I will be taking my wife and 3 and 5 year old to Hawaii in the fall. Any ideas on the best family oriented resort that is still somewhat upscale?

I would recommend the Hilton on the Big Island.

Our family of 16 just returned from Maui. We stayed at the Outrigger Wailea and had a terrific time. The 6 children ranged from 2 to 8 yrs. The keiki pool at the Outrigger is fantastic. Ask for a family unit in one of the low rises -- separate king bed with pullout sofa in the living room. Meals are expensive, but there is a frig for milk, sodas, lunchmeat, etc. Staff is terrific. Shares a beach with the Grand Wailea. Good luck!!

Nix the Hilton Waikoloa on the Big Island and the Grand Hyatt on Maui unless you want to share your vacation with hoards of kids. We stayed at Hilton Waikoloa last spring and found the rooms needed upgrading and the grounds and pools overcrowded. The Grand Hyatt is just too enormous and pretentious. I'd look at Kona Village on the Big Island, a great resort for families with a wonderful staff that will remember your children's names. (Seems pricey but remember that all meals are included in the rate.) Would also look at the Kea Lani on Maui, a great spot with little ones.
The Hilton/Grand Hyatts are great with older kids who can explore a bit on their own but they can be overwhelming with little ones.

Marti-Did you not READ Jon's post??? IF you did you surely did not comprehend what you read!!! HE is taking his TWO kids with him....so why would he want to AVOID the Hilton Waikola???

Jon-The Hilton Waikola is a great hotel on the BIsland for families with kids. Great kids program and highly rated.

My kids are a little older ,but The Hyatt K. was a great resort for kids. My six year old loved the waterslide, and riverpool. They also have a man made laggoon for kids to swim and play in. We stayed in Oahu after that at the Kahala Mandarin. They kids did the dolphin quest right at the hotel, but I would check to see how old they have to be. The kids club was wonderful at the Kahala. The beach is calm and pretty but small. The rooms are very very nice at the Kahala, and the food is great! Both places are very very nice. They have a horse stables at the Hyatt. We went for a horseback picnic beach ride. We saw a seal swimming in the ocean. Seeing the Napali coast line was so awesome. We got to snorkle there and they saw turltes. My kids also like the talking parrots at the Hyatt K. Go! It is so beautiful both you and your kids will love it! We are going back to the Haytt K. this summer and we are going to try The Grand Waliea after that.

Avoid the "hotels" and look at the many condo options. You can get a really nice condo for the same price as a hotel and you still have most of the amenities. It's great b/c you have the kitchen and can feed the kiddos anytime without the expense of always eating out. Also, condos have much more room than a hotel. Most have washers & dryers in the units and many have snorkel gear/beach toys/coolers/binoculars/books, etc. that the owners keep there. The only drawback for some would be no daily maid service. That is never a problem for us.

Bill, yes, I read the post. I have stayed at the Hilton Waikoloa not once but twice, the last time with my two kids. The HW is a mega-resort. That can translate to one person's dream and another's nightmare. I'm not nuts about sharing my vacation with several thousand other people. Taking a train or a boat to one's room a half mile from the lobby and then back to the main pool and kid's beach gets to be a drag. Overpriced restaurants and lines are not my idea of a great time. When we were there the hotel was featuring a blues concert and the hotel with packed. The jaccuzi's were full of 18-20 year old guys who didn't make room for kids or parents. The pool decks were covered with trash. The resort looks overused. Sure, it's fun to watch the dolphins, not sure if I want to shell out $100 a child to let my kids interact with non-native Atlantic dolphins catching rings on their noses. It's a little like trying to experience Venice at a big hotel in Vegas or Europe at Epcot. The two resorts I mentioned actually have a bit of aloha. The Kea Lani is on a lovely beach, has great service, wonderful pools,and has a good kid's program without the Hilton's disneyesque feel. Kona Village lights their lagoon at night so guests can watch the manta rays come into feed, you can sail on their hobie cats, the kids can learn how to snorkle, and Mom and Dad can go next door for dinner at the Four Seasons. I realize that there are huge numbers of people who want to be surrounded by noise and numbers. Was just giving another option.

I second the vote for the Hyatt Kauai.
My 8 year old son loved the river pool
and water slide. Although the hotel was
full it never felt crowded or full of kids. It it the perfect family resort.

i can't speak for any of the other hotels mentioned or debated here,but i can second marti's recommendation of Kona Village.

they have a great kids program. The food is excellent in quality and quantity. they have a good amount of activities for all ages, and two pools. it's completely relaxed and not stuffy at all, while still being luxurious and having great attentive service. it really offers a "hawaiian" experience, as opposed to a generic resort experience that could be had at significantly less cost in FLA or the caribbean.