My theory on parenthood is that, no matter how much you may have planned for, wanted, longed for a child, if you don't approach the whole thing with more than just a little bit of fear, you just haven't thought it all through!

who asks other people for advice on the most important thing you'll ever do (for yourself and your life, not the world)?

stevegene-I am not sure if you meant my posting, but I did not mean that one shouldn't be afraid to be a parent...of course it is a scarey ordeal! I meant moreso, if one if worrying that having a child will interrupt travel, or if they feel that they aren't really ready, then perhaps they should wait.

Great web site, Monica. I only read the Costa Rica report, but it sounds like you had a lot fun.

And thanks again, snowrooster - needed to hear that. Thank you, too, to all the other posters - more good info to contemplate.

Nina - I have my own business, which allows me a great deal of flexibility. My goal is to continue growing the business to a point where I can still reap the profits, but not have to work at it. So, that would be how I would 'work' and home school.

And in answer to your question, Sylvia - I asked because I wanted to find out what others experienced and felt before and after having kids. It is a HUGE decision, and like all the other decisions in my life, I am considering all the angles and want to make the right decision - for everyone involved, including the child who may or may not be born into our family.

My husband and I are both under thirty and have a one year old and two year old (wheew!)...and we ask ourselves questions like this all the time. We come up with the same answer...
having children changes your life and all views on life. Where we used to travel or imagine our travels together we just do it with the children now. What joy it brings to you to watch your babies experience the world with you! Granted-it is a little harder at times or a little more expensive but it really is worth it! If you are a true explorer and have it in your soul-your children will too.

One more comment . . .

Traveling can be even better once you have kids because things you have seen or experienced before become new again through a child's eyes. I've played in the ocean more times than I can count, but when we take our yearly beach vacation, the joy my kids get from the ocean & sand is priceless!

Heidi,

I believe you have answered your own question. You are not ready now, and you are not willing to consider waiting. Doesn't that pretty much decide it?

Also, you should be very concerned about the "spondaneous and unscheduled" life you like to much. While some children can adapt to that, others absolutely cannot, no matter how hard you try to make them. And you don't gete to choose which kind you get. While my own children were, fortunately, the adaptable kind, I watched a number of my friends in a futile struggle to change their babies' scheduling needs. In the end, the parents were the ones that had to change, and as much as they loved their children, they weren't happy about that.

Sure, it is possible to travel all over the world with a child in tow. How happily depends on the child's personality (adaptable to change or prefers stability).

How practical it is for you I believe depends in a large part on your future financial situation. Travel is a luxury requiring funds beyond the necessities of life (food, shelter, clothing). The larger your family the more money it will take.

Well, should we decide to have a child in the next year or two, hopefully, they will be one of those easy-going, adaptable children who can go anywhere, anytime. Healthy & cute too, of course! And while I'm wishing for things, hopefully, we can win the lottery too so we can still travel all over with a child and afford to have a nanny to tag along too. Ha!

Thanks everyone. You really have given me lots of good advice and insights, and lots more to think about. Obviously, we are not ready right now, but maybe the decision will come easier in the next year or so, or then again, maybe not. We'll see...

"My goal is to continue growing the business to a point where I can still reap the profits, but not have to work at it. So, that would be how I would 'work' and home school."

Oh Heidi, this statement shows just how unrealistic your concept of what raising a child will involve. You really think you're going to run a business (even while not doing the actual "work"), raise a child, homeschool that child, run a house AND travel the world.....HELLLOOOO, someone get this girl a reality check!

I was grateful when I was able to go to the bathroom without company....

You have already answered your own question. "Honestly, neither one of us are really ready." Do not have a child while you and your husbands needs come first. Not fair to the child.

How can a person who doesn't like routines home school a child?

You are 38 and want to wait a couple more years to have a child? Clearly if you are not ready, you are not ready, but to assume it will be easy at 40+...well, I think you are kidding yourself.

Nina, Please don't be so quick to judge. You have no idea how my business works, what's involved, or how much I would plan to travel. Yet, you seem to think it's impossible. I don't think anything is impossible with the right attitude and the right amount of planning. And no, I am not deluding myself as to how much work kids are - one of the reasons I am not quite ready yet.

Missypie - home schooling does not have to be a routine. In fact, quite often, it's the opposite. You teach when it's convenient for both you & the child, whether that's morning, noon, night, or on the road. I have a friend with 3 very successful and bright children who followed this method so I know it can be done.

travel_addict, Perfect mom, me? LOL! However, I have three children, the oldest is now 25, the youngest is graduating fron high school tomorrow. I think I've probably forgotten more about raising kids than you yet know.

Just to throw another thought into the mix, like it or not, the older a woman is when she has her first child, the higher the possibility of having a child with developmental problems. For the most part, kids with special needs are a little harder to travel with. They need a lot more structure and their medical care can be an almost full-time job. I say this from experience.

And I run a business from home too. It's the only way I could possibly remain employed and still be able to take the time I need to deal with my child's needs. Nina may have exaggerated, but there's more than a kernel of truth in there.

Barbara, yes, having a child with special needs would certainly change everything. One can only hope for a healthy child, but there are no guarantees. Just another thing to think about...

Congrats on the 'baby' graduating, too!

Heidi,

Nina isn't "judging"; she's just being realistic. Unless your home business is some kind of pyramid scheme or multi-level marketing thing, I don't see how you can possibly expect to run a business without spending any time on it.

And your plans don't address at all the needs of an infant, when they need 24-hour care and attention. I unrealistically thought I could finish my master's thesis after my son was born----wrong. I couldn't get in even an hour a day without interruptions. I gave up on the thesis and just spent the time enjoying the baby.

Just curious---did your friend's three successful home-schooled children get into college?

Unfortunately waiting too long may decide for you.

I certainly don't think people should jump into parenthood if they are not 100% ready, but at 38 it would be better to act upon your choice sooner rather than later.

To me the only thing you were "nuts to consider" was asking this extremely personal question on an internet travel forum. That alone makes me wonder about your readiness. Plus I don't think some of your expectations are particularly realistic (that you can maintain spontenaity, continue to travel, home school the kids, run a successful business without actually working, etc.).

nina - I don't think any of us know what was involved with raising kids until we had them!

Travel sure is different with kids. I didn't feel up to long plane flights until my youngest was 4. He's now 11 and we go all over the country. I love our family vacations.

I am fortunate that my parents watched my boys for a week nearly every year so that my husband and I could go away together. And we'd do things like long hikes, etc. that we couldn't do when we were with kids. But - as much as it's great to get away, you still worry about the kids.

Re: traveling the world, I couldn't have done that with my 2 boys when they were younger. Walking through art museums? No way - they'd be bored out of their minds and I wouldn't get the time I'd want to really enjoy it. While I could take them to Paris, they'd be totally interested in what I wanted to see. (So I went for 9 days by myself and my husband watched them!)