Ethical Travel Dilemma


Aug 1st, 2006, 09:20 AM
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Oh, and by the way, they were only 668 from Miami to St Thomas
LLindaC is offline  
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Aug 1st, 2006, 09:23 AM
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My first thought was no way, until I remembered your family's loss. Friends often feel so helpless in these situations. They want to do something, but are never sure they are doing enough. I would guess this is the partner's way to try to bring a small bit of happiness to Mr. GoTravel during what is going to be a difficult holiday.

If you still feel uncomfortable accepting the gift and both you and Mr. GoTravel really want to go, just bite the bullet and pay for the airfare. I'm at the same point with college tuition for the older kids and braces for the younger and often think that I shouldn't take this or that trip. But I go anyway. It always works out and I don't have any regrets.

Escargot, I love the gesture that you make for your friend every year and I'm so glad that she accepts. You and your friends really recognize what is important and that you can't take it with you.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 09:26 AM
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To say that GoT's dilemma is comparable to a bride & groom asking for cash to pay for a honeymoon they can't afford is not only crass, it's just plain wrong and more than a little callous.

Looking for "righteous justification?" Piling on with judgmental and mean-spirited.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 09:30 AM
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Don't take the gift- it humbles your husband and he'll never be of equal standing with his partner. Borrowing the money from your parents or your husband's parents would be wiser. Maybe get a second job for a while.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 12:06 PM
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Well I don't think putting the tickets on a CC is a good idea due to the interest rates unless you can charge it then get a new CC with say a zero % interst for say 6 mos. as an intro offer and transfer the balance.
I also disagree about the comparison to the bride and groom asking for $$ to have a wedding they can't otherwise afford. To the contrary GT is have a dilema about ACCEPTING the $$ whereas in the former case the B&G are ASKING for it. JM2C. What about a home equity loan?
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Aug 1st, 2006, 12:50 PM
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I've been following this thread, and have watched it evolve from, I suppose, a "moral dilemma" to a host of suggestions about how the op can fund a trip to Tortola.

It's interesting that you feel that your hosts in Tortola would be offended if you offered them money, presumably for the use of their home; but you have posed the question to this board about whether or not you should accept a large gift from a business associate to fund your trip. You are apparently not offended by the offer of this very generous gift; so what's the dilemma? No one here can walk in your shoes.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 12:59 PM
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The comparison is regarding anyone feeling they need to take a holiday that is beyond their budget....regardless of whether they are asking for money to fund the trip or considering a compromise of principles to fund the trip. Why is it unrealistic to travel within ones budget?

BTW: in the Friday Rants for 7/28 I notice that GoTravel posts twice "going to Tortola for Christmas" -- now this post. IMHO this reads as though GoT just doesn't want to spend her own money for the tickets after having been given the villa. Maybe the story loses something in the telling. Sorry to offend.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 01:00 PM
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I don't see that last comparison at all.
When a friend has a property just sitting there and offers it to a friend to use -- it really isn't costing the owner anything. That's far different from someone shelling out a lot of cash to buy airline tickets to give you.

I wouldn't think twice if a client of mine offered me the use of their empty second home or apartment in another city I'm going to visit -- in fact I've done just that. But I'd be more than "embarrassed" or hesitant if they said, "hey, let me give you the $1200 to fly there." Two vastly different things.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 01:01 PM
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Ooops. When I said, "that last comparison" I was referring to the post by Suerich68. TC snuck that other one in on me while I was typing!
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Aug 1st, 2006, 01:06 PM
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I don't mean to be a pest, but did any of you do what I suggested and type in Miami to St Thomas. The tickets are half of what she said. That means 2 tickets for 1300. Okay, that works out to be a CHEAP vacation. GoTravel, go to and do some research!!!
LLindaC is offline  
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Aug 1st, 2006, 01:08 PM
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GoT, all I can say is "Honey, I empathize with you and my heart goes out to you!" I hate decisions like this, I have multiple kids in college, DH and I both have recently lost loved ones (although I do not know your situation - I don't really need to), I have been concerned about my husband's well-being after back-to-back losses and stress on the job, and there have been times when getting away from it all have been crucial even when we could not afford it . . . etc. All I know to say is follow your heart, make the decision you can live with, and try not to take any of these posts to heart.

As someone else said, none of us can walk in your shoes, yet we all know that there are days that only God's grace gets us through that day. You do what's best for you and DH, and I want to try to support you as a friend as best I can.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 01:12 PM
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GoTravel, I don't think you have a dilemna after all.

I just did as LlindaC suggested, and plugged in some random dates (wed 12/20, return thu 1/4/07) RT Atlanta/St. Thomas on Spiritair, and voila the fare was only (still not cheap tho) $827.50 each. I bet if you play with the dates, you could get it down further. Spirit has lots of crazy sales, sign up for their email notices...

Then I checked USAir, Charlotte to St. thomas, it's only $688 for the same dates!

I'm betting you can get it down to about $600 pp between now and December...half your original price! Now that's affordable!
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Aug 1st, 2006, 02:37 PM
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On AA I got $740 PP, R/T-
FLL-EIS dates of 12/20-27. I rather go to STT and take the ferry, as Linda suggests-where did the $1200pp come from ?

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Aug 1st, 2006, 02:46 PM
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As someone who has also just lost a family member and has seen closely some results of grief on all sides, I say pay very close attention to your "uncomfortable" feelings. People do things and create situations during the year after a close loss that might change relationships long term. Sometimes it's for the good and sometimes it isn't.

As a half Sicilian, I was taught with my Mother's milk never to take gifts of this size and nature. Clearly others see it differently, but I myself, would never considerate this for a moment.

You can go on many other types of vacations for holidays or whatever, that don't carry any baggage. I think the loss is hard enough to deal with this soon.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 02:54 PM
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On just the face of the bald facts, I think it is weird for your husband's partner to offer to pay for your vacation. Obviously, there must be more to the story than this.

If Partner is simply a nice guy offering a gift, it's not an ethics question at all---you should not accept it. However, if Partner is the 60% and your DH is the 40% partner (for example), and Partner is offering the trip as a gracious bonus, I would think about it. If he believes your DH has earned the money, he should pay him the money and you can buy your own tickets. However, if he buys the tickets and gives them to you as a gift, your DH owes no income tax on it. Just a thought. . .
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Aug 1st, 2006, 03:07 PM
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GoT, honey, I think, considering what I know about you and MrGoT and your loss, that whatever you can do to go away for the holidays would be an Excellent idea.
Take the house, pay the airfare and think about the rest of it tomorrow..Some things are worth paying too much for..
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Aug 1st, 2006, 04:42 PM
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TC: There is a difference in asking for a large gift and expecting it vs. accepting one being offered unexpectedly IMHO. I think we will end up disagree on this point no matter what. I also think you are fault-finding. No offense intended.
GT: I hope you come to a decision you are comfortable with and I'll bet you will. It would be hard to turn down the villa offer b/c of excessive air prices. BTW have you or your hubby asked the partner about his gesture? It is generous to be sure. Maybe if you knew WHY he made it it would be easier to accept or decline. There have been times in my life when I have been able to generous to others who otherwise couldn't afford something and to be honest there are many more times than not that it has worked to my benefit. Why? Appreciative people who receive generousity always remember it and you feel good for having been able to do something good for another person. I'll bet you have done alot of giving in your life so you know what I mean. BTW do you recall that hilarious thread some mos. ago about my fish marinade and that self proclaimed food expert? What a mackerel she was.
Would you let us know what you decide please and why? Cheers. Larry
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Aug 1st, 2006, 05:21 PM
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I would take the house and pay for my own plane tickets. Since you have a free place to stay, in my mind, that off-sets the price of plane tickets and makes it a reasonably priced trip.

I would not accept that gesture from the hubby's partner myself.
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Aug 1st, 2006, 06:40 PM
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Wasn't that just like Scarlett -- "think about it tomorrow"? LOL
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Aug 1st, 2006, 06:47 PM
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