Now it's Hawaii alone or not atall, don't know what to do...
May 9th, 2001, 11:40 AM
#1
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Now it's Hawaii alone or not atall, don't know what to do...
no doubt I'm going to sound like a horrible selfish person. so better to talk to strangers on a board than people who actually know me.
My BF and I are supposed to leave on Sat for Maui. It's been unbelievably amazing to think of us alone on Maui for 8 days, it has been my dream for so long. Yesterday he told me his mother may need surgery during that time so he probably can't go. I can't tell you how I feel -- it's hard for us to ever get time off (me especially) and I've felt like having a mental breakdown for the past six months....desperately need a vacation, preferably with him. He broke up with me before at Christmas, we spent NYE apart, the holidays were the absolute worst. It's amazing how you can go from totally completely happy to the lowest place possible. I don't know whether to go without him (certainly the romance was a MAJOR part of this trip) I just don't know what to do...I am horribly selfish, huh..
My BF and I are supposed to leave on Sat for Maui. It's been unbelievably amazing to think of us alone on Maui for 8 days, it has been my dream for so long. Yesterday he told me his mother may need surgery during that time so he probably can't go. I can't tell you how I feel -- it's hard for us to ever get time off (me especially) and I've felt like having a mental breakdown for the past six months....desperately need a vacation, preferably with him. He broke up with me before at Christmas, we spent NYE apart, the holidays were the absolute worst. It's amazing how you can go from totally completely happy to the lowest place possible. I don't know whether to go without him (certainly the romance was a MAJOR part of this trip) I just don't know what to do...I am horribly selfish, huh..
May 9th, 2001, 11:49 AM
#2
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Dear Cindy:
I wouldn't go. You will be thinking about him most of the time. I think it would be very depressing. As I'm divorced, I tried vacations by myself and found them depressing. Do you know a friend who could go with you? Another idea might be a "learning vacation". There are vacations which will teach arts and crafts, or possibly a musical instrument. This will help you start a new goal instead of brooding on old misfortunes.
I wouldn't go. You will be thinking about him most of the time. I think it would be very depressing. As I'm divorced, I tried vacations by myself and found them depressing. Do you know a friend who could go with you? Another idea might be a "learning vacation". There are vacations which will teach arts and crafts, or possibly a musical instrument. This will help you start a new goal instead of brooding on old misfortunes.
May 9th, 2001, 11:58 AM
#3
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I understand this problem. I do not think that you are being selfish. But I think if you go to Hawaii, where you were planning on going with the BF, you will think of him the whole time.
I think you should go some place, but just not the same place. Save Hawaii for you and him on a later date.
When my husband and I can not go some place together and I have to go alone, I choose a "girlie" place. You know someplace that he really would not enjoy any way and someplace that I would love to go to.
For you this may be a trip to NYC for shopping and a ballet. Or maybe to a spa, or as stated above, an educational trip.
Good luck on your decision.
I think you should go some place, but just not the same place. Save Hawaii for you and him on a later date.
When my husband and I can not go some place together and I have to go alone, I choose a "girlie" place. You know someplace that he really would not enjoy any way and someplace that I would love to go to.
For you this may be a trip to NYC for shopping and a ballet. Or maybe to a spa, or as stated above, an educational trip.
Good luck on your decision.
May 9th, 2001, 12:03 PM
#4
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is it a major life threatening operation? If not, find a friend that will go with you & enjoy yourself it sounds like you need a break--and sounds like you 2 really do not spend lots of time together anyway--
Lots of golden brown beach boys in Hawaii
& juat lots to do there anyway (to much fun to even find yourself thinking of him) you only have one life LIVE IT!!! He can go some other time if HE CHOOSES to stay behind..If it is not life or death with his mom & she knew he was planning on the trip-she would understand!
Lots of golden brown beach boys in Hawaii
& juat lots to do there anyway (to much fun to even find yourself thinking of him) you only have one life LIVE IT!!! He can go some other time if HE CHOOSES to stay behind..If it is not life or death with his mom & she knew he was planning on the trip-she would understand!
May 9th, 2001, 12:22 PM
#6
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Cindy, I know you were asking for vacation advice and not lovelife advice, but still I can't hold this in. I agree with the others who asked you if this was major, life-threatening surgery. If so, he probably knew about it before yesterday, and he wouldn't be telling you that she "may" need surgery during your planned trip. I think one of two things is really going on here: either his mother is trying to manipulate her little mama's boy into staying right by her side; or, given your past problems with him, he just decided he doesn't want to go and is offering you a pretty lame (but genuine-sounding) excuse he thinks you won't be able to argue with. As it is, he's got you feeling guilty for even mentioning it to a group of strangers! I don't know, I could be all wet on this, but it sounds pretty fishy to me. Since you asked, my advice would be to go and have a ball doing things you enjoy. I went on two vacations alone when I was single (one to Cancun and another to Oahu) and, though I did feel the loneliness at times, it taught me how strong I could be and how much fun I could have on my own. You don't have to depend on a man for everything you need in life--you go, girl!
May 9th, 2001, 12:31 PM
#7
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Amen to Beth. She said what we're all thinking. Pretty fishy. Over this specific 8 day period his mom suddenly needs surgery. Unless it's life threatening his mom should be encouraging him to go on this vacation. I'm a mom of little kids and I sure wouldn't want them hanging at a hospital if the other choice was Hawaii. This wouldn't be so suspicious except for the history you described.
May 9th, 2001, 12:43 PM
#8
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Cindy:
I'm a single woman - have been to Maui by myself a couple of time - my advice -GO!! You WILL have a blast! It is beautiful, gorgeous, peaceful, and relaxing. I think you should dump your boyfriend BEFORE you go and forget about him. You can meet singles in Maui if you're interested or just really enjoy the time alone to "regroup". Don't allow being by yourself to dictate whether or not you will or won't have a good time on the vacation. And, especially, do NOT allow another person to dictate what you will and won't do in your life. Perhaps he will wake up and realize that he misses you so much and what he's done is kind of cheesy. If he doesn't - so what - you will have had a wonderful vacation anyway! Please - don't cancel your trip because of him - that seems SELFISH on HIS part - not yours. Have a great time (I'm hoping you will go and realize that you can enjoy yourself by yourself).
I'm a single woman - have been to Maui by myself a couple of time - my advice -GO!! You WILL have a blast! It is beautiful, gorgeous, peaceful, and relaxing. I think you should dump your boyfriend BEFORE you go and forget about him. You can meet singles in Maui if you're interested or just really enjoy the time alone to "regroup". Don't allow being by yourself to dictate whether or not you will or won't have a good time on the vacation. And, especially, do NOT allow another person to dictate what you will and won't do in your life. Perhaps he will wake up and realize that he misses you so much and what he's done is kind of cheesy. If he doesn't - so what - you will have had a wonderful vacation anyway! Please - don't cancel your trip because of him - that seems SELFISH on HIS part - not yours. Have a great time (I'm hoping you will go and realize that you can enjoy yourself by yourself).
May 9th, 2001, 12:55 PM
#9
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His mother had bladder cancer (removed) last year. She's having problems in that area they need to fix. But he has a brother/sisterinlaw in Phoenix that can take care of her. My BF has never been married, and I think you're right about the mama's boy thing, and that she doesn't want him to go with me is at least a small part of it.
I know how awful and whiny I sound about this. But I've been with him for 4 years of turmoil and turbulence and we need this vacation very very much.
I really don't know what to do. It's been so hard waiting this long--
So, sure I could put it off till the end of June but what's the guarantee something else won't come up? I am angry with him because his brother could handle this and he could go as soon as we get back. He keeps telling me how his mother is so depressed...so am I!!! He is supposed to find out today when the surgery is (he probably already knows but is just buying time before telling me, leaving that little strand of hope to be dashed later) Best case scenario (my dream come true) surgery in 2 weeks, BUT that is soooooo unlikely. I know it's pathetic to ask you, but if you have any extra prayers you could send out (pathetic because I am not asking for prayers for the mom)...I really hate myself today.
Beth -- you went to Oahu and Cancun alone? It was okay?
my thanks to all of you for listening, I'm at work, tears running down face, and can't tell any of my friends about this. I sound too horrible, it's embarrassing.
I know how awful and whiny I sound about this. But I've been with him for 4 years of turmoil and turbulence and we need this vacation very very much.
I really don't know what to do. It's been so hard waiting this long--
So, sure I could put it off till the end of June but what's the guarantee something else won't come up? I am angry with him because his brother could handle this and he could go as soon as we get back. He keeps telling me how his mother is so depressed...so am I!!! He is supposed to find out today when the surgery is (he probably already knows but is just buying time before telling me, leaving that little strand of hope to be dashed later) Best case scenario (my dream come true) surgery in 2 weeks, BUT that is soooooo unlikely. I know it's pathetic to ask you, but if you have any extra prayers you could send out (pathetic because I am not asking for prayers for the mom)...I really hate myself today.
Beth -- you went to Oahu and Cancun alone? It was okay?
my thanks to all of you for listening, I'm at work, tears running down face, and can't tell any of my friends about this. I sound too horrible, it's embarrassing.
May 9th, 2001, 01:06 PM
#12
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My advice-Dump the boyfriend, find a girlfriend or take your sister or mom. If they can't go---go alone. You will be just fine. Some people dream of going to Maui and can't go because they can't afford it, kids etc. Go while you can and don't look back....
May 9th, 2001, 01:11 PM
#14
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Cindy-On Fodor's main page..fodors.com, they have a section about traveling alone. I agree with the posters who say you should go, you never know when you will get the chance to go again...
And Peter, give it up pal. She is dumping one loser, why would she hook up with another...
And Peter, give it up pal. She is dumping one loser, why would she hook up with another...
May 9th, 2001, 01:17 PM
#15
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Dear Cindy:
Before you go, check into group activities. Whether or not you can have fun by yourself depends on your personality. Are you outgoing, etc. 1)I'm not sure why you think you're being selfish. Men, expecially, like to infer that your objectives should be all about them. The fact is you can not be happy in life unless you put yourself first. If he is manipulating you (as it sounds like he is), then you feel like you're being selfish.
The best advise you can get is to make your life complete all in itself, and if he cares about you he will come around. If not, no great loss. The moral to this lecture, do something on your own. If he's not sure he can go, immediately make plans without him, totally to your own happiness. There's a whole lot in life that has nothing to do with your love life. When men see you are complete all in your self, then they start finding you more interesting.
Before you go, check into group activities. Whether or not you can have fun by yourself depends on your personality. Are you outgoing, etc. 1)I'm not sure why you think you're being selfish. Men, expecially, like to infer that your objectives should be all about them. The fact is you can not be happy in life unless you put yourself first. If he is manipulating you (as it sounds like he is), then you feel like you're being selfish.
The best advise you can get is to make your life complete all in itself, and if he cares about you he will come around. If not, no great loss. The moral to this lecture, do something on your own. If he's not sure he can go, immediately make plans without him, totally to your own happiness. There's a whole lot in life that has nothing to do with your love life. When men see you are complete all in your self, then they start finding you more interesting.
May 9th, 2001, 01:36 PM
#18
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Exceptionally good advice from all of you, I'm very grateful, and actually leaning towards going alone. I guess the romantic dinner cruise at Sunset is out, though. Guess I need a little attitude readjustment. I always put what he wants first and he really doesn't seem to care about my feelings.
Question for Peter-- in your first post you said "I'll go" in your next post you said you were already on the island....???
Question for Peter-- in your first post you said "I'll go" in your next post you said you were already on the island....???
May 9th, 2001, 01:42 PM
#19
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let me clarify. i'll "go with" you on excursions -- if you want. i am already on the island of maui, running my small business.
and by the way, there are a lot of cool people around here. you can do things alone, but i am sure you will meet lots of people too because everybody is friendly.
and by the way, there are a lot of cool people around here. you can do things alone, but i am sure you will meet lots of people too because everybody is friendly.
