Forgive this being a bit off topic, I posted it to Usenet but I want to get this group's opinion since you guys are pretty "on the ball".

My fianceee and I have been engaged for a while and are planning a real wedding (not just eloping) in Vegas. We were planning on July 2002 or 2003 depending on what was available this summer - we were holding on to the option of postponing for a year for the perfect location if needed.

Her younger sister is also engaged, not for as long as us and the relationship was on the rocks in November - her man said he was "moving out". So my fiancee was surprised when she got a call over XMAS from her younder sister saying that she was going to get married in April in Hawaii. Their mom was a little upset that all of a sudden the younger sister was getting married in April when we might be getting married in July. My finacee assured her mother that it was OK and we just assumed wait until next year. So we've been seriously planning the Vegas thing for the past few weeks since we finally got some time off from work and (can you guess where this is going...)

last night, her younger sister calls and says that she is getting married, in April, but instead of Hawaii, in Vegas at the same exact chapel we were considering (the chapel may be shear coincidence but she knew all about the Vegas thing). I kinda snapped and said if her sister get's married in Vegas then we WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT get married in Vegas. reason why: for me, Vegas would be a unique experience, even though many people get married in Vegas, I don't know any of them. I think it is still uncommon in the grand scheme of marriage. Now this ruins the experience for me! I may sound selfish in saying me me me, but I think my fiancee is equally upset, it will just take her a few days to realize it.

Do you think I'm overreacting to this or is this action by her sister a violation of wedding courtesy? I'm just the type that hates when I spend a lot of time to come up with something unique and someone just comes along and copies it. Isn't this kinda like when you show up at the prom and someone else has your dress on (keep in mind, I'm a guy)?? I'd really appreciate your opinions on this and what you think we should do?

Confront her sister?
Just change our plans?
Have it in Vegas anyway?
Have it the day before her sister's in Hawaii and convince all her family to go there instead?-just kidding

thanks.

I definitely think it is a breach of wedding etiquette! I think your best bet at this point is to keep *very quiet* about what you plan to do and wait until she's made deposits, etc. and doesn't appear to be changing her mind anymore. My guess is that this sister doesn't have too much confidence in her own decisions and so your ideas look much better to her.

If she goes ahead with the Vegas idea (my bet is she'll change her mind again) then you just have to think of a better "perfect location" for your wedding. You sound like great planners and I'm sure you will come up with another great idea. Just don't breathe a word of it until she's locked into something!

And if it's any consolation, just bear in mind that it is only a day. Hey, I was a bride once too and I know we want it to be perfect and fulfil all our dreams but in the end it's just 24 hours and you are married for the rest of your life. That's the really important part and the part that takes the most creativity, compromise and commitment. Congratulations and good luck!

I would feel exactly the same as you. It sounds like her younger sister is trying to compete with your fiancee. However, don't really know what to tell you to do. Are they close? Could your fiancee talk to her and tell her she is raining on her parade - that you both wanted this to be special and it basically ruins it for you if they do the exact same thing before you. Or what about a double wedding? just kidding. Good luck!

I agree with the "keep it to yourself". No more talking about your plans. Seems like little sis has a case of the "me firsts". I would not be surprised to find out that little sis does not get married at all! Make your plans, stick with them. Good luck and best wishes!

Disgruntled, announce that you've changed your plans and you're going to have your wedding on the same day at the same location as your annoying sis-in-law-to-be and see her change her plans.

Thanks for the responses and right off the bat you guys are getting a little deeper into some of the truth behind this which is that my fiancee was always the smart responsible one and her sister was the not-as-smart totally-irresponsible one. My fiancee is clearly the "favorite" with her parents as they have entrusted her with many serious responsibilities which they wouldn't offer her sister. They are, however, fairly close as the younger has asked my fiancee to be her maid of honor. As a child, when the younger didn't get what she wanted she would just scream and cry though I must say her parents weren't the type to give in.

As you have advised I told my fiancee that whatever happens, all further conversations regarding our plans are absloutely, strictly confidential. I won't even tell either of our parents anything until they HAVE to know.

thanks.

I can totally understand your point of view. I'd be pretty upset as well. The advice to keep quiet is a good one. Maybe we could provide some suggestions on a good fun wedding location if you gave us some hints on where you're coming from and what the budget is.

Disgruntled: I'd be burned, too. My advice: keep planning your Vegas wedding, but tell Lil' Sis that since she isn't doing it, you guys have picked HAWAII! Tell her you couldn't resist, what with the romance of the flowers, the ocean, the wonderful people, blah, blah, blah. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that lil' sis switches back to Hawaii pronto!

Seriously, though, I think that Hawaii would be a lovely place for a destination wedding. So would several locations in the Caribbean. I've also heard that Disney actually does a nice job of weddings (and no, it's not all Mickey & Minnie everywhere). Any of these choices would be unique and memorable.

If you choose a foreign country, just be sure that you research the legal requirements in advance so that your marriage will be legal here. And, if you choose to do a "destination" wedding, be sure to do it with an experienced wedding planner or hotel who can arrange all of the details for you (flowers, music, officiant, etc) so that you don't have to make multiple trips to meet with vendors.

Good luck and best wishes on your marriage.

Hi disgruntled - My heart goes out to you and your fiancee. Your hearts must be broken. Let me ask you one thing```Who is paying for the weddings? Is Daddy? I was just wondering? I have to go with everyone. Keep your mouths closed about your plans. The little brat will change her mind again, trust me. These things upset me. Your fiancee's sister sounds like a spoiled little brat.

I have revenge soulition. Have a child before Sissy does. This would really pi-- her off.

Good luck ---- What does the brats beau say about all of this?

Thanks for offering to help with a new location but I'm putting any further planning on hold until that girl walks down the aisle!

As for other questions, as far as I know, all wedding plans are being funded by the participants, that goes for us and sis. That is why we were planning on a cheaper Vegas wedding. I don't think her parents really have the money to spend even if asked.

As for the beau, he is the nicest, most docile person. I suspect he is a silent partner in this whole thing.

Funny you mention the child thing, she also mentioned that she wants to quit working and have a child and have him support her even though his career desire/plans include being a freelance photographer which obviously is not a single income profession until you are very established. We have no immediate child bearing desires so she can have at it!

My dear disgruntled,

What a bunch of BS. I can't believe some of the responses you have received. They must all watch soaps on TV.

Anyone who gets married in Vegas as a "unique experience" needs to see the head doctor soon.

I have an idea that you are having a lot of fun with this.

xxx

You really got 'em going!

i will avoid the cynics and assume you are telling the truth.

i agree with lisa--only, pick ANY location and talk it up as if it were the coolest, most romantic place on earth to get married. then watch her switch hers there. alternatively, tell the "beau"--who is a cool guy--to dump her sorry ass.

Do the wedding like movie stars - give invitations with an undisclosed location to be described the day of the event. Must be close to hmoe but fun. Or, I like telling sis to be that your plan is Hawaii.

PS: I hope you don't plan to have her in your wedding - from personal experience, leave the young brat out.