Is it appropriate for boyfriend/girlfriend in mid 20's to travel together?
Mar 7th, 2004, 01:55 PM
#1
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Is it appropriate for boyfriend/girlfriend in mid 20's to travel together?
Okay,I have been dating my boyfriend 3 years, I am 23 and he 28. We live separately. I still live with my parents, but they provide no $ support to me. My mother feels that it is inappropriate for us to travel together alone. We have traveled to New York and Chicago, but now that I want to go somewhere in the Caribbean, my Mom is saying she feels it is wrong for us to go on a trip like that before we are engaged/married.
What is your opinion????
What is your opinion????
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:01 PM
#2
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What would be the difference between domestic travel and caribbean travel?
Is this a big issue with you and your mother?
If you live with your parents, that is $$ support unless you split the bills evenly with your parents.
While your mother has reasons for the way she feels, I would hope this would not be reason to spur you into engagement so you can take a trip with your boyfriend.
I would sit down with your boyfriend and your mother and talk this out.
Is this a big issue with you and your mother?
If you live with your parents, that is $$ support unless you split the bills evenly with your parents.
While your mother has reasons for the way she feels, I would hope this would not be reason to spur you into engagement so you can take a trip with your boyfriend.
I would sit down with your boyfriend and your mother and talk this out.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:02 PM
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Surely you are kidding! Do you ask her where to go on your dates? Do you ask her permission to have sex? Are you really 23 years old and listening to your mother's advice on what is appropriate?
But another issue without getting into too much personal stuff. You say they don't provide support for you. But if you're still living with them, are you paying your share? The age old idea of "while you're living under my roof, you'll live by my rules" seems to apply here. Who's paying for this trip by the way? Is that part of the issue here?
But another issue without getting into too much personal stuff. You say they don't provide support for you. But if you're still living with them, are you paying your share? The age old idea of "while you're living under my roof, you'll live by my rules" seems to apply here. Who's paying for this trip by the way? Is that part of the issue here?
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:05 PM
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Use what magicians (and politicians) call misdiretion. Tell her you're thinking about moving in together and that you plan on going away. She'll likely have a really bad reaction.
Let her stew on it a few days. Then say you've decided to wait on the moving in part. Chances are she'll forget about the vacation.
Let her stew on it a few days. Then say you've decided to wait on the moving in part. Chances are she'll forget about the vacation.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:06 PM
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Okay, I asked for your opinion on whether or you feel it is appropriate for us to travel together, the issue is NOT whether by living under my parents roof equates to them giving me $ support.
Please respond to the question, thank you.
Please respond to the question, thank you.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:11 PM
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Now this is a REALLY strange post.
It's strange on its own, but it's even stranger given the fact that in other posts elsewhere jvrab12 indicates that she AND her mother AND her boyfriend are all going to Europe together this summer.
So it's OK to go to Europe together but not OK to go to the Caribbean together?
Come on.
Something's really odd here.
It's strange on its own, but it's even stranger given the fact that in other posts elsewhere jvrab12 indicates that she AND her mother AND her boyfriend are all going to Europe together this summer.
So it's OK to go to Europe together but not OK to go to the Caribbean together?
Come on.
Something's really odd here.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:14 PM
#11
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I moved back in with my parents for a few years after college and didn't leave until I was 25. In my case, there were several reasons, all of which were between my family and I.
GoTravel, in our country were so many people have lousy relationships with their families and far too many parents could care less about the well-being of their children, your comment really comes across as petty.
GoTravel, in our country were so many people have lousy relationships with their families and far too many parents could care less about the well-being of their children, your comment really comes across as petty.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:15 PM
#12
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jvrab12-
Looks like you have already made up your mind.
My question is: Why would you ask opinions from random people on the internet whom you've never met? Are our answers really going to sway you one way or the other? Also, the people registered on Fodors are generally closer to your mother's age, so don't be surprised if most people side with your mother.
Looks like you have already made up your mind.
My question is: Why would you ask opinions from random people on the internet whom you've never met? Are our answers really going to sway you one way or the other? Also, the people registered on Fodors are generally closer to your mother's age, so don't be surprised if most people side with your mother.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:17 PM
#13
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While I thought Ryan's answer was the most entertaining, my suggestion is that if you don't want to live by your parents rules, move out, support yourself and get your own apartment. That is the only legitimate way to remove their power over you. It may be financially tough in the beginning, but since you pointed out that you think you are making more money than GoTravel, you should be able to swing the $$$.
Whether others on this travel board think it is appropriate for you to travel unmarried with your boyfriend is not relevant. It is the opinion of your benefactors (in this case your parents) that matters. GoTravel was not being rude; that's a legit question.
Whether others on this travel board think it is appropriate for you to travel unmarried with your boyfriend is not relevant. It is the opinion of your benefactors (in this case your parents) that matters. GoTravel was not being rude; that's a legit question.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:30 PM
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As one grad school student to another, please refrain from statements like this, jvrab12:
"FYI-I am in grad school working full time and making probably more money than you are!! "
That statement is very childish and very petty. How much money you make isn't the issue nor is GoTravel's salary range.
I still don't understand why a Caribbean trip isn't okay but Chicago is.
"FYI-I am in grad school working full time and making probably more money than you are!! "
That statement is very childish and very petty. How much money you make isn't the issue nor is GoTravel's salary range.
I still don't understand why a Caribbean trip isn't okay but Chicago is.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:35 PM
#17
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Jvrab:
Most likely your mother does not want you to travel with your boyfriend because that implies you are having a sexual relationship. Especially such a destination as the Caribbean that is popular with honeymooners. She probably feels you are putting the cart before the horse. Why else could she consider it "inappropriate?" Therefore, when asking is it "appropriate," most people will interpret that as a general question regarding sex before marriage. And it seems a rather odd and personal thing to post. I really don't think it is something you can discuss with your Mom and boyfriend together, since your sex life is really none of Mom's business at your age, and you would really put boyfriend on the spot. But, you still live with Mom, and certainly seem to have respect for her feelings. So you are caught in bind, not wanting to disappoint boyfriend or Mom. I suspect that's why you decided to post. But it's really a decision only you can make for yourself, and that's just part of becoming independent.
In answer to your original question: Most people nowadays would not consider it "inappriate," or at least would consider it the norm in today's society. Mom's friends would probably raise their eyebrows.
Good luck with your decision.
Most likely your mother does not want you to travel with your boyfriend because that implies you are having a sexual relationship. Especially such a destination as the Caribbean that is popular with honeymooners. She probably feels you are putting the cart before the horse. Why else could she consider it "inappropriate?" Therefore, when asking is it "appropriate," most people will interpret that as a general question regarding sex before marriage. And it seems a rather odd and personal thing to post. I really don't think it is something you can discuss with your Mom and boyfriend together, since your sex life is really none of Mom's business at your age, and you would really put boyfriend on the spot. But, you still live with Mom, and certainly seem to have respect for her feelings. So you are caught in bind, not wanting to disappoint boyfriend or Mom. I suspect that's why you decided to post. But it's really a decision only you can make for yourself, and that's just part of becoming independent.
In answer to your original question: Most people nowadays would not consider it "inappriate," or at least would consider it the norm in today's society. Mom's friends would probably raise their eyebrows.
Good luck with your decision.
Mar 7th, 2004, 02:36 PM
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I'm w/Sam H. This is not a matter for fodorite's opinions. It is not about travel really, it is more about personal relationships btwn parents and their adult child. Go work it out w/them and yourself.
