I have recently ended a four year relationship and I feel like a long weekend by myself would be helpful. My mother says no, that I will be miserable and it will not help me. What do you think?
Audrey in NC

I can think of nothing better for a broken heart than planning a trip. You need something to look forward to. Go for it!!

Plan something very active. No sitting around the hotel pool.

After a 22 year marriage ended, I did it. Actually, not immediately, but within the first year after- I went to Italy Amalfi Coast area all by myself.

It's a terrific idea. You will find your heart will not remain broken long- if you respond to people positively and love yourself enough to pamper yourself big time.

Speaking both personally and as a clinician (social worker)I think you can trust your instincts! Hoping your time away is therapeutic, and that the healing process for you begins soon.
Good luck!

HI audrey--while I agree w/the substance of my fellow clinical social worker above, I cannot completely disregard the input of your mother who has the advantage of a lifelong relationship w/you. What is her knowledge of you that makes her say you will be miserable? It may--or may not--have relevance. However, in general it is best to trust your own feelings....

Whatever happens~deep reflection, weeping,distraction and/or a few good nights of sleep,you should give it a try.
All the anguish and fear to goes into deciding to end a relationship is over now. Make some room for the next "phase" of feelings. Make some room for your self.

My opinion would be to GO! I did a week on a cruise ship after a breakup and I had the time of my life. If you are just thinking of a long weekend, how about pampering yourself at a spa? Maybe your Mom would join you? Best Wishes

socialworker's question is an interesting and reasonable one - would be interested to get your take on the possible answers, Audrey!

Moms often do have special insights into their kids' emotional lives, but sometimes their instincts aren't so good when it's a situation they haven't experienced themselves.

Since you'll probably be miserable if you stay home, I say take a chance and follow YOUR instincts rather than Mom's. Go someplace that has no connection to your closed relationship, and keep very busy.

I think it's a great idea, Audrey. Something at or new a spa would be wonderful. Pamper yourself with a facial and massage at least. (Sounds pretty good - I may do the same)

JJ5 - I'd love a trip report of your the solo Amalfi Coast trip. I have a milestone birthday coming up next year and "we" planned to go to Tuscany. You may inspire me to go alone. My best friend from high school (and that was MANY years ago) is willing to go, but maybe a solo trip would be good for me.

Let us know what you decide, Audrey. The spa at Grove Park is pricey but wonderful. The grotto pool is amazing.

You know that saying, "A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work"? I think the same applies here: Even if you have a few lonely moments on vacation, better to have 'em where you can distract yourself with adventures or sight-seeing or a really strong maragarita.

Go for the trip and go fabulous! After all, if you didn't end the relationship, you wouldn't be on such a fabulous trip!

I know it is painful but everytime that pain hits, ride it out and remind yourself that it will pass.

Good luck and my heart goes out to you!

My Mom has been correct in all of my relationship woes. I am currently attending Grad school (M.S. in community/agency counseling go figure). It seems like the places that I want to go are places we have been together and I know I can't go there. I have a good support system with my family and especially my friends. I am scared but I know this is the best thing and I know I will survive it. I will turn 30 in a few months and I think I have attached a stigma to that. Not married, no children. But hey I have the world at my front door. We (boyfriend & I) just returned from a long weekend in memphis. I can't get up enough courage to pick the film up from having them developed.

Well, a volunteer weekend would get you "away from yourself" so to speak but you would be with others and accomplishing something at the same time.

I picked up a book a B&N - "Volunteer Vacations" with index listings of projects by length of time, costs, locations, etc. I bought it to investigate options to get me out of my funk as well.

Another option would be a activity vacation - bike trip, etc.

Good luck - and go. Take a journal with you.

can you go somewhere or do something that you really like, that he would never do with you? Like he hates museums or gardens or some such? I think then you can go out, have some fun, and feel like you are doing something you never would have done if you were still together.

definitely no going to places you went together. You want to look forwards, not back!

When you said "traveling" I expected a more major venture than a long weekend near home.

I'm not sure a weekend would make a difference, but planning a trip for a couple weeks in Europe would take my mind off any piece of bad news and put things more in perspective to get on with your life and future.

As suze said.

Everybody's different, but I think you really may need a "stretch". You know enough, I know you do, not to bog now. Think of the possibilities.

Forget about picking up the pictures and if school is out- give yourself a week or two to plan and then- go. Do not introspect. You know you are and what you prefer to do.

Perferable is somewhere totally different that keeps you on your toes and requires a whole bunch of movement.
You know what you like, do something with that. They may be skiing in New Zealand right now!

Don't know your money limits, but I would pick my one of the places on your "life list" that is the hardest and make a definitive plan for lodging or trains etc. You are young and it is April in Paris, girl.

And I would tell you more about Rapello/Formia/Italy etc. but would not want to hyjack a thread.

What you really need is a challenge and not sympathy. You lucked out. So did I.

You also know from your schooling that all that family sympathy and friends co-misering reinforces the thought patterns. It's time to start thinking about something else and having some real fun.

wow Audrey, your idea sounds like a great one! 2 years ago my boyfriend of 2 and a half years and I broke it off and I was so heartbroken, I didn't know what to do with myself. I think a long weekend lotta good! Even now I have to see this guy with his new 16 year old wife at church every darn week. Seeing as I'm still single and he and his very immature wife are still around, I think I'll steal your idea and go off by myself somewhere! I need a break from them. If u decide to do it, don't forget to post your experience and let us know how it goes!

audreyh1-

Wanna come down to NOLA? I'll go party and wander the city with you and help you forget your troubles.

I feel for you. I am in the 30+1 category - not married, no kids, BF of 5 years and wonder daily if we are "the one" for each other or not and how much I wouldn't want to be "out there" if not. I just keep thinking, better to be alone again for a while than "alone" forever if it doesn't work out.

I always imagine that if he & I break up, I would want to travel somewhere alone, too. I just feel like I would be establishing my new-found independence and celebrating making decisions that would be best for me.

I applaud you and wish you the best.