petitepois

As someone from the opposite end of the spectrum (the son's) let me say: take the trip! Scarlett - your words are so wise. No child wants to feel that her parents are twiddling their thumbs, despondently waiting for them to return to the nest. I live 10,000 miles away from my parents right now and one of the things that makes it easier is knowing that they are busy and happy - and going on vacation without me.

I love my parents dearly and make an effort to see them twice a year (this sometimes includes going on vacation with them, at age 31). They graciously allowed me to leave the nest to pursue my dreams, but they know that my heart is very much with them. And while I'm out pursuing my dreams, they're still pursuing theirs too! That makes me happy.

seetheworld

Thanks for the low-blow RB.

Petitepois, your making an incorrect assumption. No one is twiddling their thumbs. In no way could you even begin to understand how we have let our children explore their dreams.

To the other, more sensitive people, thanks for your kindness.

petitepois

Well, I didn't say you were! Just offering my opinion, seetheworld, that I think you should go and enjoy!

gail

And now, let's add a new thing to obsess about. seetheworld - do not know how old your son is, but with ours, there is the issue of leaving him with the run of the house.

Yes, he is old enough to rent a house with other students at school (with my name on the lease), but do we want to leave him to potentially appear in the crime log as hosting a huge out of control party.

Yes - I trust my son, he is a good kid, I have set litmits, raised him right - blah, blah, blah - but I am not so old that I do not remember being 20.

Not asking for advice - I have done Ok raising him without advice from a travel board - just another wrinkle on the matter.

rubytwo

I found out that there is no such thing as a "last" family vacation. When my son finished college and started in his new job, family vacations became a thing of the past..until a couple of years later. Our family became my son, his wife and his son. They asked me to join them on a three week vacation in Europe. It was the best vacation I ever had watching my five year old grandson climb castle stairs, ride trains in Switzerland, have fun in a sculpture museum...So, seetheworld, go ahead and go to Portugal now...and remember that if your family is close, those family vacations may come again with added blessings.

escargot

When you said "Everytime I think I've managed to get used to this "empty nest" thing, I find out that I haven't. " I actually got tears in my eyes (just for a second....) b/c that is how I feel all the time.
I think we have to get used to the fact that it never truly goes away.

But, you have to go. We do it now, sometimes with one, sometimes with both, sometimes with none,.
Last summer we were so lucky to have both kids make it to the vineyard for 4 days - you'd think I was going on an around the world trip with them I was so excited my feet never touched the ground - gone are the days I had them for weeks and weeks...

Our kids much rather be together (20, 24) but they've traveled with us separately and it is a different experience w/ more time just with one.
Plus, we can't make one kid feel like they aren't worth the trip unless the other kid is coming now can we???

Seetheworld this is what I always remember from when my first went to college and I was feeling that and my older friend took me to coffee and said:

Look, get used to that twinge in your heart. You had it when they were born, when you took down the crib, they got on a school bus, road their bike downtown w/out you the first time, everything.
And it never ends. This holiday I had all my kids home, and before bed I stopped at the top of the stairs and said 'this is a happy mom, all my kids are home - granted, with all their new spouses, kids, etc - but my kids are home.'

I think she's right, the twinge never goes away , they are always our babies - but like my mom said to me when my first was born

Remember: before the baby there was you and your husband, and after the baby there will be you and your husband and don't ever lose sight of that and be ready to enjoy it when you get your time together again.

So get ready....

OneWanderingJew

aaah, STW. I'm sorry, but will join divingaggie and cross my fingers that he'll get the time off and this will be a non-issue.

My vote is to go. I would've felt bad if my mom missed a wonderful trip because I couldn't go! (Of course that would mean I would ahve also expected tons of awesome souveniers, ie like a little piece of art for my first place...hehe)

kureiff

STW: I just wanted to add my good thoughts for you and for your family.

I know my parents and my husband's parents struggle with how difficult it is for all of us to schedule the time to just be together. And my siblings and brothers and sisters in law feel the same way.

So you have my empathy and sympathy and good thoughts. I hope it works out for your son to come along, and if not I hope you have a good trip! Congratulations to your son, too!

suze

Seetheworld, Seems you only want the hugs from those who sympathize with you (and truly nicely done Scarlett, sincerely, that was sweet).

I was only trying to point out the other side, not necessarily make you feel guilty. As an employer with an intern program, i would not be real keen for a brand new person who asked for time off to go on a European vacation with their family (it would seem frivilous to me). Competition is fierce and likely there are loads of other kids who would be chomping at the bit for the position your son was offered.

rb_travelerxATyahoo

seetheworld:Did you read beyond the first two sentences I wrote? ("To the other, more sensitive people") ... I did give you encouragement of FUTURE family trips ... as others have as well. Enjoy your own plans regardless of what your kids wish or can do. I look forward to your trip report.

seetheworld

rb, I read everything! Your encouragement was clouded by your unnecessary remark. My sons (and I) are well aware of the price of war, each and everytime they look at the Purple Heart their great-grandmother received for the loss of her one and only son.

Additionally, I see a lot of ugly things in my line of work, but I don't compare someone's decision on where to eat on vacation with the fact that lot's of kids go to bed hungry each and every night.

Suze, are you a parent? Not the child, for that is a much different perspective.

I know much about internship programs myself.

I know that my eldest son entered one BEFORE his freshman year in college -- for a total of four internships for major NYC corporations. Three were absolutely stellar. One was boring and uninspiring -- an opportunity for rookie managers to have supervisory experience and an opportunity to inflate their egos. And he (and the others) were able to take a vacation DURING the program. He was a high quality employee and a valued team member who was able to secure a job before graduating college.

I'm sure my youngest son will make decisions that are right for him as well.

suze

Yes I am the child not the parent. I didn't realize there were rules about who could reply to this thread. Only mothers who share your perspective should participate?

TheWeasel

"As an employer with an intern program, i would not be real keen for a brand new person who asked for time off to go on a European vacation with their family (it would seem frivilous to me)."

Really? Vacations with family are frivolous? I'm glad I don't work for someone like you.

OneWanderingJew

I probably should keep my big mouth shut but...

Suze--If someone interviewed with you and they disclose upfront that they have a trip or some other conflict that will cause them to miss work early on wouldn't you respect that their honesty? STW's son isn't the first person to be in this situation...Something similiar happened to me. My brother was getting married a couple weeks after I started a new teaching job. I told my principal before I accepted the job that I would need time off to fly home for the big event. Teachers, at least in my district, are told they can never take off the day before or after a holiday and my brother's wedding was over Labor Day weekend and I needed to be up there the Friday. The bottom line, is he gave me his ok and best wishes. Little stuff like that makes people want to go the extra mile. I really think it's that give-take that helps create a positive working environment and better employees. Don't you agree??

OneWanderingJew

(Please excuse my run-ons and typos. It's been a long week of working hard and giving more than 100%.)

obxgirl

>>I didn't realize there were rules about who could reply to this thread. Only mothers who share your perspective should participate?<<

Spoken like a truly petulant child.

The OP was venting. Obviously anyone can reply to a thread but don't get all bent out of whack if your advice isn't received with open arms. You're free to post your opinion and STW is free to respond accordingly. You did and she did.

The most didactic commentary regarding families and parenting comes from posters who aren't parents. Not a big surprise.

CAPH52

Hi, STW. I haven't weighed in on this until now because I truly don't know what to say. I certainly feel your pain! And understand your need to vent! I really, really hope that they relent and let your son take the time so that you don't have to make a decision!

I also think you've gotten some very interesting responses. In a way, I find it a little discouraging that even those whose kids have been gone for awhile still yearn for the "good old days" of having kids home. With one in college and one who will graduate from high school next year, I guess I hoped that it would get easier. And I'm sure it does. Just as I'm sure that it's only natural to always miss them. But I guess the real lesson here is to cherish every moment while they're still with you. And to be very grateful that we're lucky enough to have families with whom we enjoy traveling, or just plain spending time!

travgina

I agree with most of the other posters. Your first vacation without the kids will seem tramatic at the beginning, but will probably end up being surprisingly enjoyable. And I'm sure you will have many wonderful vacations with both kids and grandkids later on.

To this day, every time I say goodbye to my son (who lives 1,100 miles away) it's a teary event, but he still wants to see his weepy mom every chance he gets. Trust me, you never stop missing them when they're away. It's all part of being a mom!

P_M

Hi, stw. First of all, I will join all those who cross their fingers that he will somehow get the time off. But if he doesn't, I hope you will still go. As the others have stated, there WILL be more family vacations if that's what everyone wants. I think it's great that your family still wants to travel together.

I was in a similar situation recently, from the child's end of the table. As you may recall, I was supposed to go to Egypt in January 2006 w/dad and stepmom. We booked the trip in April 2005, then a couple of months later I found out my job was ending. There was only a small window of time left for me to cancel and get my deposit back, so due to the uncertainty of the future I thought it was best to cancel. Dad and stepmom were so disappointed, they wanted to cancel also just because I couldn't go. However, I insisted they carry on with their plans. I know this was not easy for them, but they did go on to Egypt and they had a great time. I was a little sad with the knowledge they were there and I wasn't, but looking back I am very glad they did not cancel on my account. That would have made the whole situation even more sad. But there will be other vacations w/dad and stepmom, just as your family will take other trips together.

I don't know your son, but he must be a very fine person. I can't imagine that he would want everyone else to cancel if he can't go. Once again, fingers crossed that he will go, but if he doesn't, then please do go and enjoy your trip.

I know it's a tough decision, but I really hope this helps. Please let us know what you decide. ><

suze

If he asked for the time off before accepting the internship that is different and of course acceptable practice. I misunderstood the order in which it happened.