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Would you allow your 15 year old to travel w/ his friend & no "adult accompaniment?"

Would you allow your 15 year old to travel w/ his friend & no "adult accompaniment?"

Old Dec 14th, 2003, 12:18 PM
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wow
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Would you allow your 15 year old to travel w/ his friend & no "adult accompaniment?"

This is a question my friend is grapplong with & I am hoping Fodorites may be able to help!
My friend's 15 year old son has been invited to ski in Colorado for 4 days w/ their son's friend & his father. The boys wld be meeting the father there. This means that they wld have to miss 3 days of school & fly alone (a 4 hour direct flight from their home city) to meet the Dad. The Dad is flying there the pevious weekend.
My friend is nervous about allowing her son to do this. What do you think?
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 12:29 PM
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The flying part doesn't bother me. I think they would be okay since it is a direct flight and the father is meeting them at the other end. As far as missing school......they should tell the school ahead of time that they will be away. The boys should be responsible for catching up on any work they missed while away and should write any tests missed etc. on their own time. They should not miss an exam for a vacation ever.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 12:31 PM
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I don't have kids but if I did......it would depend on how well my son was doing in school. The missing 3 days of school would be more of an issue for me than the flying alone for 4 hours. If the boy can handle missing school and making up the missed work (thereby assuming he is a pretty responsible non-troubled teen) then I'd let him go.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 12:33 PM
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Being a teacher, missing 3 days of school for skiing bothers me more than flying without an adult. But since it would be a direct flight with the friend's father meeting the flight I assume, I don't see a problem. Of course some very definite ground rules would have to be established before the trip. Also, how much flying have the 15 year olds done before this?
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 01:00 PM
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I think it would an excellent opportunity for them to get out there and prove their responsibility. After all they are at the age where they will be able to drive soon and be exposed to more and more things. I think it is normal, however I have flown alone since I was a child between parents. I agree that he should be doing well to "earn" the privilege of being able to go. Sounds like a great opportunity and a fun trip !
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 01:16 PM
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My children, ages 14 and 12, flew alone to meet their dad for a skiing trip.
They had to change plans in Denver too. For a fee, the airlines will watch over them and assure they meet the dad at their final destinatiion. This may not be necessary since it is a direct flight and you know the dad is already there. I sent my sons with a cell phone and they called me several times during their travel. Missing school is another issue and only you can decide if that is appropriate.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 01:25 PM
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Along the same lines, I was trying to decide whether my high school son, who is a B-C student, should miss two days of school so we could drive out of state to see our favorite rock band (which we have never seen perform).
For other reasons, we didn't end up going. In this case, what do you think of him missing school for that?
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 01:27 PM
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will the airport/airline allow the parent to drop the 15-year-old at the gate? Since 9/11, quite a few airports won't let you go to the gates if you don't have a ticket. if not, i wouldn't do it because i wouldn't be comfortable with my son being on his own getting to the gate...even with an airline employee taking him there.
i personally wouldn't send the message to my son that it's ok to miss school for a vacation (i can just see my mom laughing from above at how strict a parent i now am!).
again, all personal opinions as you asked.
 
Old Dec 14th, 2003, 01:45 PM
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People seem to approach this question as if all 15 year olds are alike.

The best answer to this question would require knowledge of the individuals involved. Some 15 year olds are very mature and responsible beyond their years, while some would simply not be able to handle the kind of freedom being discussed. Doing well in school or not?
How about the father? Is he going to treat the kids as buddies and 'give them a taste of adulthood', is he trustworthy himself?

There is so little necessary information here that all the speculation is pointless.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:00 PM
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Three days of school is nothing. figure out the percentage -- assuming anyone can do math this hard.

The advernture, the learning exxperience, the general fun of the whole thing will do a lot more toward educating the boys than three more days in some school with pretty much the same thing being taought this week that was taought last week which will be taught next week.

I'm astounded at the great fear this boy will be lefty ignorant and babbling because he misses 15 hours in front of a couple of teachers.

If some kid has the flyu and misses three days, lying in bed sniffling and trembling, does it mess up his entire future? No?

Then how come school's such a big deal if the alternative is a geography lesson, a bunch of math lessons, some physics lessons, some civics or whatever you call it lessons, political science lessons, and, perhaps most importantly, lessons in self reliance.

If the kid comes from Hicksville, it might be handy to go over with him in great detail how taking a plane trip works. if he's from some decent sized city and can ride on the NY subway (or Washington, etc.) by himself, he'll be fine.

On the other hand, what happens if he's forbidden to go? Firs,t he'll learn his parents think he's a baby and his friend wil think he's a weenie.

And someone had better tell the principal and all the teachers what the kid is missing, so that the calsses actually are important and well taought and full of life-assisting knowledge. Or would it just be the same old same old> "I missed a great trip for this?" says non-skier.

BAK

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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:11 PM
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If it's the same stuff being taught over and over again then why doesn't it sink in?!?!? Most kids are generally dopey based on the data from the "No Student Left Behind" failure rates. If your kid's an "A" student then send him/her on the trip. If not, keep that kid in school. There's plenty of school vacation to accomodate skiing.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:16 PM
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"wow", what exactly are your friend's concerns about -- missing school. flying alone, or something about the friend's dad?

If your friend has any misgivings at all about the friend's dad -- his sense of responsibility, whatever -- then don't let the kid go.

I wouldn't worry about two teens flying together on a 4-hour flight -- plenty of kids, including my own, have accomplished the same alone, at younger ages. I was able to get a special pass to escort my 17-year-old to the gate this spring, but this might depend on the airline.

I do have mixed feelings about missing school. How are his grades and attitude? Is the ski trip really a special opportunity?
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:40 PM
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I'll let others duke out the missing school thing, but as far as two 15-year olds flying alone, I'd just be concerned about a couple things. First, I agree with the person above that no one can really know without knowing the experience and maturity of these kids. A direct flight isn't a nonstop flight (although some use that term to mean that). If it's a nonstop flight, that would be better. If there is any intermediate stop, of course, problems can happen. The second flight segment could be delayed or even cancelled; they could get off, wander around and miss the flight, etc. So, I just think they have to be equipped with phone numbers, instructions of what to do and whom to call in case of problems, etc. If they've never flown before, or not much, I would be especially worried as even adults can mess things up when there are any glitches in the system.

I think sometimes people forget what it's like to be young because things seem to easy when you are an adult. My folks put me and my sister on a train by ourselves to visit an aunt which had no intermediate stops when we were about 12-14. I know that's a little younger, but even on that trip, things went wrong -- my aunt did not arrive on time because she got the train station wrong and went to a different place. This was pre-cell phone, etc., so we got off the train in this town by ourself and literally did not know what to do and were rather scared when my aunt wasn't there. As I said, I'm sure this seemed foolproof to my parents and aunt, but it wasn't and I'm not sure we were prepared enough by our parents for contingencies. Things worked out okay because we just stayed there and she eventually showed up, but instructions should be given for those cases. I know that kids sometimes creatively start doing things when problems arise because it seems to make sense at the time, but I just think they need to be given firm instructions as to what to do or whom to call in case of any delays, the father not being there upon arrival, etc.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:40 PM
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Thanks for all of your replies! To give you a bit more info about the individuals involved: My friend's son is an experienced traveller & has flown at least 3 or 4 times a year since he was an infant. Always with his parents. His friend is at the other end of the spectrum! I don't think he has ever flown anywhere with anybody. But his parents, who are divorced, are ok with this. Now, the fact that his parents are divorced is significant b/c in this particular case the Dad has "a lot of freedom" and he exercises that freedom on a fairly consistent basis! Ok, let's be blunt here: He's a 38 year old, single guy who loves to party!! He will no doubt "give the boys a taste of adulthood"!!! It is likely that the Dad will have "some woman" sleep over. There will a fair amount of drinking going on.
My son's friend is an A+ student.
BAK's comment that if his parents refuse to allow him to go, he will feel that his parents think he's a baby & his friends will think he's a...what did you call him??...a "weenie" are interesting &
indicate why my friend is having such a hard time deciding what to do here! BTW, they have to let the son's Dad know by tomorrow!
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:43 PM
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The flight is non-stop.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 02:49 PM
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Given what you've just told us about the Dad, there's no way at all I would let my son go on this trip. (I actually have a son who just turned 16!) IMHO, the possibility that son would be called a "weenie" if I didn't let him go just would not be a factor.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 03:08 PM
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I work partime for a major airline...when parents want to book a flight for their child age 15 I offer the Unaccompanied Minor service for a fee and at least 95% of the parents decline to pay the fee. I generally hear the same line: My child is an experience travler, my child has flown on airplanes since birth, my child is a straight A student and he/she has a cell phone, their own credit card, and I quote from the parents ( my child is more responsible than most adults). So I document in the record that the parents declined the service. I often tell parents that if they put their child on a non-stop flight (not direct), they should at least have whom-ever is taking the child to airport stay their to ensure that the plane takes off. Also what is the child suppose to do if the plane is diverted to another airport because of weather? Will a hotel accept a credit card from a 15 or 16 yr old child and allow he or she to spend the night? Where will your child sleep at the airport? I can't tell you how many frantic phone calls I get from parents who decline the Unacommpanied minor service and then is worried sick about their child now expecting the airline to find their child in the airport and take care of them (I've had cases where the child went for a coke and missed his connecting flight, showed up at the wrong gate and Uncle Tim was unable to meet the child at the airport as planned and the child is not answering the cell phone.

I would NOT send my child without an adult no matter how grown up they appear.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 03:11 PM
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With that new information on the father, I wouldn't let him go either. He sounds irresponsible like my ex-husband, having women over, partying, etc., not a good role model.
JUST SAY NO!
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 03:45 PM
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wow, could some of this information you provided about the parties be slightly biased? I'm just wondering why you didn't provide this information in your opening statement.

All that I can say is that I would hope a parent would exercise proper judgment when their children and their children's friends are with them. Conversely, hopefully the children have been brought up with enough values that they can make some decisions for themselves when faced with getting a "taste of adulthood".

Lastly, I would be concerned about accepting advice from strangers. Your friends should be making this decision based on their first hand experiences with the chaperone.
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Old Dec 14th, 2003, 06:01 PM
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So if I understand correctly, your friend's son is a smart & reliable kid who will travel with a airplane neophyte and is invited to stay with an irresponsible adult. And your friend is grappling with the notion that others might think her son is weenie if he can't go.

Hmmm.

Strangers on a travel forum seem to have more insight than your friend.
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