Travel Etiquette for 1st Timers
Jul 9th, 2007, 04:57 AM
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Travel Etiquette for 1st Timers
My family and I (me, hubby and two teenage boys) are travelling to Germany next week for a two week stay with a German family. We do not want to offend our hosts in any way and would like some insite on German customs and etiquette. We will be travelling around Germany for a week then spending a week in their home.
Jul 9th, 2007, 05:24 AM
#2
1. Greet them by shaking their hands (although they'll hug an American but Germans do not hug Germans)
2. Take your shoes off before entering their home.
3. Don't drink from your wine until you've clinked glasses with everyone and say, "Prost!"
4. Always look at the person in the eye when "prosting".
5. Always hold the glass by the stem when "prosting".
6. When leaving, make sure you say goodbye to everyone by shaking their hands (or give them another American hug.)
Showering:
1. Always hang up your towels after showering.
2. Not all Germans take showers everyday. This doesn't mean you shouldn't either but just be aware that it might be different than what they are used to.
3. Environmentally conscious: Germans and Europeans in general have to pay more for water, gas and electricity than you might. We don't let tap water run, don't really use ice cubes and often drink soft drinks cool to lukewarm.
Just by your question, you are showing great consideration towards your hosts. I've no doubt you'll be the kind of guest that will be asked to visit again and again.
BTW: Beer and wine is permitted at 16 years of age. Hard liquor at 18 (or has this recently changed in Germany?) That should make your teenage boys happy.
2. Take your shoes off before entering their home.
3. Don't drink from your wine until you've clinked glasses with everyone and say, "Prost!"
4. Always look at the person in the eye when "prosting".
5. Always hold the glass by the stem when "prosting".
6. When leaving, make sure you say goodbye to everyone by shaking their hands (or give them another American hug.)
Showering:
1. Always hang up your towels after showering.
2. Not all Germans take showers everyday. This doesn't mean you shouldn't either but just be aware that it might be different than what they are used to.
3. Environmentally conscious: Germans and Europeans in general have to pay more for water, gas and electricity than you might. We don't let tap water run, don't really use ice cubes and often drink soft drinks cool to lukewarm.
Just by your question, you are showing great consideration towards your hosts. I've no doubt you'll be the kind of guest that will be asked to visit again and again.
BTW: Beer and wine is permitted at 16 years of age. Hard liquor at 18 (or has this recently changed in Germany?) That should make your teenage boys happy.
Jul 9th, 2007, 06:26 AM
#4
When I am a houseguest I ask how I can help. Sometimes people won't let you do anything, but in the past I have taken the trash downstairs, the wine bottles to the recycle down the street, deadheaded flowers in the garden, or picked up some things at their requested from the grocery store or bakery.
Jul 9th, 2007, 06:56 AM
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Don't talk about your possessions - the price of your house etc.
Don't turn up late to meet them - or for dinner etc.
(PS remeber that if you say "half three" a german will understand 2.30"
Learn the recycling habits.
Don't over compliment the family.
Try not to speak loudly in public.
Don't turn up late to meet them - or for dinner etc.
(PS remeber that if you say "half three" a german will understand 2.30"
Learn the recycling habits.
Don't over compliment the family.
Try not to speak loudly in public.
Jul 9th, 2007, 07:21 AM
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Definitely agree with all of the above. Also keep in mind that the Germans can often be more formal than Americans. They can be extremely uncomfortable calling people by their first name until they know them very well. I think it best to use "Herr ....." and "Frau ....." until advised differently.
Jul 9th, 2007, 07:44 AM
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I would always expect that a good host will not expect his guests to tip-toe thru a minefield of etiquette questions.
Some people would want you to take off your shoes, others could not care less.
Religious people will say a prayer before dinner, others will not.
The list is infinite, and often goes along the division line of urban/rural, conservative/modern, educated/not so educated, and so on.
Not taking a shower every day is a custom that I have never heard of. We Germans may be eco-friendly, but most prefer not to stink ;-)
Speaking of showers: Usually you won't find a bar of soap and washcloth in the shower but a bottle of shower gel. Splash it all over your body, and rinse it off. Or ask for a washcloth.
As we already are in the bath room:
Most people here keep the door to the bathroom either shut or locked, but not half open. You may get into trouble waiting in front of a closed bathroom door, assuming that someone is inside. And the other way around: always lock the bathroom door, or... ;-)
Some people make a big fuss about toasting (prosting, cute word ;-) ) - others do not. Holding the glass by the stem only applies to white wine, sparkling wine, champagne, i.e. stuff that is supposed to stay cool. Red wine is held by the glass - like you would drink a brandy from a wide glass with a stem.
Drinking plain water from the tap for dinner or lunch is not very common. Usually your host family will get you bottled water. (Now that is a weird custom, to be honest, as often tap water comes from sources that surpass taste and quality of bottled brand water.)
Ice cubes are indeed a rare sight in private homes, but the soda should come straigt from the fridge.
(The hidden reason for the German, or European anti-ice-cube movement still needs to be uncovered. My personal guess, suffering from luke warm drinks since childhood, is that kids here get brainwashed by their parents that ice cubes will freeze up their stomachs. This saves the parents from buying a decent fridge w/ ice dispenser).
Yet, incidents of domestic violence resulting from wrong drinking behaviour are still rare in Germany ;-)
The issue of money and how we talk about it still differs. We Germans have no problems showing off our latest Mercedes or BMW, designer kitchen, plasma TVs, travels etc - but won't tell you our income. Go figure.
Otherwise, bring your hostess some flowers (as if that was a major difference) and try to have fun. Imagine how disappointed and bored your host family would be if some "perfect in German Etiquette" American family showed up.
Some people would want you to take off your shoes, others could not care less.
Religious people will say a prayer before dinner, others will not.
The list is infinite, and often goes along the division line of urban/rural, conservative/modern, educated/not so educated, and so on.
Not taking a shower every day is a custom that I have never heard of. We Germans may be eco-friendly, but most prefer not to stink ;-)
Speaking of showers: Usually you won't find a bar of soap and washcloth in the shower but a bottle of shower gel. Splash it all over your body, and rinse it off. Or ask for a washcloth.
As we already are in the bath room:
Most people here keep the door to the bathroom either shut or locked, but not half open. You may get into trouble waiting in front of a closed bathroom door, assuming that someone is inside. And the other way around: always lock the bathroom door, or... ;-)
Some people make a big fuss about toasting (prosting, cute word ;-) ) - others do not. Holding the glass by the stem only applies to white wine, sparkling wine, champagne, i.e. stuff that is supposed to stay cool. Red wine is held by the glass - like you would drink a brandy from a wide glass with a stem.
Drinking plain water from the tap for dinner or lunch is not very common. Usually your host family will get you bottled water. (Now that is a weird custom, to be honest, as often tap water comes from sources that surpass taste and quality of bottled brand water.)
Ice cubes are indeed a rare sight in private homes, but the soda should come straigt from the fridge.
(The hidden reason for the German, or European anti-ice-cube movement still needs to be uncovered. My personal guess, suffering from luke warm drinks since childhood, is that kids here get brainwashed by their parents that ice cubes will freeze up their stomachs. This saves the parents from buying a decent fridge w/ ice dispenser).
Yet, incidents of domestic violence resulting from wrong drinking behaviour are still rare in Germany ;-)
The issue of money and how we talk about it still differs. We Germans have no problems showing off our latest Mercedes or BMW, designer kitchen, plasma TVs, travels etc - but won't tell you our income. Go figure.
Otherwise, bring your hostess some flowers (as if that was a major difference) and try to have fun. Imagine how disappointed and bored your host family would be if some "perfect in German Etiquette" American family showed up.
Jul 9th, 2007, 07:58 AM
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Cowboy 1968, what a complete and wonderful repsonse!
By coincidence, we just had two young German students visiting us (here in Canada) yesterday. They took off their shoes at the door, even when I said it was not necessary and were VERY firm about wanting to help with lunch, dishes, cleaning up the washroom after showers etc. I let them as I sensed that they would be LESS comfortable if I didn't!
We all shook hands very formally when they left despite the fact that with my own daughter's contemporaries it would have been hugs, for sure. I will mirror their behaviour (in age appropriate ways...) when next I visit, as well as follow your sensible and witty advice!
By coincidence, we just had two young German students visiting us (here in Canada) yesterday. They took off their shoes at the door, even when I said it was not necessary and were VERY firm about wanting to help with lunch, dishes, cleaning up the washroom after showers etc. I let them as I sensed that they would be LESS comfortable if I didn't!
We all shook hands very formally when they left despite the fact that with my own daughter's contemporaries it would have been hugs, for sure. I will mirror their behaviour (in age appropriate ways...) when next I visit, as well as follow your sensible and witty advice!
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:02 AM
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We spent about 5 days visiting with German relatives last week (although we stayed in a hotel, we spent a lot of time in their home). We've also spent a lot of time with other German relatives over the years.
Our relatives are all in the "take off shoes" category so if yours are the same, make sure your socks match and are hole free ;-)
Germans are very strict about recycling and minimizing waste. So don't create or leave a lot of detritus behind.
Although Germans are more comfortable with nudity than many Americans, don't think you have to undress in front of the neighbors if your room just has little lace curtains. You roll down shutters at night or for privacy.
Bringing flowers is a good idea, along with small gifts for any children. We brought along a plush otter toy for our 15 month old cousin--he loved it, having just been to a zoo the previous week and enraptured by the otters (a lucky break on our part). We gave their 7 year old son "round dominoes."
Don't expect to eat German food if you go out to eat. Our German relatives usually opt for Italian or Asian restaurants when they go out unless they're going to a special occasion gourmet German restaurant.
Don't assume that you'll be eating pork and potatoes every day. A lot of German cuisine can be surpringly light. Goulasch is a popular dish (at least with our relatives).
Again, money discussions aren't the best idea (no matter where you are visiting), but feel free to admire their car and household appliances. If they have Miele, AEG or Bosch appliances make appreciative murmurs and talk about their excellent reputation in the U.S.
Offer to help out in the garden if they have one. Our German relatives are all fanatic gardeners.
If you're eating at home, better to take a small portion, finish it and be offered seconds than to leave food on the plate. With two teen-aged boys, this should not be an issue
Most of all, relax and have a good time! We love our German relatives, they're relaxed, smart, friendly funny people. Bet your hosts are the same.
Our relatives are all in the "take off shoes" category so if yours are the same, make sure your socks match and are hole free ;-)
Germans are very strict about recycling and minimizing waste. So don't create or leave a lot of detritus behind.
Although Germans are more comfortable with nudity than many Americans, don't think you have to undress in front of the neighbors if your room just has little lace curtains. You roll down shutters at night or for privacy.
Bringing flowers is a good idea, along with small gifts for any children. We brought along a plush otter toy for our 15 month old cousin--he loved it, having just been to a zoo the previous week and enraptured by the otters (a lucky break on our part). We gave their 7 year old son "round dominoes."
Don't expect to eat German food if you go out to eat. Our German relatives usually opt for Italian or Asian restaurants when they go out unless they're going to a special occasion gourmet German restaurant.
Don't assume that you'll be eating pork and potatoes every day. A lot of German cuisine can be surpringly light. Goulasch is a popular dish (at least with our relatives).
Again, money discussions aren't the best idea (no matter where you are visiting), but feel free to admire their car and household appliances. If they have Miele, AEG or Bosch appliances make appreciative murmurs and talk about their excellent reputation in the U.S.
Offer to help out in the garden if they have one. Our German relatives are all fanatic gardeners.
If you're eating at home, better to take a small portion, finish it and be offered seconds than to leave food on the plate. With two teen-aged boys, this should not be an issue
Most of all, relax and have a good time! We love our German relatives, they're relaxed, smart, friendly funny people. Bet your hosts are the same.
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:10 AM
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Am interested to see that some advice is not to ask how much your German hosts how much they earn. Which would seem to imply that this is acceptable in other situations - i.e. if yoru hosts are a different nationality. Just curious, where would this be acceptable?
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:13 AM
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Thanks for your great responses. One more question...should my husband and I address our hosts as Herr and Frau or just my kids? I realize that they are not expecting us to act perfectly but we want to make every effort to show them that we aren't arrogant Americans who expect the rest of the world to do as we do.
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:36 AM
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Wombat7, I agree with you - just where is it acceptable to ask people how much they earn? I don't know how much my sons make, nor do I know how much the person sitting in the next work station makes.
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:40 AM
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Do you know these people who will be your hosts? Have you already been friends before? If they are strangers to you, use Herr xy and Fray xy (unless they are presented to you from the very beginning as "These are Peter and Susanne" or whatever their first names may be). They will most probably offer first-name terms quite soon, but wait for them to do so. If in doubt, better be too formal than too familiar.
wombat, it seems to me that Americans tend to talk about money, income, prices more openly than we do. German people who don't have much money keep talking about financial troubles all the time, but those who do keep it silent.
wombat, it seems to me that Americans tend to talk about money, income, prices more openly than we do. German people who don't have much money keep talking about financial troubles all the time, but those who do keep it silent.
Jul 9th, 2007, 08:52 AM
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I don't get the American money thing. I've been an American for 60 years now, and no one in the USA has ever asked me how much money I make. And I've never asked anyone else how much money they make.
Maybe it happens in parts of the country that I haven't lived in since reaching adulthood--that would be only the deep South and Northwest.
Maybe it happens in parts of the country that I haven't lived in since reaching adulthood--that would be only the deep South and Northwest.
Jul 9th, 2007, 09:19 AM
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Having lived in Germany for the past two years, I am really enjoying this thread! I agree with much of the advice already given.
ChrissySue, virtually all of the Germans I've met have been very enthusiastic about meeting Americans and as long as you are polite and friendly, you have nothing to worry about.
I agree that you should address your hosts as Herr and Frau XX until they offer otherwise (and/or mimic the way they address you). If they are of an "older" generation they may be more formal (I am very good friends with my landlady next door but she is in her 70s and I still call her Frau.) I assume you will be speaking English - if you were speaking German, they would probably suggest that you use "du" (the informal "you", which would mean that you could call each other by your first names.
Don't talk about religion or politics unless they bring it up first - then just play it by ear depending on how open they are about it.
Definitely be aware of the recycling system - ask about it if they don't tell you up front (otherwise you might find them sorting through your trash for the recyclables!).
By the end of the visit, you may be on good enough terms not just for a handshake when you say goodbye but the two traditional "air kisses", which is a quick kiss just barely brushing the cheek on either side of the face. Don't be shocked!
I'm glad someone mentioned the bathroom door. Always knock first, and always shut the door behind you when you are done.
Don't be surprised if your boys are offered alcohol in the home, but don't feel obligated to accept the offer. You might want to talk to your kids about how you want to handle this beforehand.
Taking your shoes off definitely varies. You'll see right away if they wear their shoes in the house, and you can always offer to remove your shoes.
They will be pleasantly surprised and pleased if you bring them a small gift. Flowers may not be convenient since you are traveling, but something from your home town or state would be nice. There have been other threads on the gift topic, but I'll say that if they have teenagers, T-shirts from your home town or state university should go over quite well!
Have a wonderful time in Germany!
ChrissySue, virtually all of the Germans I've met have been very enthusiastic about meeting Americans and as long as you are polite and friendly, you have nothing to worry about.
I agree that you should address your hosts as Herr and Frau XX until they offer otherwise (and/or mimic the way they address you). If they are of an "older" generation they may be more formal (I am very good friends with my landlady next door but she is in her 70s and I still call her Frau.) I assume you will be speaking English - if you were speaking German, they would probably suggest that you use "du" (the informal "you"
, which would mean that you could call each other by your first names. Don't talk about religion or politics unless they bring it up first - then just play it by ear depending on how open they are about it.
Definitely be aware of the recycling system - ask about it if they don't tell you up front (otherwise you might find them sorting through your trash for the recyclables!).
By the end of the visit, you may be on good enough terms not just for a handshake when you say goodbye but the two traditional "air kisses", which is a quick kiss just barely brushing the cheek on either side of the face. Don't be shocked!
I'm glad someone mentioned the bathroom door. Always knock first, and always shut the door behind you when you are done.
Don't be surprised if your boys are offered alcohol in the home, but don't feel obligated to accept the offer. You might want to talk to your kids about how you want to handle this beforehand.
Taking your shoes off definitely varies. You'll see right away if they wear their shoes in the house, and you can always offer to remove your shoes.
They will be pleasantly surprised and pleased if you bring them a small gift. Flowers may not be convenient since you are traveling, but something from your home town or state would be nice. There have been other threads on the gift topic, but I'll say that if they have teenagers, T-shirts from your home town or state university should go over quite well!
Have a wonderful time in Germany!
Jul 9th, 2007, 09:36 AM
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I find some of these rules confusing since I have some European friends who tell me the opposite in a couple cases, and then when I get offended by something they do or say, they tell me oh, that's a European thing, we just don't think anything of it.
In particular, the thing about asking how much someone earns. I consider this personal and no one's business, and reflects a rather crass view of people and worth, anyway (to be measuring people by their earnings). However, recently, at a small get-together a German friend (born in E germany and lived in W Germany near Hanau until college) asked me what my salary was. She did this in public in front of her boyfriend whom I didn't even know that well. He is Danish. I just said something like I didn't like talking about things like that or something vague, and they berated me as how in Europe, that's a perfectly normal thing to ask someone, it's not considered personal, and everyone does it. I said, I think not -- anyway, the Danish guy said I had to understand that they both came from countries with long histories of labor unions, and so this was all public what people made and people always asked other that and people would tell other people easily what they made.
So I find it surprising that someone above said this is verboten in Germany. Not that I'd ever do it anyway, but various Germans I know seem to ask a lot of personal questions. As I said, not only is it not their business, I find it an odd way of evaluating people.
They aren't that environmentally conscious about a lot of things, either, because they drink a lot of bottled water and even if you recycle the bottles, it's completely unnecessary and an environmental waste. When I pointed this out -- they just said they didn't really care.
In particular, the thing about asking how much someone earns. I consider this personal and no one's business, and reflects a rather crass view of people and worth, anyway (to be measuring people by their earnings). However, recently, at a small get-together a German friend (born in E germany and lived in W Germany near Hanau until college) asked me what my salary was. She did this in public in front of her boyfriend whom I didn't even know that well. He is Danish. I just said something like I didn't like talking about things like that or something vague, and they berated me as how in Europe, that's a perfectly normal thing to ask someone, it's not considered personal, and everyone does it. I said, I think not -- anyway, the Danish guy said I had to understand that they both came from countries with long histories of labor unions, and so this was all public what people made and people always asked other that and people would tell other people easily what they made.
So I find it surprising that someone above said this is verboten in Germany. Not that I'd ever do it anyway, but various Germans I know seem to ask a lot of personal questions. As I said, not only is it not their business, I find it an odd way of evaluating people.
They aren't that environmentally conscious about a lot of things, either, because they drink a lot of bottled water and even if you recycle the bottles, it's completely unnecessary and an environmental waste. When I pointed this out -- they just said they didn't really care.
