Pausanias

Interesting stuff. I still drool due to the wounds I suffered during the battle of Somme, which have permanently deformed my face. The last time I flew I was adjusting the absorbent swab I wear when my seat-mate arrived -- a fashionable young woman in her late twenties or early thirties. Naturally she thought I was drooling over her beauty and haughtily tossed her head.

I explained things and tried to make peace by offering her a bite of my airline sustenance -- a slab of baguette onto which I mash top quality Breton sardines -- but she refused. I resumed chewing.

After mopping the copious crumbs and fish bits from my drooling maw and letting go a necessary and satisfying belch, I thought perhaps she'd like some conversation.

"And this also has been one of the dark places on the earth," I offered as an ice-breaker.

She put on her earphones. It's not like I can't take a hint. I retaliated with my iPod.

After a while I noted my companion had abandoned listening for reading. She had a stack of Conde Nast Traveler, Town and Country Travel and Travel and Leisure to get through.

It was not long after that I noticed a particularly pungent smell coming from her side. It reminded me of following a garbage truck on a hot day. She appeared oblivious as I sniffed around. It was clearly coming from her ears! I shook her to ask if she wouldn't mind replacing the earphones but she simply slumped over. I called a flight attendant.

In the end we put her in a seat next to squalling baby whose diaper was being changed. The autopsy later determined that her brain had rotted due to her choice of travel literature.

And so my pet peeve is people dying in the seat next to you. Please stay alive!

buongiorno

I just love the diaper changers on this thread that somehow think their decision to have children means that we must tolerate whatever behavior they feel like displaying because they chose to bring along the little miscreants!

nessundorma

SAnParis,

WHO is making assumptions? What makes you think my husband hasn't changed just as many diapers? Ever hear of LARGE family?

I think I did quite well not having a husband like you.

LoveItaly

Actually I was on a flight from Mexico to SFO when a passenger did die! Not a happy flight to put it midly and one I will never forget.

But I still say (as a mother and grandmother) diapers should not be changed in an airline seat. I never did, ever.

laurenzo

This thread is hilarious! I have an upcoming overseas flight and I will be armed with anti-bacterial wipes, lemon spritzer spray, my own neck pillow, and some Ambien so nothing else will bother me! LOL! One thing I didn't see mentioned is gum smackers. I can't stand when people chomp their gum and crack it so loudly. UGH!

suze

Yes there are changing tables in the lavatories (for JAGIRL).

grantop

LoveItaly, I too was on a flight that one of the passengers passed away. Very sad.

kswl

Wasn't SAnParis simply trying to say that, while it is obviously not the best or most appropriate place to change a baby, if one <i>had</i> to, one would just . . . have to?

Having immature adults in the immediate vicinity rolling their eyes or elaborately pinching their noses wouldn't help the situation in any way.

And I have not changed a baby in an airplane seat. But if I <i>had</i> to, I would, and noses be damned. I would apologize and be as swift as possible, dispose of the offending diaper discreetly and in a sanitary manner, and then order a Tanqueray and tonic. Or two.

At least it is a temporary situation, unlike the horrible body odor in the next seat.

suze

hanl- Honestly your story sounds the worst so far to me. I'd be a basket-case with a seatmate like that one!

suze

Oh dear, sorry, not worse then someone passing away on a flight.

LoveItaly

Hello grantop, isn't that a sad and terrible experience. I didn't cry but I sure wanted to. And on top of that when we got off the plane there was a dear elderly lady who obviously had dementia. We were waiting for our luggage so we could go through immigration/customs. She came wandering over to us and said &quot;I don't know where I am&quot;. Long story short we got her to an immigration person who was very kind to her. But the flight was truly a nightmare. We never did know if she had someone to meet her. Makes having a dirty diaper change seem like a minor problem.
Not that I approve of that lol. Take care.

kswl

Yes, LoveItaly, you are right. That situation puts the Dirty Diaper Dilemma into the proper perspective.

nessundorma

kswl,

That's a generous interpretation of SP's posts, but what us experienced diaper-changers are pooh-poohing, so to speak, is the entire notion that there is some circumstance that would arise that would mean you just HAD to change the dirty diaper in the cabin, not the lav no more than 50 feet away. Can you think of one real world example? None of the rest of us could. Turbulence never goes on that long. Lines can be negotiated. Everybody expressed more tolerance for a howling baby than a stinky diaper, so that excuse is out too.

grantop

Hi LoveItaly, yes it was very sad, there was some one traveling with her, but seemed to be more of an aid than a family member or close friend. I am glad the woman on your flight with dementia found herself with fellow travelers like yourself who were kind enough to get her to someone who could help her so she wasn't wandering around alone.

flsd

cantstayhome, I love the story about the French flight attendant spraying air freshener on the teen's stinky feet. Reminds me of a crowded church service I attended in Spain on a warm May day. As the temperature rose and the sweat increased, a couple of churchmen went through the congregation spritzing us with what seemed to be a light cologne water. Very refreshing, but a little surprising.

Maybe airlines should install an overhead spritzing system. Whenever a FA was alerted to the presence of a stinker, he or she could press the appropriate button and douse the offender with disnfectant, cologne or other appropriate remedy.

Spygirl

And one more &quot;pile-on&quot; (no pun attended) to SAnParis-

What makes you think that all babies AUTOMATICALLY start screaming once they have a load in their pants, thus necessitating the diaper change at the seat? I don't know what your experience with babies has been, but MOST babies can play happily for hours with a full load in the pants, and often are quite fascinated and happy to physically examine the contents in their diapers as well, so I submit your position about having to change the baby's diaper because it will AUTOMATICALLY start howling is quite without foundation!

scatcat

MY two BIG BAD NO-NOs:

DO NOT-I repeat-DO NOT PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BACK OF MY SEAT! It's my seat...I paid for it. I've lost half the hair on my head because people think they must pull themselves up by the back of my seat.

DO NOT STAND IN THE AISLE WITH YOUR BUTT IN MY FACE!

L84SKY

With all the stories of B.O. on this thread, I was wondering if it might be okay to Frebreeze some of the passengers.
Because I can stand on my own I don't use the seat in front of me but if an older or somehow disabled person needs to use my seat for leverage it doesn't bother me. I'm not sleeping on the plane anyway.
If I'm in a middle seat I must be an annoyance to the person on the aisle because I get up and down.
We are all in it together, no one in cattle class is all that comfortable so we have to make the most of it. I just try to remember I'll be at my destination soon enough.

ira

&gt;DO NOT-I repeat-DO NOT PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BACK OF MY SEAT! It's my seat...I paid for it. &lt;

Actually, you've only rented it.

Furthermore, you've only rented it up to the midline of the back. Everything beyond that is MINE, because it is where MY TV screen is.

If I want to use MY part of the chair back because you keep pushing it back in MY face, so that I can't get out any other way, I may, can and will.

GreenDragon

Spraying scent at will can be just as bad -- many folks are allergic to perfumes and hair sprays and such. Please don't bathe in the stuff!!!! A little does a lot!