supmom61

We will be meeting family in Tipperary with a trip to Ireland in a few days. We are a family of five and we will be staying with the families in their homes for a weeks time. They have made an itinerary for us and will be showing us around Ireland. We would like, of course, to pay for some meals and drinks at the pubs to show our way of thanking them for their hospitality but we also thought should we leave them money at their home when we leave? We don't want to offend anyone, haven't even met them yet, but we just thought it might be appropriate. We also are going to encourage them to visit us in New York, and we would never expect money from them, but we thought it might be an Irish custom for us to leave them some money. I would also like to bring them something from our area and thought T-shirts that say Long Island would be appropriate. What do you think?

Infotrack

While I do not know if there are any customs in Ireland that would address this issue, off the top of my head, I would think it would be better that you NOT attempt to give them money.

It would be better to buy groceries or replacements for the things you consume, and take them out to dinner, give them nice gifts, etc. All just my opinion.

--Marv

ira

Hi S,

>...should we leave them money at their home when we leave?<

Only if you wish to never communicate with them again.

Offer to take them out for meals, pay for gas, for admissions, for anything else.

Make your own beds, don't leave towels on the floor and offer to help with the dishes.

Give them gifts when you leave, and make sure you send a "thank you" note when you get home.

yesiree100

If your relatives are anything like my relatives in county Tipperary (in a rural area in the Silvermines Mountains), they would not feel comfortable with a gift of money. Paying for groceries, dinner, drinks and petrol would be much more appropriate.

It is a good idea to stop by a bakery in town and pick up a gateaux or tart and offer it to your hosts...they will likely serve it with tea or dinner.

T-shirts would make a nice gift...especially for younger people. Otherwise postcards, candies and prepackaged foods from your home town should travel well. They will appreciate any gesture...and there is no need to go overboard. You can always get them a bigger thank you gift when you leave...when you know them a bit better.

Every family differs, but here are a few things that happen with my relatives.

You will likely be offered tea. This can range from tea and biscuits to an entire meal of sandwiches and a dessert (especially if it's late afternoon). Be prepared to have your food served to you (not familystyle/help-yourself like many families in the US...however, the bread and butter is usually self-serve).

If there are foods you don't like, simply push them aside...however, you really should try it...you never know, you might like how it is prepared in Ireland.

If you completely clear your plate, you will be offered more food...quite often they will insist you have more. I've learned to leave a sliver of ham or something on my plate and tell them I'm stuffed or say I'm saving room for dessert (of course only when I know there is a dessert coming).

It is also customary to be offered a whiskey (often women are offered a Bailey's or Sherry). It has become more common to be offered (or to request) 7-Up or water to be mixed with your whiskey rather than straight up. If you don't drink, they will respect this and will offer you an alternative...be sure to at least get a water, so you have a glass for a toast.

Dinner, or the main meal, is often served at 1pm and an evening tea with sandwiches is often served in the evening. However, this varies.

Not sure your family will be the same, but you might find some similarities. Have a great trip.

supmom61

Dear Yesiree100,

You are a wealth of info, just what I was looking for....we certainly didn't want to offend anyone, just want to do what is appropriate. Our family is from the town Fethard, my husband has twelve first cousins there that we will be meeting. We only discovered them this past March and have been speaking to them by phone and online since.

Thanks for the heads up about dinner. Our families are probably similar,and I'm sure the Bailey's and the Guinness will be flowing.

LoveItaly

Hi supmom, you have been given a lot of good advice here. Regarding leaving money when a guest in someones home, be it family members or friends, that would be an insult unless they were running a hotel or B&B. But your thoughts are good ones as you want to "pay your way" and also you want to show your appreciation for their hospitality. But no hard cold cash please. And do enjoy this very special time in Ireland with your family members. Have a beautiful trip!

nytraveler

No cash. Offer to take them out to dinner several times - and treat them to activities or evenings out. Arrive with goodies - chocolates, desserts, flowers.

As for gifts - I would do T-shirts only for smaller kids. Much better would be something typical of Long Isand or NYC - coffee table books about the island or the city or wine from LI - or even food specialties they can;t get - bagels, bialys, black/white cookies etc.

winesaavy7

ABSolutely no on the money, and I'll warrant you'll have a hard time even paying for their meals if you do go out. Attempt to pay for drinks at pubs yourself-don't verbally offer to pay or you'll be refused every time. Irish are the most generous, sometimes overly generous people I've ever met and spent time with. Teenagers or younger adults would love T-shirts I think of trendy American logos (Abercrombie and Fitch, Diesel, whatever. butter cookies or cake is great to show up with for the inevitable teatime.........

flanneruk

The basic rule in this is to do as yuo would be done by. Given that you don't expect your guests to pay you, why on earth do you think people in Tipperary are so different?

However, it's simply pointless offering to pay for drinks in a pub. The round system is absolutely sacrosanct, and all you'll do is force your hosts into buying a further round of drinks for you. Ducking before you're due to be bought a round is almost as heinous a crime - indeed in your case, even heinouser - as ducking before you're due to buy the round.

If your hosts won't accept being bought a suitably slap-up meal, go onto www.tesco.ie and order a case of decent claret, or whatever you've found is their favourite tipple, to be delivered to them. That, or a generous donation to a charity, is what most people do after a week's hospitality, isn't it?

Unless you know for certain your hosts are partial to something typically American - like Maker's Mark for example - the honest truth is that bringing stuff from the US that even begins to match their hospitality is messy and uncertain. Few people in the British Isles actually like the taste of most American chocolate, for example, and it's illegal to bring non-European flowers into Ireland without a licence. However, you'll find Tesco has a pretty good range of Californian wine, and you might find a case of that has that touch of Americana about it, although it's generally surprisingly expensive, compared to wine from more efficient producers further away, like Australia. Given what an awful price wine is in Ireland, Rioja is generally the best value of all.

keltravel

My advice? Be sneeky!! My family is in Ireland they are adamant about paying for everything! I now excuse myself and give the waiter my credit card. Makes them furious and usually results in them buying me something ludicrous, like a pair of jeans! But I feel better for it.
If there are kids, bring over Oh Henry bars or Sour Skittles (you can't get them there and they love them). Feel free to give some Euros to the kids. It's totally acceptable and really the best way to return the genorosity.
Good luck buying a round but do your best.
Just enjoy yourself and the hospitality.

SiobhanP

yesiree100 are you from Ireland yourself? My family on one side is from Silvermines. It was a ghost town last time I was out that way. Small world.

Supmom61 - Don'y go overboard but so what you would do at home. I would be insulted if a guest left cash. Buy a cake as mentioned when arriving and pay for some drinks and say that you want to take them out to dinner and book it yourself. It would be insulting to leave cash...we are not that poor here anymore. Tshoirt for the kids are fine and something maybe typical from where you live. Forget the cash as they will then think this is some custom in the States and do the same to you. Too much pressure. Enjoy the trip.

clarice

Hi, firstly i hope you are enjoying your holiday here in Ireland and sorry we couldnt arrange for better weather but that all comes with the package. As for your questions about paying your way. No, that just is not done here, once people open their door to you, thats it. Really there is no difference between what you would do at home and what they would expect a simple thank you is all thats required not cash. Regards.

Tallulah

The Irish are enormously hospitable (on the whole, there are exceptions, of course! my father, for one, can be horribly anti-social!) and you simply mustn't offer money as it won't be expected. And would be deemed rude. I'm very much in favour of the idea of sending a case of wine or something similar AFTER you have left. Whilst there, certainly buy cakes/drinks etc, but bear in mind that they will have stocked the cupboard beforehand in preparation for a visit.

Please also note that every home you go into you will be offered tea/cake/biscuits/meal etc. Even if you don't want it, there's little point turning it down as you will be asked continually (usually about every 10 minutes) whether you want it 'now' instead. You will give in eventually so just get it out of the way! I know this from experience - as a child we'd spend a few weeks there each summer seeing my parents' families (mum is one of 8, dad one of 11 - I have over 60 first cousins and as for second/third...!) - we would generally go from relative to relative each day. I soon learnt to ration my tea/food intake because by the end of the day I simply couldn't take any more!!

Enjoy!

SiobhanP

Tallulah - That is my exact memories as a child being carted from relative to relative while my parents were visiting and stuffing my face with cakes!

yesiree100

supermom - hope your trip is going well.

SiobhanP - I'm from the US, but end up spending 2-5 weeks a year in Tipp. Silvermines is still a small town, but not really a ghost town...it was a Tidy Town a few years ago and not too long ago the big debate was whether or not to put in a roundabout (not sure if that's progress before that they successfully fought off turning the mine into a Super Dump.

SiobhanP

My mum is from Silvermines so I have been there a lot over the years. The dump was scary as the food was testing very high for certain elements already.

I think some of these smaller towns are growing again with new housing estates etc but I could never warm to the place. I live over here now but used to be dragged round the country as a kid when visiting from the U.S. I cant bear sugary cakes anymore