yyy

Nancy: <BR> <BR>YOU ARE A FRAUD. <BR> <BR>Have you gotten enough attention now, honey? What's next? (We REALLY don't want to know.)

Paige

To the last poster, yyy, shut up and go away.

nancy

Paige, <BR>would this really be a Fodor post without one rude or nasty posting? <BR>I think it pretty remarkable it went as long as it did without. <BR>CMT, <BR>Had to laugh when you said you had guessed it was me anyway, another poster, a friend also had great suspicions it was me . <BR>I slept 10 hrs, the sun is shining! I am still rashy, but my sorethroat is more a cold now. <BR>Otherwords, I feel 50% better. <BR>Again, you all are a great bunch and have been a great solice to me. <BR> <BR>To the Rude poster, <BR>If I really wanted attention, I would go down to the Town Green, take off my clothes and do a dance in the snow. <BR>(I don't need attention, just comforting)

mini

Nancy, if you do decide to go as a family, I wonder if it would be of some help to have an 'escape room.' That is, somewhere to go when you need some relief from the inevitable tension. I'm thinking of a separate room in a nearby but separate hotel. <BR> <BR>I'm new here, don't know your trip plans or when you were set to go, so I don't know how feasible this would be. Since hotels book up, as we all know, this would need some advance planning. I realize it would be an added expense, but it may be worth it, should you decide to proceed. <BR> <BR>

Kavey

Nancy <BR> <BR>()() <BR> \/ <BR> <BR>I hope that comes out as a heart... I just wanted to send you a great big e-hug... <BR> <BR>I hope it works out for you. <BR>Kavey

Kavey

Hmmmph... it looked more like a heart in the post a reply box before the font was changed and the space on the second line removed! <BR> <BR>Hugs <BR>Kavey

nancy

Kavey, <BR>Whatever it is, it gave me a laugh! <BR>Thanks for the hug. <BR>Mini, <BR>When we are in rome for the first 8 days of our trip, we will have a large apt. with 4 bedrms. 2 livingrms, etc. so there will definitely be an escape" room. <BR>And if worse comes to worse, during our second week at the beach, we will have two separate rooms, so, I could always share with my daughter. <BR>If I had had a clue about this earlier, I would have reserved 3 rooms at the beach. <BR>Oh well. <BR>but, I am hoping it would not be like that, and if I feel it will be *that* strained and tense, my husband will just have to stay home. <BR>but thanks for your input! <BR>Meanwhile, my little brain is going around and around in planning a <BR>"Mom gets away, by herself, for a week in italy" <BR>Now, where to go? <BR>I will probably be posting that in the near future! <BR>

StCirq

Nancy, if it's possible to look on the bright side (and I know it isn't always, in these situations), just think of all the poor women whose husbands dump this on them who DON't have a trip to Italy coming up, or who are facing a week in Myrtle Beach with the slob...go and enjoy as much as you can

righteous

Here's how it should work: get angry. <BR>Tell him the trip is canceled, but really leave it scheduled for a late afternoon departure, about the same time he normally arrives home. Let him continue to live at the house. The morning of the (not canceled) trip, remove his ID and credit cards from his wallet while he showers. Let him go to work and the kids to school, day care etc. Empty all bank accounts and move valuables to storage. Call the locksmith. While he changes all the locks, you pack your and kids' stuff. Set the burglar alarm after changing the code. Pick up the kids. Drive to the airport. One hour before the flight leaves, call the lawyer and tell him to serve the papers NOW (the ones that say he'll move out). The police should arrive shortly after your husband has broken into the house. Have a nice trip - tell the kids it's an adventure. They'll take their cue from you. Use the first day to feel weepy and lonely, then start planning your future. Nothing like seeing a bright tomorrow to help get through a gloomy today.

Gail

Share this journey with your children and let the beauty and spirit of Italy soothe your soul and heal your heart. <BR> <BR>Wondrous adventures are waiting for you....everything's going to be all right.

Patti Suttle

Nancy-I too thought it was you because I know you have planned this trip for a long time and that is how you posted it. <BR>I am sooooo sorry to hear this. It is very difficult to give you advice because I understand you have to "live it" to make decisions. But, I will say that I have been there too-I am 46 now-it was when I was 25. Very devistating. <BR>Thought my life was over (sort of). At 25! But, God is good. He brought me through it and yes, there is life afterwards-and abundently!!! As for your trip-of course without a doubt you must go. You have wanted this for so long and planned....That would be a double dissapointment for you. And of course your children should go-they will need this to look forward to-they don't need the double dissapointment either. As for your husband, I think only you can make that decision. Having never met him I don't know if he's the type to be generous enough to make the best of it and TRY to re-think things, etc. Give it a few weeks if you can to see how "things" go. I will say this-*I* would probably be inclined to go without him-just you and the kids. <BR>You will have so much fun seeing new things and all that goes with travel to worry about him at that time. Otherwise, I think you would be "strained" most of the time-not relaxed and carefree like you should be. <BR>You will be more yourself w/o him. You can really "get into" Italy and have an adventure with the kids. <BR>But, like I said-only you can REALLY make that call. <BR>I will have you in my prayers-the Lord is faithful-look to HIM. <BR>I know your heart is hurting. But, it does get better with time. <BR>I am glad you have your trip to look forward to once you make your decision. <BR>Keep us posted. <BR>Patti Suttle

Caitlin

Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament, and while I can't really add to the excellent advice you've had above re taking the trip anyway, I wanted to say a couple of things. <BR> <BR>First, I recognized you in your first post as well, both because of your trip plans and because of your writing style. I was really glad to see this outpouring of support you've had, because you deserve it; you've posted so many encouraging words and positive thoughts for people having doubts about one thing or another, and I'm sure they've all been appreciated. <BR> <BR>Second, re whether your kids will want to do the trip without their father along: Presumably, by the time of your trip, you and he will have figured out what you're going to do and broken the news to them. They will surely not have come to terms with it yet, but perhaps the trip will prove to be a way for them to find out that fun, "family"-type things like traveling can still be fun and worthwhile and rewarding when done only with one or the other of you. BTW, my significant other took several multi-week trips to Europe with just his mom and sister both before and after his folks split up, and has great memories full of all that was there, not what was missing. <BR> <BR>And now, to stick my head where it's none of my business (and prematurely), I sure hope that, if you're not able to work things out, you can stay amicable enough to both really share your lives with your kids. It made a huge difference in my life that my folks shared custody of us and never drew battle lines. Kids don't need or want to know how much of a stupids*** one of their parents is in terms of adult relationships, and certainly don't want to find out that the same applies to his or her relationship with them. <BR> <BR>I hope your weekend away helps give some peace, temporarily anyway, and I wish you all the best. <BR> <BR>Caitlin

Donna

Just my two cents. If you think you can stand him for the duration of the trip, stick with your plans. (If he's a helpful sort of man/father, it might be advantageous to have him along. If he's like having another child along, forget it.) To the the kids, he's still Dad, and you're both their parents, and this sounds like a fabulous family trip. Otherwise, I'd take the advice to leave the kids with him and take the trip by yourself. It would be a wonderful opportunity to provide yourself with glorious distractions and have terrific experiences, before getting on with moving on. Of course, if you'd prefer to share it all with your children, bring them along.

nancy

Thanks again to al who continue to provide me with support, and with "food for thought" <BR>Yes, thank god I do have such a great trip planned, and to look forward too. <BR>And Caitlin, I do understand the importance of maintaining a good relationship with my husband regardless of outcome, because that is one thing his parents *definitely* did not have!!! <BR>And he has always said that is what he wishes he had. <BR>I t would be hard, but my children are so important, and of course are the priority here, getting only this one shot at growing up. <BR>It amazes how many of you recognizes me before I "came out" so to speak! <BR> <BR>Patti, thanks for your thoughts, and I will be looking for a Torre di Pisa for you, <BR>so before we both depart, let me know what size , etc I can pick up for you. <BR>The weekend away has been marvelous and relaxing, my sore throat is gone, now if only I can get rid of the welty rash on my chest!ICK. <BR>Thanks again for all the support and input. <BR>You are all such a sweet group of people.

sheila

To Nancy: I have been reading all the posts and have realized there are a great bunch folks here not just smart about travel but with some very big hearts. Good luck in your decision and I am sorry to hear about your disappointment. Maybe if you and the children go without him, it will open his eyes and he will realize how much he misses you when you are apart. Good luck in whatever you do.

xxx

&lt;&lt;Nancy, if it's possible to look on the bright side (and I know it isn't always, in these situations), just think of all the poor women whose husbands dump this on them who DON't have a trip to Italy coming up, or who are facing a week in Myrtle Beach with the slob...go and enjoy as much as you can &gt;&gt; <BR> <BR>StCirq, do you always have to be insulting someone? Just because Nancy is having marital problems, does not turn her husband into a "slob". You really do not know him, so the sobriquet was uncalled for. <BR> <BR>Furthermore, as someone who lives in South Carolina, I feel I must defend Myrtle Beach. It is a perfectly nice family vacation place with lots of activities for kids to do. In fact, if the kids are really young, it might be a much more appropriate vacation spot than dragging kids all over Europe. With small children, you might just end up going all that way to sit by a beach or a lake on the other side of the Atlantic. If you are going through a divorce, vacationing somewhere like Myrtle Beach would be far less stressful to do essentially the same thing. <BR> <BR>Been there, done that. <BR> <BR>And, by the way, I am divorced and my ex is not a "slob". He's a rather good father, but that does not mean I would take vacations with him.

Jane

Just to throw something else on this huge response (you have certainly hit a nerve here): Two thoughts. <BR> <BR>1)I am thinking that there may be another woman. (I hate to be cynical, but it is sooo likely). If so, the sudden announcement may be because she is really upset that he is taking this wonderful family vacation. She gave an ultimatum. If this is the case, I really suggest you go ahead and go with children and husband. Tell him it is his responsibility to maintain his relationship with the kids. Be as nice as you can during the trip - no arguments, no hostility. Don't try to talk him out of the split-up. No pressure. Let her be the angry one. Besides, she will have to get used to the fact that he hasn't left the kids. You will be in his life as their mother. <BR> <BR>2) This may be a good way to start off on the right foot - "we're divorcing, but we will still be a family and we will still be friendly with each other." <BR> <BR>This all depends on whether or not you can control yourself (or he can control himself) and not argue. If you think this is impossible, cancel. Remember, if there is another woman, she is hoping you will cancel.

nancy

XXX, <BR>Please, this is exactly the type of post I would like to avoid, (so, St. cirq, please don't respond!) <BR>Yes, her post might have upset you, but I don't think she was being purposely rude. <BR>and I would be sad to see this degenerate to a level of bickering. <BR>My sis and bro-in-law are home now, and we are having a lovely visit. <BR>Tomorrow, back to reality, <BR>thanks again, you are al a wonderful bunch of people!! <BR>Good night.

Lisa

Good luck. <BR>Glad you had a weekend away and that you are feeling better, at least physically <BR>Hang in there. <BR>

xxx

For the record: anyone calling anyone else a "slob" is purposely rude. <BR> <BR>Moreover, anyone debunking people who vacation at Myrtle Beach (and presumably do not have as much money as the poster) is an insufferable snob.