Hmm, I posted once, and it disappeared.

I've always loved to travel and continued to do so after I had babies.

My daughter and her husband, in their mid-thirties, have an eleven month old baby. She has been on probably five long distance trips already- the only piece of baby equipment that they bring is the car seat. My daughter nurses her so no bottles, etc. She carries her in a sling which is great for going through security- no stroller to worry about. They are thinking about a trip to Scotland soon- I hope I get invited along to help babysit.

You'll never regret having a baby.The baby will learn to love travel, too- lucky baby!

Travel addict,
If you need to post this question on a travel board, you are not ready to have children.

We had our children when we were very young; we took some family vacations when they were young. It became easier as they matured, but then they were all grown up & didn't want to go with us any more! Now our travel is just for the two of us. We go where & when we want; and the beauty of having children very young is that we are still fairly active and have the resources now to go just about anywhere.

You can go almost anywhere with children - you just have to bring a lot more stuff with you!

Ok, I'll bite: Mother, started having children at 28, traveled a lot single and had what would be considered a great job. Married 1 yr when I became pregnant with first.

First thought for you: when you say
" Honestly, neither one of us is really ready because we both have a lot going on with our careers, and also because we both love to travel."
This seems to be you've made your decision when you say you honestly aren't ready.

Not everyone is ready, some are never ready.
Please don't have a child if the prospect of a family and all the responsibility that comes with it doesn't make you so excited you don't have to ask a soul for an opinion.

Parenthood lasts forever. The responsibilities and time commitment vary, you need patient, ability to compromise, and help a child develop into a mature, capable adult - this means sometimes being focused more on their needs than yours, especially travel and luxury needs.

Then again, that all depends on how much money you have too. If money is no object, and you can have help or family take care of a child, you can take a vacation whenever you want or bring a babysitter with you so you can also have those fine meals out or tour a day here or there without the baby.

Having a child or not shouldn't hinge on whether you can travel, or ski, or still buy every new item you want, or based on "when does it get easier to travel with a child."

Children don't always come out to your idea of perfection either. What if your child is a fussy colicky baby and can't travel well, what if they have other issues that need more attention and time, health wise or developmentally - there are no guarantees. Having a child and being a good parent sometimes means giving up what you want for you to do what is best for the child. Sacrifices big and small, all the time.

If you don't want your life to change one bit, then don't add a child into the mix. Because it will change.

For me, I never ever think 'what if I didn't have these kids" - I think, thank God I have these kids.

So our vacations changed a bit - the type we took, when we took them - our evenings changed a bit - bbq's with kids running around and nights we had to cancel the sitter b/c one was sick and missed concerts, dinners out, relatives weddings, etc - but we didn't care - the kids came first above anything else. To me, if that isn't your idea of having kids, then do some soul searching.

The worse is people who have kids for the sake of having kids or people are bugging them and perhaps you just don't want a family and that is perfectly absolutely fine.

We have married friends with no kids, friends who choose to remain single - some love our kids and love being with them even without us and like to borrow them, others don't, - and that is all fine.

To answer your question:

1. Is it really possible to travel all over the world with a child in tow? Or am I nuts to consider this?
Yes, we traveled w/ kids since they were babies. Of course it is possible. You can do it if you want and if you can afford it or take different types of vacations. that would be my last question if I was considering having children: I woudl ask the bigger questions - am I ready for the responsbility, am I looking forward to it, etc. to m e, askign this is like asking how many times can we eat out a month after having a child. The answer is as often as you like and can afford and it fits in the childs schedule of school and a kids life. As long as you are ready for the cancellations due to the usual childhood illnesses and all the other time 'interferences' that comes with a family.

2. At what age does it get easier to travel with a child? Especially flying long distances?
Who knows - we have no idea what your child would be like. A relative has visited twice from overseas this year witih an infant - is it easy? I don't know - easy for her isn't easy for someone else. Maybe your kid will have ear infections and tubes and who knows what else and not be able to fly for a while, maybe they will, maybe they'll scream for entire plane rides, maybe not, maybe they'll have motion sickness and hate car rides.....who knows.

3. And, finally, please be honest, do any of you wished you had traveled more instead of having children?
I don't wish I had done anything 'more' instead of having my kids. We travel frequently, my kids loved it from an early age - when they were older ( 6 plus) we did many trips to Europe and Australia, New Zealand, and far away places. We also took a lot of school vacation ski trips and local beach excursions. Depends on what you can afford and what works with your family.

And, as you said, your clock is ticking. You don't even know if you can have kids, or if you'll need hormone therapy or in vitro or have an easy pregnancy or not, - and will you continue a career or not - all decisions only you can make.

In my opinion, you shouldn't have to ask anyone else if you should have kids or if it will intrude on your travel. For me, having kids didn't 'intrude' on my life, it changed it, but I wanted that and I knew it and my husband knew it.

If the bottom line for you is, 'if we have kids, we might not be able to travel as much' - as I said, that would be the last of my concerns. There's a lot more that's going to change than your travel plans.

Heidi- I liked your response. If you both have things to do do them. Don't just have kids based on what others say. If it was really important to you both to have a child, you would be trying now. Either way, you will have a great life together.

My husband and I both traveled extensively as children and young adults before we married (and we were mere children when we did that!). I traveled a lot with two and then three children, flying by myself because DH rarely had time off. We spent most of our vacations doing "kid friendly" things--the beach or mountains stateside, and we had a farm down south where I used to take the kids for the summer so they wouldn't have to endure the long hot NYC summers. Nowadays women wouldn't even consider doing that by themselves---but I never considered staying put just because we had a family.

DH and I took one vacation alone when we had just two children, to Greyfield Inn on Cumberland Island for a week. We missed the children terribly! There was a lovely English family moving back to the UK from Connecticut, having a last short vac while their furniture was en route. We really enjoyed their kids at meal times, and talked so much about ours that we vowed we'd never leave them for a whole week again.

Then we had another, and they became teenagers

Our last child is the best traveler, and a bit younger than the others. We have traveled more extensively with him because he was the only one at home and very easy--in fact, he is a dream traveling companion. He will be off to boarding school in the fall, and DH and I will finally have "time" to travel by ourselves. We can't wait, but do not regret any of the decisions we've made to get here.

travel_addict,

From my understanding, you have several more years---maybe 5--- before this becomes an urgent decision. Yes, your fertility level drops as you get older, but that has already happened to some degree. You and your husband need more time for your marriage to mature before you have a child. Talk to your OB (or several others) and find out, realistically, how long you have to consider this. The days when 40 was considered the upper limit of safe childbearing are over, even for first-time mothers.

I'm going to go against the grain here and tell you that I think you should have a child. I think different personalities approach starting a family in different ways and you kind of remind me of myself. I consider myself spontaneous as well - having plans just makes me want to break them! However I also tend to fear major life changes. I wasn't sure how I would react to having a child - I was never a big fan of other people's children and the thought of this little person taking over my life was a bit threatening. It is a big change and it can be scary to think about!

One thing about children & schedules is that they are always changing. My childrens' schedule right now is very different than it was 3 months ago and that is different than what it was 9 months ago! If anything, you need to be more spotaneous and able to adjust when you have a child!!

I never had a dog but had cats pre-kids. I bought them presents, special beds, and lavished them with attention. After having kids, I could care less if I ever have a pet again - my need to nurture is quite fulfilled!! Now my kids want a pet so we'll be picking up a new kitty soon. Ughh - cat hair!

who the heck wants to travel with a baby anyway?
Just get a babysitter

Thank you, Saraho. You & your sister sound like the kind of parent I would hope to be. (and I've been having some disappearing posts today too.)

And, Barbara... you sound like the 'perfect mom' - are you really??? As for taking them out of school - wouldn't be an issue since I plan on home schooling.

And thank you, Escargot, for your many valid points. More to consider...

I have been around a long time Travel Addict. You seem like a nice person so I will tell you something I have learned over the years.

Although I am not a people person I AM a family person. I think I have been a good dad and I worked hard at it. But, the hard job, and the important job is the mom job. This is the most rewarding job in the world and it is the hardest job in the world.

You have to devote yourself to this mom job. It will be the most important thing you do in your life. Are you ready for it?

Will you be able to travel when you are a mom? Of course you will. But there will be adjustments. But are you willing to devote your life to being a mom, which is above all else?

There, I have spoken. The end. Period. Good luck.

And thank you for all the new responses - didn't realize there would be so much input on this topic. I honestly thought I would have to top it to keep it in the top 50!

Nora_S - having a child after 40 really freaks me out, but I do have a friend that had a baby at 43 so yes, it can be done. If we do, I would prefer to do it sooner.

Snowrooster - you remind me of me too. Thanks & good luck with that kitty!

Slightly off topic, but I feel that when wants to be a parent, they begin to fear not being one, ya know?

For me, I fear that I may not be able to ever be a mom. I mean, for one, I would like a partner and that is sooo hard nowadays. And two, I need to earn a lot more money in order to support a little one. So, if you are questioning if having a child may crimp your traveling, then perhaps you would be happier adopting a child later in life after your travels? Also, with the wonders of IVF, you can have a child far after age 40.

travel addict,
There is never the perfect time to have children - you can always find a reason not to: time, money, career, 'to do' lists, etc. It is something that you just have to forge ahead on once you've made up your mind that that is REALLY what you want. The hours in the day will expand because you will get very good at multitasking, somehow the budget stretches to accomodate yet another pair of new shoes/pants or piece of sporting equipment, etc. and you manage to load everyone in the car or on a plane and still travel. You might not be having dinner at Le Cirque, but you will find a way to make some great memories and have a great time!

If you honestly know you are not ready, don't do it. Its like getting married -- if you have to ask, don't do it.

That being said, sure you can travel with kids, if you are willing to adjust your travel life-style:

+ You will have at least twice as much luggage (clothes are small, but equipment and toys are bulky). Kiddo will not carry it; instead, kiddo will want to be carried, too.

+ You will have to plan more. Schedule travel times around naptime; pack enough diapers; make hotel reservations before you leave; know beforehand where you will stop for lunch; pack snacks.

+ No more fancy restuarants, opera, theater, white-water rafting, hikes down the crater, etc, unless you are willing to trust a babysitter in strange place.

+ No day-long car or train trips. Plan on a half-day of sightseeing rather than a full day.

+ Get an apartment for a week instead of hopping from place to place. Avoid eating out 3 times a day.

Babies are easy travellers, despite their extra equipment needs. Once they start to move around, but will have to plan more around their needs; teenagers are harder because they have schedules of their own, they want to be with their friends, and they don't like what you like; then they grow out of it, and/or can stay home by themselves. Its all good.

The right age for long distance flights depends on the kid. Our son1 could fly at any age, but for son2 we didn't dare try it until he was about 8.

i'll just tackle your last question...

"do any of you wish you had traveled more instead of having children?"

i have traveled extensively around the world, including two stints of living full time for over a year abroad--once in europe and once in asia. so frankly, even though i love to travel, i've never thought of it as being either/or. so you have to take a few years off from heavy travel, in the grand scheme, it really doesn't matter. and if you have flourishing careers and make a lot of money, just bring along the nanny.

but, honestly, the lifetime of worry that comes along with being a parent is what scares me...as a parent you constantly worry that your children are safe, developing properly, growing into polite/well-mannered kids who play well with others, are happy, well-adjusted, etc., etc. it is all-consuming at times and it never ends. my kids are only 4 and 3 and i know the worries only change as they get older. you need to consider if you are willing to deal with that. i sometimes think it would have been so much easier not having kids. but i wouldn't have traded it for the world.

Hmmm..... I'm wondering, for you parents out there, if having children was ever a question that required a decision (other than timing, maybe).

I totally agree with the previous post, that's what it's like to travel with kids! We need a sherpa on our trips more than anything. Travel addict, if you really want to know what it's like to travel with kids read my trip reports to Italy and Costa Rica at http://www.markandmonica.com/travel.htm.

Funny comment about needing a sherpa! We just returned from driving to Hilton Head & I can't tell you how many SUVs we saw that had luggage on top and attached to platforms on the back! You would think and SUV would hold it all, but NO!

I never questioned whether I wanted to have kids outloud but it was a scary prospect for me. Major life changes scare me and the thought of this little stranger taking over my life definitely worried me. I mean, if I didn't like it, what was I going to do? I know you shouldn't make your decision based on what anyone else says, including your family, but the fact that my parents thought I was ready actually help assuage my fears a bit. I think the big thing to recognize is that once you have your baby (if you do), you no longer see it as a stranger invading your life, he/she becomes a part of you and there is no greater joy than giving that child 100% of everying good in you and watching him/her develop into a wonderful person!

my mother didnt really want kids. My dad did.
She tells me the story - she was afraid of having kids. She didnt want to share her husband with her kids. She didnt really have much of a maternal instinct or a desire for kids. She got pregnant because she wanted to stop working!

But motherhood "kicked her up a notch". She is a dedicated, loving and caring mother. She always has the best advice, and is always there to listen, sympathize and help me with any problem I have.

My point is, I think its really presumptuous and unfair to say that if you are meant to be a parent you "stop fearing it". Or that if you have any doubts - dont have kids. Having kids is a BIG deal. Its perfectly normal to have doubts and fears...that doesnt mean you shouldnt be a parent.

"As for taking them out of school - wouldn't be an issue since I plan on home schooling."
So then this isn't just a decision to travel or have children at all, it's also about giving up your career, which I would think would be a bigger consideration than how quickly you can get that baby a passport. You can't homeschool and have a career.

I think you ought to pose this question on ivillage.