I have summarised a front pager from UK National newspaper: Brown Gas Leaks out of Whitehall

Is there no end to the stupidity of the current Labour Government? Apparently not. In an amazing piece of logic, Brown and his cronies from the Department of the Environment have decided that high fibre diets are contributing to global warming. The argument goes something like this – cows do it and so do humans, they both emit carbon monoxide. The difference is there are more humans than cows in Britain, and whilst you can not prevent what comes naturally you can try and contain it. Brown is soon to announce two initiatives. The first one will see cans of processed food clearly labeled with a brown symbol showing the likely amount of carbon monoxide which may be produced by consuming such food. Foods on the hit list include most canned fruits especially prunes and rhubarb, and even the ubiquitous baked bean will soon be considered an antisocial food.

The second pilot project, and the most controversial, will see tourists from overseas being closely monitored. From the 1st of December, tourists from particular areas will be issued with wrist bands which measure their carbon emissions, and will be taxed accordingly (Brown tax). The wristbands, not unlike litmus paper, contain the sensitive phartracerase and turns from neutral green to dark brown according to amount of gas produced.

Tourists to be targeted include North Americans (because they all eat large quantities of beans). People from south asia because they all eat dhal and curry, and people from France because they are known to “be just plain rude”.

A spokesman said “Britain is one of the most populous of countries and whilst we cant reduce our population we can try and reduce the amount of pollution naturally created by tourists. We must do everything in our power to protect the planet or at least our part of it”.


In a weak attempt to diffuse the likely diplomatic stink , the Department of Health will issue advice to tourists about which foods to avoid in the week prior to traveling and what to eat whilst here. Tourists are expected to say no to British beer, mushy peas, black pudding and haggis, cereals high in bran, and lentil soup or pay the consequences. You have been warned.

You do of course realise that it is April Fool's Day - beware what you read.

This is the first April Fool's joke I've heard today - and it's 5pm our time!

Shandy, you are a killjoy!

Ah.

From those wonderful people who brought you San Seriffe.

Not as good as San Seriffe (now that was just brilliant!)but still a good one!

Happy April Fools Day

From the BBC, a unique wildlife film:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/it...l?src=ip_potpw

Congratulations, Steve, on a brilliant double bluff.

I've just gone to the paper shop, looking for this story. And can't find it.

Now either I'm going blinder, faster, than I thought (perfectly possible), or you've made this up. So the April Fool ISN'T the latest British media whizz in the San Seriffe, spaghetti harvest tradition.

The April Fool is actually Steve's invention, relying on the guillible assumption we all make that the British media will run a front-page April Fool.

The truth is of course that, with global warming, April Fools - like daffodils - pop up sooner these days. British papers have been running this year's Big One (the absurd fantasy that Heathrow would turn into a civilised airport by opening a new terminal. Now you've got to be really foolish to believe that one) for the past three months.

It's my first today, too.
My newspapers haven't arrived yet.
What is worrying is that I quite often spot the April Fool story only to discover that it's true

MariaH the link you give is only available in the UK

Opps, a pity about the clip - this news article has some stills from it:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main...penguin101.xml

MythBusters actually just ran a detailed analysis of the gaseous levels of human flatus, that was quite enlightening. While they did address the possibility of death due to toxic gas buildup, as well as what foods might increase flatus emissions, they failed to address the likely impact of such emissions on global warming.

Maria, thanks for the new link - it even shows the film. Excellent.

Maria
Many thanks for the link v Jonathan Living Penguin

Internet going down soon:

http://news.zdnet.co.uk/communicatio...9377525,00.htm

Fancy starting a colony on Mars:

http://www.google.com/virgle/index.html

OK I'll bite - what was San Seriffe - I did the search, nothing there.

And stevelyon - thank you for starting my day off with a good chuckle.

You can read about San Seriffe at
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/H.../San_Serriffe/

I think that it's the best of the lot, even beating the Spaghetti harvest

Today's headlines:

* Gordon Brown recruits Carla Bruni as a style guru
* Nicolas Sarkozy to be stretched
* James Bond should be bisexual
* Gordon Ramsey swears off swearing

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.../napril201.xml

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm