...Our July family trip to Portugal might have to be taken with one less family member...

Good news! My youngest son was offered an intern position for the summer!

Bad news! His potential new employer doesn't think they can give him the 7 requested days off. Not a definite "No", but not likely either.

Our trip to Portugal is falling apart. I just want a vacation with my family (one more vacation) that's all I'm asking. Is it too much to ask for such a thing??

The son has a BIG decision to make -- of course he will take the job, but not without sadness -- he wanted to go on this trip also. We will support his decision, of course. We are not selfish people. Okay, I guess I am just a little.

#39;(Because I am sad, I'm feeling that I don't want to go. Afterall, we've finally worked it out that the oldest son can go along on this trip. It would seem kind of weird leaving one family member home -- could we really enjoy ourselves without him? Would the other son really want to go with just us? Don't answer that, lol. He would miss his brother greatly. Would just seem very strange. Anybody ever do something like that?

I need some good karma -- On the outside chance that the interviewer might have a change of heart and change his mind when the son calls with his answer tomorrow. [-o<

Thank you for letting me vent.

A very Sad STW...

Be happy for the growing-up son, enjoy some alone time with the other; you might learn something about each other. There will other trips, maybe it will be in a few years, but don't not go!

sorry to hear your story STW. Boy, can I relate, as we had traveled with our three kids from the time they were babies until just recently when the youngest left the nest. (I am still lucky enough to travel frequently with my 23-year old daughter but know that's coming to an end as she is about to graduate).

You will still enjoy yourself no matter how many of you can make it. Our first trip together, just the two of us, was weird after so many years, but we got used to it fast The empty nest thing was tough for me, but now we've moved onto a different level and it's actually lots of fun. Of course, I miss my kids to pieces but they sure are fun and happy adults!

And as far as taking one and leaving the other behind, this is something that they will get used to, and so will you. And believe me, whenever they get the chance to travel with you again, they will! Life can get in the way, but if you've done it together for years, they still enjoy it even with a few gaps. At least that's been our experience.

In fact, we have had some great trips again with our grown kids. So will you!

And very exciting about your son's offer. A little piece of advice and please don't take it wrong, but don't make your son feel bad about making the decision he needs to make. That will be tough for him and he'll want to please his parents but is also thinking about his long road ahead to become a great adult.

I would definitely still go.

It might be too late for this, but can't he just take it as unpaid time off? And explain that he already has his flights booked and plans set, so it's money he'll lose if they don't let him get away?

Honestly, I can't imagine any intern position that is so vital to the company that it would fall apart if he left for a week. Can he offer to start a week earlier, work a week later, or even work extra hours/days to make up for his absence?

Everytime I think I've managed to get used to this "empty nest" thing, I find out that I haven't.

Thanks, sylvia. I hope there will other trips.

Weasel, we've have made similar suggestions, but he will be working with time-sensitve stuff. He will make the suggestions anyway, hoping.

Inthechips, your advice is truly welcome. We are very proud of him. Common sense says, "It's a great move, go for it!" The heart says, "This blows!" We just travel so well together. I just can't imagine it any other way.

So sorry to hear this STW. But I agree with the others, definitely still go! Portugal is amazing, and even if he cannot join all of you, you will have a great trip. If you want, I will volunteer to go in his place

Many years ago when I was at a new job, my brother was in flight school with the Navy and was about to get his wings. My boss was a grinch and would not let me take a Friday off to fly out for the ceremony. One good thing came of it...I learned from her how not to treat employees. So maybe your son will learn similar lessons, lol!

Anyway, I do hope you are able to still take this trip, and hopefully he will be there with you. If he can't go, I would bet he would want you to still go and enjoy yourself

STW--I hope that your son will be able to go!!! I'm wishing and hoping really, really hard for it. Keep us posted. Don't give up hope--things may turn around. Keeping my fingers crossed for you...

Sure, mms, why not -- we can sit together and knit. Just the two of us, knit, knit, knit. Sob, sob, sob. Well, you won't be sobbing, at least not at first.

Yes, please keep you fingers crossed divingaggie!

This is the first spring in 20 years we do not have a summer vacation in the works by now - am realizing that it is because our 20 year old son would likely not go with us - so inertia has taken over our planning.

Keep saying "the alternative is he will be living in my basement when he is 40". After you say it about 100 times you can almost believe it.

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, Gail. I will keep that in mind the day he rings the bell with his bags in his hand. Afterall, he was the child, at age three, who would always say, "Mommy, I'm going to buy the house next door, so I can always be near you." No joke. Where the heck are my tissues??

Definitely go on your trip!! Not to sound negative because it is not... obviously your sons are growing up. Your faily will not be able to continue to go everywhere together as a nuclear unit, spend every single holiday together, etc. It's just not realistic. They are at the start of their own adult lives. Might as well get used to the idea on vacation in Portugal.

oops, your family

Also I would not pressure your son to take the time off from his brand new internship. As an office manager myself, that would make a truly not good impression. Isn't his chosen career path more important than a single family vacation? I'm guessing you're finding it hard to see it that way, but I say his summer position is more important in the greater scheme of things that will benefit his successful future.

an addendum--I agree that you should make the son feel good about his upcoming experience, and not bad about disappointing the family. And don't let him push his luck with the internship; they can be hard to get, and can be withdrawn, and showing enthusiasm and a positive attitude is more important for your son right now than trying hard to get out of something others would jump at the chance to have! Wait for him to make lots of money and take YOU to Portugal!
Have a wonderful trip.

suze. No, I am not finding it hard to see it that way because we support his decision to take the job. It's the right thing to do for his future career path. He asked for the days because he wanted to be part of this family vacation. We haven't had one together in a couple of years due to the fact that I was in school over the summer. Now I feel guilty. Okay, happy?

seetheworld,
When I was in grad school I had a tentative vacation planned with my mother and sister: Scotland and France. Turns out I couldn't go. They went anyway and had a wonderful trip. I'm so glad they did. Heck, I wasn't even envious because I love them and was happy to hear they had a good time. (Although, wait a minute, I still haven't made it to Scotland... )

In the years since, we have managed a "one last girls' trip" to Paris--unforgettable. So there are still many chances for family vacations ahead of you. Especially if you're paying.

Go, go, go!

"I just want a vacation with my family (one more vacation) that's all I'm asking. Is it too much to ask for such a thing??" Not at all and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do--you feel the way you do for a reason. We don't have children but all of our friends do (hmmmmm.....) anyway, it seems no matter what the childs age, 8 or 18, there are growing pains parents experience, too. STW, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Awww, honey, come here and let me give you a hug. I do know how you feel. I have been through it myself, it sucks. Sorry, there was no word at hand that really sufficed

As to the part about do you want him living in the basement when he is 40 ?
Yeah, I do, sometimes lol His wife and all those grandbabies are welcome too. Just keep them near me, that is all I ask.

Which leads me to say- a vacation without him this year, might be a way of helping you adjust to what it will be like someday..and then again, he might be around to travel with you soon after this.

My baby told me when he was small that he was going to marry me LOL weep weep..

Word of advice...take whatever you can get as far as time spent with him and always make him think you are not going to fall apart when he walks out the door/gets on a plane and that you will be waiting for him when he gets back. Cuz sometimes they decide to go to Japan and you have to make that return to mom and dad appealing and not a teary ordeal..and then, they keep coming back

Good Kharma sent your way..

*ps*
Remember, last Spring, baby boy suggested that we meet him in Paris ? so they grow up and still want you to travel or spend a lot of time with them.
More Good Kharma coming your way~

Oh, I can relate! Oldest son decided one year that he wanted to stay home and work on starting his own business at the age of 19. This was just days before he had planned on going on vacation with us. Younger son just got a new job for the summer but employer was willing to let him go. Younger son didn't really want to go on a vacation with just us again. DH and I decided we'd let them both stay home. Younger one with friends that we trusted and older one with his Grandparents.

DH and I said the same things to ourselves. We had gone on vacation every year with our boys and we had always enjoyed it. So "Could we really enjoy ourselves without them"

OMG, YES! DH and I had a blast! It was one of the most memorable trips we had and GUESS WHAT, the next year both boys wanted to go with us on vacation because the missed going! Oldest was 20 at the time. We know go places with him, his wife and our grandson.

Utahtea

I'll get flamed for this but ...

We've got a couple of friends whose plans changed because "kids" ended up in Iraq. I'm sure they'd all gladly change places with you, stw. Sooner or later, in every family is a "last family vacation together" ... yet the event is often repeated later ... but with grandkids along too ... so there are still future family vacations to look forward to, with even more family members than today.