First, why on EARTH do people feel compelled to put down others' posts?

That was rhetorical, of course -- we know why.

Second, I get anxiety attacks all the time about travel -- the longer the distance and duration, the worse the problem BUT!: the worst always seems to be 5-7 days before departure. You'll settle down, I promise, by the weekend, esp. as you begin to focus on what needs to be done. One step at a time. If necessary, Xanax helps sleep (so see a doc); and sleep helps you stay functional during the day even if you don't want to take Xanax by day to stay alert for your kids.

Third, I think you gave away the basic source of anxiety in your last 2 sentences: you're worried about traveling with small children and about having them and you confined for 11 hrs. There's a big difference between cocooning yourself up for 11 hrs. and then navigating a long vacation by yourself and having to be non-stop responsible for kids whose reaction to the whole experience is unpredictable. If you are treaveling with your husband, share your concerns with him and ask him to be somewhat more on deck with the kids than would normally be the case, just in case you need extra "time-out" yourself.

I have panic attacks every time I travel, because I'm terrified of flying. If I mention it to others (rare), I do so in a poking-fun-at-myself way - joking about the irony of a passionate traveller who hates aeroplanes. What I don't do is bleat about it, because that would come across as a self-indulgence from someone who should (in many people's view) consider themselves lucky to be able to travel at all. Maybe that's what Neil Oz was getting at - he (like me) comes from a part of the world where it takes not 3 years but a life-time to save for a trip to Europe, so we who do it are regarded as lucky indeed. (Of course fodorites know that it's nothing to do with luck - it's just that we prioritise travel ahead of the things that other people prioritise.

twoflower, if you get panic attacks, you know they aren't a matter of choice, but apparently you think they nonetheless are shameful, as does Neil Oz.

I don't think toulousaine should be ashamed of her post, not only because that shouldn't be what happens when a Fodorite issues an appeal for help but also because trying to shame people out of anxiety is unhelpful, ineffective, and a bit cruel.

And for what it's worth, you have no way of knowing whether toulousaine had to sacrifice for this trip or not - and why should that make a difference as to whether she's "entitled" to ask for help over travel anxiety or not?

Toulousaine - I think Patrick hit the nail on the head. You have the same symptoms as I did for years after I had my children. I never feared travel before. Something changes in your brain when you have your first child. The first time I made plans to bring the baby to Grandma and Grandpa I was so excited. Only 5 hours and they could see their first granddaughter! My husband did not go and panic set in on the way to the airport. Of course, everything was fine when I got to my destination. For 18 years I found it hard to leave the kids - I would die in a plane crash. Or they would die or get hurt for a million reasons. If I brought them, we ALL would die. My husband really didn't want to go places with me, I was so crazy. I've conquered many fears now (with the help of my doc and meds) and continue to travel with and without my family. But I ALWAYS regret my trip a few days or so before I go. I am beside myself with anxiety. Maybe I should cancel, I'd pray for sudden snowstorm to ground the planes, earthquakes, volcanoes, anything so I would have an excuse not to go. But I still go. My kids are all teenagers, one in college. The key for me was her leaving for college. I realized I could no longer have my child in my "control" 24 hours a day. I think maybe it's the loss of control issue with you, also. A sudden realization of the responsibility of keeping everyone happy after all the planning. It's because you're a Mom who cares deeply. Don't let anyone trivialize it, but do see a doc who can help. Start taking anti-anxiety meds today - small doses so that you can function but calm some of that panic. I've made plans to go to Europe with just my Mom next month. I'm so excited about it now (her first trip to Europe, my fourth) but I'm sure I'll be regretting it on the way to the airport! My sister-in-law with two children reacts the same way. Please let us know how your trip goes. Once you're there I'm sure you'll be fine. My heart is with you all. Have fun.

Aggiemom
I could have written your post. It actually made me feel better reading it and knowing others feel as I do. I fear flying and always see the plane crashing. I fly only because if I want to travel I have to but always wish there was another way to get there.

walkinaround- I didn't say your post was hostile or insensitive,I said a few posts were insensitive. A few others showed ignorance-if you have a real anxiety disorder,making lists and keeping busy will not relieve it. This is a little out of our league as peer travelers (or whatever we are!)

Hey cd - Have you ever read the book "Ask the Pilot" by Patrick Smith? Published in 2004 so it deals with current stuff. Could help quiet some fears. What helped me greatly was having friends who are pilots and living near a major airport (luckily not in the flight path!) I see all the planes coming and going and I can't help but think that the majority of flights are trouble-free (crash-free). Also, I have a friend whose parents are both pilots - 20 yrs + for each of them. She has told me how afraid to fly she was - even when one of her parents was piloting the plane! Even after all this help I still get crazy a few days before flights. I don't let it get out of hand, because the fun of seeing new places outweighs the anxiety. I try to allow myself the opportunity to be panic stricken only if, and when, an emergency happens. Until that moment I try to keep my worry in check. Haven't had to go into "emergency mode" ever. My pilot friends have related stories of how they go and re-certify for various airplanes and how the flight simulator simulates every bad thing that COULD happen. They spend up to 10 hours straight dealing with potential catastrophies so my faith in them is getting greater all the time. Hope this helps.

You migt have anxiety since you are going back to where you used to live for 5 months. Just a thought...

I hope you feel better before your trip.

WOW EVERYONE! Thanks SO INCREDIBLY much for being so supportive and wonderful! Truthfully, I'm only halfway throught the responses, but I just had to stop to say this.

Ok, I guess it really does boil down to the kids that I'm worried about. My almost 3 year old son is a handful. He is very active and of course, I imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios in my head of worse-case. (getting lost, running into the street, blah blah blah).

As far as my condition, I do have panic disorder, diagnosed by dr. My panic attacks are of the racing heart kind. My heart races for hours upon a time, while I try to think through everything. I just can't calm my heart or thoughts down. Nothing dangerous, just that. (I don't FLIP or anything).

The dr. gave me 10 Xanex for the trip. However, being the mother of two, I have worries about taking something and being out of it incase I need my full faculties. AHHHHHHHHH...see????

One other major point: The last time we travelled internationally was on the way back from our 5 month stay in France. We left from CDG where there was UNUSUAL security and commotion. We were puzzled as security was tight even as we boarded the plane. They were checking passports as we were boarding, and detaining several people, of Arab race. We just figured they were looking for someone in particular. We arrived back in the States 3 hours before the first plane hit the WTC.

So........., I suppose that has something to do with my anxiety....A LOT to do with it.

I'm going to continue to read the posts.

You guys are great!

aggiemom, you nailed it! everything you said I identify with. Thank you so much...I thank everyone and regret I can't personally reply to each one (remember, the active 3 year old? haha)

And to all the 'moms' who understand my feelings as well, it made me feel so much better knowing that it really is normal for a mother to feel this way. That is when my panic disorder began, the morning after my daughter was born.

I think I will go get my Xanex rx today and take a half of one to see how i feel.

Hey, toulousaine, good for you, good luck to you, and a *hug* to you!! You CAN do this!!
Practicing to see what dosage level for daytime Xanax is good (be aware that it builds up in your system, so your second 1/2 does might hit you more than the first), and practice deep/square breathing.

Have a good trip, and drop us a note from a cybercafe or somewhere to let us know how it went.

Just a question: What flight from CDG brought you back into the United States three hours (!) *before* the first plane hit the World Trade Center. The first plane hit at 8:46am that means if you arrived on the East Coast, you would have landed at 5:46am? I didn't realize there were flights from CDG (or anywhere in W. Europe) that arrived at that hour! Not trying to "stir the pot" just curious.

To those who think I am spoiled, privileged, etc:

Someone said it right; you don't know how much we sacrificed for this trip.

First of all, I do consider my self privileged. ANY TRAVEL WE CAN DO AS A FAMILY IS A PRIVILEGE.

Neither my husband nor I grew up going to exotic places for vacation, like some of my peers in school. I dreamed my whole life of traveling. My parents did take us to Disneyland every few years if they could, but that was close to where we lived.

After my husband and I got married, we have lived a different life than any other couples in our age category. We are not into the fancy SUV's, big house, latest clothes, etc. We are not content to have a huge mortgage and 2 new vehicles in the driveway and stuck in the house because there is no money to go anywhere.

We have old cars (read "no car payments&quot, we own a SMALL house (850 sqft)but with a big yard for the kids. I love clothes, but I am VERY restrictive with myself. Although I'd love to, I rarely by new clothes. I just by classics so they last me a long time and I'm still "in style".

We do multiple other things to put travelling as a priority, rather than material posessions. Travelling is what we like to spend money on.

Oh, we are also budget travellers. I spend lots of time researching to get the best deals. We paid no more for our tickets to Europe than we would have for tickets to Cabo San Lucas (4 hour flight from us).

Not staying in hotels drastically reduces the money needed for the trip. Plus, French culture is that people feed you in their homes; they rarely go out for a meal.

Well, I know I didn't have to justify our trip, but I guess I feel compelled to defend myself

We are on the West Coast and we had significant delays in our flights when we were trying to get through two layovers in Canada to get back to Portland, Oregon. That put us very late in the night, much later than we were supposed to have been.
So the actual flight from CDG didn't put us into the states 3 hours before, but our missed flights and layovers within canada and us.

Cassandra, thanks for the note about Xanex building up. I didn't know that...I will take caution!

toulousaine- I feel real empathy for you as I too know that dreaded feeling which is indiscribable to people who have never experienced a "panic attack".
I lived through 3 years of hell before finding a doctor who gave me Neurobin injections every week for months. That was my turning point. The very strong Vit.B's help you cope. I have never looked back. Just remember, it's not a long flight and you can get medication for your child to slightly sedate him/her just for the trip - don't feel guilty. It's better for all of you.

Gotcha... that was very confusing.

Sorry to confuse you ...living on the West coast and then having to stop in Toronto and then again in Vancouver BC, missed flights, then flight delays from vancouver to portland made for a SUPER long travelling day. Then with NYC 3 hours ahead, we had just a bit to snooze until my dad came and woke us saying planes were hitting buildings....being super jet lagged and exhausted, I thought it was a nightmare. It was.

tod....unless i missed something, she didn't say anything about the children having any panic disorders or hyperactivity or anything like that. so why would she sedate the children???

tod,
I can't give my son benadryl or anything that would normally make a child sleepy, because it wires him. So, since we are leaving at 3 pm, I'm hoping he'll fall asleep around 9pm our time to sleep the rest of the night.
Thanks for your concern and empathy. Panic really is something no one can understand unless they have experienced it, like you have.