If you were in Tokyo or Kyoto, were willing to spend whatever it takes for a once in a lifetime dining experience, but were not packing a coat and tie, where would you go?

It would have to be a kaiseki meal for me. There are quite a few very good kaiseki places in Tokyo as well as in Kyoto. I've had good kaiseki at Nadaman and another even better place in the ANA hotel premises in Tokyo (forget the name), but I don't think they were the absolute best. I'd suggest you look for the most recommended kaiseki restaurant. That sort of a dining experience can happen only after the cuisine has evolved to a very elevated sense of taste, presentation, pairings.

If you like steak, another option is Kobe steak which is very famous and is supposed to be very delicious. A friend of mine recommends a place called "New York" in Toky for Kobe steak. He says its expensive but worth it and if you like steak, it would qualify for your once in a lifetime meal.

If you opt for Kobe beef and are going to be in Kyoto, you might as well take the short trip to Kobe itself. It won't be a "once in a lifetime" experience because after you have it once, you will be back for more!

The answer might very well be a fine Kyoto ryokan, such as Hiiragiya.

You will be served an unbelieveable, unforgettable kaiseki meal in your own private room. There will be 8 or 10 courses, and each course is exquisitely prepared and presented. You'll get a menu at the start so that you'll know what is being served -- the menu is also a great keepsake.

The ryokan is especially well-suited to having a fantastic meal while dressed informally. If you're traveling solo, the ryokan also solves any awkwardness issues that a solo diner might feel in a top-end restaurant.

I read about all these great restaurants in Fodor's and Frommer's, and the vast majority state "coat and tie". Is this dress code that prevalent, and how strictly enforced is it? Also, I would be dining solo...as my wife and kids are back at the hotel. She knows how I idolize Japanese food, and is willing to take one for the team ;&gt

We had Kobe beef (both shabu-shabu and regular steak) at Seryna in Tokyo. Not the meal of a lifetime (that was El Bulli in Northern Spain), but it was the best beef we've ever had, and we've had Kobe in Japan before. There were people in jackets, but my husband wore a cashmere sweater and khakis. Would say the dress code is "casual chic".

We were the only westerners there. I did notice a few businessmen (in suits) dining solo, and I believe there is a teppanyaki w/Kobe (separate restaurant, same owner) on the floor below where you could sit at a counter.

Hiiragiya - 8-10 courses? oh no, it was 14 courses . we were just there for 1 night on our honeymoon ... $500/night in their smallest room, worth every peeny we were mighty happy!

they had to roll us out of the place the next day ... this was service you could not pay for in the states!

we had sushi at a place in tokyo out of the lonely planet guide - top end, we took the #2 top end place (the #1 was $300 per person, ours was only $120 )

very good - the shrimp jumpted off my plate and i screamed

Yes, dinners at Hiiragiya were just amazing. Ditto service.

We spent two nights at the Hiiragiya and took video of all the meals while we were there. Everytime I watch the video I still get hungry!

I second Seryna. I had been to the one in Roppongi only. Try the "stone steak", Kobe beef sliced thinly and cooked on an extremely hot rock (believe it is 800 degrees F) right on your table. Cold king crab-leg meat and other seafood are also available. Great food and cool dining experience. No dress code, "smart casual" will be fine. Its good to have an expense account.

Blowfish might also qualify as a "Once in a Lifetime" meal.

The Hiiragiya is wonderful for Kaiseki.For Kobe beef, we have eaten at Rangetsu in the Ginza area of Tokyo.Their sukiyaki, prepared at the table was out of this world.-very expensive, but worth every cent.Smart,casual clothes would be fine.