Seeing the thread on wondering whether to take a surly teenager along on a long-planned trip reminded me of a situation last year where we visited friends in England. We had not seen them in many years, but exchanged many Christmas cards and telephone calls, birthday, christening gifts and the like. We visited for the second time in 17 years and enjoyed getting reacquainted very, very much. HOWEVER, their daughter, 11 years old, was the most horrendous child I have ever seen. She was disrespectful to an extreme and was so unpleasant to us that we asked our friends if we had done something to offend her. Our reply was that "she's going through a stage," which we don't necessarily agree with but okay, we don't have to live with her.<BR><BR>Every outing we took was a trial. She had to go with us since she was too young to stay alone (and I suspect be trusted) and this girl loudly and constantly fussed and complained about everything and how she was so bored and how she didn't want to see the bloody thing again, and so on. My husband and I were in a state of nerves and didn't know who we wanted to smack more - the parents (our dear friends) or their darling daughter. The end result was that we couldn't wait to leave, which ruined a much-anticipated vacation and perhaps even a friendship as they want to visit us next summer and while we would love to see our friends, the girl is another story. We have two children 8 and 10, and we don't want them around her because of her lack of discipline. The reason we didn't take our boys with us on vacation is because we knew they wouldn't enjoy it and they ended up having a grand time at grandparents. Is there any way, please God, of suggesting the same to our friends?<BR><BR>

It sounds like that kid needs to be taught some basic manners and have some respect. I'm 22 years of age and if i had acted like that with any of my parents friends, even know, i'm sure i would get a swift kick up the behind. I appreciate we all have gone through a certain stage of surliness but there is no need for rudeness and as you are friends with the parents of this girl so long i would have told them i was shocked at her behaviour. They themselves should realise her attitude as rude and needs to be sorted before she gets a right old chip on her shoulder and think she can act in whatever manner she desires. My blood is boiling ;o)<BR><BR>I know you may offend them by saying outright that you would be happier if they came alone but if you strongly feel this way then it may be better said now rather than later. On the other hand the kid may have gotten out of her stage or at least have grown up a little. If she does arrive at YOUR home and sets a bad example for YOUR kids then i would let the parents and the child know that in YOUR house her behaviour is unacceptable. <BR><BR>Good luck.

I would find out if they are planning on bringing her and if so explain to them that although you consider them very good friends and would love to see them, their daughters behavior will not be tolerated in your house. I did something like this several years ago with my brother-in-laws children and refused to let them behave badly on my turf. To my surprise I gained their respect by doing this and had no further issues with them and what’s more when we visited their home they also behaved.<BR> <BR>

Lot's of luck, but I don't think there's any easy solution. I've gone through something similar and finally had to break off relations with the parents. It got so being around them was a miserable experience - - and again the child was just "going through a phase." No, he was going through multiple personalities, all of them bad.

Watch out for the words "going through a phase!" We have dear friends with a similar sounding daughter. She's been "going through a phase" since she was 11 but is now 22! Thank god she's away at college so we see our friends at those times. When she's home, we don't get together. (Sad to say, she most likely will continue living with them after college.)<BR>I don't know what to advise in terms of leveling with your friends. We chose to keep our mouths shut to the parents, but then we don't have to vacation with them.<BR>I think the better course, in your situation, is, as others have suggested, to level with them.<BR>Good luck!