All submissions must be funny, related to travel in some tangential way, and above-all, squeaky-clean. After 25 submissions (if we get that far) post 26 can pick a winner, and so on until infinity. I'll copy and post the two grizzly bear jokes to get this rolling.

There is a longwinded joke floating aroud in emails about a ranger explaining to campers about being aware. It ends with... the difference between grizzly spoor and black bear spoor is that grizzly spoor smells like pepper and has little bells in it.

Two guys were camping in the woods, asleep in their tent. They heard the sound of a grizzly bear and feared it was about to pounce. One guy started strapping on his running shoes. Surprised, his buddy asked, "Why on earth are you bothering to put on your track shoes? Surely you don't think you can outrun a grizzly bear?" Calmly, the other man replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

Here is one I heard from an old Montana hunting guide. The guide had taken a group of tenderfoot Easterners out hunting in Montana during the winter. He warned them in no uncertain tones to stay with the group. No wandering off alone.
One intrepid would-be hunter asked why he should stay with the group.
The guide replied, "You will get lost and you might freeze to death before we find you. But, if you do get lost, lie down over a log."
The Easterner asked, "Will that help me stay warm?" "No" answered the guide, "But it will make it a lot easier to throw you over a pack horse when we take you out in the spring."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they were exhausted and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately
a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the Lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I supect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!!"

OK, here goes:

A tourist was visiting Chinatown in San Francisco. He was browsing in a small shop when he noticed an ornate, porcelain, hand-painted rat for sale. He asked the shopkeeper the price. The shopkeeper replied, "The rat costs $10, but if you want to hear the story that goes with it, that costs $100." The amused tourist decided to buy the rat but skip the story.

The tourist left the store with the rat tucked under his arm. As he strolled toward Fisherman's Wharf, he noticed a large rat following him. Disgusted, he quickened his pace and again checked behind him. There were about ten brownish rats scurrying along behind him. Repulsed, he broke into a full run. When he glanced behind himself again, there were scores of creepy, fat rats nipping at his heels. By this time, he had reached the Bay, and he threw the porcelain rat into the water as far as he could. The rats behind him plunged straight into the Bay, where they promptly drowned.

The exhausted tourist returned to the shop and asked to see the shopkeeper. The smiling shopkeeper said, "Oh, I see you came back to buy the story." The tourist replied, "No, I came back to see if you have any porcelain lawyers."

Hey Cindy,
These are to be travel related jokes.
Why or why does everyone pick on poor lawyers? How about doctor jokes?
Mrs. Esq.

"Herself" -- I'm pretty sure Cindy IS a lawyer, unless she's a different Cindy than the one who recently posted a response on the thread about business travel. People love to tell lawyer jokes to lawyers (they assume we haven't heard EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM A MILLION TIMES BEFORE -- if I hear one more "a lawyer's out in the middle of the ocean on a life raft, and sharks are circling..." joke that I have to politely pretend is a new one I'll scream). And her joke DID involve travel. Are you telling me the jokes can't mention an occupation? Give me a break.

Thanks Cindy, I liked the joke, too

Yup, I'm a lawyer, but keep your voices down, OK?

Does this mean my pitiful joke is disqualified? Darn.

How many Fodorites does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the bulb and two to argue whether this is travel related.

I have a book called "Gems of Japanized English" I got in Japan that I think has lots of funny stuff in it....partly funny cause it's real not jokes. Real signs etc that appeared in Japan in the past in tourist areas. Some of my favorites: "Warning Gentlemen! Please do not carry your wallets in rear pocket for your backside is easily attacked"; "Electric Science Museum. The wonders of electricity are displayed for children to be easily digested"..there are many others but they are too long to type in here.

There is the old one about the three friends who go hiking:

before going they each agree to bring something with them. One brings food, the other beverages, and another the door from a Volkswagon Beetle. At the start of the hike the other two were mumbling to each other about the friend bringing the door, but decided he must know what he was doing. During a rest break, and after participating of some food and beverages, they decide to ask the friend about the door and of what use it will be. The friend immediately replies that should they become hot during the hike, they can always roll down the window to cool off.

This may not qualify because it is not a joke; it is an actual event.
My son was about 4 when we decided to drive to Tuscaloosa, Ala. to visit our parents. Those of you who have lived in the vicinity of a Kraft Process paper mill know what I mean when I say the stink is indescribable. Well, Tuscaloosa at the time was still the home base of Gulf States Corporation.
As we approached Tuscaloosa, the inevitiable fog of stink lay across the road. As we drove into it, some of it penetrated into the car. My son said "Stink, Daddy, Stink", and proceeded to roll the windows DOWN!

This is true, not a joke but still funny.

The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired.

The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, broke the engineer's chair and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: Use a thawed chicken.

UP!