CAPH52

Just a quick post to say that I haven't had time to thoroughly read the last few posts. We've been out of town for, of all things, a wedding! I'm rushed right now and probably won't get to these until later this evening or tomorrow. But I wanted you to know that I appreciate the responses!

CAPH52

Siobhan, thanks very much for all of the links. I'm sure my daughter will look at them all while she's trying to get ideas. I do think though that she's focusing on ideas for having the reception at his parents'. They have a good-sized house and a large "yard".

In terms of numbers, the point of having it in Ireland is to include all of his family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) because they won't be seeing as much of them over the years. But, remember, much of her family and friends probably won't make it. At the wedding we attended over the weekend, all of my husband's seven sisters were saying how much they hope to attend. And I hope they will! But, realitistically, I'll be very surprised if they do. And I suspect that only her very closest friends will be able to do so. While it may still wind up being a very large group, it'll be considerably smaller than it would if it were easier for both sets of family and friends to attend.

As for the dress, Siobhan, she's asked her grandmother (my MIL, who made my wedding dress) to make it. She's not going for anything elaborate. But it means a great deal to both of them to have her make it. Thanks for letting me know about your extra one though! And good luck selling it!

Padraig, a wedding at Newgrange sounds quite intriguing!

SusanMac, thanks so much for your good wishes and for sharing your experience. The immigration paperwork is in progress. According to the website, everything is on track, if moving slowly! But they're hoping that it will all be taken care of by late September.

Oh, Siobhan, one more question for you, if you don't mind. I noticed in an earlier post you mentioned a singer. I assume that means that there is usually music during the Mass at an Irish wedding? My daughter has noticed that there seems to be little or no music at the Sunday Masses she's attended at her future in-laws' parish. So was wondering whether there is during weddings. If so, she wants my brothers (who sang at my wedding as well as those of many of their friends and each sang at the other's) to sing.

I know that's something she can ask her fiance's mother and sisters. But I'd appreciate your input.

Thanks again!

Padraig

I'll offer an answer to the question addressed to SiobhanP, and I'm sure she won't mind.

Yes, it is normal to have a singer or singers at the wedding. It is also expected that the church organist be invited to play, and given an honorarium (they are too dignified to accept tips). Even if you bring your own organist, which is sometimes a good idea because not every church organist is good, you are expected to give something to the church organist. You can bring your own singer or singers. Some people hire professionals.

In recent years there has been a move to guide people away from using too much secular music during the ceremony. How often can one priest listen to "The Wind Beneath My Wings"? Whether the guidance is followed, and how strictly, varies from parish to parish. It might be a good idea to find out before the choir of uncles starts rehearsing.

Newgrange might be a fun idea, but it ain't on. It might be worth thinking about an extra feature like a love-pledging ceremony at an interesting site like the Hill of Tara or the Hill of Slane (I'm making this up; it's not an Irish wedding tradition) at which the couple might do the hand-binding ceremony. With the right weather, you could get some good pictures for the album.

111op

Congratulations on the wedding!

While I can't be of help -- just wanted to sound a cautionary note. Have you investigated potential immigration pitfalls? It's important to know that the right visa/immigration procedures are being taken.

Here's a recent NYT article for you:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/14/us/14visa.html

It's not 100% like your case, but note that border control officials can turn away visitors who have the intent of immigrating if they attempt to enter on non-immigrant visas.

CAPH52

Thanks yet again, Padraig. I really appreciate your post on the music. I've been sort of assuming that we'd go with the church organist. But I'll make sure to put the organist, the parish policy on secular music, etc., on my daughter's list of things about which to speak to her future MIL.

Personally, I have no problem with the old traditional Catholic songs that were sung in church when I was growing up (pre those horrendous guitar Masses that became popular when I was in high school). Not sure how the young couple feel about them though!

And I'm definitely going to talk to her about considering some sort of ceremony at Tara. In addition to the church, of course! Both his family and her grandmother would be less than happy if they skipped the church! And my mother would probably be spinning in her grave (or haunting us all)!

As I was posting the last time, it occurred to me that the fiance and/or my daughter really need to have a talk with his grandmother who still lives near Portumna. She obviously would have been married before this current age of big weddings that seem to be pretty much the same as weddings everywhere else. She just might be able to give them some ideas for things that are more old-fashioned and more "Irish".

Thanks for your post, 111. They've been working with an immigration attorney since January. So I'm pretty confident that all the i's have been dotted and t's crossed. Of course, you never know what pitfalls you're going to come across!

111op

That's great. I'm glad that you thought of that. I think that many people take these kinds of things too cavalierly. Most of the time, things work out, but who wants to be in a situation with a horror story?

Anyway, congratulations again!

SiobhanP

I had a lovbely singer from the limerick area.. You can get a feel for the type of miusic she sings and what people ask for here in ireland at her website. If you have speakers you can hear her sing as well. A lot of people commented on her and liked it for the mass. herwebsite is http://www.sarahokennedy.com/

for the wedding she bnrought her organist and I paid both of them.

Songs are usually for the following parts in the mass

for my own we had music in the following parts of the mass.
-Processional - Canon in D by Pachabel
-Psalm - Sé an Tiarna mAoire
-Candle Ceremony - Song of Ruth -
- Offertory - A Iosa
- Sign of Peace - Peace is like a flowing River
-Communion - Ave Maria, Amazing Grace
-Register- She moved through the fair
I think ode to Joy at the end.

All the suppiers in each region will be on weddingsonline.ie I know there is a fab cake place that does unusual ckeas in Galway. Very beautiful and creative. I also got mine from a local bakery and it was very traditional...i.e. good cake on the inside!

SiobhanP

I am gettiing spelling Dyslexia again...think I am typing faster than usual!

CAPH52

Thanks, 111!

And thank you, Siobhan! That was very helpful. It sounds like the music at your wedding was lovely!

Although it's been 33 years and my memory is a bit fuzzy, I think those are pretty much the same places we used music in our wedding Mass. A good thing to know. Knowing what you used and checking the website you provided will really help to guide her in making choices.

SiobhanP

Honestly I think nothing has changed in the Catholic wedding masses for music and just pick what you like. I did hear that there was a prob with some priest with song that were not religious but my priest never said a word or asked about the music. She moved through the fair is not exactly church music but sounds stunning in the church.

CAPH52

Just a brief "update":

My daughter is in Ireland and she and her fiance talked to his parish priest this past Saturday. The paperwork is going to be a nightmare! You know the letter of freedom that several of you mentioned? Well it turns out that between the two of them, they're going to need several (one from every parish they've lived in). And there were some other red-tape type issues that came up.

But there was good news as well. He said they can do the Pre-Cana here between the time they come back in the fall and when they go over again for the wedding. That should make things a little bit easier.

And, best of all, he reserved the church for them on June 6th of next year!

Thanks again for all of the advice. At least the letter of freedom thing didn't come as quite as big of a schock after having been warned about it here!

SiobhanP

You do NOT need a letter of freedom from every parish Trust me (I did it last year). You need one from your LAST parish or in my case the local one and OR your parents can also write a letter attesting that the child in question has never been married. Don't fall for that, the priest can accept the last parish's letter and that will override everything. I NEVER went to the local church and they wrote my letter of freedom when I told them I moved 10 times in 13 years! No way is that possible. Say this to them as I think they are just making things tough at times.

CAPH52

Thank you, Siobhan! I'll pass that along immediately! My daughter was just telling me yesterday that they were going to need to speak to another priest. The one who's at that parish right now has only been there about a year and he'd been in Wales for the previous 26 years. He told them that he didn't know how some things were done in Ireland. Obviously, that must be one of those things!

She said they had another priest in mind with whom to meet. So I'll make sure that the letter of freedom is the first thing they talk to him about!

Again, thank you, that saves them hours of work!

paddyboy

Have you heard of Gougane Barra, Cork? The Gougane Barra Hotel overlooks Gougane Barra Lake. On a penisula in the lake is a beautiful small church. Friends of ours had their wedding there. Family and friends stayed in Killarney and were bused over for the service. However, there is the Gougane Barra Hotel nearby. The wedding was wonderful. The church is old and beautiful. Wonderful setting for a memorable wedding.

CAPH52

Sounds like a beautiful place for a wedding, paddyboy!

Padraig

Gougane Barra is one of the most beautiful places I know (google for pictures). I attended a wedding there in mid-winter a few years ago, with sleet blowing all over the place. The brave bride stood outside the church in an off-the-shoulder dress while the photographer took an age to make his pictorial record; we have hardy women in my family.

But it's inconveniently far from Kentstown.

CAPH52

I figured it probably was, Padraig. But it does sound like a lovely place. And you must, indeed, have hardy (and determined) women in your family!

SiobhanP

Sounds like a better idea to talk to the local priest as the other is away too long. Such nonsense. I had to call a Church in NYC for ages about my baptismal and it was the wrong place (MY mum got my bother and myself mixed up) nightmare as she was so rude and they had a fire at one point. By the time I got to the lovely priest in the right church he sent it and i had the copy in 5 days! Once that is done its all ok!