At a point in the Mass, the priest turns around to the parishioners and says to give each other the sign of peace. It is just a simple handshake with a "peace be with you" spoken at the same time. The whole sequence only lasts about a minute.

But as elizabeth r says it is done at different levels, different places.

At my lake in IN they used to have a Mass on boats and regardless of it getting dicey, everyone was shaking everyone else's hand. This got quite funny at times.

In some congregations people will even go across the aisles and two pews up to shake a loner's hand.

We also all hold hands when saying the Our Father- in rows and sometimes one person will go into the aisle to connect two rows, that's what she means.

My mother-in-law goes and sits where the fewest people can "bother" her with the handshakes. All she sees is germs. Now that is not friendly.

JJ5
I don't see germs, I just hate when someone TELLS me to be friendly. I socialize before service and after service because I want to, not because someone tells me to. Maybe this is how your MIL feels also.

No, not at all. She won't hug relatives either. She calls the wine chalice that multiples drink out of the "Aids" cup. Now that is ridiculous. And I like her very much. She's admits that she is germophobic. Or calls it that, but it is deeper. She won't go into an airplane or elevator because she doesn't want to be that close to people-not because of the height/ claustrophic space etc. She doesn't particularly like people to "know" her either, she'd rather remain a stranger.

For instance, she doesn't like to take the time to say hello to neighbors or converse with a service person. Her mother died when she was born- and she was raised by a working father with a litany of "baby" sitters. I really love her- but do understand that she shies away from any closeness or friendliness. Her introvertness coupled with too many good-byes maybe. But everyone is definitely NOT naturally friendly.

She sees it as being "forced" to react.

cd, I don't think it is meant as an imperative command. In a better system and in smaller numbers you wouldn't feel a stranger enough to even think that defensively.

Oh, I get it! Our Protestant churches do the same thing to welcome one another, display friendship to one another!

Belle

I think the offering a good wishes time is really forced. I'm catholic and feel awkward during that time because it seems like compelled niceness.

I'm chuckling at the comments from you Lutherans and Catholics (I'm Lutheran, too) about the passing of peace as being forced friendliness. As if you're not friendly to begin with?? Honestly, if you really feel that way, you need to find a different church!

The wave by rural drivers amuses me. It's common where I grew up, and I saw it again for the first time in a long time when I was just in rural TX. At first it struck me as odd, but quickly turned into an amusing way to pass the time - would the next car wave or not? I think it's easy to tell who's local and who's not just by whether or not they wave, and I don't really consider it an act of friendliness, but rather an almost involuntary ritual.

As for friendly states, I don't know that there's such a huge difference across the board, but there is a huge difference amongst individuals. Here in MN there are many "Minnesota nice" people that would give you the impression that we are the friendliest state when you're visiting, but it can also be quite superficial and disappear if you decide to move here. As with most places, it seems there are the "locals" who were born there, and everyone else.

I don't think there's any such thing as a friendly or unfriendly state. Everywhere you go you will find good and bad, and people will treat you the way you treat them. I think it's best not to make judgements based on just a few observations.

The Weasel: I agree! The "Minnesota Nice" thing is a superficial thing. We say hello and smile but don't go ANY further! I live in a small town in southern Minnesota. Have lived here for ten years and have many good friends here...but I will never be "From Here."
I have been struck by the go-out-of-your way kindness of people in both Texas and Germany and France as opposed to the friendly hello on the street that stops there.

The Catholic/Lutheran slant is funny! When I was a shy kid I used to purposely drop my mass leaflet during the "sign of peace" handshake at our Catholic church to avoid it!!

I have found people to be friendly in every state and also some not friendly in every state. Most of the time I think you get back what you give - if you are friendly, most people will be friendly back and vice versa. We have lived in many states and have made many friends over the years and they will remain friends even tho we live miles away now. We now live in Southern Ca and have found most people in CA are also very nice and friendly. It's very different than when we lived in the Midwest due to all the fences, etc. but you can meet people and become friends just like anywhere else. I find if we join groups when we move we quickly beocme friends with many people and fit in right away. My husband and I are both from the Midwest and miss our midwest roots but have been lucky enough to meet lots of other nice people all over the country. Happy Holidays Everyone!!

This question as posted by the OP has different people taking entirely different meanings concerning the abstract of friendliness.

I did not take friendliness in the OP's sense to mean the ability to make or keep friends during any habitation in a state. I took it to mean friendliness as openingly responding to strangers, travelers, by-passers etc. Just a look or stance can offset stranger approach. For instance, most people on a subway hold themselves in a stance that "blocks" out the most people contact, even eye contact.

And I have traveled in more than 2/3rds of the states over 5 decades. In my experience the common treatment / acknowledging/ welcoming input from strangers is absolutely not the same. A smile or any acknowledgement is not returned the same. Studies have been done in suburban malls, gas stations, city corners, country stores etc. which all reflect vast differences.

Making and keeping friends over time is something totally different.

And I do think your own actions or appearance do make somewhat of a difference anywhere. But I have asked a question or direction in many different states and have gotten totally different kinds of reactions. Some of them were distinctly unfriendly. They certainly were not all the same. In one place I have literally been repeatedly walked over like I was a traffic cone.

And beachbum, I do agree with you.

I find it very common for the Church I know well (Catholic)that we are huge in numbers and oftentimes feel strangers without any first name basis connections or personal warmth in our own parishes. We wouldn't feel forced or shy if they were there.

Oh, Weasel - the infamous "Minnesota Nice!!"

My cousin, (an Iowan by birth) who's lived in the Twin Cities for about 15 years calls is "Minnesota Ice."

My DH (also an Iowan, like me, by birth), calls it "bulls**t."

But we we all spoiled growing up by drivers who waved at anything on wheels, I guess.

Ek-scuse tipos, pleese. I'm into my coctail hour.

Re: the Church and friendliness.
I remember when our church did not have this handshake of peace. We (and Catholic's and other liturgical churches) were called the "frozen chosen". It has only been in the past decade that our church started the handshake of peace. It is designed to show friendliness, especially to strangers. I just don't like programmed friendliness.
JJ5: Your MIL is a challenge! She has built a fence for protection. It the way she has survived.

JJ5 - I've noticed this about Catholic churches, too. I recently joined a local Methodist church and I have gotten to know more people in the 2 short years I've been there than in the 16 years I went to my Catholic church in the town I grew up in!

I had joined the local Catholic church when we moved here. I met zero people and not one person approached me. I truly felt like an outsider. I didn't realize it could be different until I started attending services at my current church.

Oh yes, karens. And this is true regardless of where you roam in the WORLD, not just the USA.

You will recognize your Mass, but oftentimes not know a single person's name, except for those who came in the car with you. There may be 600 or 700 at any of 5 Masses in my parish, with standing room only.

There are now parish groups in our area that make it their business to be like a "Welcome, Wagon" and to visit all new parishioners. You would be shocked at the number of Catholics that don't want to answer the door bell. Really!

And we NEVER ask for money either.

JJ5 I'm laughing here. I hope I don't sound like I'm bashing, but your comments reminded me of another experience with my local Catholic church. Like I said, I met no one by joining, and, truth be told, I didn't attend very regularly (understatement). Then I was asked to be godmother to my son's baby, so I had to get a paper from my local church. The priest refused. He said I was a bad person (NOT just a bad Catholic, but a bad person) for not attending mass regularly. Well, gee, that made me want to just go attend attend mass every week! And the priest pointed out how my neighbors were really GOOD people b/c they attended mass every week. I totally withdrew.

About a month later, the good person, my neighbor, stopped by to ask for a donation for $3,000 (!) The church was adding a new addition to their school (that my boys did not attend) and thought it appropriate for all members (even the bad ones, I guess) to donate this sum of money. In addition to regular giving, of course.

Sigh.

You didn't finish the story, karen! Did you cough up the $3K? No offense intended, but it appears some churches are still selling indulgences of one form or another.

cd, I think the passing of the peace actually goes back to the church of Acts. Like a lot of other stuff, we've made it ritual, and social, and completely different from its intended purpose. LOL at "chosen frozen". But, unfortunately, you and JJ5 are right. By my observations over the past few years, most Church happens outside the confines of the service.

Not at all an unusual story. You don't want to hear my post-divorce one. I would have been treated better if I had killed some one. Now in 2005, it's better, but only in format, as they have "support" groups- but not in actual personal reality or judgment, IMHO.

Large, large entities with such wealth and power have a very hard time relating to the personal. And the hierarchy is exceptionally flawed. We need another John XXIII, among many other things.