Too feeble to travel?
Dec 14th, 2005, 09:59 AM
#21
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As for elderly parents - either travel with them or sign up for an Elderhostel program - it's not exactly a tour group, it's a program designed for not-so-strong-any-more.
As for headaches, had she been to an experienced neurologist? Imitrex is not to be taken often, and NOT for prevention of migraines. Did she have a CT scan?
As for headaches, had she been to an experienced neurologist? Imitrex is not to be taken often, and NOT for prevention of migraines. Did she have a CT scan?
Dec 14th, 2005, 10:01 AM
#22
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The caring/concern issues aside (read my post above, I understand you love them) BUT does your daughter know you have posted her medical problems here for the world to see? Are you going to take our advice and pass it on to her doctors? Did your in-laws ask you to resolve their travel/growing old problems for them? or is this advice you are seeking all unsolicited?
You need to tread carefully, or the next thing that will happen is your daughter will be posting here on behalf of herself and her grandparents about how to deal with the meddler!
You need to tread carefully, or the next thing that will happen is your daughter will be posting here on behalf of herself and her grandparents about how to deal with the meddler!
Dec 14th, 2005, 11:01 AM
#23
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vicki - your concerns are totally legit and come from a loving heart!!!
i too have faced the parent/child role reversal thing. when it is your own parents it is hard to face and makes you aware that before too long it will be you, which can make us less willing to see the obvious. and we americans (or is that humans) have a terrible time facing mortality.
one suggestion is for you and dh and sil's and their dh's to arrange to have all YOUR medical/legal paperwork put in order and ask your inlaws to do so as well at the same time. less offensive to them and good for everyone involved.
i agree that they should be "safe" while flying but being disoriented in an airport would not be fun. could you call the airline and request those riding carts for them?
if you are close to the sil in dallas, give her a call and see if she sees the changes you do. she might have better luck talking to her sibs than you are.
good luck.
i too have faced the parent/child role reversal thing. when it is your own parents it is hard to face and makes you aware that before too long it will be you, which can make us less willing to see the obvious. and we americans (or is that humans) have a terrible time facing mortality.
one suggestion is for you and dh and sil's and their dh's to arrange to have all YOUR medical/legal paperwork put in order and ask your inlaws to do so as well at the same time. less offensive to them and good for everyone involved.
i agree that they should be "safe" while flying but being disoriented in an airport would not be fun. could you call the airline and request those riding carts for them?
if you are close to the sil in dallas, give her a call and see if she sees the changes you do. she might have better luck talking to her sibs than you are.
good luck.
Dec 14th, 2005, 11:28 AM
#24
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Two years ago an elderly lisenced driver was disoriented and confused the gas pedal for the brake. He plowed through the Santa Monica Farmer's Market, killing 10 people. Maybe his children were "minding their own business".
Vicki's concerns are more than legitimate.
Vicki's concerns are more than legitimate.
Dec 14th, 2005, 11:34 AM
#25
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Catbert, you didn't read everything I wrote. I was AGAINST the driving, as was I think almost everyone here. As far of the rest of it I think she needs to back off a bit before dispensing (well meaning yet unsolicited) advice.
Dec 14th, 2005, 12:54 PM
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I hope your in-laws are flying on a plane with some dedicated healthcare workers like my son (nurse) and daughter in - law (RT) who spent their flight from Paris EACH working on passengers needing emergency care.
On our last flight from Amsterdam we turned around and return to Shannon to provide medical care to a 75 yr old diabetic.
This is not the time for denial !!
On our last flight from Amsterdam we turned around and return to Shannon to provide medical care to a 75 yr old diabetic.
This is not the time for denial !!
Dec 14th, 2005, 02:10 PM
#27
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Intrepid, your post made no sense to me, but I don't live in Florida anymore..so there is no more worry for me about getting hit by anyone driving there.
BTW- I was hit by an elderly lady, backing up in a huge cadillac, even though I was honking, she backed into me anyway. But she was in great shape, just deaf..and could not turn her head...and was very very short..but she was in great shape.lol
Catbert, an old poster that was banned, named Grasshopper, used to have elderly parents who took cruises all the time! I personally, think if an elderly person can travel at all, that is a great way to go! although I imagine when I am elderly- I will still get seasick, so that will not be an option for me
vickie, do they live in their own home? do they cook and go about their days unaided? Then why do you all think they cannot travel ?
If my relatives had 2 heart attacks, cancer surgeries, diabetes and bad knees and still felt like traveling, I would be thrillled!
BTW- I was hit by an elderly lady, backing up in a huge cadillac, even though I was honking, she backed into me anyway. But she was in great shape, just deaf..and could not turn her head...and was very very short..but she was in great shape.lol
Catbert, an old poster that was banned, named Grasshopper, used to have elderly parents who took cruises all the time! I personally, think if an elderly person can travel at all, that is a great way to go! although I imagine when I am elderly- I will still get seasick, so that will not be an option for me
vickie, do they live in their own home? do they cook and go about their days unaided? Then why do you all think they cannot travel ?
If my relatives had 2 heart attacks, cancer surgeries, diabetes and bad knees and still felt like traveling, I would be thrillled!
Dec 14th, 2005, 02:38 PM
#31
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No, but I like the idea of the houseboats in England or in France. But I used to feel woozy on the Ferries going across to Fire Island in NY, so I have low hopes for being able to float on anything without turning green 
Dec 14th, 2005, 04:06 PM
#32
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Suze, FainaAgain & Scarlett, do not despair!
My husband used to love to tell everybody I couldn't watch certain TV shows because I get seasick. But these things do change. And although I started out with a scope patch on my first cruise a decade ago, I have graduated to just chewing a little ginger when things get that "off" feeling. Amazingly, this is all I need now. Although I still cannot read in the car
.
And I'm still young - 47
. Try now! There are several first class cruiselines out there...what a way to see Alaska!
My husband used to love to tell everybody I couldn't watch certain TV shows because I get seasick. But these things do change. And although I started out with a scope patch on my first cruise a decade ago, I have graduated to just chewing a little ginger when things get that "off" feeling. Amazingly, this is all I need now. Although I still cannot read in the car
.And I'm still young - 47
. Try now! There are several first class cruiselines out there...what a way to see Alaska!
Dec 14th, 2005, 04:43 PM
#34
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Grantop,
Yes, my daughter is very aware that I freely discuss her headaches, in hopes that someone might suggest something that will help her. She does the same. She also posts regularly to the cluster headaches message boards.
Cluster headaches are called "cluster" because they occur in clusters. A patient may go months or years symptom-free, then experience weeks, or months of daily debilitating headaches. These headaches are on one side, centered around the eye, which is served by the trigeminal facial nerve, a major pathway for pain. In the event of a cluster headache, there is an unidentified process which causes abnormal blood vessel activity, and the trigeminal nerve becomes inflammed, causing intense pain. These headaches are not helped by analgesics or narcotics. Research and development of new drugs has been hindered by the fact that some researchers feel it is unethical to deliberately give someone who is in excruciating pain a placebo.
My daughter was worked up by neurologist at the time of her last cluster of headaches (18 months ago!)She underwent a CT scan of the head and MRI of the brain. All were normal.
People who have suffered from these headaches can frequently offer tips and other suggestions as to what has helped them. No single thing works for every one but my daughter tries just about anything suggested to her in hopes that she may be one that will benefit from it. Her doctor advises her to try anything within reason.
Joan was kind enough to tell me of a technique that her husband has tried for his cluster headaches, which I will pass on to my daughter.
I am grateful that she has a patient and loving husband who is very supportive of her during this difficult time. Cluster headaches are also known as "suicide headaches", so I'm glad that she is not alone when they occur during the night, which has been the case for the past six weeks.
She will see another neurologist on December 22, although I doubt that he will be able to offer anything new. We are praying that her cycle will be over by then. She and I will be taking a trip to New York City on the 28th, and I really want her to be able to enjoy it.
As for my in-laws, my concern for them is not mean-spirited. As I watched them walk away, they just struck me as so terribly fragile, and I thought suddenly of how horrible it would be if they got hurt in some way simply because we failed to notice this deterioration of their abilities.
Vicki
Yes, my daughter is very aware that I freely discuss her headaches, in hopes that someone might suggest something that will help her. She does the same. She also posts regularly to the cluster headaches message boards.
Cluster headaches are called "cluster" because they occur in clusters. A patient may go months or years symptom-free, then experience weeks, or months of daily debilitating headaches. These headaches are on one side, centered around the eye, which is served by the trigeminal facial nerve, a major pathway for pain. In the event of a cluster headache, there is an unidentified process which causes abnormal blood vessel activity, and the trigeminal nerve becomes inflammed, causing intense pain. These headaches are not helped by analgesics or narcotics. Research and development of new drugs has been hindered by the fact that some researchers feel it is unethical to deliberately give someone who is in excruciating pain a placebo.
My daughter was worked up by neurologist at the time of her last cluster of headaches (18 months ago!)She underwent a CT scan of the head and MRI of the brain. All were normal.
People who have suffered from these headaches can frequently offer tips and other suggestions as to what has helped them. No single thing works for every one but my daughter tries just about anything suggested to her in hopes that she may be one that will benefit from it. Her doctor advises her to try anything within reason.
Joan was kind enough to tell me of a technique that her husband has tried for his cluster headaches, which I will pass on to my daughter.
I am grateful that she has a patient and loving husband who is very supportive of her during this difficult time. Cluster headaches are also known as "suicide headaches", so I'm glad that she is not alone when they occur during the night, which has been the case for the past six weeks.
She will see another neurologist on December 22, although I doubt that he will be able to offer anything new. We are praying that her cycle will be over by then. She and I will be taking a trip to New York City on the 28th, and I really want her to be able to enjoy it.
As for my in-laws, my concern for them is not mean-spirited. As I watched them walk away, they just struck me as so terribly fragile, and I thought suddenly of how horrible it would be if they got hurt in some way simply because we failed to notice this deterioration of their abilities.
Vicki
Dec 14th, 2005, 04:48 PM
#35
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I think the fact that they want to travel is great. That they want to drive - not so much. Does sound like your husband has his head in the sand about their abilities. If you really are concerned, maybe you can contact the Drivers' license bureau in their state and ask what can be done.
Dec 14th, 2005, 05:40 PM
#36
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I took Imitrex tablets for my migraines.
On one hand they are a lifesaver when you find something that actually works when you are in the throes of a migraine.
On the other, they have serious side effects and the shots have more than the tablets.
I hope your daughter is seeing a doctor on a regular basis..keeping an eye on her blood pressure and heart.
I would concentrate on her and let the adults ( even the really older adults) enjoy themselves.
On one hand they are a lifesaver when you find something that actually works when you are in the throes of a migraine.
On the other, they have serious side effects and the shots have more than the tablets.
I hope your daughter is seeing a doctor on a regular basis..keeping an eye on her blood pressure and heart.
I would concentrate on her and let the adults ( even the really older adults) enjoy themselves.
Dec 14th, 2005, 05:41 PM
#37
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Hi Vicki,
I had the same feeling with my Mom at Thanksgiving. Just watching how little balance she had when getting in and out of cars, and fumbling with the seat belt. It hit me in my gut - that sense of how frail she really was.
Vicki and others facing the driving issues - I work in health care. In our location, our local hospital has a program to assess elders driving skills. They use Physical and Occupational Therapists, do sight and hearing tests. Then they recommend levels of driving safety - full liscense, daytime driving only, etc.
They are very respectful of elder drivers and counsel them about what is safe for them. You may want to see if such a program is available. I agree with Grantop that this will be a sensitive subject, and one best approached by their son or daughter.
But most people recognize that they wouldn't want to injure others. If they don't feel like you are trying to just restrict their driving, they may be willing to have a driving assessment. The hospital based program is a nice approach, because it looks at it from a health standpoint and what they can do, rather than from a Liscense suspension and what they can't do.
Not sure if this is helpful, but I know you are raising these questions out of a sense of caring and concern.
I had the same feeling with my Mom at Thanksgiving. Just watching how little balance she had when getting in and out of cars, and fumbling with the seat belt. It hit me in my gut - that sense of how frail she really was.
Vicki and others facing the driving issues - I work in health care. In our location, our local hospital has a program to assess elders driving skills. They use Physical and Occupational Therapists, do sight and hearing tests. Then they recommend levels of driving safety - full liscense, daytime driving only, etc.
They are very respectful of elder drivers and counsel them about what is safe for them. You may want to see if such a program is available. I agree with Grantop that this will be a sensitive subject, and one best approached by their son or daughter.
But most people recognize that they wouldn't want to injure others. If they don't feel like you are trying to just restrict their driving, they may be willing to have a driving assessment. The hospital based program is a nice approach, because it looks at it from a health standpoint and what they can do, rather than from a Liscense suspension and what they can't do.
Not sure if this is helpful, but I know you are raising these questions out of a sense of caring and concern.
Dec 14th, 2005, 05:58 PM
#39
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Vicki you don't come across as mean spirited in the least bit. I would encourage them to travel as long as they are interested. I feel that it is healthier for them to make an effort to get out than to hide away at home.
The driving is another issue. If your FIL has stiff joints and difficulty getting in and out of the car, he has no business driving. There is no way that he could quickly respond to a situation where he may need to brake fast. For the safety of other drivers and pedestrians, it is the responsibility of your husband and his siblings to take action on this immediately.
The driving is another issue. If your FIL has stiff joints and difficulty getting in and out of the car, he has no business driving. There is no way that he could quickly respond to a situation where he may need to brake fast. For the safety of other drivers and pedestrians, it is the responsibility of your husband and his siblings to take action on this immediately.
Dec 14th, 2005, 06:05 PM
#40
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Vicki, this might sound like a dumb question - but has your daughter had a full spinal scan? Reason for my Qn is that my cousin has excruciating cluster migraines from an injury to c2 & c3 that she wasn't aware of and her Dr told her that is frequently where really bad headaches start.
