That last post on the Tina decision brought back memories of turning down a transfer to Southern California 35 years ago. I've regretted that decision over and over again all these years since. Anybody out there to tell me why I shouldn't be beating myself up for not becoming "a California girl"? I'd like to hear both those who took an opportunity and those who didn't. Thanks.

Ann: Depends....where were/are you living now?

I just accepted a promotion within my company to move from New York City to San Diego - I have been here just short of 2 months and I am very happy with the decision, although it was a difficult one. I lived in the West Village for the past 6 years, prior to that in Washington DC and Paris, France, and did not know if the lifestyle in SD would be good for me - or more so, if I could adapt to it. I think things are going well so far, and even though it is nearly 3000 miles away from NYC, I can always decide to go back. I was afraid that I might never have this chance again, and living on the West Coast was something I have never done.

Eileen, welcome to San Diego!

I think a lot depends on where exactly in So. Cal.

LA-lovers will jump all over this, but I just can't imagine why anyone would want to live there. After several business trips there, I characterize it as one big strip mall/housing tract crossed by clogged freeways and covered in a brown ball of smog.

Ann,

the timing of your post and my personal circumstances made this reply inevitable.

I have just left the practice of law (12 years) to become a teacher at a community college (teaching law in our paralegal program). My wife and I are simultaneously realizing our dream of living at the beach.

Who knows how this will turn out--my salary is roughly 1/3 of what it was, and we are living in a very small (but nice) oceanfront condo, less than 1000 square feet. But I look forward to coming to work, I feel good about what I am doing, and I am proud to say that I am a teacher (whereas I was always somewhat reluctant to blurt out that I was a lawyer).

Also, waking up to see how the ocean has changed from the day before (and it always does), and being in a place we love is worth a lot of lost income. We will have a tight monetary budget, but I already believe this new move is a good one. Our adventure begins at ages 39 and 40 respectively.

Chuck,
Great story. I have a lot of lawyer friends who wish they had your "stones" (and supportive wife!)to do the same thing you just did!

Way to go. Sometimes it's not all about the money!

Good for you Chuck! You've done what my husband dreams about. He has a stressful, high paying job that he hates. His dream is to open up a gourmet food/wine shop that are so ubiquitous throughout Italy. I'm willing to take the risk but he feels it would be too irresponsible with 2 school age children, mortgage, etc., etc. I say you can always go back to the grind or live in a less expensive area if things don't pan out! I'm glad to hear that you made the leap (especially at such a young age) and have no regrets. Just wondering though, do you have children and a working spouse? No children and another income would certainly make a move like yours a bit easier!

Thanks for moving this topic away from the Tina post. I felt that the next comment was not best for her, since she is happy with her decision and we should mot make an effort to dissuade her.

When I was three, my parents faced the same dilemma. My father had an opportunity to work overseas for a two year stretch. My mother was at first excited by the prospect, but in the end vetoed it because she did not want to be so far away from family and friends. To this day, forty years later, it is still an issue between my parents, albeit a mild one.

As for those of you taking the leap to fulfill your dreams, good for you. I know many attorneys and high level executives who hate what they are doing but won't quit and do what they want to do because they can't afford not to. Oddly enough, these are the same people who are mad at their father because he was working too hard to make their little league game (piano recital, school play, etc.) due to work.

Here in Houston, a guy named Jeff Skilling just quit as president of Enron because he wanted to spend more time with his kids and his soon to be new wife. I saw a picture of him less than three weeks after he quit, and he looked five years younger. Of course many millions of dollars can help, but my guess is that most of the change is due to the change in focus and reduction of stress in his life.

Curious, have you sat down with your husband to determine if his dream is unrealistic. Just as importantly, is his dream a dream or a fantasy. By fantasy, I mean a dream that he doesn't really want fulfilled. Also, he may be afraid of failing. He is currently in a position where he does not believe that he can afford to fail. Starting a new business is a lot of work, and the probability of success is low. Kris Kristofferson wrote, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." He has a lot to lose if he fails. Maybe the two of you can make a plan so that he can pursue his dream in five years. I do have to say bravo to you for telling him to try.

Finally, on the topic at hand, 12 years ago, before we met, my wife packed her bags and moved to Los Angeles to go to law school, despite having no friends or means of support there. I admire her for having the courage to make such a bold step. I have never had the guts to try something like that, too afraid that I would discover that the dream I imagined was really a nightmare. Two weeks after she moved to Los Angeles, she packed her bags and moved back to Houston. She decided that Los Angeles was not the place for her. Although probably too short a period to really make that decision, I admire here more for moving back, because few people, if any, would have the courage to admit their mistake. Besides, if she had not returned, I would never have met her, and she is the best thing that has happened to me in my life.

For those of you who have made the leap to fulfill your dream, hooray for you, go for it. For those of you of you thinking about jumping, go for it, what have you got to lose. And for those of you like me who look back and wish you had, remember there are plenty of other chances out there to fulfill your dream. "The road goes on forever, and the party never ends."

I think, it is better to regret something you have done, then to regret something you haven't done. But that's just me. I am certainly glad I did'nt marry a couple of bums I dated years ago..so go figure! Life is an adventure don't continue to beat yourself up for things in the past, tighten your belt and move into the future with your future eyes enhanced by the experiences behind you.

Your story made me smile, Chuck.
Nice to see people still follow their REAL dreams sometimes, despite what society subliminally tells them they should be doing (sacrifice family, hobbies, personal happiness for maximum pay).
And remember, you can always reverse course if it doesn't work out to your expectations.
Kudos to you.

Everyone,

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement!

Curious,
My move was made much easier because we do not have children, my wife works, we have been able to pay off most of our debts (except the mortgage), and we never really got used to an extravagant lifestyle. We have spent most of our disposable income on travel!

But even though our circumstances were more conducive to taking a pretty bold step, I think perception and attitude played a larger role. Maybe it's just hitting 40, but I have increasingly felt the need to live my own life--not one that helps me to *fit in* or pleases others.

Again, thanks.