That "Don't let people of NY and DC fool you..." post. Ha ha ha.

BTW, we are ready and willing to welcome visitors. Come, join us!

This is (and always will be) a beautiful city!!

God Bless!

Thank you all. Very needed tonic.

What did the little dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?

Went to church to appease my mother this weekend and at the request of my 8 year old niece. When the priest was performing something I believe is called the benediction my niece looked and with a sound mimicking the priest's rhythm of speech
she whispered "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah . Had to crack up at this early acknowledgement of confusion with the mass.

Good advice from a 10 year old.

When your father asks, "Who do you think I am", don't answer him.

Received this today in my e-mail - made me laugh out loud:

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES.....

A father asked his 10-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me." Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for."

(had to clean it up a bit there at the end!)

An 80 year man goes to the Dr. and tells the Dr. he wants him to do a sperm count. A sperm count??? the Dr says, your 80!!! but the man insists, so the Dr gives the man a bottle and tells him to go home and bring back a sample the next day. The next day the man returns and hands the bottle to the dr. its empty. the Dr. asks if there was a problem... The man replys,,,"well doc, I tried it with my right hand, I tried it with my left..my wife tried it with her dentures out,,she even tried it with them in,,,,,,
We just cant get the darn cap off!!!

Get your "Bozo Criminal of the Day" -- look at the old ones too.

www.electricferret.com/bozo

While on vacation at VA Beach this summer:

A mother was walking down the path through the sand dunes with her toddler son. When they started nearing the beach area the toddler took one look at the ocean and said "Mommy, this pool is way too big! I'm going back to the hotel."

And with that, he let go of her hand and began walking back! We were all cracking up.

this isn't a joke, but it made me smile for days.

a friend of mine at the army recruitment office phoned to tell me that my dad had tried to enlist and got turned down, and that he was really depressed.

so i phoned, and at first, he didn't want to say anything, but then he started to rant about how he's not old (he's 63) and the young female recruiter had no idea who audie murphy was. he was indignant when the officer told him that he had already served his country in vietnam so he should rest and let the next generation take over. it was hard not to laugh when he sounded so resigned after his tirade. funny, but rather touching, too. i just love my dad!

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat "you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know". The cat thinks for a moment and says "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says "say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says "say no more" and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you are here?" The cat stretches and yawns and replies "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!"

Fall-Down Drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Debbie, you must be very proud of your dad. What a touching story!

It hasn't yet sweetie darling, but it will, AbFab is starting at 9:00 on Comedy Central. Gotta go chill the champers. Cheerio!

Got this email this morning that read - I usually don't sent sad emails, but the person who wrote the song hokey pokey (name was mentioned) just passed away. The had a hard time putting him in his casket because, they put the right hand in etc. For some reason after yesterday disaster this queer email made me laugh.

cj: I was going to write something cynical as I don't feel like laughing, pay check was cut this morning...but then I read your hoky poki post and broke up laughing. Cut and paste the email

Bin Laden was hanging from a tree branch, deadly rushing waters below him, death impending any second. Here is the question: If you as a photographer, take his picure you may win a prize picture of the year and be famous or you can let him die. WHAT LENS WOULD YOU USE??

Sarah- I would love to send you the email, but I have never learned how to cut and paste. If I can read "computers for dummys" I will do it. Maybe I can get my son to teach his dear momma how to do this. I am glad this cracked you us. The email got me out of my down mood from yesterdays events.

From News of the Weird:

In June, indecent-exposure arrestee Scott Matthew Brackett, 39, had just been booked and bailed out on one nude excursion through an apartment complex in Broken Arrow, Okla., when he was picked up on a second foray.

According to the police report, Brackett said that since the authorities were still investigating the first charge and told him they wouldn't finalize their report for two more days, he figured that he had "two extra days of freedom" until a recommendation would be made on that first charge, and thus, he "just went out to celebrate (by taking his clothes off in public again)."

Cut and pasted from the AP (will probably get deleted but I couldn't help myself):

Heather Schlossman thought she had a stomach virus and went home from work early.

It turned out she was ready to give birth.

"I started getting really bad cramps and thought I had eaten something bad," said Schlossman, 26.

The pain quickly became so severe she had her husband, Mike, take her to Lancaster General Hospital, where an emergency room doctor was perplexed as he examined her.

"He wasn't sure what he was feeling at first," Mike Schlossman said. "Then he said he wasn't sure if it was one or two.

"I said 'One or two what?' He said 'Babies."'

Within less than hour of the diagnosis, Schlossman gave birth Thursday to 7-pound baby Jasmine.

"It was my first baby," Schlossman said. "I thought any movement I felt was just gas. I didn't go through mood swings. I didn't have any morning sickness. And I only gained about 10 to 12 pounds."

She called her boss the next day.

"I said 'You better sit down. I had a baby yesterday,"' she said. "It got quiet. Then he said 'You what?' ... He didn't know what to do. He said 'I didn't think you were pregnant.' I said 'Join the crowd."'