Has anyone out there worked abroad from the US or really just outside their home continent and went through a period of bad cultural adjustment...please read on and give me any suggestions. <BR><BR> I am a working in Madrid on a technology and application development project. I love Spain but I been having some trouble lately. The funny thing is that my heritage is Spanish, so my last name is Spanish, but I grew up in the US. In addition, I learned my Spanish not in Spain but in Mexico/Central America and I am having the worst time hearing the Castilian Spanish. It is so frustrating since I can read and write Spanish so well. I even have a ton of music that I listen to in Spanish – Spanish rock, flamenco, musica tropical, etc but it doesn’t help my listening or speaking skills at all. Furthermore, having a Spanish last name gets me nowhere over here due to my bad accent and cultural differences, I am still 100% a foreigner when I talk. And of course I am mad at myself for not being able to adjust culturally since it isn’t like I just love the US culture either (no offense to others from the US reading this, I am not trying to say anything negative, I just appreciate other cultures as well). I work long hours and haven't met anyone to help me. I am very shy and I feel my accent is so terrible that I feel embarrassed talking to others. I just feel lost. I wish I could take language classes but time and money are an issue. Can anyone recommend a place besides a church or a discotheque, where working professionals would be around in a relaxed and friendly environment? Please don’t say Tapas bars. Also I tried calling a few professional networking associations, and they claim that I have to have company sponsorship ($$) to be a member or attend an event. I am very shy and looking for a good place to meet local Spaniards and to get over my ‘cultural adjustment’ issues. <BR>

Isabella, you definitely sound very insecure and flaky. I suggest you seek professional therapy, instead of this travel forum. Your comments are bizarre and pathetically desperate.

Is this chick for real? Isabella, I wouldn't embarass myself by whining and begging for a life. You are sick and disturbed. You are the type of person that is miserable anywhere!!!

Bonjour Isabella,<BR><BR>Just ignore the first two comments, they're not worth it.<BR><BR>I'm not American, neither in your situation and live far from Madrid, but I've heard the same story as yours about Americans of Spanish heritage having trouble adjusting in Spain.<BR><BR>Try to find an organisation of Americans expats through the American embassy, or an organisation devoted to teach English to Spaniards. You might try to exchange lessons (you speak Spanish, they speak English).<BR><BR>Good luck, and hang on there, it'll get better.

Isabella & Florence - two miserably stupid dikes! Who is worse, the troll or the one who actually believes her?

Flojo is just lookin' to get lucky with whiney.

I've been away from this forum for a while and this is terribly off thread, but is this what things have turned into?<BR><BR>I hate going off topic, but I feel this is a real disgrace. Fodors has always represented a gentle platform for travelers to exchange information and have a good laugh. Fodors, do we have to plow through this static to help and be helped?<BR><BR>For Isabella, I share your experience to a great degree. One of the burdens of being expat is never quite fitting in anywhere. Sometimes you have to prioritize your life and really go after your goal. I would suggest getting in touch with both the US and Mexican embassy and then find yourself someone who has succeeded in overcoming your obsticals. You will find expats the world over who have achireved various degrees of immersion into the societies they choose to call home. Load up on positive and wise recomendations from those who have gone before you and get to it.<BR><BR>You have the right attitude, don't dispair.<BR><BR>-Craig

Dear Isabella,<BR>Completely disregard Al and Chuck. They sound like looser trolls for sure. I lived in Spain so I know what you are talking about. I do not know why people think of Spain as a friendly country it is not !!!!!!!!!!! I have been there a dozen times. I do love the place but it takes a while to get to know people. First of all, people in the service industry generally are not friendly and usually border on being down right rude. I speak Spanish fluently and in all the times that I have been there, I have only heard one person Ever say "perdon" or excuse me. the usually practice is to shove. Pedestrians have absolutely no rights or considerations. Now, in order to gain respect you must be assertive in Spain. Not a loud pushy American tourist type but assertive nonetheless.<BR>I do have some great friends in Spain that I have known for 20 years and I learned how to adjust to the culture. Actually, I love Spain and I love to return as much as possible. I think that many travellers have this false notion that it will be an extremely warm friendly country when it is not at all, at least initally. <BR>I also speak French and have had much better experiences in France. I know people HATE to here this about the French and they love to hear that the French are rude but it simply isnt true. I have found that the French are more interested in developing friendships than the Spanish.<BR>Anyway, Isabella, try to see if you could take any type of class be it cooking or a dance class to meet people. You could also offer to teach English as a second language. THis is a great way to meet people. Many Spanish who studied English abraod are dying to keep up with their Englis. I always found that the Spaniards who had live abroad were much kinder to foreigners

Dear Isabella:<BR><BR>You are not the only American of Latin American background who has a hard time understanding Spanish spoken with a Castillian accent. If it's any comfort to you, not all Spaniards speak Castellano - in Andalucia (for obvious historical reasons), the Spanish is much more like what is spoken in the New World and much easier for me to understand.<BR><BR>You simply have to accept that Spaniards are generally more reserved - even dour- than the typical instant-best-friend Americans, especially older people (40's and up). Some of this is just the inherent cluture, but I think some of this has to do with the fact that all older people in Spain lived for decades under a repressive fascist dictatorship where secret police could imprison or execute people for speaking their minds or opposing the government. Wouldn't that experience tend to make you a bit wary around strangers? Often if you deal with people in an appropriately formal way at first (not trying to be over-freindly), they will warm up to you after a while. Younger people tend to be more outgoing.<BR><BR>I know it's hard not to feel a bit intmidated when people around you are speaking in that difficult-to-understand but ultra-classy Castellano, but there's nothing that you can do about it so you may as well forget it. There's nothing to ashamed of. <BR><BR>

I remember being brought up short re. the friendliness of the Spanish when I lived in Madrid for six months. There seemed to be a severity about the people and an almost studied indifference to those people who are outsiders. I'd always been told that the Spanish were a warm people but my experience of it tells me this is a myth. I actually found the English and the French to be more genuine and responsive in the contact I had with them. Isabella, try www.madridman.com for contacts. Good Luck, I'm sure you realise now that you're not the only one to feel the way you do.

TTT for Isabella

Isabella,<BR>As any Ex-pat (as opposed to traveler) will tell you, there IS a cultural adjustment. You have your honeymoon, adventure period, then, the let down and finally acceptance. First, take the pressure off to integrate. That doesn't happen quickly. Just relax and mix witht he ex-pats in the area. Join the clubs, ie AWA, any ex-pat social organizations. Concentrate on acclimating yourself to living in a new environment. Eventually, you will meet Spaniards that have something in common with you and friendships can grow. It takes time.<BR>Regards,<BR>Jan

I hope you are still reading, Isabella, and getting the message that you are experiencing something fairly common, although I know that doesn't necessarily make it easier. <BR><BR>(And ignore those sophomoric jerks who think it a virtue to ridicule -- they have not the first clue about what they are talking about -- suspect they're writing from a reform school.)<BR><BR>You probably expected much more affinity with your background than you actually found -- much as English-speaking Americans are brought up short when they go to England/Scotland/Wales/Ireland expecting to be understood and also making a number of assumptions about how one makes friends, etc. <BR><BR>First, recognize that you are probably chronically exhausted from working so hard at getting used to the language. This colors everything else.<BR><BR>Second, like everyone else, I can only say that it WILL get better but it DOES take time.<BR><BR>Third, you have correctly figured out that Spaniards (or anyone in their own home territory) will not make an effort to reach out to you, that you (or any outsider in a new place) are going to have to make the effort. Even if you aren't fond of US culture, it's possible that the cultural/info section of the US embassy might have some suggestions for you -- they have had to bridge the cultures themselves.<BR><BR>Good luck.

I hope you are still reading, Isabella, and getting the message that you are experiencing something fairly common, although I know that doesn't necessarily make it easier. <BR><BR>(And ignore those sophomoric jerks who think it a virtue to ridicule -- they have not the first clue about what they are talking about -- suspect they're writing from a reform school.)<BR><BR>You probably expected much more affinity with your background than you actually found -- much as English-speaking Americans are brought up short when they go to England/Scotland/Wales/Ireland expecting to be understood and also making a number of assumptions about how one makes friends, etc. <BR><BR>First, recognize that you are probably chronically exhausted from working so hard at getting used to the language. This colors everything else.<BR><BR>Second, like everyone else, I can only say that it WILL get better but it DOES take time.<BR><BR>Third, you have correctly figured out that Spaniards (or anyone in their own home territory) will not make an effort to reach out to you, that you (or any outsider in a new place) are going to have to make the effort. Even if you aren't fond of US culture, it's possible that the cultural/info section of the US embassy might have some suggestions for you -- they have had to bridge the cultures themselves.<BR><BR>Good luck. And hang in there. Just hang in there.

Sorry for duplicate post.<BR>Sorry for duplicate post.<BR><BR>And do hang in there, Isabella.