Why aren't Europeans, who speak English, into small talk?

I currently live in Erie, Pa but soon will move to New Jersey. In my hometown "small talk" is a way of life. Everyone I know makes conversation with the mailman, the clerk at the grocery store, the next door neighbor and many other strangers we meet every day. My folks taught me to be friendly to and talk to others regardless of their age, background, or style. Am I planning a long term friendship with the clerk at the grocery store?, no, but enjoy our talks.

During my many travels to Europe I have enjoyed the scenery, culture and attractions, but rarely the people. Both my wife and myself have attempted to engage Europeans from a variety of countries in small talk and usually get a harsh frown or curt response.

Sure, some of the people we talk to are friendly, but rarely.

Is it cultural?

(I am sure I am going to get a number of replies from people who tell me that Europeans welcome real friendships, or they are wonderful once you get to know them, or that Americans who engage in small talk are shallow, etc.) That is not my question. I am interested in how Europeans were brought up to view small talk. Thanks.

My advice would be to carefully screen any answers you get to this post, i.e., make sure you're hearing from Europeans and not Americans.
Probably depends on how one defines the term "small talk"..I think a person is more likely to engage in it with someone other than a perfect stranger, both here and in Europe..but then again, I'm not a European so you can take my opinion for what it is worth.

Hm... don't agree with you at all, Andy.

I am very much into small talk, also in English. Last week, heading for a lake cruise on Lake Zurich, we met some wonderful folks from Cincinnati. We didn't stop small talk for over two hours. What really surprises me all the time, is the way, Americans present themselves: Hi, I am XY from XY. And you? Very straight, and then, they often start to tell you even what I would consider far beyond small talk.

It may, however, be the language barrier, even if you don't need to speak a language fluently for small talk. But still, some people may be hesisant.

And yes, we do small talk with the neighbours next doors (for sure), shop keepers, postmen, etc. Depends entirely on you, the neighbourhood, etc.

Small talk is also big on all sorts of events such as opening nights of art exhibits, etc. Speaking without saying anything, if that is what you mean.
I even consider small talk almost an 'art', especially when you don't want to reveal whatsoever for whatsoever reason.

We engaged in small talk with people from all over Europe on our recent trip to Italy, and they seemed to enjoy it.

Not sure, I get Intrepid's definition right. Sorry.
IMO, small talk is the perfect way to talk to perfect strangers, saying not too much, but still being polite.
A friend, however, might say, you're talking just nonsense here.

I'm very surprised, everywhere I've traveled in Europe -I'VE- been engaged in small talk by Europeans. Germans especially (one because I've travelled there most and two because I speak some German) loved to tell me about their travels and what I should see and do.

In Italy everyone was very friendly, too. (my stays in Vienna, Prague, Amsterdam, and Switzerland were too short for me to get a handle on the locals!)

I never noticed that Europeans reject small talk...In Europe, like it is here in the USA, there are a varieties of people, some are very friendly, some are not and others are more quite and are not easy to know.
Also Europeans are very conservatives and do not believe in instant friendship like the Americans do, even if they know a person for many years, they still address to each others as Mrs. or Mr soso.
Trust me, I am also European but now the USA is my home, and I see the difference in the way people relate to each others.

When I'm at home in the Dordogne I engage - and am engaged in - small talk as a matter of course every day, everything from neighbors stopping by to gossip to store clerks making remarks about the weather to market vendors asking what I plan to do with that filet of fish I've just purchased.

On my last trip to Paris, I can recall at least half a dozen instances when people started conversations with me - a waiter who when he saw I was dining alone sat me next to one of his friends who was also dining alone and both of them chatted with me from time to time during the meal. The newspaper vendor at the kiosk on the Place Ecole Militaire engaged in chit-chat with me every morning. A woman selling perfumes at an outdoor market began by remarking what a beautiful day it was, then asked where I was from and that launched a 10-minute conversation about the southwest of France.

I just have to disagree. In all my travels in countries all over Europe I've found the same to be true, except in places where the locals and I had no or minimal shared languages.

I think Brits don't do small talk well.

It's not snobbishness or anything, just reserve.

OTOH, since being here a lot, I LOOK for tourists to be helpful and it's not always easy. I think they think if you're helpful, you're nuts!!

Go to Ireland! The friendliest people in Europe without a doubt! You can't ask for the time without being engaged in a long yet pleasant conversation.
My native town, Boston, is not cht chatty at all! A shame really.

Hi Andy,

Perhaps you spent too much time in large cities.

I remember one time in Helsinki, I was engaged in conversation by two of the indigenous population for over an hour, despite the fact that their English was not much better than my Finnish (non-existent), and you know how reserved the Finns are.

In case you don't, Finnish joke.

Two friends are sharing a sauna. After an hour they take out beers and drink. One says, "This is good beer".

An hour later they take out some sausage. Same fellow says, "This is good sausage".

Other fellow says, "Are we here for a sauna, or are we here to talk"?

Like the Brits, the Belgians are not really into small talk, IMO. Probably most people will think of us as being standoffish. In my neighbourhood we don't do small talk with neighbours or the postman. Of course we greet eachother, but that's it.

Whew, I agree... Ireland has elevated the light conversation to an art form. Although, it can often evolve into a very topical 'debate' on those touchy subjects of politics and religion and things we don't dare touch in some other locales.

My German grandparents on the other hand were much more goal-oriented in their communications.

In my personal experience, people seem to want to talk to me. The vacationing Brits are great for lively talk, and they always linger.

I have two good Japanese female friends now for the past three years after talking with them all the way from Rome to Naples on the train.

All over Italy, the Italians have been warm, open, and ready to participate in a conversation: waiters, waitresses, maitre'd, hotel staff, concierege, office staff, store clerks, and so on.

No problems here in the U.S. or abroad making friends. Maybe that's it! I am truly interested in everyone I speak with - perhaps they recognize that fact.

Ditto.


(LOL)

My late mother-in-law, born and bred in the UK, would not have understood your question. She talked to everyone. If you were on a trip with her--no matter where in the world--you could always count on waiting on her. She was invariably chatting up someone! anyone! all the time! all the places! She lived and breathed small talk. We lived and breathed aggravation... Now that she's dead and gone, we have much softer memories. The people she met in her travels often became friends with whom she corresponded. One of her great joys was the silly little habit of counting her X-mas and birthday cards. She'd call us up and say "so-and-so sent me a card from X! remember when I met her at the train station! etc. etc.

So don't give up on the small talk--small talk while travelling makes our big world, well, smaller.

If you live in a small town, and are travelling in large cities, that might account for the difference. I've heard that people in large cities develop a "zone of privacy" to compensate for living in such crowded conditions -- hence no eye contact on subways. I know that this is true in American large cities as well.

I found a commonality among people in general. In my profession, I have to find ways to talk to people everyday, and have learned to look at what might ignite that spark to continue a conversation. One thing I found on Europe trips is even a tiny bit of familiarity helps. Visit the same cafe everyday for three days in a row. Be sure to say Bonjour, Bonsoir, Au revoir every day to the hotel clerk, then, ask a question, or thank them for something special. Ask if the speak English. Most say "just a little" but do quite well when they tried, and beam when you compliment on how good their English is or say, "how did you get such a good English accent when you are French, so whatever". I had the most wonderful conversation in Italian (which I knew very little of) to a man that I told looked just liked my uncle.

What the Americans call "small talk", is not always considered the same in, especially Sweden. Often the Americans jump right into asking"what do you do for a living?" That is a bit personal and always takes me back a bit.
Louise

Re: 'Often the Americans jump right into asking "what do you do for a living?"'

Not surprising to me at all as, in my experience, that question is usually one of the first questions asked by my fellow Americans, usually in the shortened form "what do you do?", with the curious implication being that what one "does" is work.