From the Onion:

1. Many people in foreign countries do not speak English. You may need to speak louder and/or slower in order to make yourself understood.

2. When traveling through Europe, remind everyone that, if not for America, they would all be speaking German. (Note: Does not work in Germany.)

3. If you see Karl Malden ominously narrating before a camera while you are checking into a hotel, keep an extra close eye on your credit cards. A commercial may be being filmed with you as the subject/victim.

Always ask, in a very impatient and loud voice, if the joint is classy enough to serve real american coffee. Tell them not to try and serve any fake stuff and make darn sure the cup is super-sized or there will be hell to pay.

1. Always speak loudly in public places and don't worry about what you say because no one understands English.

2. Do not feel obliged to conform to other people's manners and customs. You are the paying customer, so screw 'em if they can't take a joke.

3. Anything that is different from what you are used to at home is obviously WRONG, and these people will only make progress if you tell them so. After all, you didn't travel all this way just to be inconvenienced, did you?

Be sure to bump the waiter on the head with your big backpack when you enter.

Because I like to be helpful to others, I make a point of sharing information about how things, all things, are done in the USA.

LOUD is good!!! The louder you speak, the more they understand. If they still don't seem to understand, throw in a few hand gestures.

Man I love how the many self righteous posters on this board!

US

1. Take your own toilet paper.

2. Demand "pepperoni pizza," and call the manager to complain if it comes with "peperoni" on it.

3. Insist on a full explanation of Euro "dollars."

4. If the tour bus looks like it's just about to take off and leave you behind after you've visited the Eiffel tower, hurry up and whip out your dictionary and look up the words you need and yell as loudly as you can: "Je suis gauche derrière!"

Always make an extra special effort to eat in a place smart enough to have a menu printed in proper english.

You don't want any nasty surprises when the tiny plate of super expensive food finally arrives at your little table that is engulfed in smoke.

This thread reminds me a lot of the Biblical passage about the Pharisee who prays thanking God that he isn't like the riff raff.

Interesting

US

ALWAYS walk across the train tracks to make your connection. After all, you're on vacation - YOU don't need to follow the masses down the stairs and through those tunnels!

Also, look for restaurants that have pictures of menu items so you won't be surprised.

Take a roll of quarters with you. The bathroom babes love U.S. coins.

To make sure that there is no misunderstanding always ask, "How much is that in real money?".

Marilyn, I am laughing soooo loudly, almost rolling on the floor.....

"Always speak loudly in public places and don't worry about what you say because no one understands English."

That statment brought back such vivid memories for me...
In 1984 I took my first trip to Israel and took my very conservative mother-inlaw along. We were sitting in our Jerusalem hotel lounge, quietly having coffee and minding our own business, when in marched a large group of American teenagers. They were with an adult male who as far as we could tell was a counselor of some sort. They proceeded to have a very LOUD session, sharing their past sexual experiences and how they felt about what had happened. There was not a hint of shyness in any of them, and they spoke as if they were the only people in the room. WOW! I think my mom inlaw learned a few things that day! haha!

Take uncle_sam along with you so his sour-puss face will scare some respect in to the snotty little waiters.

I always notice when people refer to the Brits, Japanese, Jamaicans as driving on the "wrong" side of the road.

I remember before moving to England, my mother telling me "don't you ever say that they drive on the "wrong" side of the road. It is the "other" side."

And be sure to convey your thanks to the chef. Even though your food didn't taste exactly the same way it does at home, you sure do appreciate his valiant efforts.

It's rude to greet the shopkeeper when you enter, as they don't want to be bothered. Don't smile or make eye contact because that would be considered insulting. Just start pawing thru the merchandise until you find what you are looking for.

Once you pay, never say "thank you" or "good-bye" as that would also be insulting the shopkeeper.

Throw a hissy fit when the ignorant hotel staff forgets to bring out a huge platter of bacon, eggs and greasy hash browns.

Take several rolls (especially if there are only a few left) and the best pieces of fruit with you so as not to have to pay for lunch later on

Hi, everyone, these posts were funny and made me laugh. I have traveled a lot in Latin America, but very little in Europe. I was wondering, if indeed you have seen a lot of rude behavior by Americans? Because in my travels in South America, I really have not seen Americans behaving poorly. I was just wondering if you guys observe poor behavior a lot? thanks, stan