emcash

An older family member is pressuring us to attend our nephew's high school graduation in california. We live in New England. We have a 2 year old. We won't have actual tix to the graduation, but this family member would love to make this a sort of family reunion.

I think travelling that far for a long weekend is just too much with a toddler. Never mind the long plane ride(s) but her schedule will get completely out of whack with the time changes. Also, we will be staying in a hotel b/c a) family doesn't have a place big enuf for everyone and b) even if they did, we'd still prob stay in a hotel for convenience and having our own space.

Our daughter is a great traveler, but she's never done a time change and never been on a plane longer than 3 hours. And, did i mention she's a toddler now?

I told DH to go on ahead without me (it's his side of the family). Am i being unreasonable?

kayd

Nope.
If a family reuinion is what they want, that should be planned with input from all parties. For nephew's graduation, aunts, uncles, cousins should be welcome, but not expected, at the family celebration.
Wish DH a safe journey and send a nice little gift with him.

highflyer

I'd go if you can make this a longer trip and so have some vacation time too. At least a week in California would be ideal.
I presume this would be a late spring/summer trip so it's a good time to go.
Where in California?
Would you go if it was your family? If the answer is yes then you're being unreasonable!

J62

The arrival of kids and having my own family meant it was much easier to say no thank you, without feeling a need to explain myself.

This was especially true when I was first married and was 'expected' to be at both parents' and in-laws house for holidays big and small. We tried the Thanksgiving, Christmas eve, Christmas shuffle for a few years then finally decided to stay at our own home for both holidays.

Same holds true now for family events - invitations to graduations, baptisms, etc. If I feel I can't attend for whatever reason (cost, bother, miles, time, etc) I say no thank you, but don't get into debating reasons.

Flimm

No, I don't think you are unreasonable. A nephew's graduation without tickets isn't exactly a reason for traveling 3000 miles.

If they were having a family gathering or reunion, with emphasis on family or parents' special anniversary or birthday, then that's another story. A long weekend for even one adult to fly is a hassle and not pleasant these days.

As mentioned in another post, no debate - kind words.

TravelinAnn

High school graduation celebrations really aren't the best place for a two-year old. I'm sure this wasn't your nephew's idea! IMHO, you should just send your regrets.

abram

I regret every family occasion I chose not to attend. Nothing is moe important to me than family, and I've loved sharing my children with their relatives. I'd go.

WannabeinaMontserrat

None of the traveling part bothers me (& I have a 5 1/2 & 2 1/2 year old). What bothers me is the family wanting you to travel across the country w/no tix & no place to stay. Seems a bit selfish & unreasonable to me. Of course, if I did want to go, I'd make a vacation out of it w/a cursory stop for the event.

321go

Not at all unreasonable, especially since you're fine with DH going. Sounds like the two of you have mastered the fine art of compromise!

nytraveler

A nephew graduating from high school is hardly earth shaking - it's not like they're giving him the Nobel prize.

If you can turn it into a vacation that your family would really enjoy go.

Otherwise send regrets and a small gift.

suze

<I think travelling that far for a long weekend is just too much with a toddler.>

There's your reason and the perfect "excuse". Just tell your relatives that. Along with the other posters here, I hardly think a nephew's high school graduation is the event of the century or anything!