It's a secret eks.

But a close reader of these pages might find a clue - or two.
Wait till the trip report[s]. All will unfold.

Right now I'm in travel mode. Dog is going home. What a long, strange trip it has been.

Going to be a bit nippy when you get back Doggie. Have a safe trip - assuming you actually do get on the plane or at least on the right one. Are you stopping over in Bangkok?

Those are big assumptions, Mary, but I think I'm homeward bound this time.

Nippy will be O.K. by me. For the last month I've been living in temperatures of over 40 degrees. A normal day was about 44. Maheshwar reached 47... which is all kinda impossible, really.

Today in Mumbai seems cool in comparison.

Yup, stopping in Kolkata tomorrow to watch the election coverage on the T.V. The big result. Not that I have the faintest idea who is who. Most of them look elderly, bloated and corrupt to me... but you can't judge a book by its cover. I'm sure those sweet guys handing out money to voters meant well. I've also learnt that a Ghandi is not necessarily a Ghandi... not that anybody seems to care about that. It's all just part of the confusion to me.

I've been puzzling over the predictions. 'Big win for Cong!' the headlines scream.

What is Cong? I thought.

Viet Cong? King Cong?

Ahhh... Cong - ress Party.

Doubtless the victors will be swaggering round the foyer of the Oberoi in Kolkata tomorrow night. It's probably too late to squeeze a few rupees out of them.

Do head home. You barely have time to tell us about this journey before you set off on the next. We have been patiently waiting for three months. As your great adventure ends, ours begins...

Dogster: While we await the unraveling of the cruise mystery, you need to hunker down and give some serious thought (I know you are capable of this at least for a few moments of the day, or night) to joining us on the Pandaw Irawaddy next March.

Yes, I guess I do have quite a lot to tell you, Marija.
And - quite a lot NOT to tell you.
But I'll probably tell you anyway. I'll just use code.

The only reason I'm pulling the plug now is because my leg still hurts. I'm wounded. I have to play doctors and nurses when I get home. Otherwise I'd stay here till the NEXT election.

As for next March, eks: it's impossible to think that far ahead. I might be dead.

Although if the warring tribals of Gujarat, the Udaipur mafia, the hejiras of Kolkata, the Jimmies of Mumbai, 659 brain-dead cruise passengers and the Majestic Dining Hall in Colaba couldn't kill me - nothing can.

I haven't even been ill, apart from a brief dose of the trots after a wayward vol au vent in Delhi. There wasn't a rabid dog in sight... except in the mirror. I shook hands with a hundred thousand people and didn't get leprosy, encephalitis, swine flu or syphilus and, you'll all be glad to know, my bowels remain intact.

The greatest problem, by far, over the last four weeks has been THE HEAT WAVE. Oh, and my own stupidity - but that goes without saying.

Though let's not relax till the fat lady sings , Marija. Dogster often wavers in the gap between intention and execution. There is still the possibility of sabotage in Bangkok.

And that gap between intention and execution can be the perfect space in which to spin some tales...hint, hint.

While roads are paved with good intention, one wonders whether they lead to an exection.

gpanda.. what's an exection?

It's an execution without you. What else?

i thought the panda was perfect and never made mistakes?

Dogster- We need you back here more often. The place is getting overrun with Thai sexpats boasting the familial qualities of hooker ghettos.

So Dogster, how hot can it be and still sustain human life - LOL?

Oh dear, I mis-read. I thought gpanda said;

'While roads are paved with good intention, one wonders whether they lead to an erection.'

I've been puzzling over this all the way from Mumbai to Kolkata. I've been confused all day.

Mang: I have the distinct feeling that the 'Thai sexpats boasting the familial qualities of hooker ghettos' came in here entirely to torture YOU! lol. Revenge being a dish best savoured slowly, I note the continuing success of their plan.

Now Jaya: I think it's time to 'fess up. All day yesterday I watched election coverage on Indian T.V. 'Jaya demands concessions!' shouted the announcer. 'Jaya makes a deal with Cong!'

I'm amazed that, on such an important day for you and your Party, that you find time to visit us here in Fodor's. I'm sorry things didn't go well for you.

Me: I'm in the Oberoi in Kolkata after a perfectly easy Jet Airways flight, a decent mid-air chicken tikka and an interesting conversation with my neighbour.

The entire process took rather longer than expected, due to an over-enthusiastic front desk at the Hotel Apollo.

'Oh, sir,' he wiggled,'you'll have to leave VERY early. It's erection day! There'll be dancing in the streets!'

If it was an erection day for Dogster there'd be fireworks as well.

Alas, India's priapism was celebrated quietly. There was no dancing. There was barely any traffic, in Mumbai or Kolkata, to my eyes at least. There was just a really long, unnecessary wait at Mumbai airport while I had time to reflect upon my friend the front desk manager and my unique stupidity in believing him.

Dogster, you're chasing your tail:

dogster on Apr 26, 09 at 04:34 PM
I'm in Kolkata... of course. heh.

Heading slowly home.

Well I was.

And then I slipped in that gap between intention and execution and ended up in Maheshwar.

Thank you for pointing out the fact that I've been in a rather large circle. I was hoping no one would notice. What is worse - I've been around twice.

It's truly pathetic.

Dogster - LOL. I can haunt you even without being in India!

That must have been Jaya Bachchan (wife of the famous Amitabh) they were referring to 'cause she's in politics too - plus the Bachchans are tight with Sonia Gandhi and family.

Now that the elections are over the government can cut the power supply even further each day cause they don't have to kiss up to the voters! Poor people, now they can sweat even more in the peak of heat. Peace.

Jaya - you seem to have faded from my T.V. screen. Things obviously went worse than we thought.

In West Bengal the Communist/Leninist/Marxist/Stalinist/Hammer and Sickle Red Flag Party has been defeated after thirty years in power. I'm reliably informed [by my room service waiter] that Sunday will be a rest day - then tomorrow there will be rioting in the streets.

Which is a pisser - 'cos I won't be here to see it. One more sleep and I'm in Bangkok. Maybe they'll have a riot there, just for me.

dog
You'll just miss DS (bradinbangkok) in BKK. He is flying home on Tuesday. He will probably be at the Pickled Liver on soi 11 for at least part of the evening on Monday... in case you feel the need for some tasty garlic shrimp. IF you go there, talk to Maeng and see if Brad will be showing up before flying home. I'm sure he will be there sometime that night.

Have a safe trip. Rioting in the streets sounds scary!

Carol

I'd imagine I'll be lying low tomorrow night, Carol. I never attempt to do much on a travel day. I always count my travel time as hotel room to hotel room. By the time I've arrived in BKK I'll have already been going for 6/7 hours. That's enough for the Dog. I'm no glutton for punishment...

As for rioting; on my final day in Kolkata last trip I found myself in the middle of a battle about something or other. I ended up on my arse on the ground. I'm not scared of a few [hundred thousand] disgruntled Communists... ptooey...

Downtown Melbourne, where I live, is far scarier.

Ahhh, the internet clock has but two minutes remaining. How sad.

Mr. Dogster is Out of India.