jerseysusan

Let me start this by saying that I love to travel to new places. Like most people on this forum I have a long list of countries I would love to see. Unfortunately my husband's idea of a great vacation is relaxing for most the day in a hotel& maybe going out for a meal.
In the past I have travelled with other family members as my husband is usually not interested in joining me, although he is not thrilled that we go.
Who else is in this situation, & how do you handle it?

geribrum

Go Alone

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Stay Home and Pout

I'm an old, old, woman, 76th birthday coming up. Widowed at 39, remarried at 71.

During the years I was a 'single' I went on lots of tours with a friend or relative, or traveled by myself.

After getting married again, hubby went on two European tours with me, several extended road trips here in the States, and guess we flew to Florida once.

This past summer we had reservations for a Rhine-Mosel cruise and hubby was hospitalized the day we were to leave. He's since decided he doesn't choose to travel anymore.

So I called a friend I'd traveled with a couple times and she and I are leaving for a tour of Tunisia in October.

Some of us enjoy traveling, others obviously are content to stay home--we're all different. Much depends on your hubby--will he mind if ypu go without him? Will you be comfortable leaving him home alone?

aucho53

Hi jerseysusan,

I'm in a similar situation with my SO of over 8yrs. He likes local, or not too far off road trip vacations that involve a day at the beach and a relazing dinner (Maine, Wildwood, Florida etc etc) I LOVE that also, but I would LOVE to go somewhere a little more exotic. He is warming up to the idea....the more we do stuff together the more open he becomes but it is frustrating.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Paris...he knows that, and I think the city interests him somewhat so that would probably be the first place we'd end up going. Either that or somewhere in Italy as he would like to see his roots a bit, as he's Italian.

Good luck, don't give up, keep mentioning new things, new places etc you never know what might spark his interest.

Layla

jerseysusan

I have gone on trips with family members which has worked out great. I told my DH that I would start seeing Europe when our kids were old enough to enjoy it. I have seen some pretty great place with them and with my parents or inlaws.

One year my husband went with us to France but he didn't really enjoy going. He hates to fly & wasn't happy about fitting too much activity into each day. He wasn't really interested in "seeing the sites."

As you know half the fun is planning your trip, and the anticipation. It's hard when you can't share this with your mate.

susan300

If you love to travel as we all do, then go- and go anyway you can. As already mentioned, find a friend, go alone, go with a small adventure group, but go. You will just be angry at your husband and yourself for not doing it. Life's too short. He will understand that this is something you can't pass up.

GreenDragon

I love European travel, and new places. DH prefers road trips in the US, places he's been before. So we compromise. One year it is Europe with him, the next year it is road trip in the US, the following year it is Europe without him (usually with my best friend). It ends up fine, as long as I don't travel with DH and best friend at the same time (they try to kill each other while traveling, though they get along fine in small doses.)

jerseysusan

Hi Green Dragon - We did a US road trip this summer. It worked out pretty well. My husband and 21 year old son drove to San Francisco from our home in NJ, as my DH hates to fly. My 15 year old daughter & I flew to SF to meet them after school ended. From there we drove down the coast to LA & eventually drove back to NJ, making several stops along the way.
I think this trip was a success for my DH as he spent time in a few places he was comfortable in, Disneyland, Dallas,Nashville. Also eating in some chain restaurants he likes helped. As for me we visited many spots I always wanted to see, I got to eat in a lot of fun restaurants and the scenery was spectacular.
This trip was a good compromise.

Roccco

I WAS married to an unadventurous traveler who began to resent my exotic world travel, passed on what would have been our 6th African photosafari together, an amazing 4 week long holiday to the very best places in South Africa and Botswana (Conde Nast Traveler Best In The World type places).

I was told that she was not going on that trip and that if I wanted there to be a marriage that I would also cancel. I did not cancel and had the time of my life and filed for divorce on my return home (12 years together, 6 of them married, no children).

Since then, I have been back to Africa twice last year--each time with a different woman I was fond of) and went to Mexico City twice last year with my ex-girlfriend who also accompanied me on one of the African safaris.

I am finishing this year with an amazing 3 week trip to India with my new love interest.

Life is too short to spend with a partner who does not have a similar LOVE of travel and whether it works out with my current love interest or not (who loves travel), I don't ever see myself being with someone who does not embrace world travel and different cultures.

alldaytravel

I am proof that unadventurous spouses can be converted into adventurous ones! My husband was NOT a traveller at all. Before I met him, he had never been out of the country! I used to suggest trips all the time when we were dating and he would never want to go. But gradually, he got into it -I started "small" with US trips - Alaska, Grand Canyon, San Francisco - then made the leap to Europe and so forth. Last year, my husband was more excited than I was to go to Africa!! If it's possible, he is now more into adventure & travel than I am - and that says a lot...I would see if you can coax your husband gently into trying new things and see if he warms up to it.

If not, GO BY YOURSELF OR FIND A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER to travel with! I did the same thing during my husbands non-adventurous days. I refused to sit home so I did many trips with my family or friends - I am glad those days are over though, but I would not hesitate to do it again as travelling is too important to me to sit it out. Good luck!!

jerseysusan

roccco - sounds like you do a lot of fabulous travelling. That's great. It sounds like your wife recented your trips a great deal. My husband doesn't actually recent them, just doesn't want to go. I agree however that it is difficult when you don't share an interest with your mate.
alldaytravel - I'm happy to hear that some people change. Who knows maybe I'll be that fortunate. In the meantime I'll continue to travel with whoever amongst my family & friends agree to go with
me.

FainaAgain

Author: geribrum
Date: 09/22/2008, 06:05 pm
Go Alone
Join a Tour
Find a Friend to Travel With

And "stay at home" is not an option!!

GreenDragon

Rocco, if I ever get rid of my unadventurous husband, I'd love to go on those trips with you

Cimbrone

jerseysusan, I would love to know what you all do in Wildwood, Florida. I think of that as being just the end of the turnpike. I pass through a lot and if there actually something of interest there it might be nice to stop.

My partner likes to travel, but not to 3rd world countries as I do. He had to leave Mexico early a few years ago because he could not abide having to put the used toilet paper in the trash (due to poor plumbing.) So I go, either alone or with a friend.

jerseysusan

Hi cimbrone - I haven't been to Wildwood. I believe that was mentioned by aucho53. I know there is a Wildwood in NJ, maybe that is what aucho53 is refering to.

Cimbrone

Yes, you're right, it was aucho53. Sorry for the mistake.

And you're also certainly right about Wildwood, NJ. It's kind of funny to think of someone vacationing in Wildwood, FL. Perhaps someone with a fascination with rest stop cuisine. Pickled eggs anyone?

GreenDragon

I don't think there is much more to Wildwood than truck stops and a small town. I live about an hour away in Gainesville. I've driven through several times Oh! I blinked. Must have missed it.

yk

Hi jerseysusan-

I wouldn't call my husband "unadventurous", but when I first met him, the only places he's been to outside of the US are Canada and the UK.

He's the kind who'd rather stay home and go to work than go on a trip. But he knows I love to travel.

I find that it is possible to change a person, though in our case, we're still sort of "newly-weds" (we've been married for 3 years). Since then, I've taken him to France (3x), Belgium, Vienna, and Venice.

Once he gets there, he does enjoy the experience. However, I soon find out that his travel style is different than mine. He likes to take his time, sit down for a coffee etc. So, I gradually adjusted our trips to cut down the # of sights per day and add in leisure time.

Having said that, I still take trips on my own because he doesn't have much vacation time. I went to Spain and UK solo this year, Germany last year.

He doesn't mind that I go alone because he understands that I love to travel. He used to worry a lot when I'm abroad, but now that I've got a phone that we can TXT one another, I think that makes him feel better.

However, it sounds to me that you've been married for a long time. I worry that if he hasn't changed all these years, I wonder if he'll change now.

jerseysusan

Hi yk - Yes we have been married for a long time, 28 years. For many of the early years travel wasn't really an option as we couldn't afford it. When we had kids we started to go to Disney World quite a lot. The issue of my travelling for real has actually only become any issue in say the last 5 or 6 years. As I mentioned I have been going without him. However it is hard to teach an "old dog" new tricks, especially one that doesn't like to fly.
The idea of not seeing as much as I want during the day would totally frustrate me. Maybe I'm selfish but I usually try to fit in as much as possible each day, using the logic that there are so many places I want to visit that maybe I won't get another chance to see more of a particular city or country.
We have discussed trips where my husband would relax for much of the day while I spent time sightseeing.
However there are many many more places that I would like to see than him.

yk

When I wrote that I would schedule fewer sights per day, what I really meant is that no more 6am wake-up calls and no more 12-hr nonstop sightseeing days.

I still remember that when we were in Venice for our honeymoon (!), I was annoyed by my husband that he wanted to sit down for lunch! How dare he! All I could think of at that time was "why are we wasting precious time sitting down for lunch, when we could just grab a to-go panini and eat while we walk to the next museum?"

Nonetheless, after 3 years of marriage, I made an effort to make sure we do sit down for all 3 meals each day, and if we can't get to such-and-such museum, it's okay. With taking on a slightly more leisurely travel style, my husband has shown me how to slow down and smell the roses so to speak. And of course, a happier spouse makes a happier vacation for both of us!

laurie_ann

Here's an idea. Does your husband have another interest, one not associated directly with travel (golf, scuba, art, railroads, whatever). Consider a trip that he could do that, but in an interesting location, maybe even take lessons, so golf (Ireland), scuba (Red Sea), art (South of France), railroads (Switzerland). My husband is into investments and so I arranged in Tokyo to see the Japanese stock exchange (they have public tours) and the Turkish stock exchange (I emailed their public relations director in Istanbul and got a private tour). Ok, it's not my thing but it sure got him excited.