heavily affected by the picture (all other criteria were met by all candidates), started to submit packages with pictures of attractive women, rather than the actual candidate. They did very well and were well ahead in the race to enlist the most women, until one of their enlistees, after completing training, was assigned to the base where the commanding officer's office was. This woman was very qualified, but not at all attractive. One day she was walking down the sidewalk and passed the commanding officer. They saluted, and he took her name and looked up her record, discovering the deception. Needless to say, the subordinate unit was treated harshly.
So a picture does not necessarily show what the person looks like, and certainly would not reveal anything about her character.
Dec 1st, 2005, 05:56 AM
#110
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"...it's not that easy to maintain a fake persona..."
I didn't read this whole thread, but DO let me comment on 111op's naive remark:
It took me 4 months of debate, a private investigation, and a flood of "sweetheart scam" news articles to convince a dear loved one in my family that his 'new love' was a con artist. So, <i>yes</i> it <b>is</b> that easy to maintain a fake persona.
I didn't read this whole thread, but DO let me comment on 111op's naive remark:
It took me 4 months of debate, a private investigation, and a flood of "sweetheart scam" news articles to convince a dear loved one in my family that his 'new love' was a con artist. So, <i>yes</i> it <b>is</b> that easy to maintain a fake persona.
Dec 1st, 2005, 06:10 AM
#111
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Why didn't they meet, Travelnut? Or talk on the phone? Etc.
I don't know. Maybe I tend to be pretty critical and skeptical. But this is not to say that I've not been fooled either or can't be fooled in the future.
I don't know. Maybe I tend to be pretty critical and skeptical. But this is not to say that I've not been fooled either or can't be fooled in the future.
Dec 1st, 2005, 06:11 AM
#112
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I haven't read the entire thread either but does anyone remember the fellow in australia a few years back that was befriending young travellers and then killing them and burying them in his basement/yard?
He killed something like 26 of them or some horrid number. he met them in bars they all liked him, he was such a great guy and offered to put them up for a night before they moved on.
I know some very nice people are on the internet but to arrange to meet someone alone in a strange country could be such a set up. If he's blond and smiles nicely............you could be in serious danger and not be aware of it.
I'm glad your not my daughter if your going to go through with this.
As for phoning him..........I can give you a phone number and if I'm going to plan to set you up it's soooo easy.
Caution. Just exercise extreme caution. Your worth it!!
He killed something like 26 of them or some horrid number. he met them in bars they all liked him, he was such a great guy and offered to put them up for a night before they moved on.
I know some very nice people are on the internet but to arrange to meet someone alone in a strange country could be such a set up. If he's blond and smiles nicely............you could be in serious danger and not be aware of it.
I'm glad your not my daughter if your going to go through with this.
As for phoning him..........I can give you a phone number and if I'm going to plan to set you up it's soooo easy.
Caution. Just exercise extreme caution. Your worth it!!
Dec 1st, 2005, 06:41 AM
#113
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Hey, Seaurchin! Do you have Vincenzo's contact info? Are you still in touch with him? He was so helpful in making recommendations about our trip to the Massa Lubrense area of Italy. He was an asset to the board, but I haven't seen any new posts for a long time, and I've lost track of him.
Dec 1st, 2005, 07:49 AM
#114
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As I stated earlier, I think you need to have your head examined! Just hope if it turns out to be a less-than-hoped for encounter, you'll be able to get out of the situation gracefully.
Travelnut....I have a similar family experience to yours. My 89-year-old father-in-law, whose wife died a couple of years ago, is being conned by a woman young enough to be his granddaughter (she's 41). She was a waitress. Now she's stopped working, he forks over a hefty amount of money
to her each month (plus paying credit card bills, house repairs, stuff for her child, etc. etc.). Even bought her a new car after knowing her for only a couple of months. He's totally blind to what she's doing and believes everything she says. Of course, no one in the family can convince him that she's other than what he sees and what she tells him. He's even earmarked a very large sum of money for her when he dies (the fact that he hasn't provided for his only two grandchildren never enters his mind). As his money is limited, we're afraid he'll run through it all before he even passes on. That old cliche "There's no fool like an old fool" is a cliche for a reason, huh?
This has really nothing especially relevant to Marzipan's situation. Just wanted to comment to Travelnut.
Travelnut....I have a similar family experience to yours. My 89-year-old father-in-law, whose wife died a couple of years ago, is being conned by a woman young enough to be his granddaughter (she's 41). She was a waitress. Now she's stopped working, he forks over a hefty amount of money
to her each month (plus paying credit card bills, house repairs, stuff for her child, etc. etc.). Even bought her a new car after knowing her for only a couple of months. He's totally blind to what she's doing and believes everything she says. Of course, no one in the family can convince him that she's other than what he sees and what she tells him. He's even earmarked a very large sum of money for her when he dies (the fact that he hasn't provided for his only two grandchildren never enters his mind). As his money is limited, we're afraid he'll run through it all before he even passes on. That old cliche "There's no fool like an old fool" is a cliche for a reason, huh?
This has really nothing especially relevant to Marzipan's situation. Just wanted to comment to Travelnut.
Dec 1st, 2005, 07:59 AM
#115
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I know that you're addressing your comment to Travelnut, Cat, but it does bring up an interesting point? Did your f-i-l meet the woman online?
I don't know. I think that there's somehow a stigma attached to meeting people online. I'm not sure if that's really warranted. You could meet someone in a bar and you can still be conned.
I guess the net is a very big place. It enables people to connect when they may never have had an opportunity to connect before. On the bad side, you run into a con-artist. But on the good side, you could meet someone genuinely fun and interesting.
It just seems to me that a lot of people have a lot more fear about people they meet online than otherwise. Why is that the case? Maybe it's the lack of in-person contact?
If people have so much fear about internet connections, why are they chatting on Fodor's? Couldn't a con artist hang out here and maintian a fake persona also?
It's interesting.
I don't know. I think that there's somehow a stigma attached to meeting people online. I'm not sure if that's really warranted. You could meet someone in a bar and you can still be conned.
I guess the net is a very big place. It enables people to connect when they may never have had an opportunity to connect before. On the bad side, you run into a con-artist. But on the good side, you could meet someone genuinely fun and interesting.
It just seems to me that a lot of people have a lot more fear about people they meet online than otherwise. Why is that the case? Maybe it's the lack of in-person contact?
If people have so much fear about internet connections, why are they chatting on Fodor's? Couldn't a con artist hang out here and maintian a fake persona also?
It's interesting.
Dec 1st, 2005, 08:31 AM
#116
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111op makes a good point - the internet can bring together people with similar interests who may never have the opportunity to meet in person.
As a single female in her 30's I am very cautious based on some of the horror stories I have heard. There are a lot of scary people out there, as long as one is aware of that and takes precautions, I don't see the harm in expanding your circle of new contacts. You may be fortunate enough to gain a new friend. Our society today can leave us somewhat isolated from others, the internet can open us up to meeting people we can relate to and get along with. That is why I can't seem to stay away from this forum, it's highly addictive!
I have learned so much from everyone and lived vicariously through your travels. Some of your stories brightened up many a dull day. I even made a new friend from this forum. We met in Rome in September for dinner and had a very nice time. Meeting her was one of the highlights of my trip since I was traveling solo. It was wonderful to spend time with someone who loved Italy as much as I do.
As a single female in her 30's I am very cautious based on some of the horror stories I have heard. There are a lot of scary people out there, as long as one is aware of that and takes precautions, I don't see the harm in expanding your circle of new contacts. You may be fortunate enough to gain a new friend. Our society today can leave us somewhat isolated from others, the internet can open us up to meeting people we can relate to and get along with. That is why I can't seem to stay away from this forum, it's highly addictive!
I have learned so much from everyone and lived vicariously through your travels. Some of your stories brightened up many a dull day. I even made a new friend from this forum. We met in Rome in September for dinner and had a very nice time. Meeting her was one of the highlights of my trip since I was traveling solo. It was wonderful to spend time with someone who loved Italy as much as I do.
Dec 1st, 2005, 08:47 AM
#117
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Hi, 111op.....No, my f-i-l didn't meet the goldigger online. He checked out a couple of dating websites, but all the women (none of whom was over 50) were looking for someone their age, or younger!
I wasn't raised in the computer age, so maybe I'm just too old to consider this a viable way of meeting someone. I guess it's possible to run across a person online you could connect with in the real world. I'd certainly have some anxiety about it. Remember blind dates? Those also produced anxiety in that you hadn't met the person, but usually you had a mutual acquaintance so it wasn't like the blind date was a totally unknown quantity.
Chatting on a travel site like Fodor's really can't be compared to what we've been talking about. It's almost always just that...chatting. How many of us will ever meet, especially in a male/female way? If anyone is pretending to be who they aren't, so what? A little strange, but no harm done. I saw Marzipan's post on Rick Steves. It's not even a forum. People just come out of nowhere like she did, advertising for a travel companion. Whoever answers just comes out of nowhere too. Who the heck knows who they are??
Excuse my lack of adventure, but I think I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I wasn't raised in the computer age, so maybe I'm just too old to consider this a viable way of meeting someone. I guess it's possible to run across a person online you could connect with in the real world. I'd certainly have some anxiety about it. Remember blind dates? Those also produced anxiety in that you hadn't met the person, but usually you had a mutual acquaintance so it wasn't like the blind date was a totally unknown quantity.
Chatting on a travel site like Fodor's really can't be compared to what we've been talking about. It's almost always just that...chatting. How many of us will ever meet, especially in a male/female way? If anyone is pretending to be who they aren't, so what? A little strange, but no harm done. I saw Marzipan's post on Rick Steves. It's not even a forum. People just come out of nowhere like she did, advertising for a travel companion. Whoever answers just comes out of nowhere too. Who the heck knows who they are??
Excuse my lack of adventure, but I think I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Dec 1st, 2005, 08:55 AM
#118
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What you say is true, Cat, but Fodorites have met at gatherings across the country.
As I mentioned, I've also met a Fodorite, and we didn't even exchange photos prior to meeting. And I trusted her with my credit card. (No she didn't go shopping with it. )
I agree with you that most will probably never meet, but personally I don't necessarily think there's no harm done in creating a fake persona.
If someone is fake and dispensing all sorts of travel advice, that can hurt people who're actually planning a trip.
Granted, this is not likely, and it's not like he/she can slash your throat online.
Ultimately it's a bit of a trust issue, and I think that that's a universal concern. I think one poster (Christina?) said that when she met people who turned out to have misrepresented themselves, she was bothered by the fact that they lied.
I'd similarly be bothered about a Fodorite I trusted who turned out to be fake.
Anyway, I'm not saying that we all rush out to meet people we come across online. I'm just saying that with a little bit of caution (not so extreme that we think that everyone online is a psycho), a meeting can turn out to be a pleasant surprise.
As I mentioned, I've also met a Fodorite, and we didn't even exchange photos prior to meeting. And I trusted her with my credit card. (No she didn't go shopping with it.
)I agree with you that most will probably never meet, but personally I don't necessarily think there's no harm done in creating a fake persona.
If someone is fake and dispensing all sorts of travel advice, that can hurt people who're actually planning a trip.
Granted, this is not likely, and it's not like he/she can slash your throat online.
Ultimately it's a bit of a trust issue, and I think that that's a universal concern. I think one poster (Christina?) said that when she met people who turned out to have misrepresented themselves, she was bothered by the fact that they lied.
I'd similarly be bothered about a Fodorite I trusted who turned out to be fake.
Anyway, I'm not saying that we all rush out to meet people we come across online. I'm just saying that with a little bit of caution (not so extreme that we think that everyone online is a psycho), a meeting can turn out to be a pleasant surprise.
Dec 1st, 2005, 09:10 AM
#119
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Hi Marzipan! I really want you to have a great time on your trip, but I also really want you to come back home in one piece! This is not to say that all internet friends are strange, but when in a foreign country (i.e. not on your home turf) you are already at a bit of a disadvantage with respect to personal safety. I am just wondering why you would want to meet this person in an unfamiliar place? Perhaps an initial meeting would be safer, and if this individual refuses (I can't, I'm working/busy/unable to get away...) then a red flag should go up.
As a personal aside, I went to Mexico with a friend of mine and we were staying in a 5-star hotel. My (ex)friend, who hasn't travelled much, met some "very nice fellows" who claimed that they were "student lawyers from Mexico City" and that they would LOVE to take us by car to a local disco that night. My friend saw no harm in agreeing, nor did she see any harm in giving them our room number (which, by the way, was accessible directly from the beach) and other personal data while in the process of "making friends". From her point of view, why would these guys lie? ESPECIALLY since they were going to be lawyers??? (SNORT!) Bottom line, after a HUGE FIGHT about this (which I won),we had to change not only rooms but hotels at 10 o'clock at night at our own cost since these guys knew our room number, itinerary, nationality, and even how much $$$ we were carrying. And did I mention that they were waiting in the lobby for us, to take us to the disco?? Hotel Security got involved, and it was NOT PLEASANT.
Needless to say, just walking away if things don't work out sometimes isn't as easy as you might think especially since you won't be on your home turf.
Just a thought...
As a personal aside, I went to Mexico with a friend of mine and we were staying in a 5-star hotel. My (ex)friend, who hasn't travelled much, met some "very nice fellows" who claimed that they were "student lawyers from Mexico City" and that they would LOVE to take us by car to a local disco that night. My friend saw no harm in agreeing, nor did she see any harm in giving them our room number (which, by the way, was accessible directly from the beach) and other personal data while in the process of "making friends". From her point of view, why would these guys lie? ESPECIALLY since they were going to be lawyers??? (SNORT!) Bottom line, after a HUGE FIGHT about this (which I won),we had to change not only rooms but hotels at 10 o'clock at night at our own cost since these guys knew our room number, itinerary, nationality, and even how much $$$ we were carrying. And did I mention that they were waiting in the lobby for us, to take us to the disco?? Hotel Security got involved, and it was NOT PLEASANT.
Needless to say, just walking away if things don't work out sometimes isn't as easy as you might think especially since you won't be on your home turf.
Just a thought...
Dec 1st, 2005, 09:19 AM
#120
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Marzy is 26. I have a few cousins that age, and they are all very into meeting people online. It strikes me as odd because I didn't grow up with it, but these girls/women all do it all the time.
I guess I just don't see the harm in meeting for lunch or dinner someone she's met on the RICK STEVES website of all places. (Yes, he will probably be dorky.) She seems like she's level-headed enough to know how/when to make her exit if he's a creep.
By the way, on Fodors I say I'm a 35 year old woman living in San Francisco, but really I'm an 11 year old boy with too much time on his hands in Kansas City.
I guess I just don't see the harm in meeting for lunch or dinner someone she's met on the RICK STEVES website of all places. (Yes, he will probably be dorky.) She seems like she's level-headed enough to know how/when to make her exit if he's a creep.
By the way, on Fodors I say I'm a 35 year old woman living in San Francisco, but really I'm an 11 year old boy with too much time on his hands in Kansas City.
