My husband can’t understand and doesn’t agree with me traveling Along.
Dec 25th, 2017, 01:23 PM
#1
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My husband can’t understand and doesn’t agree with me traveling Along.
How can I make my husband understand that I want to travel along just because it something I’ve always wanted to do ? I’ve been marry for 11 years (2 kids) I’ve always have a passion for traveling but my husband not so much. I’ve been planing a trip to Europe for the last two years. 7 days to 10 days the most. I brought it up to my husband the other day and it was a big discussion. He got very upset and said that my priorities are in the wrong place, why I want to go along,? He doesn’t understand that it just something I want to do. Every time I bring it up her reacts the same way and even said “No” which made me feel very angry. This is a marriage not a dictatorship. I love him but can’t make him understand that I really want to do this. How do I proceed?
Dec 25th, 2017, 01:39 PM
#3
well, this is something you have to work out for yourself. how important is it to you? important enough to risk your marriage which is otherwise working well? or is it underlining fault-lines which already exist in other areas? How does he react when you disagree with him about other things? Does he get to do things by himself that you aren't keen on? And what about finances? Who would care for the kids while you were away?
If he's not keen for you to go alone, what about going as a family?
Good luck in sorting this out in a way that suits you both.
If he's not keen for you to go alone, what about going as a family?
Good luck in sorting this out in a way that suits you both.
Dec 25th, 2017, 02:49 PM
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Proceed by getting marriage counseling.
Your question is personal and relationship related, not travel. You are really emphasizing the "alone" bit. In your other post, you are planning for your personal interests and to visit a friend.
My two cents, for consideration.
Have you and your husband done any traveling at all?
Where? By yourselves or with the kids?
What do you do for vacations?
Does he feel his interests are not being considered?
Does he take weekends off or vacations by himself?
Does your husband see your desire to go alone as a rejection of him?
Did you make him aware of your desire to travel "alone" early on, before kids, etc?
Even if he is not much of a traveler, would he go if it is a place both of you could enjoy together?
Does he have concerns about the cost?
Does he have concerns about child care?
Your kids can't be that old if you have been married for only 11 years. They are still not in their teens. Who looks after them now? Who looks after them if you are away?
Your feelings and desires are understandable. There are people who do travel by themselves or with friends or family when spouses do not want to travel. They understand and accept that they have different needs and interests. They also have a great level of trust. All the logistics of family needs are worked out. Forget travel planning until marriage relationship is sorted.
Your question is personal and relationship related, not travel. You are really emphasizing the "alone" bit. In your other post, you are planning for your personal interests and to visit a friend.
My two cents, for consideration.
Have you and your husband done any traveling at all?
Where? By yourselves or with the kids?
What do you do for vacations?
Does he feel his interests are not being considered?
Does he take weekends off or vacations by himself?
Does your husband see your desire to go alone as a rejection of him?
Did you make him aware of your desire to travel "alone" early on, before kids, etc?
Even if he is not much of a traveler, would he go if it is a place both of you could enjoy together?
Does he have concerns about the cost?
Does he have concerns about child care?
Your kids can't be that old if you have been married for only 11 years. They are still not in their teens. Who looks after them now? Who looks after them if you are away?
Your feelings and desires are understandable. There are people who do travel by themselves or with friends or family when spouses do not want to travel. They understand and accept that they have different needs and interests. They also have a great level of trust. All the logistics of family needs are worked out. Forget travel planning until marriage relationship is sorted.
Dec 25th, 2017, 03:00 PM
#6
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Oh, I just noticed you have not been to Europe before.
Personally, I would be super ticked off if my husband decided he needed to go "alone" on a first trip to Europe! It would be good if he enjoyed it because he would be blessed with all the "alone" time he wanted thereafter!
Think carefully about a compromise that will give you some of what you want without risking the other important things in your life. See a counselor.
Personally, I would be super ticked off if my husband decided he needed to go "alone" on a first trip to Europe! It would be good if he enjoyed it because he would be blessed with all the "alone" time he wanted thereafter!
Think carefully about a compromise that will give you some of what you want without risking the other important things in your life. See a counselor.
Dec 25th, 2017, 04:04 PM
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Well, looking at the other side of what annhig said- does he never go away? If he does, and you watch the kids, well, you could use that as leverage. Watch isn’t really the right word in any case. You’re both parents. But I get the feeling that there’s something else going on.
Have you tried travelling solo for a weekend here and there? He may be a more receptive if you start out small. For all we know, you’re going 0 to 60. I don’t get a compelling reason you want to travel solo to begin with, and it’s possible he doesn’t either. I mean you don’t need a compelling reason, but “The children would be bored in art galleries” probably would make more sense to him then “I want to find myself”. Do you have a concrete idea of what you want to do and see? Is it a practical idea that you can afford? Where is the money coming from?
Have you tried travelling solo for a weekend here and there? He may be a more receptive if you start out small. For all we know, you’re going 0 to 60. I don’t get a compelling reason you want to travel solo to begin with, and it’s possible he doesn’t either. I mean you don’t need a compelling reason, but “The children would be bored in art galleries” probably would make more sense to him then “I want to find myself”. Do you have a concrete idea of what you want to do and see? Is it a practical idea that you can afford? Where is the money coming from?
Dec 25th, 2017, 04:14 PM
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Another possibility: if the trip is more than a week long, go ahead and start the trip off alone and have your husband join you partway through, then come back together. Or travel with a female friend.
Regardless, when you’re apart, call or text or email him every day. Makes a big difference in situations like this. And bring back a souvenir for him.
Good luck!
Regardless, when you’re apart, call or text or email him every day. Makes a big difference in situations like this. And bring back a souvenir for him.
Good luck!
Dec 25th, 2017, 04:38 PM
#9
Your husband asked why you want to travel alone. If that is what he was mad about - Maybe he wants to go with you. Or -- maybe your family finances are an issue. You have two young children and a husband -- Of course we know NOTHING about your family dynamics/personalities/job situations/whatever. But just reading what you wrote I wouldn't assume your husband is being selfish or unreasonable.
Or that you are . . .
Poland/Switzerland/Paris would be an expensive trip - Major decisions w/i a marriage require two 'yes' votes. So you need to work with him.
Or that you are . . .
Poland/Switzerland/Paris would be an expensive trip - Major decisions w/i a marriage require two 'yes' votes. So you need to work with him.
Dec 25th, 2017, 06:09 PM
#10
Is that a typo that you want to travel "alone"? Or do you mean you want to go "along" with your husband on a trip to Europe.
>
Just buy a plane ticket and take a solo trip. Do you have the financial means to do so?
>
Just buy a plane ticket and take a solo trip. Do you have the financial means to do so?
Dec 25th, 2017, 09:40 PM
#11
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Please clarify! Based on your other post, some of us think you are planning to travel ALONE, but this post suggests that you want to travel ALONG with your husband on a trip that he is taking. We really can't offer advice if we don't know the situation.
Except, of course, that working things out with your spouse, whether just the two of you or with professional assistance, would be a good starting point.
Good luck!
Except, of course, that working things out with your spouse, whether just the two of you or with professional assistance, would be a good starting point.
Good luck!
Dec 26th, 2017, 08:08 AM
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I think it is clear. He doesn't want to travel. She wants to and willing to do it alone. Some of the permutations are laughable--like using his limited vacation time, etc.
Personally she needs a reality check if this is 11 years and 2 kids into the marriage and she wants to go so
me place. There is a LOT of that "postponing" going around until we could afford it and leave the kids.
Counseling might help, but Doc Zkuza should not be it. My triangle doesn't work
Personally she needs a reality check if this is 11 years and 2 kids into the marriage and she wants to go so
me place. There is a LOT of that "postponing" going around until we could afford it and leave the kids.
Counseling might help, but Doc Zkuza should not be it. My triangle doesn't work
Dec 26th, 2017, 08:09 AM
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I think it is clear. He doesn't want to travel. She wants to and willing to do it alone. Some of the permutations are laughable--like using his limited vacation time, etc.
Personally she needs a reality check if this is 11 years and 2 kids into the marriage and she wants to go so
me place. There is a LOT of that "postponing" going around until we could afford it and leave the kids.
Counseling might help, but Doc Zkuza should not be it. My triangle doesn't work
Personally she needs a reality check if this is 11 years and 2 kids into the marriage and she wants to go so
me place. There is a LOT of that "postponing" going around until we could afford it and leave the kids.
Counseling might help, but Doc Zkuza should not be it. My triangle doesn't work
Dec 26th, 2017, 10:11 AM
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Umm, my wife and I went on a short tour to Italy this fall. Of the 16 people in the group, at least 1/4 were women traveling without their husbands. There were no men traveling without their wives.
We have mostly been independent travelers, but of the four tours we have taken, all had roughly the same proportions. It is a thing, and you should share this with your husband so he knows it is nothing weird.
Many men don't like to travel for fear of having to eat weird foreign food, stay in froufrou hotels, miss out on sports, hang out while their wife does spa stuff or go shopping. There is a certain amount of truth to all these worries. These are the kinds of things women seem to like to do, especially on trips. if he goes with you, he will have to give up some things that are important to him. What kind of trade could you make? Could he go bone fishing in Bimini or ride along with a friend on a Harley to Sturgis, SD or Speed Week in Daytona while you go to Europe?
The other two big worries, both common and reinforced in movies, is that he is going to look ignorant and be laughed at by all the locals (National Lampoon's European Vacation) or that you are going to meet a suave European or Asian stud and roll into bed with him the first time he kisses your neck (dozens of movies, but how about "Summertime" with Rossano Brazzi and Katherine Hepburn?)
Bill, would you like to go an art appreciation tour in Europe with me or go snowmobiling with your brother? Or is there a compromise? Let's go to Paris during Le Mans; I'll tour the museums,mand you can go car racing.
We have mostly been independent travelers, but of the four tours we have taken, all had roughly the same proportions. It is a thing, and you should share this with your husband so he knows it is nothing weird.
Many men don't like to travel for fear of having to eat weird foreign food, stay in froufrou hotels, miss out on sports, hang out while their wife does spa stuff or go shopping. There is a certain amount of truth to all these worries. These are the kinds of things women seem to like to do, especially on trips. if he goes with you, he will have to give up some things that are important to him. What kind of trade could you make? Could he go bone fishing in Bimini or ride along with a friend on a Harley to Sturgis, SD or Speed Week in Daytona while you go to Europe?
The other two big worries, both common and reinforced in movies, is that he is going to look ignorant and be laughed at by all the locals (National Lampoon's European Vacation) or that you are going to meet a suave European or Asian stud and roll into bed with him the first time he kisses your neck (dozens of movies, but how about "Summertime" with Rossano Brazzi and Katherine Hepburn?)
Bill, would you like to go an art appreciation tour in Europe with me or go snowmobiling with your brother? Or is there a compromise? Let's go to Paris during Le Mans; I'll tour the museums,mand you can go car racing.
