A question on the Europe forum reminded me of something that can seem quite variable across the US -- what constitutes "dinner" and when is it served?

We had been living in Roch. NY and got used to the dinner "hour" being pretty much between 5 and 6:30pm. We got to Washington DC and, having little money to entertain, invited some new friends over for 8:00 pm, thinking the time would indicate dessert and coffee. Of course, they arrived without having had dinner, and we were embarrassed to have nothing other than omelets to offer them. (And a pretty fancy dessert). We felt like such hicks, but then we moved back to Chicago, where dinner seemed early again.

Not only that, in a lot of places (esp. midwest) it seems that dinner might very well be a midday meal, especially on Sunday.

So if I'm visiting your town, when is dinner? When is crunch-time at the restaurants? When is dinner over and dessert and coffee begun?

I was born and raised on a southern farm. Since we arose about 4:30 breakfast was was about 5:30 dinner was at 12:00 and supper was around dusk. I have been from the right coast to the left coast and inbetween many times and as you say the variables are extreem. On the left coast, primarily Calif. and Oregon, seems people want to drink until 8 or 9 and then have dinner. Since I don't drink I like to have "supper" bout 7. I try to understand everyone"s quirks then do what I want to do and hope they understand mine. Doesn't work all the time but what the hey.

Dinner is whenever the food bowl gets re-filled.

Restaurant rush hour is 7:30-8:30 in the last 3 towns we've lived--Dallas, Savannah, and Tampa.

As my husband was growing up his family ate by 5:30 (deep south), mine at 6 sharp (New England). We are lucky if our dinner is ready by 8. It all depends on work hours and dh usually doesn't get in until around 7:30.

Hobie Cat, like Felix, above, is happy whenever her bowl gets filled. Science Diet, day after day after day. Yum Life is good in the slow lane. gt;

Dinner in Boston was 6 (supper at 5) except on Sunday, when dinner was at noon. When I visited my inlaws in a farm town in the midwest, my mother-in-law would always put dinner on the table at 5 pm. BUT once we lost her, I discovered that my inlaws have their own clock when left to themselves. They always STARTED dinner at about the same time -- 4 pm, but when it was ready depended entirely on how complicated it was. One Christmas dinner wasn't ready until 11:30pm and they were all so tired that we just packed it up and ate it the next day -- I swear I'm not making this up. When they visit me and I'm the main cook, they make a point of noting that "she always wants us front and center, you know, you can set the clock by her" and so on, even if I allow for lots of pre-dinner dawdling and just shoot for somewhere between 6 and 8 pm. Beware of mixed marriages.

Restaurant crunch in NYC is about 7:30-9:30; before 7 they are pretty empty, except in the theater district, where the pre-theater crush is 6-7:30 and the post-theater crush starts around 10. I wouldn't invite someone over for dessrt and coffee until 9, and I'd make sure it was clear that's what I was serving...

When I was growing up in California, dinner for us was around 7 or 7:30. No way my working parents could do it earlier, but that's the time they liked, anyway.

Carlisle, I feel your pain, as I was on the opposite side of the table once when such a thing happened. We arrived at 8:15 for an 8:00 invitation. We thought we were right on time for dinner. Well, it was cocktails, and no one else showed up for about 30 minutes. So we were starved and early. Pretty awful for everyone. Now I make perfectly clear whether we're talking dinner or something else. And I also pointedly ask whether the invitation includes kids, after having gotten that one wrong also.

Interesting question. Dinner for me in the Boston area, and judging from the crowds at restaurants a pretty common one, is 7:30- 9:30 pm. To me eating at 7:30 feels early.

For what its worth, I've noticed that major urban areas on the east and west coasts tend to eat dinner much later than the middle of the country. It used to drive me nuts in Denver how hard it was to get dinner after 9. Options decreased drastically.

For what its worth, last night I had dinner with some friends - 3 couples sat down to dinner at 10:30 pm. Finished at 12.

North Central Pennsylvania:

Growing up my husbands family ate dinner at noon and supper at 5:30pm

My family ate lunch at noon and dinner at 6 pm. Except Sundays: dinner at noon.

Present day: Dinner is between 7 - 8:30 and often (3 times or more)at local restaurants.

P.S. In PA the Pennsylvania Dutch still call a lunchbox a "dinner Pail"

The dinner hour has been pushed up quite a bit because in most urban areas, and heavy suburbs women work. It's impossible to have dinnher on the table before 7:00-7:30. Cindi - if the invitation doesn't have the kids name on it you can assume they are not invited. I run accross this alot with some of my friends, and this does seem to be a problem from time to time. Doesn't anyone hire a babysitter any more for some adult time and conversation?

Dee: I appreciate your comment to Cindy about children being included or not included. I almost reponded to Cindy because it struck a nerve with me as I am planning my niece's wedding (her parents are deceased), and I am appalled at the number of people who have included their children's names on the response card when in fact the children were not invited, not to mention the rude people who have said to the bride and groom "Can I come to your wedding?" or the people who just haven't responded at all! I guess this relates to recent postings about rambo parenting and ill-behaved children, etc.

Geez, I'd better defend myself pretty quick here before I get another old-fashioned Fodor's whipping.

On that dinner debacle I mentioned, here's what happened. The hostess, (neighbor with one toddler who plays with my kids) said, "Hey, can you guys come to dinner this Saturday?" We said sure, and I didn't think to clarify what was meant by "you guys." In my experience, when one family with kids verbally invites another family with kids, everyone comes. When it is to be adults only, the hostess issues the verbal invitation with something like "Can you get a sitter" or "We're looking forward to an adults-only evening so we can talk." As it turned out, the hostess planned to have her own toddler there, but everyone else was expected to get a sitter for their kids.

It was pretty awful all around. We were greeted at the door with "Oh my God. You brought the kids." We apologized and offered to turn around and go back across the street, and she said "No, No." All night long we heard, "Oh goodness. I don't think I'm going to have enough food. What can I feed your kids? Oh my."

Obviously, the rules are different for written invitation, and confusion is much less likely. People who intentionally crash weddings with their uninvited kids are just clods.

Hi Cindy,

Just for the record, I am shocked that your freind would greet you in such a manner! The fact that you were reminded of it all night and asked what to feed the children is even worse! This woman has no class whatsoever.

No matter what she had intended it is her responsibility to be a gracious hostess and ignore any oversight of a guest. In fact as your hostess, she should have went the extra mile of making you feel good about bringing your children.

Don't get me wrong, I love to go somewhere "adult" with my husband on occasion, but there is no excuse for rudeness.

Growing up in a southeastern Wisconsin city, we usually had supper at about 5:30pm. My Dad usually got home from work shortly before that time, & normally had school board meetings about 3 times per week, & 5:30 was the time that best fit the schedules. Since I grew up with that, that is similar to the schedule we use know.
We live in a Chicago suburb. I start work at 6:30 am - 7am, & get home about 3:30pm - 4pm.& then with the kids extracuricular things in the evenings, especially during hockey season, I nned to get them feed early enough to get moving. So I cook when I get home, & eat between 5pm-5:30pm, sometimes earlier, if hockey practice is at 6pm. My wife usually gets home from work about 7pm, & I usually have a plate of dinner ready for her. When we go out for dinner, as a family, it is usually about 5:30pm, to beat the crowds that start around 6:30pm-7pm, which is the time we go out for supper when it is just the wife & myself.

Wow Cindi, how incredibly rude. Their toddler should have been in bed or at least on their way, and they never should have made you feel that way. I am always amazed at how the lines on this issue have crossed in recent years. I can see how you would have thought your kids were invited. I know for myself with my friends, I only invite the adults. Sometimes my friends will ask can their kids come, and depending on the time of day or what I have planned, I will say yes. If we have a BBQ on the weekends early I will let them bring their kids, but anything at night, I don't want their kids around. To me nighttime is for adults, plain and simple. If you have a toddler they should be in bed by 7:30-8:00 anyway. I agree with you Charlotte, this topic can spark like many of the others concerning kids.

My grandparents in Michigan were dairy farmers and "dinner" was the noon meal; supper was around 5.

In my family growing up in suburban Michigan, dinner was the evening meal, around 5:30-6. Sundays and holidays though, "dinner" was generally midafternoon maybe around 2pm, largely a function of church attendance and cooking time thereafter.

Now, living in the city, in Washington DC, dinner is anywhere from 7pm to 10pm. Actually, before 7:30 pm is rare. Average for me is probably 9-9:30 pm.

Just a thought after reading all these posts. How do the Sunday dinner at noon folks deal with the Sunday Brunch crowd? Do people really eat Sunday Dinners at noon anymore? Just wondering.

Dinner in my family was always at 6pm, but mom didn't work. Dinner for us is whenever I get home and get to it, but usually between 6 and 7, and usually it's not "cooked" like in my childhood. It's more likely microwaved from the freezer (not commercial, but pre-prepared from the Farmer's market).Who has time/energy to come home and cook these days?