Help, I have a conundrum!!

Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:13 PM
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Help, I have a conundrum!!

This is the situation. This August I will be having a MAJOR (old) birthday. I can't think of any place other than Europe in which to celebrate my long life. Here is the conundrum. My husband is willing to accompany me on a three week trip BUT....he hates to travel. He has not voiced an opinion on anything I have planned nor suggested anything. I have a very good girl friend who would love to travel with me and has already suggested places we could visit and has started saving her monies. When I ask my husband if he wants to go to "my birthday party", he gives me a very weak "I'm excited".

What would you do?
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:18 PM
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Leave his happy a-- at home.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:20 PM
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Give us a chance to hear his side of the story as I am certain there is one.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:22 PM
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I would ask him out right if he wants to go or would he prefer that I travel with my girlfriend instead. My husband hated to travel when we got married {20 yrs ago} and I loved it. Seeing that this could be a problem I specified that we had to travel somewhere of my choosing at least every 5 years. I plan all trips and he just comes along. Well he now loves to travel. He is now suggesting where we should go next and now we go somewhere 1 -2 times per year. He is much more adventerous than when he was younger. Also If he suggests you go with your girl friend, then go have a great time and don't feel guilty. It was his decision you just followed his wishes.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:28 PM
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If he doesn't seem into it, I would just flat out ask him what would make him happy.

Maybe you two can have a romantic birthday together and something nice and sweet. And the next day you can go on your trip with your friend?

I would just be honest because I wouldn't want my partner to be unhappy while I am having a ball, ya know? And I would also ask because maybe he just isnt as expressive as I am? Or maybe he wants to really go somewhere different?

Have a wonderful B-day!
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:28 PM
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shake him! AND ASK IS THAT A YES OR NO.
If he is not interested, pity him and go with your girl friend
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:39 PM
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Topping this for more passive aggression
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 06:41 PM
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Hi Lulu

I also love to travel, however my family (husband, daughters 17 and 19) does not share my level of enthusiasm. We traveled to Paris and London last June for my older daughterís high school graduation. After 6 days in Paris, my family felt that they had seen everything there was to see and wanted to go home. I could have stayed several more weeks in Paris and still not have seen everything that I wanted to see.

Over the years, I have realized that my husband in particular, will never share my love of travel. My sister, on the other hand, loves to travel and we enjoy many of the same things, cities, castles, gardens, churches, shopping, historic sights, etc.

I find that I enjoy a trip the most when I travel with someone who really wants to go to a particular place and not someone who only wants to go because I want to go. I also donít want to be responsible for someone elseís fun. Go with your friend.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 07:07 PM
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Just tell him that if you buy your plane ticket in advance you are going to save him a lots of moneys..At the other hand if you wait for him to make up his mind and must purchase the ticket the last minute, the fare will be double or triple..
Moneys talk..I bet that he will let you know soon.
Have a great time and go ahead and travel with your friend..You may find it a very pleasant experience.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 07:12 PM
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Thank you for all of your suggestions. I don't want to hurt his feelings but would like to travel with an enthusiastic partner. Will let you know the outcome.
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 07:15 PM
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Happy birthday in advance Lulu, and here's a thought: would a shorter trip appeal to your husband? Perhaps he could spend the first week with you and be replaced by the friend. It would be a shame to celebrate your long life (and, I am assuming, your long marriage) without your husband, would it not?
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 07:16 PM
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You can't be passive with someone who is not sure, you must state what you want, or you will never share .
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 10:36 PM
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If he says yes, you should go with your husband, and perhaps shorten the trip, or have him go home earlier than you, as mentioned.

You don't say why your husband hates to travel. For my mom she hates the flight over and back, but once she's there, she's a good travel companion.

My husband used to be ambivalent about travel, we went on a trip (within the USA) and he loved it. He had grown up in a military family and hated moving everywhere. He had never traveled with a single suitcase, carefree. He didn't realize how much fun travel for vacation could be.

Another thought, once there, you could split up some days, if he wants to read at the hotel, why not?
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Old Mar 25th, 2006, 10:59 PM
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Well, it depends on who you want to spend your birthday with and how you will feel if your husband backs out. As cigale says, you need to be as direct as possible and state your needs and wants. That way, if they are not met, you know you did your part.

I don't know the dynamic you have with your hubby, but my parents stopped traveling together long ago. They are just looking for very different things and end up ruining any trips together. The solution has been to not travel together unless it is for a very specific reason. They just wish each other well and go their separate ways.
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 01:00 AM
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I say you gotta take him. I mean I would feel a bit sad on my birthday without my man (mine was yesterday and he was so ill with the flu that he slept the whole day and never even said happy birthday - not his fault but it made me sad).

How about a bribe. Does he like golf? Or food. Or something in particular that would make the trip worthwhile for him as well!!

(I personally use golf or rugby.) "Honey, how about we go here and then after that we'll go here where there is a lovely golf course..."
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 01:06 AM
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If your husband isn't that interested in going and is willing to stay home while you go off with your friend AND you're ok with that as well, then don't push your husband into going. And don't feel guilty about going without him.
After we moved to Europe, my mother came over to visit solo several times. European cities simply weren't my dad's thing--he was more into American driving vacations or country trips. Mom really liked seeing some of the more urban places and shopping, stopping in cafes, museums--all things that bored my father. He was happy to putter around by himself (with the cat) at their home in Florida for a week or two. He came to visit us with Mom three times; Mom has been here without him another six.

But--what does your husband dislike about travel? Is he secretly afraid to fly? Is he not interested in the places you'd like to see? Is he simply a homebody?


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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 01:48 AM
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Happy Birthday LuLu. My major BD is also this June, and I will be celebrating it in Italy with my female travel companion. (We travel to a different place in Europe once a year) So with that said, here are my thoughts about your conundrum...There would be nothing like having that special someone by your side to experience Europe with you for the first time, but to take your husband (who you know hates to travel) to Europe for 3 weeks would a potentially disappointing experience for both of you. There is so much to see and experience: long days, late nights, lots of walking, and dilemmas and decisions about itineraries and modes of transportation. All part of the fun,,,for those of us who love to travel. But let's face it... There are just some people who do not like to travel. What would I do? Leave him home. If he is not "fired-up" about going now, taking him over there will not change his feelings about the trip. He will much rather look at all the photos you have taken when you get back. This is your BD party-celebrate it to the max-

Some words of caution about traveling to Europe in August: 1)Europeans take their holidays during the entire month of August, 2)Some tourist destinations may be closed, 3)European holiday locations will be very crowded, and 4)unless you plan to travel to the northern part of Europe, August temperatures are unbearable.
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 03:04 AM
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Lulu --

How about if you stay home for your birthday, and go traveling to Europe with your girlfriend for a few weeks either before or after the divisible-by-10 day?

That way you get to be with hubby for the big occasion, and you also get to really enjoy a trip without having to constantly worrying about your travel companion.
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 03:36 AM
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I had a similar situation and brought my husband who after complaning, loved it. If you dont think that would apply. I would travel with my girlfriend and celebrate your birthday in one of the major cities on your stop and have your husband fly over for your time during that one stop.
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Old Mar 26th, 2006, 03:51 AM
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Hi L,

>My husband is willing to accompany me on a three week trip BUT....he hates to travel.<

I take it that this is not a new quirk?

In the past, has he been unenthusiastic about travel, but a good companion?

Could it be that 3 weeks is too long?

Where in Europe will you be going for 3 weeks? What are the dates?

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