lisa

Have a preteen daughter, and for short/near by vacations, we have, on occaision, taken her friends with us. WHile our budget requires saving and doing lots of research before taking a vacation, we have taken her friends and never asked the parents for $$. Always felt that since we asked, it would be tacky to ask for them to pay.

I've read a few posts where people say that they have taken their child's friend with them on a larger (i.e. more costly) vacations. We have one coming up, (Hawaii) and while I have no problem telling my daughter it will just be her, I'd like her to bring a friend, but cannot afford to pay for another person - not the airfare anyway. How do you deal with this? Do you just save a little more and bring their friend? Do you tell the other parents up front that you need the airfare, but the rest will be on you?

Advice will be appreciated.

annie

I think it's perfectly okay --- in fact, I woul assume that this is udnerstood --- that the parents of the other child would pay for the airfare.

Judy

I don't see why you would be expected to pay for your child's friend's airfare to Hawaii. <Hey, can I be your daughter's friend? >

The fact that you would be offering the other child a vacation opportunity that is chaperoned seems to be nice enough. In addition, I'm sure you'll be paying for her meals, and possibly lodging. Most parents would be grateful to you for that, and may even give you a small gift in appreciation, since it is a big responsibility on your part. If they cannot afford the airfare, they are always free to decline.

However, I would suggest that you discuss this with the child's parents ahead of time before mentioning it to your daughter or her friend. This way, if the parents don't wish to accept your offer (for financial or any other reason) you don't put them in a bad situation with their child.

Abby

If you choose to invite the friend, you should pay for her. You might tell the friend's parents that their daughter is welcome to come along, making it clear they would be expected to pay for...... It then becomes their choice.

You may be getting yourself worked up over nothing. Near-by vacations are one thing. But thousands of miles may be a different matter for parents of a pre-teen.

friend

Call this a copout, but we sorta let the kids handle it. Here's how:

If one of our kids said he wanted to bring a friend, and it was going to involve extra expense for us, I'd tell my son to talk to his friend about it, explain the situation (don't worry, the kids understand quite well), and have the friend present the idea to his own parents, while mentioning that they could call us for the details.

Usually, by the time they called, they fully understood what was going on and would just want to know how much it was going to cost them. Pretty simple, really.

Dick

Don't forget to get a signed Medical Authorization Form(along with a copy of the child's insurance card).

Better to be prepared...just in case.

sneal

The friend's parents should absolutely pay. We often take my son's friends with us on week-long vacations to various destinations. We always ask for airfare at a minimum. If we're renting a condo, then we don't ask for lodging $ because that's space we'd have available anyway. But food/lift tickets/half of a hotel room? Absolutely. Just research before you go so you can give the parents an estimate. There's nothing inappropriate about this. In fact, it would be inappropriate to do otherwise. What the friend's parents are getting in return is a great experience for their child that they may not have the time to provide on their own.

doc

I'll take the opposite approach. Invited or whatever, I would pay for my own child. I would never expect anyone to carry my own childrens expense for anything and I feel the same way for other parents kids. We are not talking dinner here, this is a trip to Hawaii.

lisa

Thanks everyone. The trip is in the future, and have plenty of time to research. My daughter was invited to Fla. with a friend a few months back, and they did it the way "Friend" does...The kid talked to my kid, told us the parameters, and then I called the parent. (We paid airfare and gave her spending $$). And, I did remember to do the signed medical release as well, but thanks for the reminder Dick. (The only problem is that the "Best Friend" seems to change like the weather around here!)

Anita

We have had 2 rather recent trip experiences. On one the friend came along to Tx with us. We drove & stayed 2 nights in a hotel. We paid for everything food related & the hotel. It was understood before we left that the friend would buy her own ticket into the attraction ($16) & buy her own souvenirs if she wanted any. When we got there she was waiting for us to buy the ticket so she could have extra money to spend. My daughter handled it by reminding her friend that her parents had given her money to buy her own ticket. Problem solved.

The 2nd "adventure" involved a sort of foreign exchange deal with my husband's friend from work overseas. Our daughter went to stay with them in Europe for a month. We paid her plane fare & gave her spending money plus sent her with all the necessary personal items so the hosts would have little expense. Things were ok & she even came home with money since she didn't buy many souvenirs. On the flip side.... the foreign visitor came with 1 tiny suitcase (she would buy clothes here), a camera (no film)& no personal items. Her parents told her to buy what clothes & things she needed plus a new suitcase to bring them in. She spent all her money ($300) plus owes us $165 still. We paid entrance to all attractions here plus many personal items & didn't ask to be paid. The money owed is for clothes, suitcase & other junk.The kicker is that we asked her parents when she was running low & they said advance her & we'll repay it. Yeah well!!

So be very clear with the parents & friend as to what the deal is. Maybe after lining out the details you could just drop them a friendly note saying something like "we're glad__ is coming with us. She will need to bring____. We will take care of_____." then there is no misunderstanding.

Kameha

Sounds like some mixed opinions. The times we have brought a freind along I always say to the parent that we will pay for the lodging and meals and they only need to pay for the plane ticket. Each time though parents always send extra money along. Seems outrageous to me to be expected to pay for an entire trip just because you've invited someone to join you.

momwas

I'm afraid I have a very different opinion. For "near" vacations, bringing a friend is a great idea and I think expenses should be shared if there is any significant amount of money involved. A large, expensive vacation...sorry, I'm not taking ANY friends whether they volunteer to pay or not. I think those kind of experiences should be reserved for the family. Some of my best memories of my parents are the vacations we took and I'm glad now, I was not distracted by bringing along a friend. Sure, I whined about it at the time but as my mom always said.."this is for the family. You can bring xxx along next time we go to the beach (eg)."

beachbum

I've got a 15 and 10 year old. The last two years we invited a friend of the oldest's along. Last year, that meant we had an additional hotel room (for son and his friend) for eight nights. But I gladly paid for everything except souvenirs and a few meals. Why?

1. We invited him.
2. My wife and I knew our son would have a much better time with friend along ---> everyone has a better time.

Bottom line is that having the friend along was as much a benefit to us as it was to him. It's a bonus that he had a good time too. So, analyze your motives and respond accordingly.

J Correa

As an only child, I am very glad that my parents allowed me to bring friends on vacation with us. Our summer vacation was generally a week at a cabin in the Sierras, which was great fun, but would have been pretty boring with just my parents to hang out with. Also, having one of my friends there allowed my parents some time to themselves without having to worry about bored little me hanging around them all the time - LOL.

I agree with the comments about picking the right friend. It can make all the difference. My very best friend was the one who generally went with us. She is like family because she spent so much time with my family.

onlychild

im quite surprised, not at the responses, but more the need to "invite a friend". I was an only child and took many vacations with my mom and dad growing up. while we more than had the means to invite my best friend, it never came up. i shared a room (usually with an alcove) with my parents (yes, dad would pay me off to hit the arcade or kids group and "leave the room"). but i always managed to find a group of kids and meet some new people from around the world. getting away from the parents was always a good motivator to go out and seek some vacation playmates. yes, as i got older mom and me would fight over the bathroom and dad would go out on the balcony but it was family time.

i guess things have changed in the last 20 years and will probably have to deal with "mom, can we bring so and so with us".

the money, if you already have another room, what's another body. food, how much do preteen girls eat. airfare-ask. incidentals-suggest. the other parents probably feel awkward enough for all the times they do not reciprocate and invite your daughter! they may even appreciate it!

Mommy too

I grew up an only child whose parents thankfully allowed me to brings kids on vacation. My daughter is 11 and last year was the first time we brought a friend a on a BIG vacation.

To the above poster, one problem with being an only child is when you go places like say Disneyworld, parents and child don't necesarily have same interests in rides or what ever but the child (read older child) doesn't want to go off by himself all day either. With the "friend" mom and dad and kids part at the gate, pick a restaurant for lunch and everyone meet back at X time for lunch.

I would generally agree with the poster above, The way my parents used to do it when I was young was "friend" paid own airfare, my parents paid for the accomodations (friend and I would share a bed) my parents paid for meals, but "friend" brough their own spending money for souveniors, and if we split up at an amusement park or whatever, friend spent her own money that day (as did I usually out of my allowance)

Last year for our daughter it was different because we went on a all-inclusive vacation where there was one price for kids which included airfare, accomodations, meals, drinks and activities, you couldn't break it up. So my daughter's friend's parents knew that going in and paid the price, we paid for any extras she wanted that weren't included.

barbara

Learned my lesson. Invited a kid to Hawaii last year. Asked up front for air and made (incorrect) assumption the parents were civilized enough to send the kid with some money. They did- 20.00 for 2 weeks and she had to buy her family gifts from that. We paid for surf board rentals, lessons, water shoes, everything the child did not bring. This year (different kid- son's friend this time) we came up with an amount about 300.00 over the air for 2 weeks and paid for everything (including the usual tours etc). I suggest the 2nd approach having tried both! Don't end up resenting the kid for the parents' stupidity!

kate

Hi lisa,
Years ago, we rented a large villa in Jamaica. My son was young enough that he was happy with us alone, but my daughhter wanted a friend along. We asked her best friends parents, with the understanding that we pay for everything IN Jamaica, they pay for the airfare..which really is only fair.
It worked out very well.

lou

HELLO!!!

Are you people nuts?

It is any good parents obligation getting into this type of situation to

pay for airfare

send enough to compensate the host for at least the few dinners out, and extra curricular activities

and send their child with spending money, as well as explaining to them that they are to carry their wait, it is not their money but money to pay their way.

Anything less than that, unless you do not have the means and your host understands that.........is unacceptable.

Do not teach your child to be a freeloader.

Parenting!!! That's why you had them so get to work!

Sherrie

I agree with Lou. Let the parents know up front what the deal is....you'll take their kid along...they will need to pay for airfaire....and entrance fees, if applicable, and spending money, etc. Actually, the parents should give you (not the kid) the $$$ up front. If they can't afford it (and that's OK) then they shouldn't allow their kid to go along. ASSUME makes an "ass" out of "U" and "me."