Cathy

Had to throw my two cents in. My husband and I were never fortunate enough to have children and after 18 years of marriage, we are now more in love than ever before.

lisa

Had to throw my 2 cents in, especially after reading Nanci's response. Mine comes from a different perspective. I'm the adult (in my 30s) daughter of parents who had a truly miserable marriage. My two brothers and I would have gladly given anything if they would have separated and divorced rather than having stayed together for us. Their relationship was just awful to witness and really served as a "here's what NOT to do" role model for us, even though I know that at the time they thought they were doing what was best for the kids. They were wrong. We would have benefitted far more from seeing our parents separate but happy. To bring this back to travel, we took at least one family vacation every year, and while I'm glad they instilled in me a love of travel, those trips were painful in the extreme (all that togetherness in the classic family station wagon, parents not speaking for hours on end unless they had to). When I read Matt's original post it all came flooding back. I wouldn't presume to judge anyone else's situation or assume that all situations are the same, but the presumption that it's always nobler to stay together for the children than it is to separate really makes me feel sick to my stomach. My mother left my father almost immediately after my youngest brother graduated from high school, and it was a huge relief for everyone. I'm not saying there was no pain involved, but the pain of watching them together for over 30 years was much worse.

lisa

One more thought: Several people have mentioned that people get divorced too easily or don't work hard enough at staying married. That may be true, but I think the worse problem is that too many people GET married too easily. It seems like a lot of people out there get married for the wrong reasons -- they want a wedding, not a marriage. I don't mean this to sound like I'm anti-marriage, because I'm not at all, it's just that not only are there a lot of divorces out there, there are also a lot of bad marriages. Maybe the problem isn't that people jump out of marriage too quickly & easily, maybe it's that they jump INTO marriage too quickly & easily.

Me

My daughter is the ONLY reason I'm still in my loveless 22 year marriage. We barely tolerate each other, but adore our child. She is worth the sacrifice we make by staying together.

Lassie

We stay together because of the Dog!!!

Max'sMom

I have to agree with Lisa, people jump into marriage too quickly. I think people want to have a wedding with all the trimmings without much thought of the relationship. When I was in college, I was astounded at some coeds who were buying the china, getting pinned etc. It seemed like their goal was to find a suitable husband and get married. Hormones also play a big part to people jumping into marriage. They are seeing everything through rose colored glasses and not paying attention to their instincts or common sense that warns them this person is definitely too good to be true. You need to be friends with the other person, have shared values, goals and some common interest because once the can't keep your hands off each other stage fades, that is what sustains a relationship.

Marriage is a big commitment and hard work. Too often people bail out at the slightest hint of trouble and think it is easier to get a divorce than work out their problems. Couples stop communicating and really listening to each other which is a big reason for a lot of break ups.

To answer the original question, yes I would stay together. Throught the years we have become closer and are more attuned to each other. I married my best friend and he makes me laugh and smile!

Lee

After reading Lisa's response I wanted to cast a different light on things. I am the middle-aged and VERY happily married daughter of divorced parents. They stayed together 'til we were in our late teens, and probably for our sake. But, unlike Lisa's,our family vacations were the best part. My Dad was eternally restless and travelling made him much easier for all of us to deal with and brought out his best side. My parents clearly liked eachother better on the road!And we benefit from that,even today. We visited Scotland, England, all over the US and Canada as kids and it made us savvy travellers even as young parents. My advice: there's a lot to be said for staying together: give it just one more try and ,like the Roger and Hammerstein song says"when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well"

Bert

Seems this post is attracting many more XX chromosomes than XY....all the comments about people getting married just because they wanted to plan a wedding and all. I don't have a single male friend who was interested in planning a wedding. I wanted nothing to do with it all, personally. It was so obvious that my wife and her mom were totally absorbed by the process that my input was not needed (or probably wanted).
But I digress. To answer the original post's query, we stay married after many years because we are, at the very core of things, good friends with common world views. We've never had kids (not by choice) but by definition we aren't together because of kids.
The other thing that keeps us together is our religious beliefs. We try to practice traditional New Testament Christianity and hold our vows sacred. Even if we reached a complete stalemate in our relationship I couldn't envision getting a divorce. But that's not to condemn those who do, for their own reasons. Each relationship is different and even the NT defines a couple rational reasons for divorce.

a poster

We are a married couple who have CHOSEN not to have kids. We are extremely happy and committed to each other. Do that answer your question?

Noach

Take a look at today's 'Wizard of Id' comic strip for a funny look at marriage.

You can read the daily comics at http://philly.com/comics

Annie

I have a REALLY hard time believing that people 50+ years ago were more committed to marriage than people today. Maybe there weren't as many divorces, but there were just as many split up families--people just didn't get divorced as much because of the stigma attached.

These are the same people that will tell you there was no murder, child abuse, rape, incest, crooked politicians, hatred, etc. "back in the good old days". Please. Wake up.

All this said, I believe strongly in marriage, particularly my own, and have a hard time understanding people who don't try to make things work, or that jump into and out of marriages so quickly.

Jeanette

This is one of those topics that is immensely colored by your own personal birth family marriage and also (if you are older) by your own personal life experience within a marriage. I know there are some very good marriages, but in my life I'm seen very few. Usually there is some very strong personal compromise in one or both partners' growth. In a very strong and happy marriage both partners should be able to "grow" in wisdom, peace and appreciable happiness. I also know of one very sincerely "happy" marriage that has made two people fearful, weak individuals and co-dependent in neediness. I wish my parents would have split up- at least when we were all grown. Mine lasted 20 years and that was ten years longer than it should have. A couple of years ago, as I traveled and dined with a old gentleman friend, we would play a game of observation. Married or not? Then we would sometimes politely ask, if we could engage them in conversation. Very rarely were we wrong. The amount of
non-interest and non-talk between the individuals in many long marriages is sadly evident. Yes, a lot of people give up too soon now- but better than too late, in my opinion.

Vic

I was around 50 years ago, and I can tell you people absolutely, certainly, positively were more committed to marriage then. The "D" word (divorce) was a matter of great shame and separations without divorce were rare because they also carried the taint of divorced. A divorced man or, even more, a divorced woman were usually considered depraved unless everyone knew for a fact that their former spouse had committed adultery.

At the same time, men and women didn't expect to be each other's intimate best friend or the source of all happiness -- in fact, the "pursuit of happiness" wasn't a particularly popular idea (sounded a little self-indulgent and irresponsible). Husbands and wives might or might not have been the love of each other's life at the time they married, but once the honeymoon was history, they were more partners in the maintenance of the home and family. But it was a pleasant surprise if your husband or wife turned out to be a soulmate too. More often, women had women friends, men had men friends, and what happened at home was a matter of dumb luck -- good or bad.

But by god you stayed married, because that's what people did. A lot shouldn't have, but a lot stayed together and weathered tough going, sometimes coming out the other side to better times, sometimes not -- which set a much different example for their children than "Mommy and Daddy love each other but they just can't live together any more."