Hi all,

A random thought just struck me:

"Is the high rate of divorce in the US due to the fact that so many people start their married life with terrific honeymoons to France, Italy, etc, and it's all downhill from there"?

ira, I don't think you can blame the failing marriages on where the honeymoon was spent. My brother spent his at Gatlinburg and his marriage went downhill from there, if you can imagine such a thing!

Well, you can have a terrific honeymoon in the Keys, Lake Tahoe, Hawaii and many US destinations. I think the high rate of divorce is due to instant gratification and people being lazy. or spending $50K on a wedding/honeymoon and making no investment in your real relationship! So Ira, my answer is an emphatic No!

In turn, if you have a crappy honeymoon do you think you stay married? !!

I don't know if there is a correlation Ira, but I like your train of thought. It seems to jump the tracks occasionally -- mine does the same.

What's the divorce rate in Europe? Do you think a honeymoon at Disney would have an effect on the average European union? And in which direction?

We honeymooned in Europe 4.5 years ago and I wouldn't say it's gone downhill at all. In fact we've been back 2xs since but I can't say that not going back would be "downhill". Never thought you were such a pessimist Ira!

Well, I must admit that my honeymoon in France was spectacular, but the short-lived marriage did go downhill from there. On the other hand, I don't think it's fair to blame our loser of a marriage on the honeymoon. I've often said the best thing I got out of my marriage was a first class trip to France.

I too find your thought pattern to be interesting. We drove our '56 Chevy to New Orleans enroute to San Antonio and the Air Force. It was late July in San Antonio in a small apt. with no AC. That was 45 years ago and I still find her to be the most charming woman I have ever known. Perhaps we should ask NYCFS about her honeymoons--she seems to have more experience.

The children of my friends are getting married nowdays and it seems like they get all caught up in the wedding and honeymoon planning as if that is the end product! I think if they spent as much time really talking to their future spouses as they do their wedding planners marriages would be different.

I know of at least four young couples who have had wonderful, expensive, delux wedding ceremonies and glamerous honeymoons and were divorced around their first anniversary.

I can't complain though I have had many lovely days at their lavish weddings, lol.

So, Ira, maybe.

PS: quit picking on NYFS for having so many marriages, it is better to have many than to stay in a bad one all of your life.

We never had a honeymoon. Got married right out of college, two weeks into "real" jobs. The reception was in our new apartment, where his family hung out in the living room, and mine in the kitchen. Then Tuesday (it was Labor Day weekend), back to work! That was 27 years ago, so Ira could be on to something.

Our son was married in June, had a lovely but not lavish wedding, then he and his bride went camping (in a tent!) for a few nights. I have high hopes for their marriage!

I read in, I think, The Millionaire Mind, that most of the millionaires interviewed in the book had very simple weddings and honeymoons and stay married. It's cheaper that way.
Just a thought: I don't think it's nice to take swipes at NYFS for the 5 marriages. She was just being honest.

You guys are so funny.

For the record, it's really four marriages and I still love my first husband (he teaches music in Florida) and I'm dear friends with the two who are now gay (and very happy). What can I say...I love sensitive guys. Try and find one who's straight and earns enough money to support himself.

The best husband was the last one who, unfortunately, died almost four years ago. He was a gem...the man for me, my true soulmate, and I don't expect to find anyone better. I'm content we had our time together and I refuse to feel sorry for myself or cry tears of greed. I'm lucky that I've loved as much as I have. Too many people go an entire life without one.

Since I travel for work, I only did the honeymoon thing once and it was September in the South of France. I took beautiful pictures of a drop-dead gorgeous man who is now living with another drop-dead gorgeous man.

Weddings have become a lot like Christmas, too commercial to enjoy its true meaning and the pressure, relentless. I wish it could be easier, even for Thonglori.

"...refuse to feel sorry for myself or cry tears of greed..."

I really like that, good words to live by...how many of us cry tears of greed...

I, too, married a gay man (oops) and left him after a year of marriage. We had a fantastic honeymoon in Crete but it really was all down hill from there. Oh well, whaddya gonna do??

I think there is something to be said for lavish receptions taking over the proceedings. I guess the marketing peeps have won. I won't be doing it on such a grand scale ever again. I think there is something to be said for chic on a budget. Having said that, I will NEVER compromise on the honeymoon!! That will always be (if there ever is a next time) a lavish affair!!

"Try and find one who's straight and earns enough money to support himself."

Try and find one who's "gay" and earns enough money to support himself! I got in very late last night and found that other thread locked. What a pity.

NYCFS, as someone once said here (I think), you ARE the bees knees. You sound like a woman who has experienced much in her life and yet you continue to have so much life (and love) to live. It is a pleasure to have discovered you here and if I owned Fodors, I'd offer you a contract.

I had a feeling your were special long ago when I read that Ristorante Riviera was one of your favorite restaurants in Venice. I've been keeping that little place a secret for quite a long time. I knew Luca when he was just an employee and heard about him (and the restaurant) from a dear friend who's on the board of Save Venice, Inc. I visit Luca and Monica every time I'm in Venice. Maybe one day I'll see you there. I'm the tall guy (former model), wearing all black with white hair. You can't miss me because I stand out in a crowd, too.

Wow. I'm famous. Still being mentioned in posts that have nothing to do with me!!

NYCFoodSnob -- Lovely things you've said about your past husbands, and I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had what some people spend a lifetime looking for.

As for me, I too am from NYC -- The Land of Commercialized Weddings. This is the precise reason we've chosen to take only our families, less than 10 guests!!!, to Italy for our very small civil ceremony in Florence -- and skip the expensive fanfare. My parents have never been to Italy even though my family is 100% of Italian decent. I want to see my mother's reaction to her maiden name all over Florence -- Croce.

As for the honeymoon/divorce correllation, I don't think there is one, but hey ya never know.

As for young people today and thinking weddings = marriage, well that certainly varies from couple to couple. ...But I don't think it is wrong for a couple to be excited about their wedding and have the time of their lives planning it. This can be misconstrued by others as the couple thinks the wedding IS the marriage.