Depends how is 'small talk' defined? I agree, I am never asked by friends, or their friends I meet (this is in Switzerland) "What do you do?" i.e., for work. I think that is a nice thing!

But we talk about movies, books, travel we've done, family, what you bought at the market, that kind of thing as a matter of course.

We small talk here in Boston, I'm always late for the dentist or somewhere because I'll encounter so many people, From What's up? to how are you doing. But I agree about Americans especially at cocktail parties asking you what do you do, and some women who will actually ask me how much I paid for my dress, My foreign friends would never ask anything personal until we had a cemented relationship.

Check out "Mulder"'s perfect riposte (said with a smile) to "eNtRopY"s complaint about the lack of European small talk during lunch or drink, on the forum at the website below...

http://www.physicsforums.com/showthr...?threadid=3818

Hi Andytrav.

The small talk in Italy and there is a lot of it going on is about stuff like, brace yourself, restroom visitation statistics for the day, what they ate that day for lunch, what they are going to eat later for dinner, how much their livers hurt after a large meal (they get that from the French or vice versa), always the weather... they are obsessed, Formula I & Ferrari, Soccer, Taxes, (they pay a tax for watching t.v. based on how many t.v.'s they have in the house, where they will go on their next vacation, Rafaella Carra's wardrobe, Pippo Bauro's girlfriends, Alba Peretti's boob jobs and someone named Meghan Gay.

I don't identify myself at all by what "I do" for a living, and I personally don't like talking about work when I'm on vacation or trying to explain what exactly I do. But I'm curious, why is it such a big deal to ask people what they do for a living?

lyb,
My guess is, that one just has to start somewhere.

After all, most people need to work for a living, so that's a good topic to continue the discussion, once you've exchanged name, where you live, etc.
Personally, I don't like to talk about what I do, when on holiday, just like you. Europeans hardly ever ask this to start with.

As most Europeans, I rarely ask anybody, what that person is doing for a living, and never ask about income or money.

In contrast, Americans never seem to small talk about politics.

Might this be an answer for Andytrav?

Phil,

I think we never small talk about politics because so often it gets too heated up. As much as we like to keep talking about our Democracy, Americans really don't handle very well talking about their differences. Not everyone, of course, has that problem, but so many. Plus also, I think that the thought is that Politics, like religion, is a very personal thing.

Funny, how different countries have different view on what is "private"

This is a bizarre question.

"Europeans" aren't socialised into anything. Europe's 40 or so nations share almost nothing, except proximity to each other. Unlike the US, where every citizen and aspirant citizen shares a language, a national myth, common media, common poltical institutions... I could go on.

The only generalisation that can possibly be true about Europeans is that people who make generalisations about Europeans are telling you more about themselves than about Europeans.

In any case my experience isn't at all that of the poster (and as a Brit I have the advantage that I'm fluent in the language of America, while none of us can be fluent in all of Europe's languages). New Yorkers - those who speak English - are exactly as prone (or not) to small talk as Londoners. Those who aren't fluent in English avoid any talk. So small talk is rarer in New York than in London because English is rarer (if you doubt this, compare getting a cab to JFK with getting a cab from Heathrow)

When American visitors come into my local pub, they're part of the conversation. This is absolutely not my experience of stopping off in US wayside eateries.

When I've spent time in parts of the US where English is universal (like Ohio or Utah), small talk is no more common than it is in non-tourist Liverpool or Milan. In fact, I'd say Milanese and Livepudlians interact far more with medium-term visitors than Ohians. But the Milanese sociability is only visible if you speak reasonable Italian.

It's preposterous for Andytrav to compare his experience of speaking his own language back home (to fellow native speakers) to speaking his language to people speaking a foreign language.

Good question.
Here's another German Fodorite answering.
I personally like small talk with travelling Andys and others but my husband is very unlikely to start talking to foreign tourists on his own.
How come? First of all my mother was a compulsive talker and secondly I might have gotten messed up during my year as an exchange student in the US...

Yes, Germans do small talk with their close environment but are also a people that's into protecting their privacy. (I do generalize.) Just think of all the garden fences, the curtains on every window and the ridiculous sandwalls some Germans build around their towel on the beach... One explanation might be that we lack the tradition of settlers on the Western frontier but have lived very close together for a long time.

I was brought up to believe that respect for others also means respect for their privacy. And being polite includes that I never call someone by his first name and say du (tu) instead of Sie (vous) until we've known each other for quite some time and the older one has offered to switch to the informal du. And it includes for sure that I don't ask very personal questions within the first couple of minutes (like: How much money do you make in your job?). And that I leave some physical space between me and the person I'm talking to.

But I also have to admit that since I moved to a big city I'm somewhat less willing to talk to strangers - at least as a female you learn that in a large number of people you also have a larger number of weird and possibly dangerous people. I guess like a lot of others I kind of screen people trying to involve me in a conversation as to why would they want to do that, what's their intention.
Tourists simply looking for some local flavor and a friendly chat of course are definitely inoffensive.
Funnily enough, being on vacation and in a different place myself makes me also more interested in talking to people I meet there. I guess it's like I want to experience ALL of the place/country, and therefore talk to someone living there.

So when looking for some small talk I'd suggest making eye contact and then start commenting about something you have in common, like you both just smiled about that child dropping its ice-cream... Or go from asking for help with your map, a translation or something else.
Very often (like my husband) Germans are afraid their English/French/whatever might not be sufficient, that they end up stuttering their way through the conversation or won't be understood at all. So complimenting about the language abilities sure will help cracking them open.

Kascha,
Just curious (Entschuldigung).
Is your first language German?
If so, you definitely are cracked open.

>"Europeans" aren't socialised into anything. <
Couldn't agree more. Lumping the Scots, Irish, French, Polish, Hungarians, Icelandic, English, Finns, Germans, Cypriots, Italians, Spanish, Portuguese, Maltese, Austrians, Belgians, Dutch, Greeks, etc. etc. all together under one general category is pretty daft. You may as well generalise about the whole world!

Wow, Cigalechanta! What neighborhood do you live in! I'll admit that Boston may not be that bad but it definitely is a reserved city! I am forever astonished after coming back from Montreal, Quebec City, anywhere in France, the Southern United States that you are greeted when you walk into a store. In fact its darn right rude not to say hello or bonjour! Most of the time this does not happen in Boston unless these are establishments that you constantly frequent. I do say hello!
Anyway, I once read an article in a British publication that a British businessman would prefer to sit next to a Japanese businessman on a flight. The assumption is that the Japanese national may not know much English and the Texan(this was the example) would engage you in a long winded converastion peppered with questions that nobody has a right to ask another! I thought that was interesting!

You don't ask a stranger what s/he does for living because it should have no importance. The person you talk to could be a brain surgeon or a carbage man, but the occupation should have no weight in communication.

What I meant is that if somebody asks me my occupation, I get a feeling that s/he does not care who I am, s/he just wants wants to label me and put me into a certain box.

I think the Brits invented small talk, didnt they? ... don't get me started on the weather!!.......

Giving this some thought, I think it could be a generation thing. Older people and coming down to my generation (30's) it is thought of as polite to make chit chat with others. But, now, with the younger ones, I don't think they 'can be bothered' to do it. Maybe its laziness. Dont know. ... and dont get me started on my thoughts on 'impoliteness in UK' either!!! Theres too much of it about IMO

Well I certainly agree that you can't lump Europeans together as there is so much variety in national characteristics.

As a Brit, I think we are very reserved and do not, as a rule, initiate conversation to strangers. I don't think it rudeness - just shy and the way people are brought up. If someone started chatting to me on a bus or tube, my first involuntary initial reaction would be concern that they were nutter.

Also we don't generally wear bright clothes, laugh too loud (unless drunk),not really tactile, complain in restaurants, like shedding our clothes in public etc.

It always amazes me that you go in a pub which is supposed to be a public space and everyone keeps to their own safety net of friends. Wouldn't it be great to go into a mythical bar like the one in Cheers and you could strike up a conversation.

I have found going to the US several times that people are friendly and will strike up conversation in lines and even cashiers will chat about vaguely interesting things besides the transaction. All very disconcerting but at the same time refreshing.

But I think if you do strike up a conversation with a stranger if you are in this country and don't mind their first reaction of alarm and you are not a knife wielding maniac - then most of us are pretty friendly underneath and may even relax and enjoy the conversation.

lyb queries,
>...why is it such a big deal to ask people what they do for a living?<

Many people find that to be personal information that a stanger needn't know.

"So, what do you do for a living"?
"I am a physician".
"Hey that's great. I've had this pain in my right arm for months. Could you look at it?".

lyb offers,
>I think we never small talk about politics because so often it gets too heated up.<

Quite so. I think Americans view politics much too personally, while Europeans think of it as an intellectual exercise.

It might be because they have parliaments with many parties, while we have, essentially, only two.

What a fascinating discussion! In Spain, a child is considered not properly reared if he cannot converse about a multiplicity of topics. This is known as "el arte de la conversación."(the art of conversation)That being said, when it comes to American-style small talk, many are reticent. The "shyness" comes, I believe, from doubts about language skills and lots of stereotypes gained from American films, etc. When I have proven my own language ability with native speakers, they have engaged in long, thoughtful conversations with me on varied topics, thus, showing me they were "raised properly" as described above.