"sold into slavery, hooked on drugs"

Slavery? And who would do that? And I don´t think that people who don´t do drugs in US would suddenly start to look for a drug dealer in Europe.

My son went backpacking through central and southern Europe when he was 16. And that was at the time when there were no mobile phones and e-mail. And because he wanted to save money he phoned me only once a week. I remember I worried but I had to let him show himself that he can manage by himself.

Okay--call me an old-fashioned, American prude if you want. I also wouldn't let my son go with a group of friends on one of those notorious spring break trips to Mexico when he wa a senior in high school.

To me, it would make a major difference if these girls already had a year of living away at college under their belts. At college there is a way for them to stretch their wings and test limits in an environment where there are at least some (even if they are quite minimal) sort of guidelines.

Even really, really good kids want to try out new things and prove that they are now adults. Sometimes their choices aren't too wise. And, some tend to overestimate their own maturity and decision making processes.

Yes, many , many young people do this and have a fabulous time. But, I'll bet their parents would drop dead if they heard the REAL stories of what happened on the trip. My daughter spent a semester abroad her junior year in college and let me tell you I wasn't too thrilled when she'd call and tell me about wandering around the city streets lost at 3:00 am after all the public transporation had ended. Or, needing to stay after the 4:00am closing time at the bar where they'd made friends with the employees until the public transportaion started again at 5:00. Or, the time the man at the train station gave her cab fare and told her not to take public transportation because it was after midnight and she wouldn't be safe.
Or, when I heard about her friend's belongings being stolen on the train. Or, when a friend's daughter spent an exchange summer with a family in France and all the kids went out to party beginning at midnight staying out dawn. And, don't get me wrong here. My daughter was a really good kid who didn't spend her life abroad or at home just partying. This was realistic week-end social life for a college student in Europe.

Certainly the values that they have learned all these years will guide them, but kids that age still tend to make some stupid decisions. Also, for young people who grew up in the United States with its very restrictive drinking laws, the freedom that Europe offers in this aspect can sometimes be a problem. At home, drinking is a forbidden fruit and now they are in an environment where it's wide open and available. For some, this could be a time to throw caution to the wind and experiment with previously forbidden behaviors. And, we all know how alcohol loosens inhibitions and causes people to make errors in judgment.

I guess you also need to consider whether or not you have run interference for your daughter all these years. Does she tend to make most of her decisions on her own with minimal guidance from you? Does she still have set hours at home, or can she come and go as she pleases? How does she handle medical care? If she is sick, do you make appointments for her, or does she do this on her own? Have you ever allowed her to go away on a short trip without adult supervision in the US? If so, how did that go? If you haven't, then I'd really question telling her that she would be fine jumping on a plane on her own for two months in a totally new situation.

Finally, I think there is a real difference between American and European attitudes about this. Europeans, as they grew up, have experienced the differences between countries as they are so close together that they can comfortably visit each other. They have most likely visited places where there are language differences, they have met people from other countries, and they really would only be a hop, skip and a jump from home if worst came to worst. For many of them, going to another country is just like us going to another state that is one or two states away. It is not such a big deal.

Bottom line, is I'd say put it off for another year until she has had a year of college. And, I think this is another difference for Europeans and Americans on this board. In the US right now, the parenting climate is that most parents tend to really, really be involved in all aspects of their children's lives. My guess is that anyone from the US who is posting on this board is very likely quite involved in the life of their children and will be financially supporting them throughout the college years. So, even if the child is saving up money for this trip, this is not a comparable situation where a child leaves school at 16 or 18 and is on his or her own. This is another area where I think many in the US would not consider someone this age to truly be an adult. Cultural differences again.

Short answer, no.

Yes, definitely let them backpack through Europe on their own. It will be a great experience for them and teach them how to deal with all sorts of problems.

Katteaux--

I really think you should re-post this asking the question of those who actually did this themselves when they were very young. Have them weigh what they experienced before making their recommendations. To me, that would be a more legitimate way to get responses that aren't just based on parenting styles. Also, be sure to ask if they are of American or European backgrounds.

Interesting response from julies. Thoughtful and helpful rather than snide and condescending.
Speaking of time warps, some of these posts do make one think of a time warp--back to the pre-registration days of unmitigated condescension.

If your kids grew up in an urban environment (NYC, LA, Philly, etc.) and have already traveled extensively and are as responsible as you describe, then they should probably be fine. If, OTOH, they live in a rural area or small town and haven't traveled much on their own, then perhaps this is too big a step. Although U is a native European, when was she there last? Does she have family in any of the places these girls plan to visit?

I am less worried that they'll be captured, sold into slavery, etc. etc., than that the stresses of first-time solo travel might put them off future travels. Fortunately,most kids are pretty resilient and will weather the "lumps" of that first trip well.

At any rate, a concerned Mom politely asking for advice concern doesn't merit these smug putdowns. Look at all the butterflies in the stomach questions we get here from people planning their first trip to Europe when they're already into their adult years--nervous questions from people who've held jobs, bought homes, raised families. Small wonder there'd be a question about two teen-age girls doing their first trip.

If the question is going to be re-posted I would also love to hear if parents would aprove a trip of a similar length in North America.

"Author: julies
Date: 01/30/2006, 12:27 pm
Okay--call me an old-fashioned, American prude if you want. I also wouldn't let my son go with a group of friends on one of those notorious spring break trips to Mexico when he wa a senior in high school. "

I certainly wouldn't let my kids do that either. The tradition around here is for high school grads to go to Myrtle Beach for the week after graduation, something that I did when I graduated high school more than 25 years ago. I will NOT let my kids do that, because when you put hundreds of young people in a "party" situation like that they tend to make bad decisions.

Traveling with just one or two friends, on the other hand, will force them to make their own decisions. If they have been raised to make good decisions everything will turn out just fine, barring accidents or outside forces that could occur just as easily at home.

No place is ever entirely safe, but I'd much rather risk a couple of mature 18-year-olds traveling in Europe than with a multitude of teens in Cancun.

"Speaking of time warps, some of these posts do make one think of a time warp--back to the pre-registration days of unmitigated condescension."

Please give some examples. All the responses seem informative and candid.

I did this the summer following our junior year in college, when my roommate and I were 20 and 21. We now have a daughter 18, getting ready to go to college. I would be hesitant to send her off to Europe with a friend this summer. I would also be hesitant to have her travel across America at this age. She is planning on spending her junior year abroad and I would assume that it will involve a lot of travel. I think that 20, and having been a bit independent, is a better age.

Statistically, an American young woman is at much greater risk from her boyfriend than she is from traveling to Europe.

I'm all for this sort of adventure, although it does depend hugely on the individuals that will be doing the travelling.

When I was 17 I went to study in France and Spain for 6 months on my own and had a whale of a time (I was born/brought up in Scotland). This was before the days of mobile phones or email, and I didn't even have a telephone in the flat I was living in so my parents had to rely on me calling home (reverse charges!!) every once in a while.

However, I'd already spent time in France as I had a penpal there and had travelled over there by myself a couple of times to stay with her. I spoke decent French and Spanish so didn't have any major comprehension problems.

I made some amazing friends and met my fair share of creeps; made some great decisions and a few bad ones.

I've always appreciated that my parents supported my decision to go, even though I know they were worried about me!! We struck a deal where I worked for 4 months to pay for most of the trip and they helped me out with extra expenses.

It's something that suited me and really gave me an appetite for travel. It also meant that when I started university, I felt like I'd already had a lot of freedom and was ready to knuckle down and start taking my studies seriously, unlike many of my contemporaries who had just left high school/home and struck me as very immature!

Hi Katteaux,

I'm with those who say let them go to Europe. From the way you've described the two young women, they appear to be mature and capable.

BTW, I'm American, a parent of two girls, and a person who spent junior year in college studying in France and travelling throughout western Europe with a few fellow students. This was in the late 70's, before cell phones, email and ATMs, so keeping in touch with family and managing money was a lot more difficult than it is today.

Yes, I was 20 years old, which is different from 17/18 as others have pointed out. I had two years of living away at college getting used to being "on my own". However, I was not an experienced traveller. The trip to Europe was my first time on an airplane. I could count on one hand the number of times I had been on a train before that European adventure as well.

It was an adventure in every sense of the word. There are things that happened that I wouldn't tell my parents about, even now! But it was one of the best experiences of my life, I have memories that I will always treasure, and I hope some day my own daughters (now 8 and 12) have an opportunity to take a similar adventure.

Diane

I'm not sure why, exactly, but this thread keeps reminding me of a 23-year-old who worked for me for about 18 months.

She wanted to get a passport but her mother didn't want her to have one, and so withheld her birth certificate. This woman did not have the gumption to call the county recorder where she was born and get one herself because her mother would be angry. So she never did get a passport.

She did, however, spend a lot of time here at home embarassingly inebriated and keeping company with other people's men.

Sad.

I hitchhiked around Europe with a girlfriend at 19. I first went at 17 but just to London and Italy with my 15 year old sister.

My daughter just returned from 5 weeks railing around Europe (age 20). My son went to Finland at age 13 and had to change planes in Frankfort by himself. He will be driving across the USA after he graduates in June at age 18.

I have no qualms about any of this. You never grow if you don't have experiences. Yes something could go wrong. But something can go wrong at home also.

As you describe it - absolutely yes. I can;t imagine why not.

My boyfriend and I did 5 weeks in europe when I was 19, had a great time, no substantial problems - and it was a great learning (esp for me - I was a history major) and maturing experience.

(And if they're both 18 by then anyway - how could you ever stop them - assuming you wanted to?)

Who is paying for and planning this trip?

If it's them then sure they should be able to go. If it's you then I don't think they are ready.

For a better perspective you might go to The Thorn Tree forum at www.lonelyplanet.com where hundreds if not thousands of people this age are doing or have done what you describe with varying degrees of success.

Under 18, when I can legally stop them - no. Over 18 when they wouldn't care for my persmission anyway, I'd help.

My son travelled through Europe at 19, been to Amsterdam (maybe teahouses, he'd never tell!), got sick with flu and hospitalized, his ATM card didn't work - lived happily through all of that, and only came home stronger.

Would he be able to handle any problems at 18? at 17? who knows! But I'm glad I didn't have to guess.

Wow. I am in shock. As I said, I don't know any one of my friends who would let a 17 year old spend 2 months in Europe with no supervision. The argument by Ira that it is done by 17 -25 year olds all over the world, well there is a HUGE difference between 17 and 25. St.Cirq's assertion that this is no different than going off to college? Big difference in my opinion. There is guidance and supervision available in college that would not exist on a trip with one friend alone on another continent for months. After a couple of years of college, it is a whole different ball game. My children were not sheltered at all and from 17 until mid-twenties they have traveled all over the world, first with school groups and then with friends after the age of 19. All I can say is that I am amazed by the responses! (Mabe I am the sheltered one...)

RBNWDLN, as a mother of 2 boys who were in colleges, let me assure you: there is no guidance, except from older students, and very little supervision.