Would you allow your 15 year old to travel w/ his friend & no "adult accompaniment?"
Dec 14th, 2003, 06:14 PM
#21
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One of the things we have noticed that often non-custodial parents have a more difficult time providing the supervision than custodial parents do - most often because they just don't have the day-to-day experience dealing with teenagers and sometimes because of guilt or genuine desire to be the "good guy".
And while this is none of my business (although I guess it all becomes everyones business since you posted here) I find myself wondering what your relationship to all this is - any chance you are the significant other of the boy's mother? You seem a little too invested in the whole situation.
And while this is none of my business (although I guess it all becomes everyones business since you posted here) I find myself wondering what your relationship to all this is - any chance you are the significant other of the boy's mother? You seem a little too invested in the whole situation.
Dec 14th, 2003, 07:25 PM
#22
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The divorced parents have Joint Custody.Alternate weeks.There is no "non-custodial" issue here.
I am a friend of the parents of the 15 yr. old invitee. I shd. have said "my friends are grappling with..." and "My friends' 15 year old son..." in my original post instead of "my friend is grappling with" and "My friend's 15 year old son.." Sorry for the typo. I also goofed w/ "grappling"!!
Thanks again for all of your insightful replies.
I am a friend of the parents of the 15 yr. old invitee. I shd. have said "my friends are grappling with..." and "My friends' 15 year old son..." in my original post instead of "my friend is grappling with" and "My friend's 15 year old son.." Sorry for the typo. I also goofed w/ "grappling"!!
Thanks again for all of your insightful replies.
Dec 14th, 2003, 07:41 PM
#25
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Just for the record, you are allowed to accompany a minor to the gate, even post 9/11.
You have to go to the counter and get a special permission slip. They check your ID.
When you leave you are supposed to return the form to security, I suppose it is so no one can pick it up from the trash and reuse it.
They do recheck and compare your ID to the form at the security point.
But you CAN stay with the kid until they board is my point.
You have to go to the counter and get a special permission slip. They check your ID.
When you leave you are supposed to return the form to security, I suppose it is so no one can pick it up from the trash and reuse it.
They do recheck and compare your ID to the form at the security point.
But you CAN stay with the kid until they board is my point.
Dec 14th, 2003, 10:43 PM
#26
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Hello from the west coast, which is still awake, while you are sleeping. I don't see why your friends are even considering this. How could they be comfortable allowing a man whose values they don't share have responsibility for their child for 3 days? If they allow their son to go, they are placing their son in a position in which he may even feel his own values compromised. This has absolutely nothing to do with air travel.
I am the parent of two teens, and I understand the pressure the parents are experiencing. We all find ourselves having to set limits. Popular culture is way out there, and we have to stay grounded and not over-indulge our children. I am suprised to learn that my children actually appreciate me saying no, on occasion. They simply don't want to be the ones to do it.
I am the parent of two teens, and I understand the pressure the parents are experiencing. We all find ourselves having to set limits. Popular culture is way out there, and we have to stay grounded and not over-indulge our children. I am suprised to learn that my children actually appreciate me saying no, on occasion. They simply don't want to be the ones to do it.
Dec 15th, 2003, 04:14 AM
#27
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As a step parent, let me give you some insight to how 'dad' may actually be.
I think in this case even though dad may be a big partier, his time with his son is much more important than his social life. While there may be a few cocktails with dinner, doubt dad will be hitting the slopes all day, then out partying all night.
I say let him go.
I think in this case even though dad may be a big partier, his time with his son is much more important than his social life. While there may be a few cocktails with dinner, doubt dad will be hitting the slopes all day, then out partying all night.
I say let him go.
Dec 15th, 2003, 05:53 AM
#28
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As a parent I frequently asked my friends opinions. The best advice was usually backed up with solid reasons I had overlooked. Asking others' opinions can be a great learning experience!
1. Unless you are sure that the boys will be properly supervised at all times I would say no. I don't ski but I read the papers and every year someone skis off a trail, gets lost or worse. The supervising parent should have apermission letter in case he has to accompany your friend's son to the emergency room. Double check with their own doctor about this. When our son was a novice skier his much more experienced friends were encouraging him to go down expert trails with them.
2. You really have to know your child AND the other family before permission is granted. My son was 17 when I allowed him to travel by himself and sure enough the first plane didn't arrive in time to make his first connection. I was glad he was resourceful and called home so we could trace him. I was flabbergasted when he and his friend plus two other teens went on an overnight backpacking trip without adults but this was common practice where he visited.
3. Missing school really depends on the school's policy. Our school doesn't allow making up work if you have been on a vacation. OTH during certain times of the year and for certain students, making up 3 days of work is easy.
You really have to balance what could go wrong with allowing a child to take responsibility for themselves. It could be a tremendous learning experience and fun time.
1. Unless you are sure that the boys will be properly supervised at all times I would say no. I don't ski but I read the papers and every year someone skis off a trail, gets lost or worse. The supervising parent should have apermission letter in case he has to accompany your friend's son to the emergency room. Double check with their own doctor about this. When our son was a novice skier his much more experienced friends were encouraging him to go down expert trails with them.
2. You really have to know your child AND the other family before permission is granted. My son was 17 when I allowed him to travel by himself and sure enough the first plane didn't arrive in time to make his first connection. I was glad he was resourceful and called home so we could trace him. I was flabbergasted when he and his friend plus two other teens went on an overnight backpacking trip without adults but this was common practice where he visited.
3. Missing school really depends on the school's policy. Our school doesn't allow making up work if you have been on a vacation. OTH during certain times of the year and for certain students, making up 3 days of work is easy.
You really have to balance what could go wrong with allowing a child to take responsibility for themselves. It could be a tremendous learning experience and fun time.
Dec 15th, 2003, 06:06 AM
#29
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Good Morning! Thanks again for all of your insightful comments.
To 64club: By way of clarification, I am not the parent of the 15 year old who has been invited on this ski trip. I am friends with his parents!
The actual time they will be away is 5 days: Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. 3 full school days + the weekend.
To 64club: By way of clarification, I am not the parent of the 15 year old who has been invited on this ski trip. I am friends with his parents!
The actual time they will be away is 5 days: Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. 3 full school days + the weekend.
Dec 15th, 2003, 06:10 AM
#30
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I am intrigued by the reasons of not letting him go concerning the "what if" factor. In a year he will be old enough to drive a motor vehicle which is huge responsibility and he then has the power to cause harm to himself or others depending on his conduct behind the wheel. If you think you will always know what they are doing, you are kidding yourself, we all know what we did even though we may have been rasied by good parents.
And who knows where he will be going and with whom. What if he breaks down, what if he runs out of gas, what if he goes to a friend's house and they are drinking, what if his cell phone doesn't work and he is lost, what if he is driving in a car with irresponsible people, how will he deal with all of these decisions and situations on his own? I think it would be a great adventure and an opportunity to prove himself as responsible. And when he goes to college in a couple of years, how will he know how to take care of himself on his own ? I just think you learn by doing and it may give you a good perspective on his character and he may surprise you. Just my opinion.
And who knows where he will be going and with whom. What if he breaks down, what if he runs out of gas, what if he goes to a friend's house and they are drinking, what if his cell phone doesn't work and he is lost, what if he is driving in a car with irresponsible people, how will he deal with all of these decisions and situations on his own? I think it would be a great adventure and an opportunity to prove himself as responsible. And when he goes to college in a couple of years, how will he know how to take care of himself on his own ? I just think you learn by doing and it may give you a good perspective on his character and he may surprise you. Just my opinion.
Dec 15th, 2003, 07:15 AM
#31
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Wow wrote above: "He's a 38 year old, single guy who loves to party!! He will no doubt "give the boys a taste of adulthood"!!! It is likely that the Dad will have "some woman" sleep over. There will a fair amount of drinking going on. "
IMHO, this guy sounds immature. There is no way on earth I would let my kid stay with someone that drinks, womanizes etc. for a week. As to the comment above from a step parent who doesn't think the guy will drink in front of the kids, don't bet on it. There are plenty of single fathers who act like their kids' buddy instead of being a father. If the guy has a history of partying in front of his kid he isn't going to change.
Furthermore, why are you asking a bunch of strangers for advice on a kid that isn't even yours?
IMHO, this guy sounds immature. There is no way on earth I would let my kid stay with someone that drinks, womanizes etc. for a week. As to the comment above from a step parent who doesn't think the guy will drink in front of the kids, don't bet on it. There are plenty of single fathers who act like their kids' buddy instead of being a father. If the guy has a history of partying in front of his kid he isn't going to change.
Furthermore, why are you asking a bunch of strangers for advice on a kid that isn't even yours?
Dec 15th, 2003, 05:16 PM
#32
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After discussing this w/ their son, the parents have decided that their 15 year old will not be going on this trip. They read all of your replies & want to thank you for your comments. The son had some concerns similar to those raised here. He is "ok" w/ the decision.
Dec 16th, 2003, 04:20 AM
#34
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Wow, thanks for reporting back.
To Wednesday, considering the 'what ifs' is exactly what parents are supposed to do. At the same time, you also prepare your child to handle the what ifs. Each situation has to be judged and your child has to learn the same techniques for evaluating a situation. BTW by age 18 our son could do major car repairs, was learning welding skills and riding around in a tank. We were cautious but we still raised a tough, adventurous kid.
To Wednesday, considering the 'what ifs' is exactly what parents are supposed to do. At the same time, you also prepare your child to handle the what ifs. Each situation has to be judged and your child has to learn the same techniques for evaluating a situation. BTW by age 18 our son could do major car repairs, was learning welding skills and riding around in a tank. We were cautious but we still raised a tough, adventurous kid.
Dec 16th, 2003, 12:59 PM
#35
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I'd let mine go as long as I trusted the man he who would be responsible for him. (I don't think I'd trust this guy.) My son would need good grades, and to have talked to teachers in advance, for permission to miss school. The 4 hour direct flight is no problem. My kids were doing that at a much earlier age. (Now, whenever we have connections at airports, I have them look everything up and lead us to the next gate, just for practice.) When they fly alone, we go through a lot of what-if situations, and I leave my cell phone on the whole time they're gone.
Dec 16th, 2003, 04:57 PM
#36
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Just caught this interesting thread. My initial reaction was, my 15-year old son would probably not want to go, and I definitely would not encourage it, given the situation as you described it. It's cool you and your son reached the same conclusion.
Dec 17th, 2003, 06:21 AM
#37
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I personally don't think it is a problem letting a 15-year old fly on a direct flight. If the teen can't handle that then you have more problems than this trip.
However, I do take issue with the missing school. School is very important and you shouldn't miss it for unnecessary reasons. A relative's funeral, visiting someone in an out-of-state hospital are reasons to miss. A ski trip with someone else's parent and a rock concert are unacceptable. You are sending the wrong message to the teen. Want to do something more fun then blow off school. Being a parent means that you have to make decisions that will affect your child's future. If you give the impression that school is something to be missed what kind of message are you sending? Sometimes these decisions won't make you popular. Your job is to parent, not to be popular.
However, I do take issue with the missing school. School is very important and you shouldn't miss it for unnecessary reasons. A relative's funeral, visiting someone in an out-of-state hospital are reasons to miss. A ski trip with someone else's parent and a rock concert are unacceptable. You are sending the wrong message to the teen. Want to do something more fun then blow off school. Being a parent means that you have to make decisions that will affect your child's future. If you give the impression that school is something to be missed what kind of message are you sending? Sometimes these decisions won't make you popular. Your job is to parent, not to be popular.
Dec 17th, 2003, 07:04 AM
#38
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wow..thanks for letting us know the decision.
kkj..i'm agree with you 100% on the school issue. that's why spring, christmas and summer breaks are for..vacations. no wonder compared to other countries, we're never no.1 when it comes to student ratings.
kkj..i'm agree with you 100% on the school issue. that's why spring, christmas and summer breaks are for..vacations. no wonder compared to other countries, we're never no.1 when it comes to student ratings.
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