10 Things American Tourists Do That Piss Off Europeans

We get it, America’s big and divided. Most Europeans know Los Angeles, New York, or Chicago, but anything outside world-famous cities or without a Real Housewives franchise is lost on us.

Tucson? Cincinnati? Savannah? Sorry. Don’t know and don’t care. When you ask someone from China where they’re from, they usually respond “China.” China is as big as it is with as many provinces, but you don’t have them arrogantly assume the entire world knows where Fujian is. So, unless prompted for specifics, stating that you’re from America will suffice.

If we ever saw someone in a nice restaurant wearing a “University of Edinburgh” jersey, or a baseball cap with the word “Bordeaux” emblazoned across it, we’d think they weren’t quite right in the head. That, or they had just been bestowed a hideous gift by a sensitive aunt, and she’s sat there with them. So, we cannot understand why on earth someone would, by choice, have the words “Texas” in CAPS all over their body. Did the tourism board pay them? Is their state that desperate to get its name out there? Whatever the reason, those outfits need to be burned.

Imagine if we came to their country and tried to pay in euros, yen, or dinars. They’d think we were out of our minds! It’s unbelievable how many Americans come to Europe expecting other countries to accept dollars. Perhaps they’re used to flashing their cash in the Caribbean islands, but this ain’t Puerto Rico. We’re not the home of Ricky Martin (swoon!), and American dollars are as useful as shoe umbrellas in Seattle. Put in the effort and go change money or pay by card like everyone else.

There’s something we Europeans do very skillfully, and that’s small talk. We carefully assess the situation, select the right moment to begin a conversation if one is even required, and swiftly exit before things get awkward. All parties are happy. It seems that Americans, on the other hand, prefer making small talk as excruciating as possible. They’ll do it when it’s absolutely not required, such as waiting in line for a train ticket, or grab a captive audience at the beginning of a boat ride, where the only escape is to jump overboard. Then, at the end, there’s the dreaded “we should keep in touch” scenario. Some just can’t deal with the reality that not every conversation leads to a lifelong friendship. Life ain’t a Hollywood movie.

Understandably, back home, my American friends and family are used to driving everywhere, where it’s often safer and more practical to roll around in a jumbo truck. But knowing that most European cities are built for walking, they still complain when a walk is longer than 30 minutes. Getting around in places like Barcelona, Copenhagen, Milan, Paris, and Munich is much easier on foot and public transport, so being on your feet all day is the norm for exploring. And no, we don’t have mobility scooters in department stores. If all Americans prepared themselves for walking, brought comfortable shoes, and stopped fretting over the weather, they might actually enjoy it.

In America, restaurants pay staff almost nothing, and it’s up to customers to pay their rent. Those who tip well, therefore, get better service, and those who don’t get treated like crap. What a system! Now, in Europe, we have something called employment laws, so get this: an employer’s responsible for paying their staff right. Crazy, right?

If you tip here, you don’t get the kind of VIP service you’d get in the States. You get treated the same as everyone else, because we’re all human. No royal treatment at a Pizza Express! In major cities, a small service charge is added and distributed evenly and anonymously, but in most towns, you might round up to the nearest euro or throw whatever change you have in your pocket. Chill out, big shot.

So instead of tipping, how about purchasing two of everything? That’ll stop the complaints about European portion sizes. American portion sizes are well known for being far more generous than the rest of the world, with extra-large and refill options standard across casual dining. In Europe, we prefer quality over quantity. How else do you explain France’s obsession with cheese and desserts in correlation to their svelte designer-draped figures? And as for beverages, if your morning brew is 20 ounces large, you don’t love coffee. You love sugar.

When visiting a new destination, responsible travelers prefer to support the community by buying local. However, many Americans choose to support American businesses instead, buying souvenirs from famous chain stores they love back home. Those chains cleverly place the local name on gifts deemed as “collectible,” such as Starbucks mugs, Disney tees, and Hard Rock Café shot glasses. All trash, and a strange way to souvenir your time in a place like Rome, where there are a multitude of incredible cultural keepsakes on offer.

Here are some hard facts Americans need to stomach: pizza comes from Naples, French fries come from Belgium, and Mexican food comes from, um, Mexico. Your state did not invent them, nor does it have the (self-proclaimed) “best in the world.” Therefore, they need to pay respect to the destinations that produce and specialize in those authentic dishes, and instead, celebrate America’s biggest and most famous culinary accomplishment: turning them into fast food! McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut have been clogging arteries for decades.

Congratulations ‘murica.

When Europeans travel abroad, we don’t harp on about our country half as much as Americans. Many Americans think the world is as obsessed with stars and stripes as they are, which is where the biased comparison keep on coming around, “The Asian food is better in Houston,” “The slopes are way better in Vermont,” and “It’s so much safer in NYC” (OK I made this up, even New Yorkers know that’s not true). Basically, some Americans just love America so much that nothing in Europe is good enough. My advice to them is to stop comparing, appreciate being abroad, or stay home. They barely get any PTO as it is.