Does a wedding ring reduce harassment? (Italy, etc.)
Nov 15th, 2004, 01:59 PM
#21
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 45,322
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
suze, I sure agree with your comments. And again, any woman old enough to wear a wedding ring should be old enough or mature enough to know how to handle flirtations.
Also, IMHO, Italian men flirt w/o being serious. So relax.
Also, IMHO, Italian men flirt w/o being serious. So relax.
Nov 16th, 2004, 09:07 AM
#24
Guest
Posts: n/a
Don't know which posts you consider insulting, but I bristled on your behalf at the ones implying that if you are harassed, it's your own fault. "Grown women" get hassled on the street in Italy and NYC even when -- and it's bothersome that I even have to qualify this -- they dress "appropriately", behave "modestly," and ignore the hasslers.
A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances -- and trust me, it's annoying, it's wearying, and it takes the fun out of traveling. And it usually has NOTHING to do with whether she seems to have encouraged or discouraged the attention.
Anyone questioning whether WillTravel is adequately mature or knowledgable enough should have the experience a male friend of mine had. I was driving from NYC to Phila. in a small car carrying a load of his belongings that pretty much filled it up, so he had to kind of hunker down on a couch pillow in the well of the back seat, between the two front seats. He wasn't particularly visible to the cars and trucks passing by, and this was about 20 yrs. ago, so I wasn't a spring chicken but I still looked - um - "presentable" in my sunglasses and scarf. He was shocked at the attention and behavior of some of the male drivers, who either "flirted" with horns or hoots or waves or else indulged in some dangerously challenging driving, trapping me between two trucks or cutting me off and then grinning rather nastily. He told me he hadn't seen that before: "I never realized how differently men act toward women traveling alone." Yup.
So if WillTravel is looking for a device to reduce the likelihood of unwanted company or attention, no one should blame her.
A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances -- and trust me, it's annoying, it's wearying, and it takes the fun out of traveling. And it usually has NOTHING to do with whether she seems to have encouraged or discouraged the attention.
Anyone questioning whether WillTravel is adequately mature or knowledgable enough should have the experience a male friend of mine had. I was driving from NYC to Phila. in a small car carrying a load of his belongings that pretty much filled it up, so he had to kind of hunker down on a couch pillow in the well of the back seat, between the two front seats. He wasn't particularly visible to the cars and trucks passing by, and this was about 20 yrs. ago, so I wasn't a spring chicken but I still looked - um - "presentable" in my sunglasses and scarf. He was shocked at the attention and behavior of some of the male drivers, who either "flirted" with horns or hoots or waves or else indulged in some dangerously challenging driving, trapping me between two trucks or cutting me off and then grinning rather nastily. He told me he hadn't seen that before: "I never realized how differently men act toward women traveling alone." Yup.
So if WillTravel is looking for a device to reduce the likelihood of unwanted company or attention, no one should blame her.
Nov 16th, 2004, 10:22 AM
#25
No replies were meant to be insulting, but you have to allow a difference of opinions, please.
<A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances>
This has NOT been my experience as someone who has traveled solo a reasonable amount.
Secondly, I don't think the streets of Italy & truck drivers on the freeway in the U.S. is a fair comparison.
<A woman (let's say under 55) traveling alone gets approached by the most surprising people under the most surprising circumstances>
This has NOT been my experience as someone who has traveled solo a reasonable amount.
Secondly, I don't think the streets of Italy & truck drivers on the freeway in the U.S. is a fair comparison.
Nov 16th, 2004, 11:24 AM
#26
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 63
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
What do you term harassment? Is it attention from other people, I assume men? Are you very protective of your personal space?
If you are very uncomfortable you should try every avenue you can to avoid it. Wear your ring it might make you feel better.
Good luck and report back as I will be going over there soon.
If you are very uncomfortable you should try every avenue you can to avoid it. Wear your ring it might make you feel better.
Good luck and report back as I will be going over there soon.
Nov 16th, 2004, 02:57 PM
#32
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 11,134
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Scarlett, when my friend was picking me up at the Napoli airport he had said he might not recognize me, I had been gone so long.
Soooo, I did take my Groucho glasses and put them on when I came to the waiting area. I never did find out if he really didn't recognize me with them on or if he was mortified!! It was funny though.
Soooo, I did take my Groucho glasses and put them on when I came to the waiting area. I never did find out if he really didn't recognize me with them on or if he was mortified!! It was funny though.
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:10 PM
#33
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 12,188
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Mike, I'm sure Degas can give you tips. He's good at fending off women.
Cassandra, I think you understand where I'm coming from.
This wedding ring idea is suggested all over the place and I've heard it for decades, but I've never had a clear sense (and still don't) if there's any merit to it. SeaUrchin, your scientific testing idea would suffer from too small a sample size ;-). In the absence of strong evidence, since I am always worried about losing things, I don't think I'll bring it. I'm wondering if a grandma-like headscarf might not be a bad idea, particularly since it will be winter anyway.
Failing that, I can always bring a Groucho mask too. My husband has one and has indeed used it for Halloween.
Cassandra, I think you understand where I'm coming from.
This wedding ring idea is suggested all over the place and I've heard it for decades, but I've never had a clear sense (and still don't) if there's any merit to it. SeaUrchin, your scientific testing idea would suffer from too small a sample size ;-). In the absence of strong evidence, since I am always worried about losing things, I don't think I'll bring it. I'm wondering if a grandma-like headscarf might not be a bad idea, particularly since it will be winter anyway.
Failing that, I can always bring a Groucho mask too. My husband has one and has indeed used it for Halloween.
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:18 PM
#34
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 52
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
DEARs
The wedding ring will only make these men pant more. If you area single American, they know you can be satisfied any time you choose in our society. But if you are married, they feel you are more pent up with frustration from having the same old dish everynight. These men sense that in their pores, or simply believe we are all free-loving American cosmo woman underneath it all. Beware, for when these tigers see any opening, they move in for the kill! Don't make eye contact and cover up ladies!
PS. Suzie, not sure, but it does not sound like you would get too much attention anyway from men even if you left your garments off and roamed the streets.
Degas-glad to hear you are coming out finally.
The wedding ring will only make these men pant more. If you area single American, they know you can be satisfied any time you choose in our society. But if you are married, they feel you are more pent up with frustration from having the same old dish everynight. These men sense that in their pores, or simply believe we are all free-loving American cosmo woman underneath it all. Beware, for when these tigers see any opening, they move in for the kill! Don't make eye contact and cover up ladies!
PS. Suzie, not sure, but it does not sound like you would get too much attention anyway from men even if you left your garments off and roamed the streets.
Degas-glad to hear you are coming out finally.
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:20 PM
#35
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 11,134
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
WillTravel, that does bring up a rather unattractive picture, granny scarf with groucho mask! I think I can guarantee you will not get harassed! In fact I think people will give you a wide berth, lol, have fun.
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:30 PM
#36
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,500
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hi WillTravel,
I was in Italy for 2 weeks this past June on my honeymoon.
The wedding ring DID NOT deter brazen guys from hitting on me, even with my husband a few steps away! In all honesty, the attention level was the same as when I went with a female friend 2 years ago right after graduation.
What DID work was saying I was on my honeymoon.
I'd try that if you want an effective answer
Most of the attention is light hearted. The responses I got were primarily sheepish grins and shrugs of the shoulders. It's not as if anyone ever truly harassed me (nor any other young woman I observed)
I was in Italy for 2 weeks this past June on my honeymoon.
The wedding ring DID NOT deter brazen guys from hitting on me, even with my husband a few steps away! In all honesty, the attention level was the same as when I went with a female friend 2 years ago right after graduation.
What DID work was saying I was on my honeymoon.
I'd try that if you want an effective answer
Most of the attention is light hearted. The responses I got were primarily sheepish grins and shrugs of the shoulders. It's not as if anyone ever truly harassed me (nor any other young woman I observed)
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:40 PM
#38
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,500
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I just saw the post about Istanbul being difficult in terms of harassment. I spent a month in Israel in 1998 (I was 18) on a choir tour/volunteer work group. In Hebron (a primarily Arab area), an Arab man mistook my chaperone as my father and asked to purchase me for 10 CAMELS! We all agreed he was joking. My hair was highlighted back then and supposedly blonde, blue-eyed women are "in demand" over there. That is what we took away from it at least!
Nov 16th, 2004, 03:47 PM
#39
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 34,738
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
There are some blonde blue eyed women that post here that might like a trip to Turkey LOL
no no , not me!!!
I like the idea of the Groucho mask...that makes me giggle just at the thought..imagine the horror on some guys face when she turns and he sees her face
I rememeber the worst place for men hitting on me, was in Acapulco, geez, they wanted to date me, marry me, sell me and buy me LOL and I was with someone who was very very large and scary..(moral of the story)
nothing stops a man if he thinks he can score
no no , not me!!!
I like the idea of the Groucho mask...that makes me giggle just at the thought..imagine the horror on some guys face when she turns and he sees her face
I rememeber the worst place for men hitting on me, was in Acapulco, geez, they wanted to date me, marry me, sell me and buy me LOL and I was with someone who was very very large and scary..(moral of the story)
nothing stops a man if he thinks he can score
