suze

You could type up your budget from the last trip (that got them interested in the first place) and show it to them, itemized out. See if they feel comfortable with it or offer to make adjustments to lower it (if you are willing to stay at a lesser hotel for example).

Whatever method you use to present it, as long as it's talked out way ahead of time it should be OK. Finances traveling with other people can be a real stumbling block if you aren't in agreement with everything 'on the table' before the trip.

eliztrav

You already have booked hotels? Absolutely tell them! If they have a problem with the cost, better to know it early so you can decide how to proceed....or not. When you get with them to talk specifics, why not follow some of the great advice above and present some alternative cost options and gauge their responses & go from there. You don't need to ask the loaded question , "Can you afford this?" directly. Just give them the dollars and cents and euro facts on paper early on so there's no major downside if they change their minds or back out.

The last group trip I did with friends and family, I typed up a rough budget range for all essential things like transportation, hotels, meals, tickets to events we were interested in, etc. One person had to bow out. Everyone else who went told me they really appreciated the advance detailed concrete budget information so they could be realistic about their plans. We never talked money. It was just made very clear. This was all done 9 months in advance of our trip. Some had to do some major saving for the trip and others didn't blink an eye at the costs, but everyone was well prepared & we had no $$ problems & had a great time.

SusanP

And one further point...What are you going to do if you get to a hotel and check in and then they have to inform you that they don't have enough to pay their share?! As I said, disaster waiting to happen.

mv_rd

I also think that you need to inform them of the costs, etc so that they are prepared and most of all, so that they know how much money they will need.

Have you mentioned the fluctuating euro? That by the time you can go it can change significantly (and worst, if it goes up!).

I think that shold email them the info so they know what to exect.
Since you already booked the hotel. Send them a detailed email with the dates, the cost per room per day, if it includes breakfast, etc. and ask them if that

mv_rd

(Oops, hit enter too soon...)
...and ask them if they are ok with that price.

Overall, I guess the best way to do it is be upfront and ask what their budget is. As someone else mentioned, when it comes to splitting the tab for meals, although they are not the people who would think you are paying for them, I would make that clear before you left.

We had a friend of my husband's visit us (he invited himself)and he expected us to pay for all his meals and entrance fees to the amusement parks.

This is a person who makes a great deal of money and we never thought he would assume we'd pay for everything while he was here.

Cassandra

Trying to imagine being rbnwdln's in-laws. If they have never been outside the US, they may feel that it's a little like booking a trip to Mars, and they'd rather have experienced astronauts doing the planning. I remember my first trip -- I really didn't know what to expect or even where to begin. I kind of did want someone to tell me where to go and what to do -- second best to having a host/private tourguide in the strange land.

It's true that leaving it all to someone else can be an invitation to a problem, especially if they've never spent extended time together as couples. But if rbnwdln lays out a few concrete choices (hotel A or hotel B) and assigns them a few tasks (you get to choose the splurge hotel in Venice -- start your homework by looking on fodors.com), they at least have to "own" some of it AND they get a taste of how much fun it is to do the planning.

rbnwdln

Some of the advice makes SO much sense and some just makes me laugh. Eliztrav, I love your idea of sending them a detailed plan with costs, etc. No muss, no fuss. But the idea of asking them to plan any part of MY vacation is funny. They have never been out of Dayton! I LOVE doing travel research. They are the type of people who are VERY go-with-the-flow. If they were asked to plan, fuggedaboudit. I think they are intrigued and willing to go because I am doing all the legwork, which I am more than happy to do. I have always been the travel planner in our house. Hubby and kids pack and go, no complaints. But I do think they realistically need to know what they are getting into, hence the detailed plans with costs sent to them. Great idea. (No planes are booked, just one hotel, so they can back out if they like.)I think we tend to think that because we are all about travel and love it so much, including the planning, that everyone else does too.
P.S. The couple we traveled with last year also said, "You plan, we'll show up." They did and it was great.

alya

mv_rd,

I can feel your pain!

My mother is like that when she visits, she expects my DH to pay her costs purely because when we all go somewhere he pays for me!

The last time she was here she didn't pay for a single event or meal while we were out with DH. It didn't matter how long the check sat on the table, she never offered to pick it up and pay for his meal although, she did pay her way when it was just the 2 of us.

I'm wondering how to deal with this when she visits next year.

bobthenavigator

Find my sample budget article at slowtrav.com which breaks down 3 levels of travel to Italy--2*,3*, 4*.
Send it to them and ask then which is closest to their expectation. That will break the ice and make me the scapegoat.

SeaUrchin

The first time I went to Europe it was on a date with a man I had been seeing for a while and with his friends (a couple). I had no idea what to expect so I was basically a sheep following them and I was perfectly happy doing so.
I had done no research and just showed up at the airport rarin' to go.

Although it turned out wonderfully, now days there is no way I would follow other people around. The worm has turned! But if they really agree to follow your lead make sure everything is laid out on the table beforehand as noted above!

SeaUrchin

PS: Read Barb's trip report of a nightmare trip.

tuscanlifeedit

As I read this, I thought that it might be reasonable to offer them alternative hotels at cheaper prices. No need for you to give up your comfort: you could say something like "there is a recommended 2* very nearby, and we can get you rooms there for x amount, if you would like a cheaper hotel."

That way, everyone could have what was right for them.

We went to Italy two years ago with our next door neighbors, who are lovely people. We asked them as an impulse, because they had a terrible year, and it seemed to us that they needed a break. Throughout the planning, I emailed them tons of things, which they never read. They said, "whatever you plan is fine with us."

And it was! They were very easy to get along with. The only problem was the husband hated churches, and we love them. I wish now that I had thought to say "lets meet up in an hour" and then I would have seen more of what I wanted to.

fatty

I agree with these posts. We travelled with my cousin and her hubby on a week long trip and all they wanted to do was shop. It was like they were addicted. They didn't want to know about the culture, the museums, etc.
So I would lay out an itinerary w/ any sightseeing you have planned out as well. That way, if they want to go shopping and you want to go to see a museum, you can.

sallyjane3

Forgive me for repeating if this has been suggested already but I'm crunched for time and can't read all the posts right now.....

How about urging them to read fodors.com posts so they can get a better feel for what they will be experiencing? It's been an incredible learning experience for me! It was really neat to be prepared a bit before I got to Edinburgh or Amsterdam or Venice. And it certainly whetted my appetite for the trip.

janisj

I have planned/organized more trips for friends/relatives than I can count. From just 2 of us to one mega two week trip for 13 friends. Most of the time it is "We'll love whatever you decide" and I end up doing all the planning. That desn't bother me one bit since the itineraries, budget saving tricks, etc. are all but second nature for me by nowm

But - I would <b>NEVER</b> plan a trip and obligate anyone else w/o regular and detailed discussions. And I mean before you book a hotel, not &quot;We booked Casa Maria, is that OK?&quot; It isn't fair to them or to you to just drop such-and-such hotel for &euro;180 or 1st class train tickets for X amount w/o having some agreement before hand.

They can turn over all the planning to you and you will likely do a GREAT job of it. But they need to OK/sign off on things as you go along or you <b>WILL</b> run into conflicts. (Conflicts are common enough w/o the added trap of spending other people's money for them)

kireland

I love planning trips too and have done so for/with others on a number of occasions. In addition to some of the excellemnt advice already offered is to manage your expectations too, not just theirs. On a recent trip to Tuscany I was the main planner due to my inclinations and the fact that I had more time on my hands than my travel mates. For the most part things went really well, though I must say I was disappointed when the maps and suggested itineraries and lists of recommended restuarants and such were not even glanced at by the others (not only did they not bring them along, they didn't read them before leaving)! It might have been okay if they had said we'll go here/there or eat here/there since you did the research and you're recommending it, but instead they wanted to pick just any place and see what it's like - so my enthusiasm and research ws really wasted.

elaine

I'd come up with three hotel scenarios that you are comfortable and then have them choose. Are you going in summer, when a/c will be a factor?

Hotel scenario 1: elevator or not, a/c or not, maybe local tv but not satellite stations,but private bathrooms, reasonably well located, possibly continental breakfast
Probably a two-star, but not necessarily

Hotel type 2: elevator, a/c, maybe satellite tv, good location, breakfast buffet or perhaps only continental

Hotel type 3: Probably a 4 or 5 star
Maybe not the very best in town, but at or near the top level.
Services such as room service, perhaps restaurant on premises, buffet breakfast available, etc

Having websites to refer to will help the couple see things on line for themselves, read descriptions, etc

If they have questions about the hotels, the questions may reveal more about their travel style. Once you nail down the hotels, you can then discuss dinners. Make a couple of your own suggestions like, &quot;Last time we went we ate at a wonderful restaurant in... and we want to go again. It cost us about $75 (or whatever) pp for dinner and we had to dress a little, but we really enjoy that sort of thing for a few nights during our trip. What do you think?&quot;

If they say they aren't much into food and like to relax with casual dress and pizza all the time, then you can have pizza with them some nights, and on other nights let them know that the two of you have planned a special romantic dinner for two, on your own, and you'll see them in the morning.

Please also consider not being tied together at the hip all the time, make sure they have their own guidebooks and maps.

Better to be gently honest in the beginning, especially about money issues since money is such a touchy subject, than to make false assumptions or have resentment build on either side during the trip.

julie_Colorado

Kireland - I feel your pain - but sometimes you have to move on. I love to a plan trips. My husband hates it. The good news is that he will go anywhere and do anything (as will my inlaws) with no complaints. That's all I ask (don't plan = don't complain).

An example... we lived in North Carolina.. and were leaving for a 3 week road trip. As we got on I-40 my husband says &quot;I'm so excited, I always wanted to visit California&quot;. We were headed to Wyoming. When I told him he said &quot;I've always wanted to visit Wyoming&quot;.... He and I are both well trained.

rbnwdln

Lots of great advice. Thanks. I sent my sister-in-law websites to look at for hotels, restaurants, drivers, etc. With the websites I told her that I had booked one hotel, in Positano, and otherwise what does she think? I told her that she can make suggestions, add ideas, places, hotels, etc. With these websites she can check the rates and see what she thinks so the money issue is out there. Her basic answer is that it all looks great and they are in. I can tell you they will not do their own research, just show up and I THINK be happy. My husband thinks I am blowing this way out of proportion, but he is Mr. Rosecoloredglasses himself and thinks everything will work out fine. Sometimes I think it is better to be a cynic and a realist! LOL

StCirq

&lt;&lt;I must say I was disappointed when the maps and suggested itineraries and lists of recommended restuarants and such were not even glanced at by the others (not only did they not bring them along, they didn't read them before leaving)!&gt;&gt;

Well, believe it or not PBProvence and I once had clients like that on a 9-day tour, and these people were paying quite a bit for our advice and recommendations.

Some people just aren't interested and want to be led around. Unfortunately, in my experience, such people are often the first to complain - not only general complaints but specific ones that could easily have been addressed if they'd just taken a few minutes to examine the research presented to them.