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What to do about those who want to travel with you and you don't want them to??? Help me!!

What to do about those who want to travel with you and you don't want them to??? Help me!!

Dec 27th, 2001, 04:06 PM
  #21  
pat
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When friends try to horn in on my vacation, I just tell them it`s a "family only" trip. They drop the subject after that.
 
Dec 27th, 2001, 10:47 PM
  #22  
MH
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I agree with most of the information posted from others. Politely state that this is YOUR trip and you want to be with your loved ones. I would offer to assist is some small way to help them plan some type of european vacation, but I would also probably tell them that I don't appreciate being put on the spot about traveling together. As my mother always told me if you can't be honest with your friends then they are not your friends.Good luck in whatever happens BUT do not give in, if you do you may find yourself agreeing to do other things in the future that you really dont want to do.
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 12:59 AM
  #23  
Scooter
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Thanks for all your comments and support. Here's what happened last night.

They came up to me and said when are we leaving. And I said "My husband and I are leaving some time in April, not sure of plans at this point. We appreciate your interest in going with us, but we're going alone on this trip. You'll probably enjoy planning your own trip. I can give you some web sites that will help."

Then I just stood silently and let their mouths drop. Why explain more???

After a couple of minutes, they said "Oh" and soon left the party.

I think I did very well. I was polite and direct. I no longer care if I retain their friendship. It's just not worth it. I have other friends who are much more understanding and "get it" the first time.

Again, thanks for your replies and your support. Happy New Year and happy travels!!!!!!!!
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 04:18 AM
  #24  
kavey
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Scooter,

I think you handled it superbly, and it's great you can now stop worrying about it and look forward to the trip...

"Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure."
-Joseph Sugarman

Have a wonderful holiday!
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 09:56 AM
  #25  
Julie
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Scooter,

I'm appalled at the gall of your friends to try to invite themselves along on an expensive trip abroad. I think you handled it really well, and you're really earned this trip. Part of being a friend is knowing when to be there for the other person and when *not* to be there. That couple obviously doesn't understand this.

Have a *great* trip!
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 10:23 AM
  #26  
mimi taylor
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Congratulationa, Scooter,
You'll find after this first time, you'll now have the confidence to speak up what you really want and you are going to have one hellava better new year. cheers!, mimi
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 10:54 AM
  #27  
a regular
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Been there and it wasn't pretty. Actually it took all I got to still make the best out of the vacation. I invited a couple we know to the first portion of an European trip. They accepted happily and proceeded to make plans enthusiastically to accompany us to the whole trip. Same thing, we gritted our teeth and proceeded. During the trip she objected to every single activity we had planned, acted like a child and miserable the whole time. When we say our goodbyes, she begged us to please invited them again. I don't think so. I will be bold if I have to, but it is not going to happen. Period.
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 01:36 PM
  #28  
Elizabeth
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Scooter--GREAT!! I am so happy to hear you've got things straightened out and that you let yourself be authentic about what you want and need.

And Kavey, (not for the first time) I so love your quotation.
 
Dec 29th, 2001, 02:14 PM
  #29  
Elwood
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Quite an interesting post as I went through a similar situation last year except I was on the other end of the fence.

I have always wanted to visit Spain and last year my best friend and his wife informed me thay were planning a trip to Spain in May of 2000. But, they were bringing their six month year old baby along.
He hinted, a few months prior to departure, that I should join up with them but also made it very clear that it was a family vacation first and foremost. He also knew how obsessed I was about Spain and how badly I wanted to visit and I got the impression that my knowledge of the country was going to be used for their benefit. Well, I was very tentative about it all but a ticket sale came out and I purchased a ticket to Madrid with the intention of meeting up with them.
Prior to departure, whenever we spoke (we live in different cities in Canada), he always made it clear that it was a family vacation and eventually I began to feel less confident about my decision (my gut instinct I suppose). He was not known to be a traveller, would not read anything about Spain and they were getting more worried about travelling with the baby. Finally, they visited my city a month prior to departure and at a restaurant the baby howled the whole time, they had to leave, and back at the hotel she continued howling for the rest of the night (which babies do, I know - but I've never had one).

Right then I knew I had made a mistake.

Yes, it WAS a family vacation and I would only be an outsider and could foresee potential conflicts as I knew I would probably feel very confined being with them and their baby. So, I cancelled my ticket (at a $300 loss) and had to announce my cancellation to them which was very difficult as they knew right away why I was cancelling. He made me feel a bit guilty because of his comments of "it's because of the baby, right?", which was true but I couldn't lie about it. In the end they had a good holiday (although every memory was about how much attention the baby got) but were in bed at ten every night (when Spaniards are just going out to eat) and only ate out twice in two weeks.

We're still friends, I haven't been to Spain yet (oh, how I want to go but don't have anyone to travel with) and life goes on. But, man, did I learn a hard lesson with this.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 09:11 AM
  #30  
Barbara
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I have a similar situation with a bit of a twist. If I mention plans to vist a destination, a friend will also start making plans to the same destination, but traveling BEFORE me. I planned a trip to Greece; she went weeks before us. I planned a trip to Italy; she went weeks before we did. I planned a trip to Paris; she went weeks before me. It is as if she has this "beating the Jonesses" thing with us. We go to Europe twice a year and of course, that has become her goal as well. Needless to say we laughed a lot at her lack of originality.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 09:29 AM
  #31  
lavendula
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try telling her you are going somewhere but you really are off to another destination. See what happens. But why mention at all where you're going. Say we are not sure.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 09:48 AM
  #32  
Barbara
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Agree Lavendula, but like somebody mentioned earlier, travel is one of those things people love to talk about. I do have a trip all set that few people know about and we are already anticipating the anxiety attacks when she finds out. Some people have no clue how transparent they really are.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 09:56 AM
  #33  
Jannie
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I have a similar problem. A friend of mine always hates when someone does something 'without' her. She always thinks she is being left out, even though it is not the case. If you say you are travelling, she will then say...ohhhh that sounds great...I'd love to come too!

I'm single and she thinks that I automatically will want someone to travel with...problem is...I don't!
This summer I'm going to europe and another friend is coming. We are visiting a mutual friend in Ireland. HOwever, once "Jane" here's about it..she will insist on coming. I can relate to your dilemma and I know it's hard to confront someone when they always have a reason or a quick 'comeback'. I can't stand having to explain myself and MY TRIP!
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 10:14 AM
  #34  
Teddie
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I had a very pushy boss who happened to be vacationing in Orlando at the same time that my family was vacationing in Disney World, and she tried to hook up with us. I very politely declined by saying "I'm so sorry that we won't be able to get together, but this will be strictly a family vacation for us"

Get some guts on this; be polite, but honest. If your friends get offended, they'll have to get over it!
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 10:24 AM
  #35  
Millie
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Scooter,

Good for you! You stood up for your rights and I'm sure you feel better and you and hubby will have a terrific trip.

Similiar thing happened to me a few years ago. We had planned a trip to Paris and another couple asked if they could come along. We said sure, but we might not do everything together. However, not only did they bring their children along when we told them it was an adult trip for us, but asked us to babysit one night!!!!!!!! We said no. We weren't in Paris to spent the evening in a hotel room with 5 year old and 8 year old. Out of 10 days we only spent two with them.

So, I've learned the hard way. Say no in the beginning and it saves lots of irritation.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 10:30 AM
  #36  
teddie
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Millie!

Babysitting!! Isn't that the limit!!! People are simply amazing at times!
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 03:03 PM
  #37  
lll
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It is my experience that even good people will take advantage of you if you let them. I am glad you stood up for yourself and hubby.
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 05:45 PM
  #38  
Not Biting
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I guess I'm the only person who read this post and thought it was a troll...(They even threw in the child element for good trolling!) Nobody could be so stupid and easily manipulated to allow someone to join them on a vacation!
 
Dec 30th, 2001, 06:36 PM
  #39  
Sue
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IF it is a sincere question, the answer lies in assertiveness, limit-setting, boundary issues,etc., not travel.
 
Dec 31st, 2001, 04:12 AM
  #40  
linda
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This feels like a very "real" question to me. I have encountered this situation more than once and it is very difficult. A few years back while planning a trip where I would be traveling with my two sons (they were great) a dear and old friend asked if she could meet up with us for a week of our five week vacation. We were in a group of friends and attention was upon us, but I quickly stated that this was a time for me with the boys and that I wouldn't want to leave them at all or take the focus off of our family plans which I was sure to want to do if I as with an old pal. It was an awkward moment for us and I think those around us found it to be quite interesting. I was very relieved that I had had the strength to tell the truth. During what turned out to be a wonderful trip with my boys I often thought about how different it might have been with an add-on. I was glad I got the vacation I had planned. I bet you will be too!


linda
 

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