I might get shot right out of this forum for putting in this mail, but I am really struggling here and thought there might be some Polish natives that could advise me on this - or at least point me in the right direction. We live in the States (Virginia) and are working with an American au pair agency. The au pair they have given us to consider right now is a Polish young man of 19. He comes from the southern part of the country, near Belarus. I really know nothing about Polish culture - ways of communication, values, possible expectaions. Can anyone give me any tips? I've been scouring the web but am having little luck. Many thanks -

Well, the only Polish person I've met who's actually from Poland was a maid at the hotel I stayed at in Rome (hey this is travel related now!) -- She was very kind, smart, and had a better command of English than most people I spoke with.

I had some time to talk with her since the owner of the B&B was gone, and she served breakfast and seemed very interested in talking with us...She said she was in Rome in part because the economy in Poland wasn't doing well, and therefore the opportunities for young people are more limited than other parts of Europe, so they're more interested in travel.

Good luck, but I guess (and this is just me thinking out loud here) I wonder about a 19-year-old boy/young man, and what training he has to care for young children. That would be my chief concern, not what country he came from.

Jules

Jules

Hmmm. Was that last comment meant to sound sexist or did it just come out that way? Is there any reason to think a 19 year old female is more capable or better trained than a 19 year old male? I've certainly been aware working with some children's programs, day camps, etc., where the males had a much better handle on it all than many of the females!

Hmmmm...apparently there is some force operating somewhere that makes females automatically better able to care for children than males..Brittney Spears are you out there somewhere????

Weespxx,

I moved from the U.S. to Germany about 15 months ago. Through my German class, I have met several Polish women and several au pairs (but from countries other than Poland).

My comments are obviously based on my experience.

The Polish people I know are all very friendly, warm and nice. They are very straight forward and assertive as well and may sometimes come across as blunt.

In general they are proud of Poland, but they also say there are more economic opportunities elsewhere.

Regarding social views, they are more conservative than myself and my American friends. That may be because many of them are members of the Orthodox church. However, they are always very open to other points of view.

Regarding au pairs, those in my class are all females and they are all in the 18 to 21 age range. I believe one of the requirements for au pairs is to have a basic understanding of the host country language. Most of them in my class know some German already. From talking to them, they see being an au pair as an opportunity to see the world and improve their language skills. I believe all of them in my class are university students or have already graduated.

Hope this helps.

Lots of Polish people have moved to the UK since Poland joined the EU and there are thousands in Edinburgh. The ones I've met have all been extremely nice, speak good English, seem to be very hardworking and are always cheeful even when doing grotty jobs. As for culture - they don't seem any different from us.

I have a Polish brother-in-law. But, I honestly don't know what you are looking for. Do you want to know about Polish food? Religion? I don't know what you mean by "culture?" Please explain so others can help you better.

All of these comments have been helpful - even the ones about men vs women being au pairs. That always hits a nerve with some people!

What I mean by culture is a lot of what ndogeia covered - communication style and the things that are common to most Polish people. For instance, my husband is Dutch and it's fairly accurate to say that Dutch people are not extremeley open to new friends and that they are blunt and feel that all people should be treated the same. There is no hierarchy there. Many international folks will say that Americans are "fake" or insincere - we think we are open and welcoming, but it is viewed by some as being shallow. It's all in the perception. This has turned into a diatribe here - not meant to be. We would like to be able to communicate in a way with our au pair - and to discuss expectations - in a way that (s)he will best understand and receive. We also want to try to understand him as well as we can in terms of what are the cultural norms that he comes from (and I know that each family will be different to a degree) ... sorry if this is as clear as mud!

Well... I came from Belarus. All I can say is that Poland is a Catholic country - remember the pope who'd died recently? He's from Poland.

English courses have become quite popular in Poland. Many Polish are learning English and travelling abroad.

I know several young Polish people who have emigrated to the US and found then to be wonderful - charming, hardworking (often with 2 jobs), well-educated and very family oriented.

That said - that has nothing to do with the young man you're thinking of hiring. You need to find out about him.

What qualifies him to be an au pair? (Au pairs are usually young women who have helped raise several younger siblings - or have some expeerience as a nanny in europe.) (And no - this isn't sexist - but the guys usually go for off the books construction - since it pays much better.)
Why does he want to be an au pair?
How well does he speak English?
Does he have a drivers license (assume part of his job would be chauffering kids around)?
Does he have references (preferably from his teachers and/or local priest)?

I assume you have communicated with him numerous times by email and phone before you would consider something like this.

Also, not knowing your nationality, the country is considered to be very anti-semitic. Make sure to discuss any possible ethnic/racial issues before hiring him.

If Polish people were jerks in general, would anyone say it on this forum? Doubt you'll get any negative answers.

My Polish family is very nice. I'd use the word "sweet", actually. Sweet and quiet.

My only point is that before flying someone over from another corner of the world to play such a large role in my children's lives, boy or girl, I'd check them out.

Was my statement sexist? Perhaps, but don't try to argue with me that boys babysit at the same rates as girls, because they don't.

I just know that by the time I was 19, I had spent many years babysitting other people's children, while none of my 3 brothers had done anything related to child care.

I'm certainly going out on a limb here, but I'd suspect in general that this is true in more than just the American culture.

Not that there isn't a 19-year-old young man in Poland or somewhere else who has experience, but I'd certainly ask the question of their experience and qualifications, regardless of gender.


Jules

Well, maybe this is a sexist view as well, but I'd venture than many girls become au pairs or even baby sitters because it's the "easy" or "glamorous" thing to do, not because it's something they've thought long and hard about doing because they really want to do it. But for a guy to do it, something tells me there's a much more meaningful "desire" to do that job. A 19 year old guy doesn't become an au pair because it's an easy way to travel and make some money; he probably has a driving interest and desire to do that job. That is one major plus as far as I'm concerned.

Similarly, a girl who is a nurse -- so what? But a guy who elects to be a nurse, something tells me he is likely to be far more dedicated to the profession itself.

You won't get a female au-pair with good nannying experience or childcare qualifications either - if they did they wouldn't be working for bed, board and pocket money!

It's just a popular way to travel and live abroad on a low budget. Some au-pairs are great. Some are rubbish. Their gender has very little to do with that - and it's really not the point of this post anyway. So what if you personally would discriminate against male au-pairs - is the OP supposed to cancel the contract because of that? What was the point of even raising this issue?

Poland - I've worked with several Polish people and I can't say that they struck me as being very different to any British person. Certainly not as different culturally as, say, those from the mediterranean region. I don't think you'll manage to horribly offend him by accident or anything.

>Similarly, a girl who is a nurse -- so what? But a guy who elects to be a nurse, something tells me he is likely to be far more dedicated to the profession itself. <

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Does that mean that a woman who is elected Speaker of the House is likely to be far better at it than a man?

Ira, let's hope so.

I once knew somebody who worked for a company that sent au pairs to America.
It was advertised in the UK as a way to get a paid holiday.
I got the impression that in the US, it was advertised as a way to get cheap childcare.
An au pair should be a guest who lives with you and in return for pocket money, does some light housework and baby sitting.

Weespxx's agency may well be fine, but at the time of the Louise Woodward trial a lot of real horror stories emerged of girls being treated like Victorian skivvies.