The job thing is important in our case, as we would need to be near either NYC, DC, or SF. If the poster is a teacher, nurse, or anyone who doesn't mind job opps being "standard", choices are limitless.

Top 10 lists are a good way to go about any change (moving, new job, marriage). List 10 things that you like about staying in NJ. List 10 things that you would want in an new location. Then check the lists. If you were looking at reasons to stay at your job or take a new one, you might find you are leaving because of low pay, but the new job has low pay too!

I find that the congestion level in northwest NJ is acceptable, my kids' schools are good, there are MANY good options for food, and we are near two of three grandparents. Downsides are cost of living, congestion (if you compare it with years ago or other areas of the country), and taxes. Unless something significant happens (both of us lose our jobs or are transferred), we'll wait until the kids are in college to move somewhere warm, is cheap, and who cares about the schools.

I work from home so a job for myself doesn't matter as I can do my job from anywhere as long as I have hi speed internet access and a phone

My husband career is one that he can likely find work in most areas as long as it isn't a rural area and has a long commute.

Check out www.bestplaces.net and www.findyourspot.com. They both have a lot of helpful data.

I used to live in NJ. No offense, but not one of my favorite states. Now I live up in NH and love it. I am close to mountains, the ocean, and Boston.

I've lived in Florida...gets too hot for me. The Carolinas are nice but I'm not into hurricanes. I also get concerned about tornadoes in the south. Just not my cup of tea.

Virginia is very nice. I love Charlottesville.

Good luck!

suze asks: "How do you feel about weather? Will that be a primary consideration?

If you don't mind a more harsh winter... How about taking a vacation up into Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire to look around?"

ga9497 states that "One other thing is that I do want to move south of NJ and not north. "

I don't see why we are directing the poster northward when he/she doesn't clearly want to go north. Let's stick to what the poster wants. Apparently weather is a big factor, so let's stick to places south of NJ.

Same with rizzo0904 who states:
"I used to live in NJ. No offense, but not one of my favorite states. Now I live up in NH and love it. I am close to mountains, the ocean, and Boston. "

The original poster mentioned he/she wanted to go south, so why are you directing him/her north?

Also, the poster isn't really wanting us to recommend a place for him/her. The poster is wanting to know what process to follow to come up with a city that they want to move to.

For me, I've lived all around the country (Northeast, West, Midwest, and Southeast), and I used the following criteria for my selection:

1. Climate (Do you like warm or cold weather? Do you like a place where Spring comes early in March and you can get outdoors while everyone else is shoveling snow or do you prefer skiing in the Spring? Do you like Winter to come early in the Fall so Christmas feels like Christmas, or do you want to be able to walk around New Year's Eve with a just a light jacket and not feel cold? How do you cope with a cold climate after the Christmas season has past and winter grags into January, and then February, and then March, and then you still get a freak snowstorm in April?

2. Political environment of the city (Are you socially conservative or liberal? Are you religious? Are you fiscally conservative or liberal? Are you open-minded or closed-minded?)

3. Cost of living (What is your "lifestyle" and how much of it would/could you sacrifice if you were in a more expensive area? What are the salaries in the new area and are they comparable? What is the tax structure of the new state you are looking at? Does it have a state income tax and if so, how high? What about local income taxes? Property taxes? Cost of gasoline? Are there many toll roads in the area you are moving to?

4. Schools (How good are the schools for your kids?)

5. Your lifestyle (What sports are you interested in? How does the place you are comparing fit that? Are you active? If so, will the place have hike and bike trails, outdoor activities, etc... Do you like to shop? How does the shopping in the area you are moving compare? Are you a foodie? How good is the restaurant scene in the place you are moving?

Anyway, here's a few topics to think about. More to come...

Depending on how old your children are, you might want to consider states with a good state university system to cut college costs.

Virginia is great because it has University of Va and College of William and Mary in their state university systems. But, the traffic in rural VA outside DC is horrible. I usually drive along Route 15 through VA to go to the Outer Banks, and the traffic is immense. They just keep building super expensive homes along that route.

North Carolina has a terrific state college, also. I only know about the Outer Banks and could tell you that work is drying up there.

I just got back from Savannah and Charleston. A lot of northerners have moved there. Apparently, there is good job growth. There is lots of construction and historic home restoration work. Charlestown is apparently a boating center, so if your husband is skilled in taking care of boats, there seems to be plenty of work.