Al I'm slightly offended, as someone who has worked at a movie theatre for almost the past 5 years (I'll be 21 in early July) I beg to differ. Although I'm not an "usher" as my normal job I do fill in once in a while and help out when I can. I work at an AMC with 30 theatres. Our ushers DO shush people and do their best to keep them quiet. However they do not sit in a theatre throughout the whole movie, what good would that do? A total waste of time. They do however do "theatre checks" and check to make sure everything is going okay. If someone comes out to complain, they fix that as well.
Finding a seat when you come in late....I know our ushers do seating before the movie starts, they ask everyone to move together to make room for more seats on the ends. If you come in late however, they'll do their best and go in to look for a seat, but if there aren't any together there's not much they can do about it. Everyone else paid the same price and got there on time, why ruin their movie experience by making them move for you who was late?
Yes most of us are teenagers (we start hiring at 14, although all night workers are at least 16)

Hi Cinderella. I believe the AMC theater group that you work for is the theater that my family down in the Ventura CA area attends. And they rave about how pleasant the theater is. They will not go to any others.

No need for you to be offended, I think a lot of us remember when ushers stayed in the theater and immediately took care of any problems so that the patrons could have an enjoyable experience. Like everything these days (such as few assistants to actually help one when clothes shopping as we use to have versus just check out people basically now) companies have cut back on employees. One of our highly rated groceries stores in my city have food from all over the world, and high prices also, but noone to take your groceries out to the car. I find that odd since all the lower cost supermarkets do provide this service.

Good for you for working since you were 16 years old. I am sure you do a wonderful job, since you have had the position for almost five years. A good experience for you, and certainly that will look great for future jobs you might want to pursue. Wishing you a happy and successful future!

Cinderella, you make good points and I can understand your thoughts and feelings, but...

the ushers Al describes from days of yore and the ushers in today's multiplexes are as different as night and day.

Hmmm...perhaps one comparison would be refueling a car in a full service station (where the attendent would run out to pump your gas and check under the hood) and refueling in a self-service station.

If you've never experienced the early versions, it's hard to comprehend the difference.

How many of us remember elevators in department buttons? No pushing the button yourself (or mashing it if you're from the South!). The attendent open and closed the door and announced the floor - "Ladies lingerie".

The ushers (or matrons) of the past were authority figures. And the original ushers escorted you to your seat - and people WOULD move if so told by him.

Hi Starrsville, oh yes, elevator operators that called out all the floors and looked so elegant in
their
uniforms and white gloves. Service station attendants. Store clerks that were trained to assist you will all your purchases. Alteration seamstress that could adjust clothing in a wink of an eye. And ushers that ruled the theaters. Butchers that prepared meat for you exactly as you wanted it.

Uhm, Starrsville, I think we are showing our age, you think? LOL.

Oh, you've brought back memories.

And etiquette in theatres still does exist, whereas in the library it has almost totally been negated.

Since the advent of high tech into the library, noise levels- as in most public areas of our lives, have risen to another level. Remember the "old" rules??? NO MORE. And it isn't just noise or level of respect toward property use.

I do feel for Cinderella22, because this is also not the same audience either as those past structures serviced. Those of you not in the service day to day world, really think you know this- but you can't believe what demands and expectations surface in 2005. Her job is difficult, more difficult than the white gloved usher of the past. Right now, every day I have hundreds of 18 to 30 year olds that are wonderful, bright, intelligent people (and not just from the USA) but many, many have not basic manner set for any culture.

Throughout the '90's I had to "close" a library at 10pm. If I told you the things I have found, you would not believe me. Or people I have found, in action. It's not just stacks anymore, you know. It's also a coffeehouse and an internet cafe. Every academic library in my state has both now, or they are "out of the loop."

There must be change and new rules of etiquette with every generation, but basic manners are also taught. If only it's a sense of non-entitlement or awareness that "I can't" do whatever I please at any public space I choose.

This more than any other subject ever discussed on Fodors is something we can all work toward change. Just by role modeling a less ego-centric and more respectful mannerly grace/logistics in your travels will help teach those who for whatever reason have never been taught.

And it is close to 50% now that have no basic idea, particularly in movement. They have to be taught how to exit and enter an elevator properly without trampling people who are still trying to get "off". And door opening etc.- I actually teach this to 20-somethings. No one did.

And do you know, they have often thanked me for it.

DSM22 -- I felt so sorry for the performers at our choir concert. They did work hard for so many months and did an incredible job (in spite of the distractions). Afterwards they filed off the stage in a line down the center aisle and out into the lobby, and the audience gave them a standing ovation until every last performer had left the room. The concert was also being taped -- I hope they are able to edit out the crying and the Leapfrog reading.

Cinderella02 -- I am so glad to know there are at least some theatres where ushers will still deal with annoyances, although these days you probably deserve hazard pay the way some people feel entitled to behave any way they darn well please! But still, coming back in periodically to check and dealing with things if someone comes out to complain still means the audience has to suffer until the usher comes in to check or some poor audience member has to get up and go outside, missing part of the movie, to come get someone to complain to. I really do miss the good ol' days....

I also miss intermissions in movie theatres. I've always had a smaller than normal bladder (too much info...I know) and appreciated having a bathroom break w/o missing part of the movie. Nowadays I always try to get there early to get an aisle seat near the back so I don't have to ruin others' views of the movie while I slip out to the bathroom. Consequently I do refuse to give up that coveted seat to latecomers.

JJ5 -- ITA that manners really do need to be modeled and taught these days, and they should be taught as young as possible. Several years ago I injured my foot while DH and I were on a trip to Boston, so on our visit to Sturbridge Village it was necessary for me to use a wheelchair. We went while school was in session and there were gobs of school groups there on field trips. I remember a few times when various kids would muscle their way in front of me while I was trying to enjoy one of the exhibits, not even saying "excuse me" -- just completely ignoring me! And their chaperones did nothing to correct them. *sigh*

On the other hand, a very nice older woman did help me navigate the wheelchair-unfriendly bathroom while DH stood guard outside to make sure nobody came bursting through the swinging door while I was trying to get into the stall (that was immediately behind the swinging door...poor planning on someone's part!).

LoveItaly,
It was not that long ago that Bendels in NYC had an elevator man ( at least I think it was Bendels) see, with a bad memory, you don't miss as much LOL

The Grove Park Inn does as well. Riding the old elevator in the rock wall of the chimney in the historic section is a real step back in time.

JJ5 -

I agree. the things that teens and young adults con;t know is absolutely scary. After a couple of (to me) shocking experiences I now make sure that someone goes out to lunch with potential hires before we make a job offer.

Besides the fact that these college-educated adults don;t seem to know enoughto say please and thank you, don;t hold doors for others - or open them for the elderly, handicapped or moms with infants - they have no clue how to behave in public social situations.

One young woman had no - and I mean no table manners. I don;t mean she didn;t know how to use all of the 14 forks - it was only a minimally formal meal - and she didn't even know how to use two forks. I was expecting her to start licking the plate next. I assigned one of the other juniors to give her lessons - but she felt this was "disrespecting" her - and and quit - thank god.

And another incredible clod proceeded to have about 14 drinks (I presume) at a client cocktail party and then became very loud and obnoxious before vomiting in a corner of the room (he was encouraged to seek both treatment for alcoholism and an alternate career path).

Have these people no parents at all?

NYtravler, it has been my experience that the parents are there and they are as bad as the kids. That is where the kids get it from.

I am a manager and I have a lot of kids working for me and I am trying my best to instill good values and be a good role model for them. Teach them the right things to do in tough situations,
learn foundational skills so that when they get a real job that they will do well under pressure.

Most of the time their parents are counter-acting me. I have had kids steal, saw them, with my own eyes. Their parents say, not my kid. I have kids that did not request off, but want to do what they want to do, and parents call them off and say that they are very ill, when they are not, 5 minutes before they are supposed to walk in the door to work.

I have seen and heard too many things to even start to list in my 6 years, but trust me, I have learned that the apple usually does not fall far from the tree. Sad, but true.

The other day I took my elderly mom to buy a pair of shoes. We asked the teenaged clerk for a shoe horn. For the next five minutes we tried to explain to her what a shoe horn was. She had never heard of one or seen one, yet she was "trained" to work in a shoe department.

At Publix I asked if they still carried "spiral sliced whole hams". The teenaged clerk at the deli counter tried to show me "spicy ham", then "sliced" prepackaged ham, but couldn't figure out what I meant by a "whole ham on the bone that is partially sliced". Later I was told that Publix still does sell them, but I already had been to Honeybaked to buy one.

At a movie theatre recently, we were there for a foreign film. When it started, the image was set too low for the screen and the subtitles were cut off. I went to the lobby to tell them. Not one of the three "ushers" or even the manager knew what "subtitles" were. I finally had to drag him back to that theatre to show him to make him understand.

Who trains these people?

Agree - it is so sad that their parents are setting these kids up for failure in life.

University graduates at the age of 23/24 don;t even seem to have the maturity, sense of responsability and social skills that we had at 15. Many still seem to expect everyone to be their parents - instead of profesional mentors - or coworkers.

And then these kids - I can;t really call them adults - are astonished when they fail - rather than succeed. I had to let one go last week - which I hated to do. (He was actually weeping - and saying I don;t understand - how can you do this?)

In spite of all of the time and energy we had put into him - and he was a decent, reasonably intelligent kid - he absolutely refused to take any sort of advice/constructive criticism seriously. But what else can you do when you spend months working with someone and they simply make no serious effort to improve?

Sadly - I think this may have been the first time in his life he actually had to face the consequences of his own actions.

That's the one thing I liked best about Maria Shriver's book (title is along the lines of 10 Things I wished I'd known). She said the one thing that she would do differently in raising her children would be to allow them to fail. It was devasting for her to fail as an adult (fired from her TV position) and worse because she didn't have the coping skills to handle it.

I agree. This positive self-esteem, my child can do no wrong, and Lake Wobegon approach does no service to the kids.

I agree that it must have an awful lot to do with the parents and how they raise their kids. I give my parents full credit for raising me to have good manners and be able to handle all types of social situations. However.... at what point do people realize that their actions are offending people and that maybe they should consider a change?? I would think that eventually a young adult would clue into the fact that their rude and/or inappropriate behavior isn't getting them anywhere in life.

Agreed.

The problem is that many of these people are so immature they don;t become young adults until they are 30 - or even more - and so have already lost much time and numerous good opportunities.

Well, like my dad always used to say to me when I'd point out ppl my age acting rude, "It's OK - that's your competition out there in the job market!"
lol

Hi sks, you had a smart father!!!

I think part of the problem has been rampant grade inflation in several schools, where kids who really deserve a D or F are getting C's b/c someone has decided it would hurt their self-esteem to do otherwise. What they don't realize is that they're setting these kids up for failure b/c employers aren't going to coddle them the same way -- too much competition out there! Plus I don't think it really helps their self-esteem anyway, b/c I've found most people know when they're not really doing a good job no matter what the grade says.

Very interesting conversation. We are looking at the beginning of a generation of young adults who will be like this and maybe worse.

Why do we reward involvement over success? Why has discipline become abuse?Little league programs even stopped keeping score to not offend any little ones.

Based on all these responses, the new age parenting approach fails.

It's my guess that all of us here who were held accountable for our actions by our parents and, maybe(gasp), spanked, bear no emotional scars and view it as proper child rearing.

From my 8 year old, travel team baseball player, a quote, as we waited for a field to empty of much younger players.

"Oh this is the place with the sign about no winners or losers in tee-ball, Grandma. We'll win this game for sure. Someone is always hurt here, or they forfeit because kids are on vacation."

I come across each year 23 year olds who: do not know how to hold a broom, can not change toilet paper (ask to be "trained"), have no idea what car insurance procedure or cost are (yet drive), do not know what the claw on the hammer is used for(one called it the hammer hanger), do not understand credit card percentages, do not understand depreciation or what time payments on a vehicle or mortgage payments on a house incur, have never completed a grocery shopping trip for a family's one week supply.

Most have to be trained for any telephone use, because they do not know how to begin, end, or conduct polite business transactions on the phone. And this in the age of the cell phone.

Failure toughens you up immensely while making you "mad" enough to exceed your reach the next time.

Families do not often eat together as they once did. TV, activities etc. all interfere with proper table manners and meal times. It is just not taught in many homes.

Every one of us that has some etiquette in movement, dining, etc. to share, do. The inmates are starting to take over the institution.