hopingtotravel

After months of waiting for the Polly Platt books to turn up either at the library, or one of our local bookstores, I finally just ordered through Amazon. Am looking forward to them.

elaine

Don't touch people when you speak to them, not even a friendly pat on the arm. That is for intimates, not for people you have just met.

Here's another--no bread plates, that would be an unusual exception. The bread you are eating is placed right on the tablecloth. And butter isn't served generally except at breakfast.

And coffee is a topic unto itself. That's not etiquette I guess, just food customs.

toulousaine

I lived in France, and I have to say you guys covered it really well! Now I have to reminicse.....
atleast I'll be back there next month!

Oh, I have a friend who slaps your arm and pushed you when she's laughing....VERY touchy person, but she's REALLY funny. Anyhow, I would tell my French friends about her, and they all had their mouths hanging open in disbelief! I think it's very interesting, the cultural differences.

OH! Another tip...NEVER speak about money, wages, or anything that could categorize you or the other person socially. It's unnacceptable. Should be that way in the US too...dommage.

crefloors

I found one of the best french words I knew was "desole' day-zoh-lay.. means sorry. please feel free anyone to improve on that in anyway better than what I am writing. Anyway, I found it to work wonders on a few occasions that I comitted a "fox paws" and could tell that someone was really ticked off. The thing is, when I said it I meant it, and I think they could tell that, and I was eager to learn what ever was the more appropriate behavior, so it really smoothed things over. So, it's a great word, but if you use it, mean it.

Dave_in_Paris

If you want waiter/waitress attention, the thing to say is "s'il vous plait," (nothing else registers) -- and keep in mind that French waiters are serving twice as many tables as American ones do.

Toulaisaine has it right, one doesn't talk about personal finances, or what one does for a living, except among close friends, and not much then. There are also differences around friendship. There's a level of pleasant, casual acquaintance among Americans that isn't much in the French repertoire. You would not, as a rule in France, invite people to dinner in your home and then never see them again. A level of commitrment is implied. The French see the Americans as fickle in this realm, while Americans wonder why casual invitations rarely come along.

ThinGorjus

Never tell a Frenchman how to do his job. This is a major faux pas. This goes for flight attendants, cab drivers, waiters, sales clerks, etc. that American tourists will encounter. The French are very proud of their metier, and find it insulting when someone "gets in the way" of them do ing their "thing." This is why so many waiters seem rude and arrogant--an American yelling, "Garcon, is my vin rouge coming soon?" You are implying that he doesn't know his job. And you will feel his wrath.

Being English, I can also say that we, as well as the French, find it very odd (to the point of ridicule) that Americans put their left hand in their laps whilst they are eating. We Europeans always keep both our hands on the table. We always wonder what Americans are doing what that idle hand. <wink>

Dave_in_Paris

To belabor the obvious, "garcon" means boy. fortunately, most Paris waiting persons are adults.

StCirq

I guess I'm in the minority with regard to Polly Platt.I always thought she just capitalized on American fears of being considered boorish in France and set out a bunch of rules that, in my experience, aren't always at all correct - like not sending yellow flowers to people. That's just silly. I've send gorgeous bouquets of yellow flowers to friends in France and been warmly thanked for them, and not disingenuously. I've even asked French friends if there's anything wrong with sending yellow flowers, and they laughed. I think Polly's made a nice living off American insecurities.
That said, there's not much more I can add about French etiquette except to say that genuine, polite behavior will get you anywhere in France. They don't like cheeky, in-your-face behavior, they don't like over-friendly behavior, and they don't like loud behavior (I don't either). They have a good bit of dignity and want you to respect their country and its customs. If you walk into a restaurant and loudly say "We need a table for 4!" in English, you will be treated rudely - as you should be.
Be quiet, be dignified, always address people with Bonjour/Au revoir/Merci - Madame/Monsieur (this is crucial), and you'll be fine. Don't ask for a "doggy bag" even if you can translate that to French.

Dave_in_Paris

St Cirq,

I'm suspicious of anyone who claims to understand the French. I've been here pushing two decades and I'm still constantly surprised!

Dave_in_Paris

Postcript: In Paris, in the less starry 11th-arrondissement eateries we frequent, you can ask for a "doggie bag," though I do cringe a bit while asking. Could you put this (pointing if you don't speak French) in "un peu aluminum"" does the trick.

tedgale

When entering a crowded local shop, cafe or restaurant, DON'T say "Bonjour messieurs-dames". It's considered rather common, faux-bonhomme -- or "populaire".

StCirq

Um, tegdale,what Do you say? I've been in countless cafés/bars where the regulars came in and said exactly that!I'm really curious

ckenb

Out in the country in France, you here Bonjour Messieurs-Dames every day everywhere you go. It's a country thing.

A few weeks ago, I saw a TV show about the French nobility and their current economic status and lifestyles. There was one particular family interviewed that claimed to be "noble" and was really into the whole thing. They seemed to think that saying Bonjour Messieurs-Dames was one of the biggest sins you could commit.

It's a snobism thing.

ckenb

How embarrassing -- "hear" of course, not "here". Duh!

Laqueridisima

Attnetion Tedgale, les francais n'aiment pas les snobs non plus! It is better to be polite and say "bonjour" as you enter a cafe or shop than not to do so.

ckenb

Yes, it's better to say Bonjour in one form or another -- whether it's Bonjour Messieurs-Dames or Bonjour Madame, Bonjour Monsieur, or whatever -- than to say nothing at all. Just Bonjour will work fine.

Last September I was traveling with my mother and aunt. We stopped in a restaurant in Mayenne. As we walked to a table in the back of the long, narrow room, a young male employee said a loud Bonjour to my aunt, who speaks no French. She didn't respond. He said it again: Bonjour Madame. And again. When I realized what was happening, I stopped and told him in French that the lady didn't speak French and didn't understand what was happening. He then relaxed and smiled, having understood the situation.

It is really important to say Bonjour to people in shops and restaurants -- especially before asking any questions or saying anything else.

tedgale

Bonjour madame or bonjour monsieur is personal and civil.

I think the interdiction against "messieurs-dames", especially when loudly declaimed on entering a place,is that it is not a personal greeting at all but a proclamation "I've arrived".

At least, that is my guess about its connotations.

I didn't make the rule, I've only been advised of it.

BTW: Here in Canada if I called out, on entering a shop, "Hello, everybody!" I think it would be heard as a call for attention, not a civil gesture at all.

PatrickLondon

Actually, I was thinking - admittedly on little or no evidence - that "Bonjour Messieurs-dames" rather sounds as though you know everybody already and expect them to know you - which is why it might well be heard in a village shop, and why I wouldn't care to try it in Paris. But it is extremely important to say it to the person you're expecting to serve you!

cigalechanta

In the local Provence café we go to, the regulars will go to every table and kiss or shake hands, and say bonjour messieurs on individual basis.

harzer

Dave-in-Paris!

I doubt whether 'un peu aluminum' would 'do the trick'.

In the first place the French word is, as in all civilized cultures, 'aluminIum'.

And then a "d'" after 'peu' would help.

But why not 'un petit sac pour emporter les restes?'

Harzer