I'm in a bit of a difficult travel situation and could really use some advice.

My husband and I were planning a trip to Europe, using FF miles, for this upcoming spring. Another couple, really good friends of ours, decided that they were interested and we cameup with an itinerary together. We booked our trip using the miles and our scheduled to leave from Charlotte on April 22nd. Our friends are in Chicago. They paid $1300 per ticket and are scheduled to leave on the same day. We are meeting up in Munich and driving down to Mittenwald for a week in an apartment followed by three nights in Rome before returning back to the US.

A few weeks ago my husband accepted a job offer in Nashville and we are moving in there in less than a month. We've called AA about 5 times to see about changing our flights but there are no miles saver seats available to really anywhere in Europe on the 22nd. Now we are going to be forced to pay an extra $220 per person to fly from Nashville to Charlotte and then on to Chicago and London and finally to Munich. It's a ridiculously long itinerary and isn't much better for the return home. And to make matters worse, our flight home doesn't arrive in Charlotte until 10 pm and so we will have to spend the night in a hotel and take a flight to Nashville the next morning.

In addition to the added costs of the flights from Nashville to Charlotte and the hotel stay, my husband won't have any vacation time and the entire vacation will have to be taken unpaid.

At this point we would really rather just cancel the trip and pay the extra $150 per ticket to have the miles put back into our account. My concern is with our friends. I hate the idea of doing this to them. We came up with the itinerary together, knowing that we would be splitting costs for things like the apartments and the rental car. They have never been to Europe before and are the type that doesn't want to do a trip like this on their own because they are too nervous.

I don't want them to be upset with us, but the changes in the itinerary are going to cost us a lot of extra money that, to be honest, we don't really have. My husband was not looking for a new job when we booked the trip, but this company found his name and contacted him and it just all worked out in his favor. Now our house is up for sale and I doubt it is going to sell any time soon and so we are going to be paying for two house payments for awhile now, hence the tight budget.

Okay, sorry that was so long. I guess I am just looking for advice on what we should do. Do you think it would be totally wrong to pull out of the vacation now? If you were in this situation would you be understanding if your friends had to cancel? Ugh...this is why I don't like to travel with others!

Thank you,
Tracy

Yikes...sorry for all the typos and mistakes! I'm puting my twins down for a nap in the middle of this.

Tracy

Tracy - first of all, I'm glad you decided to make the move! I posted on your Nashville thread and hope you're looking forward to it, even though you'll be leaving Charlotte. It really is a great city.

That said - wow, this is a sticky situation. I don't think at all that you would be totally wrong to pull out, even though your friends will be disappointed. I hope they are the sort of friends who understand that, well, life happens, and you have some very good reasons for needing to cancel. Is the only money that's actually spent so far the plane tickets? If so, could you help them either get credit for those, or work out a different trip they could take (either by themselves, if there's somewhere that would make them less nervous, or with you if the airline credit would last long enough to accrue some vacation)? I'm not well versed in the ins and outs of plane tickets, so I'm not sure what is possible, but that would be my first thought. If you're financially able to, it might be nice to offer to pay their airfare change fees.

I'd talk to the friends and tell them what is going on. If I were in their position, I'd be disappointed about the trip falling apart, but I would never want anybody to spend more than they felt comfortable with to go on a trip. I bet that they will understand.

I realize that we don't know each other & you are requesting advice from strangers, but in all honesty, based on the details you have given, if it were me, I would cancel the trip. It sounds like this trip is no longer financially feasible, and for me the bottom line would be, is it practical to put my family in this financial predicament. Your initial reason for planning the trip was because it would be inexpensive, but now it is not inexpensive, plus you have the added hassle of flying to and from Europe with all those stops which makes the trip much less enjoyable & inconvenient for you.

If your friends decide to cancel, do you know what kind of a penalty they would have to pay? Since they are adults, why can't they go on this trip by themselves? Perhaps they could cancel the apartment & reserve a hotel room for 2, & also rent a smaller car.

I understand your concern for your friends, but you do have to think about yourself and your family. That's also we never like to travel with other people, too.

"I don't want them to be upset with us, but the changes in the itinerary are going to cost us a lot of extra money that, to be honest, we don't really have."

And my suggestion is you say exactly what you've said above because that's the way things ARE. They'll still be your friends (if they really were in the first place). Otherwise, you will end up doing or saying something that is definitely going to come back to haunt you.

I'm a little reluctant to make a recommendation on such a personal matter (but of course I will anyway!).

In reading this post, I can imagine how stressful your situation is at the moment. (I too remember your Nashville post; I'm glad your husband's job prospect worked out!) Add to that the now-hectic and more expensive arrangements for getting to and from Europe, and it sure seems overwhelming!!

So, my two cents is: step back for a moment and evaluate how important this trip is/was to you and your husband. Were you looking forward to this time away with your friends? Or was it more of a nice-to-have, but not necessarily that important to you?

If you really wanted to take this vacation, IMO you should go ahead and do it. I know it probably seems impossible from where you are now! Once you're there, everything will be different. (And not that my experiences necessarily relate to yours, but I have been in a suddenly financially pinched situation with travel already booked, taken the trip anyway, and realized once there that I really needed that break. I've even gone away after a sudden apartment move, with everything still in boxes!)

If you're not so committed to this vacation, then I agree: talk to your friends, explain the situation, and cancel the trip. We all have life circumstances that come up and change things; I'd want my friends to be able to accommodate that. Since you all planned the trip together, talk together too about how best to resolve you having to cancel your participation in it.

And another thing, there is no need to sugar coat it, either. You CANNOT afford to go now that things have changed..making that icky sweet isn't going to change it.

You mentioned an apartment stay....will you and your friends lose a deposit by canceling?
I feel certain your friends, for a fee, can postpone using the airline tickets. Is it possible you could reschedule the trip for the fall? Perhaps some vacation time could be negotiated for then, especially since your husband was recruited by his new employer.
I guess my question is rescheduling an option as opposed to canceling and might that be better for your friends?

The truth usually works best.

We had a similar situation some years ago when we reserved a big beach house to share with friends for two weeks. They had to back out at the last minute and we had to scramble to find someone else to share the place. We weren't thrilled, but understood they were in a tough spot and didn't have many options.

We have friends like yours who would not be comfortable traveling by themselves to Europe. If we had to cancel a trip, in all likelihood, they would not go because the only reason they would be going in the first place is because they were going WITH US.

So, more than likely your friends will end up canceling their trip as well. Since you probably already know this, I would offer to pay the change fee for their tickets. Maybe they will decline, but I would make the offer.

Then, in the near future when you are able, I assume all of you will take this trip together.

Thank you all for your honest opinions. It helped me make the decision that I think I already knew but wanted reassurances, and that's that we probably need to cancel the trip.

I was looking forward to it, but now with everything going on it's just really bad timing. We were just going to suck it up and pay for our flights back to Charlotte but then we realized we would also have to pay for a hotel night and, well, it's just beginning to be too much.

We have deposits paid for an apartment in Mittenwald and in Rome. My husband and I paid for both and our friends mailed us their portion so right now we are equal on what we've paid in deposits. If they decided to go on their own we certainly would not ask for any of that back. But like bettyk mentioned above, I really don't know if they would go on their own. They decided to go because we were going. I've already done so much research and sent them a bunch of information so if they did choose to go on their own a lot of the logistics have already been taken care of so it wouldn't be too difficult.

I think I'll have a long talk with my husband about it tonight and then we'll call our friends. Tony and my husband have been best friends since middle scool, and his wife and I because good friends as well. I really hope they understand. I'm a people-pleaser and don't want to upset them. My biggest fear is that they will be really upset and it will hurt our friendship but I'm hoping they will be understanding.

Thank you all! I'll report back on how it goes...fingers crossed!

Tracy

p.s. jent103 and ggreen, thank you! We are looking forward to moving to Nashville. I've heard a lot of great things and it will be fun to explore and get to know another new city.

If they are true friends, they will understand.

Your circumstances have changed -- it's not like you are deciding to cancel on a whim or just because you've "changed your mind." If I were your friend, I'd be disappointed but I would understand.

Did they book non-refundable tickets? I would also try to reschedule the trip at a more convenient time if possible. But that may not be possible depending on whether they can change their tix.

Did you or your friends take out insurance?
Often a valid reason to cancel is if one of the party unexpectedly gets a new job, or you have to move.

Alternatively instead of cancelling it completely would it be possible for you to go with your friends whilst your husband stays home. I realise it isn't as much fun that way, and will still be expensive but it might be an option, since I assume you already have a babysitter for the twins organised.

You did make a commitment to these people who agreed to all the plans based on your recommendations and participation. If they go, it will cost them considerably more due to your voluntary change of plans. You should offer to pay the airline change fees so that they can visit a destination they can manage on their own and also reimburse them the apartment deposits. Good friends do not make a unilateral decision that costs the other a lot of money without absorbing the cost for them.

I think you need to go. Sure, if they are your friends, they will 'understand', but there is a flipside.... I would think that friends don't want to leave other friends in the lurch, unless they absolutely can't avoid it.

I agree with djkbooks. Your plans have changed and your friends should not be made to suffer for that. They have put up a good deal of money and would be left hanging if you changed your plans - good reason or not.

Were it me, I'd go anyway. Life is short and it would be relaxing to visit with friends.

travelgourmet, that's kind of the problem. It's not that we can't avoid it, but it's going to put us in a real financial bind. We booked this trip using AA miles thinking the airfare would be "free" with the exception of the taxes. Now all the sudden we are incurring a bunch of additional fees, and a lack of salary while we are away, that we didn't budget for nor can we really afford.

We are going to have to sit down and talk to them over the phone tonight. Perhaps we can postpone until the fall. I guess once we talk to them and get their feedback we can make a final decision.

I also think that you should explain your new circumstances, take your penalties, and that you should also absorb any penalties your friends will incur if their portion is also cancelled. Your cost of doing this will be far less than going on the trip now, and should smooth over any inconvenience to your friends.

It's very unrealistic and very unfair to expect your friends to be understanding and not mind suffering the expense and inconvenience of either going on their own or not going because your plans may change and because you didn't think the situation and its financial implications through before deciding to relocate. It's not all of a sudden that you are incurring extra expense and lack of salary - it's a choice you made.